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Topics - Salty

Are nothing compared with mine.

Note the skill and talent of this amateur as I lay waste to my most favoritest pink kettle.

Edit: For hugeness and dumbassery.
Discordian Recipes / Alty's Hungarian Hotspot
November 21, 2009, 05:51:40 AM
I'm very much an "Eh...that looks about right" sort of cook.

More recipes when I can be bothered to right them down.
-Got a $200 ticket for a yellow light.
-Had a health problem resurface.
-Was betrayed by my family, in that they've just ALL OF A SUDDEN opened their loving, forgiving arms to my abusive, alcoholic, manipulative, 100% pure evil granny.
-Lost a bunch of scheduling spots at my job..
-Got the Sick along with the rest of my family.

Christ, it's only been about two weeks.

I think it's pretty clear where the blame lies.

Or Kill Me / concern Yourself
November 18, 2009, 07:58:31 PM
Side note:
You fuckers! I've been here, two weeks or so? Yeah. Well, it gets harder to post, especially if I post little conversational things I haven't put a lot of thought into, even more so when I post something that makes me look like an asshole. I feel more exposed, like I have more to lose. Or something. I don't know. I like it here though.

Step right up and pick a cause, any cause.

Find something to pour your wounded heart into, give it shape, keep it beating.

Make a Difference.

But what difference? What change will you impose? What is your concern?

Is it The Kids? The constant battle with The Man? Women's Rights? Health Care? Maybe just The Injustice Of It All?

Thing have to pick, if you're going to care at all. You may get away moonlighting, but odds are you'll only get so far before burning out. Instinctively, we know this and settle on one or two issues and lay into them. But which to choose? What kind of basis do you decide what's important*?

Why, from your own experiences, of course. After all, why should you march and write letters and donate your weekends to stopping domestic violence unless you or someone you know was the victim of it? Oh, sure, you're not heartless, it's not like you just don't give a shit. But why should it take time out of your schedule, money out of your pocket? Right? And besides, you're giving your time and heart away to another cause, one that's just as important. Right? You can't solve all the worlds' problems, can you?

Nor should you. Too much pressure. You can turn into a real asshole trying to fix everyone and everything. I know.

So while you champion worker's rights or fight substance abuse or want to LEGALIZE IT! or what the fuck ever...

-Children are still starving to death/being beaten to death/neglegted to death/drugged to death/bombed to death/raped to death. Or worse: They're left alive after to grow with hate and bitterness and resentment and turn into, well, people like us. People "worse" than us. Sometimes, people "better" than us.

-Women still make less $ per $ than men, who so far have done a brilliant job on leadership. They're beaten by their lovers and denied healthcare coverage because domestic violence is treated as a pre-existing condition, which is to say not treated at all.  They're sex slaves in every single country. I don't mean sex-workers, I mean slaves.

-Gay people are not just kept from getting married, but kept from renting places to live, kept from employment, kept from walking down the street safely.

And this shit is just in America.

-In Egypt gays are just kept from living.
-In many places the world over women are kept from leading a life with their freedom or genitalia intact.
-Child soldiers, infant atrocities that I can't even type and don't need to.
-And of course, humanity's favorite, Oppression. We just LOVE to be the bigger monkey to as many smaller monkeys as possible. Even in civilized (pah!) society passive aggressive, beaurocratic, authoritative oppression reigns supreme. Even if you're self employed, you still gotta serve somebody.

And, my god, you all know this. You know how fucked up shit is. And yet, no matter what you've seen, odds are, there are people who have seen worse, have lived worse. Have not survived worse.

There is horror, subtle and extreme, at every level of human action. Much in the same way that disease worms its way into every aspect of the human machine, the body; so strong, so complex, yet so delicate and open to the harsh, unrelenting hand of nature. Don't get me wrong, I think there are great things about life and humanity and the fucking sunshine with the rabbits and the pink posies and all that bullshit too. Typically, I only find that when I'm out in the middle of nowhere, completely alone, without a sound that comes from a machine. Yet, I find things worth looking for inside of these vapid, stupid, selfish monkeys as well, but only every now and again. Drops in the bucket.

So, do I suggest that you take your cause and shove it up your ass?


I like people who have something to care about. Even if it's something stupid. Even if it's really, REALLY, just an escape from the horror. Even if it's doing more harm than good (because who the fuck knows one single measure that does the opposite universally? Over-hydration can kill you FFS). Anything, any fucking thing but that slack-jawed, glassy-eyed, strained-neck-and-stooped shoulder look of those god-damned zombies. God DAMMIT how do those people not get the zombie metaphor? How can they not SEE IT? Fucking pisses me off. Sorry, lost track...

I DO want you to pick a cause, any cause, and care about it and defend it and make it your own.

But I DO want you to notice the teeth around your neck while you struggle and flail; and though it may take a long time, I want you to notice that your struggles are in vain. The teeth will snap shut.

Or worse, the teeth might miss and leave your body serene and intact, but your mind scarred forever.

I want that you to know that. That's my cause. Well, one of them.

*It is a constant source of my own amusement that important is TWO letters away from impotent.

Edit: for htmfail and other assorted fail.
Or Kill Me / Drink it for fucking breakfast.
November 04, 2009, 01:06:41 AM

Don't worry.

This isn't some hippie yearning for a life subsisting on roots and hunting down herds of wild jersey cows. I don't think we should all buy Priuses (Priusi?), and use rice-based plastics to house and fuel our future fucking green megacorporations.

I want you to know that right up front when I talk about Oil.

When I say Oil, I don't just mean the oil we pump out of the ground. I mean the giant, well-lubed cog that powers our current civilization, I mean the underlying structure of our culture. The Thing that lets us root around in the filth we've piled around ourselves quite comfortably.

It's not the Oil we're addicted to, it's what the Oil gives us. Namely:  whatever we want.

And boy, do we want. We want stupidly designed and marketed vehicles that get shitty gas milage/kilometerage. We want to be comfortably stark naked inside our homes while it's -40 outside. (And who doesn't?). We want, well, I'm sure you're all more than aware of the constant sucking orifice that is our economic structure. They sell, we buy, we don't even know what the fuck we're buying anymore, BUT GOD DAMMIT WE WANT IT!

And hell, why shouldn't we? Where's the moral compass that says consume less? One that isn't, biased, impractical, fanatical and retarded, I mean. I would argue that in compulsive consumption the quality is missing, but I could argue a lot.

Now, to say that oil is Bad is missing the point. And it's inaccurate.
The black stuff in particular enables us to provide the most basic survival needs, for some, with ease.  And that has to be good because it further enables us to focus on other things. Like, say, Civil Rights. Or Miley Cyrus.

In fact, I LOVE what Oil has done for me, for all of us. In further fact, I don't have an existence that's free of it. So what the fuck would I know about anything else, amiright?

In furthest fact, I would like people to consume MORE. I want people to depend on Oil, I want them to drink it for fucking breakfast.

Because there's only so much. I have no idea when it's going to run out, no experience there. But, of course, it will.

I want that. I want us to turn the dial to 11 and soak in as much of the stuff as fast as we can.

I certainly don't want us to use less. Eventually, the rationing will be done for us, out of kindness, to be sure.

Have you ever had what you know to be the last supply of "something" and it will be awhile before you can replenish your stash? Probably you do, even if that "something" is candy. Well, you hoard what you have, and you suddenly find a wealth of will power where you had none before, and make do until you can git some more.

Except this time there won't be any more. A few last tastes before the dream comes to a crashing halt permanently.

That's no way to beat an addiction. No, there are only two ways really:

1) Work it out, therapy, find something alternative that offers the same/better fulfillment. And frankly, I think that's unlikely,


2) Hit rock bottom. From there you'll either find the strength and reason to get up or you'll stay there.

And besides, hitting rock bottom is easy. And fun.

All you have to do is Binge.

Binge and binge and binge.

Suck down that Oil by the throatfull. By a bigass truck with poor gas per kilo/mile. Turn on all your fucking lights and KEEP THEM ON GODAMMIT. In fact, just burn the shit in a barrel in your backyard. You will not only be Making a Difference, you will also be supporting your community by providing a heat source for the local "transients".

Write love letters on your significant's lawn with kersosene!
Learn how to swallow fire, then how to chug it!
Force others to use Oil, in whatever way you and they can!
Physically if required!

Do all this and encourage others to do the same.

Do this because if it's used up, if we're simply OUT. Well, then ingenuity should take over right? The actual NEED for progress in energy will force us to into finding/using methods that make sense, possibly even, don't require as much bloodshed.

Of course that's A) optimistic and B) leaving out something more immediately important AND unlike the ingenuity part, likely.
Namely: a world-wide shitstorm of aggression, violence, and (I can only hope) a sudden painful death of the culture Oil has given us.

What comes after will be primate behavior, to be sure. And we will most likely resurrect Oil, in style if not in substance, like so much massiah.  But that's OK. That's not the point.

The point is, I want to be there, to see the Cog shudder and hitch and finally take it last cancerous turn. Not because I'm a sadist, but because I hate to see a friend suffer. Okay, that wasn't exactly honest. I do want to see it suffer, but just a little.

Hah, wrote this, felt good about it. Re-read it, then remembered: Nukes.