You're damn right this gets its own thread: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
It's a follow-up about depression, and it's just as relevant as the previous one.
No, eyes, why you broken? People are coming over. Stop leaking.
Corn has magical depression curing properties.
So very much I can identify with there. So very, very much.
Quote from: Cainad on May 09, 2013, 04:42:41 PM
You're damn right this gets its own thread: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
It's a follow-up about depression, and it's just as relevant as the previous one.
Huzzah!
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Now I am laughing and crying at the same time. Her blog was my piece of corn a few years ago.
I totally relate to the thing about telling people. I think the worst part was the day that I told a friend that I needed help, and she said "You're strong, you'll be fine".
A note; if someone tells you they can't feel anything and don't want to be alive anymore and they need help, "You're strong, you'll be fine" is not a very helpful answer.
Also, I used to think I was depressed, when I was young. I confused severe and at times debilitating anxiety, exacerbated by arrhythmia, with depression. Then I actually had depression and it was the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced in my life.
Depression comes in a lot of flavors. They all suck.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on May 09, 2013, 07:26:05 PM
Depression comes in a lot of flavors. They all suck.
Yeah, the problem is that anxiety and depression are radically different at the biological level and are not treated similarly at all. So basically I had doctors trying to treat anxiety with depression medication, which did nothing, and not treating my anxiety at all.
And of course, once I was correctly diagnosed with anxiety and arrhythmia, the anxiety was a piece of cake to treat and understanding arrhythmia helped me to prevent the adrenaline/cortisol spike that occurs with an irregular heart beat from spiraling into anxiety.
So yeah, they all suck, but confusing something that isn't actually depression for depression also leads to a lack of appropriate treatment, which is just stupid.
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
It's ALL where you live. The rest of the world isn't like that.
YES
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on May 09, 2013, 09:20:42 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
I like that.
Quote from: Net on May 09, 2013, 09:58:51 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on May 09, 2013, 09:20:42 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
I like that.
Second.
Also - that thing in part 1 where she did the brain hurling abuse at her thing was totally bang on with my experience. That "commentator voice" internal dialogue can be hijacked via self-mindfuckery. It's like a jukebox or something. I can pick a different tune and it sings it. No real way of explaining how, tho, it was totally a case of muddling up a bunch of nonsensical shit that worked on me. Call it voodoo, call it armchair psychology or new-age bollix. I adopted a whole bunch of disparate, half arsed bits and pieces, mashed together in to a "semantic system" a programming language that only my head speaks.
I think a lot of people with a lot of different psychological things, depression included (in flavours similar to mine) would probably benefit from doing something similar.
I use the same internal dialogue hacks to dial back mania as well. My mania is just a normal temporary state of heightened emotion, like adrenaline "stoke" or "sadness", only it doesn't wear off or go away like it's supposed to but, instead, stays and escalates to a point where functional grip of reality starts to break down. All the while there's this internal dialogue yelling at me "YOU ARE A GOD NOW. TAKE IT BEYOND THE WALL!"
Switch that to "REMEMBER HOW YOU EARNED YOUR LAST TRIP TO HELL!"
Sorted. :ninja:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 09, 2013, 07:58:00 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
It's ALL where you live. The rest of the world isn't like that.
Good to know my brain chemistry hasn't turned on me. :lol: Yeah, stuff MATTERS when I'm not here. It's another world.
Quote from: zer0n on May 09, 2013, 10:12:58 PM
Quote from: Net on May 09, 2013, 09:58:51 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on May 09, 2013, 09:20:42 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
I like that.
Second.
Thirded.
The part about feeling bad for not wanting to kill herself - been there. You mope around, feel bad for moping around instead of accomplishing things... and somehow your brain has added 'kill self' to the list of life goals you haven't fulfilled today, you hypocritical coward.
Fuck yeah. That suicide conversation is a kicker. My self preservation instinct wouldn't let me. In my defense , I did try like hell to wear the fucker down with vitriol and self-hate but it stood fast. Other people aint so lucky.
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on May 09, 2013, 09:20:42 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
That really is crucial.
One of the most misunderstood thing about depression is that not only can changing your thinking help reduce depression, it is critical for ending it. This doesn't mean you can "wish your depression away" or "cure depression through the power of positive thinking". Positive thinking can actually make depression worse. But changing how you think about the world and your place in it can have a real, measurable effect on lifting depression. Antidepressants can be a useful part of that process because they can get you to the point where you are able to change your perspective so that you can find meaning in something, like Allie and her piece of corn, but too often antidepressants are used as THE treatment instead of a valuable part of the treatment.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 09, 2013, 11:23:20 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on May 09, 2013, 09:20:42 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 09, 2013, 07:57:18 PM
Awesome seeing her back. :)
And thought provoking as always. Now I'm wondering if thinking everything is pointless bullshit and nothing is necessarily depression, or if everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Pretty sure it's the latter where I live. :x
Everything really IS pointless bullshit and nothing. Until YOU decide differently. One of the keys to unlocking depression, for me, was when I had that "I like this but it's doesn't mean anything" trainwreck of thought, turning it into "it means something to me and that's all that matters"
That really is crucial.
One of the most misunderstood thing about depression is that not only can changing your thinking help reduce depression, it is critical for ending it. This doesn't mean you can "wish your depression away" or "cure depression through the power of positive thinking". Positive thinking can actually make depression worse. But changing how you think about the world and your place in it can have a real, measurable effect on lifting depression. Antidepressants can be a useful part of that process because they can get you to the point where you are able to change your perspective so that you can find meaning in something, like Allie and her piece of corn, but too often antidepressants are used as THE treatment instead of a valuable part of the treatment.
Srsly, not trying to refute your point in the slightest. Anti-D's are a gift from god for millions of people but you totally don't want to meet me on them :lulz:
The thing for me is that getting out of depression takes work. Sometimes you need medications to be able to get the work done, sometimes they put you on the wrong medication at first, sometimes the work you need to do is wildly different from what someone else had to do, but the idea that a pill will fix the problem thinking really pisses me off. It's an important part (for many), but it's not the whole of it. And I don't think the work can be done alone.
Yeah, it takes work. Work and discipline, I find. It's weird, but I found a degree of self-discipline actually made me a bit more flexible in my thinking. For me, depression took the form of a rigid dogma, and forcing myself to step back and think "It's just your brain being retarded, take another go at it with logic" tended to totally short it out. Another thought I found helpful when my friends started telling me it was all a choice(the more I think about them, the shittier people they seem to be. I think I'm beginning to detect a pattern here.) was "You can't choose what to feel, but you can choose not to be defeated by it". For now, it's my standby whenever the depression comes back. I just go through the motions as well as I can and ride it out, and it seems to resolve itself a lot more quickly and thoroughly than when I stress out over not being happy enough.
I found a tiny shriveled kernel of corn while I was working today. Not even joking.
I'm still waiting for my fucked up oldass piece of corn.
"To-MORROW! To-MORROW! I LOVE YOU tomorrow..."
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on May 24, 2013, 12:05:41 AM
I found a tiny shriveled kernel of corn while I was working today. Not even joking.
LOVE!