Right, I'll keep an ear to my gut. Here goes nothing
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Show posts MenuQuoteNext, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.Are there any sites you trust, or know are shitty?
QuoteFind your local queers, first of all. Like, that's literally the very first step. I didn't do that and I had no support network, just years of free fall. Only knowing them through the internet is fine, but the important thing is finding the queers who are local to you. Do not be like me and assume internet queers are enough, you need the locals so you can hear who the bigots are and how to go shopping in the wrong part of town and not get clocked (trust me, now that you're queer and aware of it, that's an actual concern you have to have, even if you think nothing has changed).
Next, do your research. Do not trust medical resources that aren't on queer-friendly websites. There are literal centuries of misinformation and demonization about queer life (and I'm not just talking about sex) that you need to sift through, and trust me when I say that you can't do it. You're too new to this, you have no way of doing it. EDIT: saying this so you know why you have to pick where your research comes from VERY carefully.
After that, your local queers got this. They've babysat other newbies, they'll keep you on track.
If you're talking about very real life-or-death survival, this is super simple. Just lean into the "tough guy" aesthetic hard. Get a bunch of milsurp, grow one of those dumb survivalist beards, buy a gun or at least talk a lot about buying a gun. This is what I do, you know how many people gaybash me? None. Because no one fucking knows I'm not a chud, when I walk around with my desert sand Hazard4 backpack and MOLLE-laden thigh pouches. I have to warn fellow queers about me when they meet me for the first time, but that's a small price to pay for being functionally immune to RL bigotry.
Also, you'll spend less on clothes. The milsurp is cheap and lasts forever. Goes double on the lasts forever part if you buy "tactical" stuff: 5.11 Tactical is overpriced but indestructible, Rothco will have your back for everything except for boots, and UTG/Leapers bags are literally impossible to destroy. I have one that has survived being dragged two miles down a freeway, run over by a truck, multiple drenchings in heavy rain, etc. — and if I got a can of computer duster it would look like new.
If you lay on your sarcastic asshole impression thick when approached by chuds, you also manage to get them to avoid you like the plague without becoming a target of theirs.
QuoteHi there! Welcome to the party.
Not sure how much you want to disclose here, but may I ask if you thought you were a gay person who realizes they like the opposite side of things, or if you thought you were straight and then figured out the grass is just as green on your own side?
Also, have you figured out your default ratio? I don't usually meet people who are perfectly 50/50, and of course it changes in real world context.
Feel free not to answer if it's too personal.
QuoteThis isn't pessimism, it's realism.You're not wrong there
If the universe behaved properly, anyone could do what we do. We prepare contingencies, mug angels, whatever it takes, because we are murderous primates and we get the job done.
QuoteHow did writing things out work for you? I've fallen out of that habit, but this thread reminded me how useful that tool can be. When I think about the times I felt trapped by looping thoughts, the inability to adequately express them was a root cause.I think it's helped. I've gotten out of a couple spirals by sitting down and getting it on paper. It took a bit to get started, I ended up telling myself that I'd get rid of whatever I was writing. That made it easier to push past any blocks that came up, and I ended up keeping some things.
Quote from: Exoteric on December 07, 2020, 11:08:30 pm
I feel like there are always more ways for something to go wrong than to go right.
I agree with that if you take individual short-term situations and score them. I also feel there are more positive long term outcomes possible in the branching and merging of reality trees, which contain those negative knots, and couldn't exist without them.
QuoteIt also occurs to me that it "suffering" is your baseline you could be in trouble. "There is no ethical consumption" and all that.Thanks for the warning. What do you mean? Or, where should I go if you don't feel like writing out something I could just read somewhere else.
QuoteI don't think I know anyone who never gets urges like that, but I may just be cynical about human natureYeah, I mostly agree. I don't think it's physically impossible for people like that to exist, so I guess at least some of them have to, but they're definitely a small group so I shouldn't take the chance. Thanks for all the information, I'm sure it'll be useful.
QuotePersonally, i never ever "think" if i dont have to, without a Word document or a pen and paper where i dump my thoughts, because otherwise youre not making progress, akin to a dog chasing its own tail.I'll try this out. When I think about something serious in an idle way, like when I'm walking or doing something else, it feels like when I try to remember a song and end up repeating the same parts in my head. I just go over the same points without making any new connections between them. Writing them down should force me to fill in the gaps between them.
QuoteIt doesn't actually matter if you're the least experienced fish in the bicycle race, if you know what I mean.
What we have proven over 18 years of SCIENCE is that nobody is good at this, and if someone SEEMS to be good at it, they're selling you something (tangible or otherwise). Usually they are selling you the idea that they are some form of Guru or otherwise Really Important Person that You Should Listen To, but on one memorable occasion we had a guy named Gavriel try to sell us our own art work.
This of course worked out well for everyone involved.