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Topics - Sir Squid Diddimus

#2
Kind of out of the blue, but you spags are the most logical and, quite honestly, realistically thinking people I know.
HYPOTHETICALLY (seriously, don't dig too deep into this shit, it's just a question I'm pondering)
What's worse on a child:
A) A parent suiciding themself,   OR
B) A child watching their parent suffer for their whole life, wondering when and if it's going to happen, and in those years, watching their parent degrade and suffer the entire way

My uneducated guess is B.
A, they can grieve and get over it after some undisclosed amount of time, and live on knowing their parent is finally at ease and content and FREE (from their depression, or ailment that wants this kind of thing, or whatever), while B, they would constantly have this worry in their hearts. "Will it be today? Tomorrow? Next week?"

What are your thoughts PD?
#3
So every year since 2010, Cigar City Brewery has held a release party for their award winning and highly coveted Hunahpu Imperial Stout.
The first event was very relaxed as there were only a few hundred in attendance. As the brewery and the beer became more popular (and more valuable), the event grew to unmanageable proportions, and this year they tried, and failed miserably, to control the release day a little better.

It failed.... BADLY.
People flew in from other states to get their hands on a few bottles of this black gold, and when things went wrong. They went really wrong.

http://www.tampabay.com/things-to-do/food/spirits/cigar-citys-hunahpus-day-a-mess-but-so-was-angry-mobs-response/2169515

http://thefullpint.com/events/cigar-city-hunahpus-day-2014-fallout-pics/

http://www.tampabay.com/things-to-do/food/spirits/cigar-city-ends-hunahpus-day-after-angry-crowds/2169435

The last one I attended was 2012. It just started getting too big and too crowded. I don't do crowds, so I'm glad as hell that I didn't attend this year's either.
They tried to put a cap on it at 3500, but that didn't go as planned, since people started forging tickets from eventbrite, and you know, nobody thought to buy an extension cord and keep their phones charging while they had to scan the 6,000 or so people who showed ups tickets.
The crowd got hotter, drunker, and angrier as the day progressed, and then it happened.
They ran out of the beer before everyone got the three bottles that their $50 ticket promised them.

Oh hell.
People got unruly, threw empty bottles at volunteers and staff, everyone was forced out by police, yelled, pushed, and chanted "Cigar City Sucks"... all over piss poor event planning.

Now, I love this brewery and I do back them and their product. However, I do not feel a bit sorry for them for this day.
They've grown too big for their britches, should have spent the money on an event coordinator, not trusted the public to just be cool and drink good beer.
The consumer whorism within the beer community is disgusting. People were buying up to 10 cases each at $20 a pop before others that were promised their three bottles even had the chance to get to the tables. Why?
Let me show you:

It's rated a solid 100 on beer forums http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/17981/47022/

It RESELLS online through beer forums for anywhere between $100-$300.
WHAT. People buy this stuff, turn around and trade or resell it for ridiculous amounts of money.

Cigar City failed that day, and their reaction is to flip a table and fuckitty bye.
No more Hunahpu Day.

The backlash on the internet has been hilariously gross.
The fake Ebay listing I found was so awesome, till they took it down.




You see this? He almost DIED TO DEATH to get them.
#4
I am invading your space Apr. 23-28.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
#5
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Stupid Bar Shit
February 13, 2014, 05:07:25 AM
Here is where I will unload my stupid happenings of day.
Enjoy knowing what it's like to work in the world of the drunk and stupid.


New distributor pulls truck up to front of building and starts walking to the door. I open the door and yell
Me: City Bev?
Driver: Yeah
Me: go ahead and bring that around back. All deliveries go through the back.
Driver: Yeah I was gonna bring it around back
He then proceeds to unload his truck and load his dolly with multiple kegs and cases of cider. I watch, confused. A while later he comes through the back door through the kitchen (mind you it's quite a haul all the way around to the back of the building). Guy is pouring sweat and I whisper
"I meant the truck too"
Driver: oh. yeah that would have been easier


Bartender: my vagina hurts
Me: WUT
Bartender: my uh... my birth canal
Me: the hell did you do to... no. never mind.
#6
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Dearest ECH....
October 10, 2013, 08:16:34 PM
You have been forever immortalized as a pumpkin beer flight containing favorites from our God blessed United States' east coast.

These include:
Dogfish Head Punkin
Brooklyn Brewery Post Road Pumpkin
Southern Tier Warlock
Terrapin Pumpkinfest

This flight has been dubbed the "East Coast Hustle".
Our people thank you.
#8
At the bar I work at, Tuesdays, we have become invaded by....


FURRIES.

I'm talkin full fox costumes from head to paw.
They take over the pool table area, barely drink, and stink.

:cry:  my watering hole is tainted by blue and white fluff, and one of the fuckers waved and meowed at me.

#9
An Overly Explained Look Inside the Manically Depressed Mind


Depression is a cruel and ugly bitch. I imagine her looking something like a hag with snargly hair standing over a cauldron, stirring up your emotions and cackling while adding ingredients like guilt, self loathing, anger and resentment while the light of the full moon illuminates her scabby, pimply skin. Beaming off the mole on her neck in a way that makes the thick hair hanging out of it glow like a fiber optic wire. Then you look in the mirror and see her staring back at you and you want to kill her.

That urge comes not from some self pitying "You'll miss me when I'm gone" type of fantasy, but from fear. Fear of who you are and all the things you don't understand about yourself. The way we instinctively want to smash a spider.

You hate what you don't understand, and you understand yourself least of all the things.

What is this black cloud? Why am I so sad? What is this invisible impending doom? Why does my heart hurt when I breathe? Why doesn't anyone else feel like this?Why do they get to hog all the happy and live carefree? You resent them for this. Hate them sometimes. It makes you unreasonably and irrationally mean, cruel, and cold. You distance yourself and stay in bed.

So what can you do to fix this? I mean, everyone wants to fix something that's broken, right? Clearly, if you're sad for no reason, you're broken, and depression hurts everyone.

Depression does hurt everyone, but no one worse than you. You're having a nice evening with your family, doing what families do, but you can't even muster the strength to crack a smile let alone enjoy them or yourself. This is where the guilt gets dropped into the cauldron.

You see their loving, smiling faces look at you. Their eyes tell you they know. Their mouth are smiling but their eyes look pained with upturned eyebrows as if to say "I'm sorry for your loss and don't know what to say or do", but you didn't lose anything. No one has died. This kills you. You feel like you're dragging them into the mire with you and it hurts so bad that you'd rather die and end their suffering than to have to see them sympathize and hurt. You think of how much better off they'd be without you. How does that feel. Yeah, like shit.

This is where anger is stirred in. You get so mad at yourself for thinking that, and then for being this way. You hate yourself. You eat junk that's bad for your body and makes you feel icky as punishment. You deprive yourself of water because you don't want to get up to get it, and then you don't really deserve it anyway. You shave a little too hard on purpose. You hit your head with your hairbrush. Take that, self! That's what you get! Freak! Then you go to bed and you try as hard as you can to fall asleep so you can shut yourself up and make it all go away. Well guess what. No sleep for you! Oh no, we're gonna lie here and think about how miserable we make everyone, and how bad the world is, and how there are hungry children with no home or food or water or family that loves them and here you are, you miserable piece of shit, squandering what a wonderful thing you have because your stupid squishy brain wants to be sad.

Here comes the self loathing. 5:00am rolls around and you just fell asleep. Finally. Minutes pass and it's 7:00. Hey ugly! Get up and go do your stupid job! The least you can do is that, right? Right. The mere idea of getting out of that bed to go fill a room with your miserable presence sends you spiraling into a whirlpool of dark eyed disgust. You know you have to do this, to show that you actually have some purpose, some worth... but you can't. I can't! But you do, and you hate every minute of it. The end of the work day can't come fast enough. Everything that everyone around you does just destroys you from the inside out.

Loud voices trying to talk to you, making your ears ring. You don't care what they have to say, you don't want to hear it, but you smile and nod and "uh huh" and just hope like hell that they shut up soon so you can ignore them. Chewing, breathing, laughing, humming. Every little thing pushes you over the edge. Your heart pounds, your armpits sweat, your teeth hurt from the adrenaline your stupid mind is pumping out, the butterflies in your stomach have worked their way up into your throat and you want to puke, but all you can do is burp and stare at the clock.

How can they just sit there and be so ignorant and happy? You become suspicious, there's just no way. There's no way that everyone here but me is happy. They're just better at hiding it. You start to pick out flaws or make up scenarios that would cause them to be miserable. That one is fat, she can't be happy. This one is gay, that's gotta be rough in this society, surely they suffer too, right? Right??

No. It really is just you. So you're broken, different, wrong. Lash out! Say something mean that's kind of funny. That will make it better for sure. No. It doesn't. Well then, FIX IT!

Truth is, and here's where the problem lies, you can't fix it. There is no cure, no miracle drug, no magic unicorn that's going to make you a better person. Pharmaceuticals start a cycle of dependency and struggle. They exacerbate the problem. Take one a day, oh I forgot a day now I feel funny. Take one in the morning, did I take it this morning? Take it again at night on accident cause you forgot, now you're fucked. Take this one to calm you down when you feel especially anxious, that's better. Well if one helps, why not two? Why not the whole bottle? See where this is going? Nothing is going to tell those malfunctioning receptors in your biologically inferior brain to work correctly. Think happy thoughts. Ha ha! Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, you stay positive there. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Your brain is firing a million electrons of ugly directly at your heart lobe and there isn't a damned thing you can do about it.

You try therapy. Talking it all out with a stranger. First session, you're unsure. Kind of weird, you cry, in front of a stranger. What a loser. Second time, you feel a little better about. No tears, things click, make sense, light bulbs brighten, things are in a better perspective. Third? Well, there won't be a third cause you called and canceled. Oh, you idiot! You were just breaking some ground!

No. I don't want to and I don't have to. This becomes your new mantra. Well, now you're in it. You've just given up. May as well end it and get it over with. You want to, but for some reason unbeknownst to you, you don't. You struggle day in and day out with your stupid feeling, your heavy shoulders, your crap sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and do it all over again the next day. You miserable fucking sack of juice and loathing.
#10
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / I found the source
February 23, 2013, 12:11:52 AM
I think I've found the source of stupid in America.

There is a female in my office who is pregnant with her third child. She claims to have some form of dyslexia and is pregnant with her third child. One of her children has some form of Aspergers/autism, yet here she is, making another one.
She asks a lot of questions about mundane things outside of work stuff, and expects others around her to just answer her. Most of the time someone jumps and answers her stupid question, probably because they want to feel smart.

Here is the problem. We have smart people with few or no children, who choose to be smart, doing all the work for these lazy, co-dependent idiots who keep populating the Earth with their low-grade, lazy ass little turds.

It infuriates me that this gestating bitch is so lazy and numb that she would rather call a catering company, on her telephone, to have an employee who makes shit for pay explain to her in full detail what something on their menu is rather than just fucking Google it and see for herself with her own crossed stupid eyes.
She will not eat at a restaurant that doesn't have pictures on the menu. She will not eat at fancy places that use big words that she can't understand (and we know she won't use her fucking phone to Google it and find out)
She is the reason mom and pop places fail in my town. She is the reason chain restaurants and giant corporations like Walmart are fucking KING here. She is too fucking stupid to learn anything or think for herself. She doesn't want to have to look for something she wants it handed to her on a cheap plastic Chinese plate.
I HATE HER.
I want everyone like her to remove themselves from my sight. Get out of my town and off my lawn!!
FUCKING FUCK!
Her skin would be better used to help burn victims. AND SHE KEEPS BREEDING!
#11
Discordian Recipes / Drinkin fancy
February 14, 2013, 02:56:56 AM
Post your awesome recipes or some good ol classics here.
I'll start:

Got some Bombay Sapphire layin around? What in the hell are you supposed to do with THAT?!?
Simple. The only way to make it drinkable is to infuse it with earl grey tea. Yup, stick this shit in a jar with some EG tea bags and leave it alone overnight or longer. Result? Drinkable Bombay Sapphire!

English Garden

1+1/2 jigger tea infused gin
3/4 jigger St Germaine's elderflower liqueur
1 jigger (or so) San Pellegrino lemon soda
squeaze of fresh lime juice
2 drops rose water
2 slices cucumber

In a shaker with ice combine all booze, juice and one slice cucumber. Shake it like the hysterical woman from Airplane! then strain into a tom collins glass over ice. Top off with soda and garnish with the other cuke slice.
Drink that shit through a straw or jam a funnel in your ass and buttchug it for maximum boozohol blackout!
FUCK go crazy! Add a dash of BITTERS if you want! PARTYYYYYYYYYY!
#12
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / "I love you"...
February 13, 2013, 11:27:43 PM
My husband says this to me a lot. A LOT.
Like every few miles in the car, random intervals throughout an evening, texts throughout the day, only it's just "love you". Informal.

I know I should be grateful, but it's gotten to a point where I hear it so often it's losing it's meaning. Like just blurting out "Purple!" at me. I sigh most of the time when I hear it.

Is he saying it because he can't stand silence? Doesn't know what else to say so just says it? Habit? Knows I suffer from severe depression and thinks that if he says it enough I might "snap out of it" or he fears every time he says it it might be the last time he gets to tell me cause I might off myself or something?
What would make a person say this so often? I don't understand? I know he loves me, he shows me every day in the things he does.
I just don't get it.

Am I just a complete asshole?
#14
I can't be held accountable every time Roger decides to go on one of his little tangents.
"You weren't around enough. You didn't hold him enough. You didn't teach him enough life lessons, how to cook, how to wipe is ass, etc.."
So now what. We have some self-important asshat of a "human being" what wears madgiqual underwear running against a kenyan alien from space, drones spying on us and killing families in foreign countries with no reach around, cats AND dogs living in the same household, hellish chicken sandwiches made of hate and fear banned by the rainbow toting hippies who just want their fair share of their lover's loot and this is MY FAULT??

Fuck you! Take responsibility AND take that scurvy bastard out for a walk every once in a while. Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?!?

FUCKING FUUUUUUUUCK!!
#15
In light of this recent news about your state's crime against humanity in the form of advertising Keystone as "BEER" I hereby declare war on your pathetic dust storm of a state.
If anyone there actually considers that watery hippo puss to be anything resembling a beer, be it pilsner, lager or otherwise, than they deserve ... TO HAVE TO DRINK IT.

Yup, that's it. Your cactus infested shit plate of a state is hereby CUT OFF of all beer. And I don't mean that rice corn and preservative piss water you melted brained wind heads call beer I mean REAL beer. Made of water, barley, hops and yeast. The way beer fucking SHOULD be made.

As for the guy on the billboards with the mullet.. well, his punishment is obviously to never get laid so long as that unfortunate event exists upon his maggot chewed cereal bowl of a "skull".

What have you got to say for yourselves, you puke!
#16
Ready?
-Smoke n shit on I-75 causes a pile up of more than a dozen cars and 11 people die
-Trayvon Martin gets shot, racial bullshit ensues
-2 teenage boys that went to my son's school are bound, shot and set on fire on the bike trail near my house
-The old lady that owned the food truck near the bar I work at was shot dead in it while being robbed
-Some crazy bitch yanked her clothes off and tried to jump off the 408
-Casey Anthony is still in the news, being sued for defamation or some shit

and that's not even the WEIRD stuff
#17
BOOBS!


fuck off
#18
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / CAPTION THIS
April 16, 2012, 08:31:45 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan go...

#19
not really.
it's been a while.

also
FUCK OFF
#20
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Dear Roger
February 02, 2012, 11:23:59 PM
or as I like to call you, rotting old shitbag, sir.

I'd like to inform you that I received your message today, via swamp gas, and my response is as follows:

Life here is weird STOP. Losing my mind at new job training STOP. I've developed a case of brain pigeons STOP.
They say there is no cure and that it won't be long before the fountains of blood rain their sweet waters down upon the land STOP.
I encourage you to bring back the Open Bar STOP. I believe the army of giant vaginas has left this part of the galaxy freeing us of it's mighty grip STOP.
Now I have to shit.
Squishily,
Squid
#21
Discordian Recipes / This is where I piss off ECH
January 08, 2012, 10:23:07 AM
So.
Romaine lettuce, grape tomatoes and blue cheese dressing, yeah?
Then I heated up some shredded BBQ chicken and threw it on there.

Almost puked.

Thoughts?
#22
This is the shit you need:

5Tbs butter, 5Tbs flour, 1 Duvel, 2 cups chicken broth, 3 cups half and half, 2 containers frozen chopped broccoli, 1 lb shredded cheddar, 1 potato

side note: you may substitute for real cheese (good cheese), add ham or bacon, fresh broccoli, etc.. this cheese was bogo and we were hungry now

Your spices:

salt, pepper, a wee bit of nutmeg and either a pinch of cayenne or a dash of Crystal.

Do this:

Make your roux by melting butter till bubbly, then add flour and whisk. Keep whisking till all that raw flour smell is gone and it darkens slightly. You don't need to make it brick red, we're not making gumbo here.


Next start adding your stock and beer. Make sure you heat it up in a pot or in the microwave first. Don't want to add cold stuff to hot roux. It will thicken like a paste at first, don't be skeered, keep whisking until its smooth. Don't add your liquids too fast or you'll get lumps and I'll smash your fingers with a cast iron skillet.


Then add your potato that you've diced into little bitty pieces. If you want to pre-boil these to make the shit go faster, feel free, just don't turn em to fucking mush. I like em to keep their shape. The starch also makes your soup thick and silky.


Add your half and half. Warm half and half, remember. Don't break the shit. Add it slow and stir it gently, that potato is gonna stick.


After your shit is fucking hot add your cheese, shredded, a little bit at a time. Melt it in there nice and slow. Don't rush these steps. Make sure each time you add something you heat it thoroughly but don't bring the shit to a boil, you want it just about at a simmer the whole time. Boiling is bad!


Look. I discovered the FLASH. Your shit should look like this.


Now you can taste the shit and add your spices. I wait till now so I can see how salty it will be after I add the cheese n shit.


Chuck in your broccoli and stir it in real good. If you use frozen, thaw the shit till it's slightly warm in the microwave first. Don't add frozen broccoli to this shit or it will be broken and ugly like your mom.


It should look like this


Now add your cayenne or Crystal. Mmmmmm. Not too much now, you just barely want to taste it. A little.


If you didn't fuck up and you did like I said, it should look like this. Serve it with a Duvel, of course and eat it till your farts burn your pets eyes.
#23
That's just the way they work lately. I think of something, it dies in the middle and I want nachos.
#24
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Oh jesus shit.
December 27, 2011, 05:34:30 AM
So uh.. I'm late to the party and just turned everyone into a robot.

Boy I wish I hadn't done that.
#25
SRSLY WTF!!

This is supposed to be a happy moment and all I can do is pull my hair out and eat it. I've never done this before so I have no idea what to do.
I've been given deadlines for so much shit and my first thing is to secure a loan, but I only have a couple of days to do it so I can meet deadline for inspection/appraisal and all that other shit.
I think??
I also need insurance.. on something I don't even own yet? Can we wait till I sign something?

Anyone have any tips, advice, thorazine?
#26
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Dear Roger
March 22, 2011, 06:53:07 AM
I listened to your voicemail through my headphones at work today. Three people walked by as I made loud audible sounds that, to me, were laughter. To them, more like screaming.
They gave me a strange sort of look and I kept laughing.. only with the angry eyes.

Because of you, three more people in the world are terrified of and confused by me.
Good work, sir. Good work.

Now if you'll excuse me, I hear the sound of snoring in the other room which means it's bedtime. Or as I like to call it, lay in bed all night and listen to snoring time.
#27
Is there some sort of wine box/beer bottle caddy that you can bring on board an airplane so you don't have to wrap all your bottles in your suitcase shifting all the sediment?
Is there a way to bring the shit on like a pet?

Or do I have to hope that the sediment will settle in about a day?
#28
Discordian Recipes / Steel cut oats...
February 04, 2011, 05:45:13 PM
Are they worth the effort?
I like oatmeal but I hate the glumpy paste that instant oats turn into.

I hear that steel cut oats do not do this and that you can even make a big pot and store them in the fridge.

Now, if you put more water in the instant oats than is recommended it takes longer for them to turn to glue so that's what I do. I hear rolled oats cook quickly and you can even microwave them, but are they as good as steel cut?

THOUGHTS!
#29
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Dear LMNO
January 13, 2011, 02:46:18 AM
Thank you for the lovely gift.
My pance have exploded, I killed 2 cats with assfire and I'm bleeding snakes from my nose.

Life is pretty awesome.
Also the room just got really shiny.

Hot damn, sir. Hot damn.
#30
Discordian Recipes / Sunday Brunch
January 11, 2011, 05:02:55 PM
I put a brunch together and made the following:
(sadly there are no pics, I wasn't thinking clearly due to exhaustion)

Baked brie in filo cups topped with apricot coconut cardamom jam

Duck benedict on challah with plum and wine sauce

Grits made with duck broth topped with crispy proscuitto

Recipes:

Jam-
apricots
coconut milk
brown sugar
EOC's honey
cardamom

-stir into pot, cook until thick

Duck-
one duck
thyme
salt
crockpot

-butcher duck, place breast and legs+thighs in crockpot with skin folded under, rub on some olive oil, salt, place thyme sprigs on top, prick skin to allow fat to seep out, cover, cook on low overnight.
-save wings, spine, neck and any other parts for stock pot. add mirepoix, thyme, salt pepper and water. cover and cook on the lowest heat possible overnight. add a bay leaf if you want, I didn't.

plum wine sauce:
hoisin
red wine
cinnamon

- melt hoisin in a pan, add some wine and a touch of cinnamon

Plating- toast a slice of challah, put a poached egg on that, top with duck and drizzle with plum wine sauce

Grits:
-follow instructions on bag or box, just use the duck broth/stock whatever instead of water, crisp up some proscuitto and crumble it on top.

I served it with a "mimosa" made with pear nectar, ginger ale and prosecco
Then we all got really fat and died.
#31
I'm trying to figure out a plan for this NY eve at the bar I work at.
Coincidentally the date is 01/01/11 which translates to 23.
Cute.

My initial ideas were a black and white theme with old b&w robot films, the Mr is bringing in his synth cabinet to make some noise and people would be encouraged to dress accordingly.

Another thought would be something kind of discordian themed but.. well that's where it falls apart for me. What happens in cases like this? What kind of celebrations are there, really?

Duh?
#32
Here's the deal:

Everyone who's address I have, I'ma stick their name in a hat, or a bag or a possum whatever and pick one out.
The winner gets
THIS!


You poor miserable fuck. Whoever gets it has to mail the ugliest piece of shit ornament they've ever seen to another random Spag.
Sound fun? No? Tough shit!

If I don't have your address and you want in, PM it.
I will pick tomorrow.
#33
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / For the ladies
November 03, 2010, 04:52:33 AM
Do you find yourself unable, physically unable to put a cute pair of shoes back on the shelf and walk away from them?
Am I the only one who does this?
Ok, not even the cute shoes. The fucking ugly ones too.

Scenario- pick up shoe, try shoe on, money flies out of wallet, closet overflows with shoes

If they don't go home with me I think about them for weeks. I'm still thinking about the blue stilettos I let go and the white and tan canvas heels with the shiny gold buckle.
Dude, that was over as month ago.

Is this an illness? Am I all alone here?
I have shoes I've never fucking worn, shoes that don't match anything, and I KEEP BUYING THEM!!

WHY??????????
#34
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Hey Suu....
October 18, 2010, 05:32:27 AM
..and other waist cinching lovers.
Can you guess what this is made from?






yes. my dress form stand is a high hat. stuff it.
#35
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Halloween fun!
October 07, 2010, 06:22:58 PM
Do you decorate?
So far we have.....

the yard




and we put a dog costume on the mailbox

humiliating. no?

Anyone else have any silly decorations up?
#36
So we all know Alan Grayson, FL's congressman.
Well he's been playing these horrible commercials lately to get us to vote for him again and somehow he's managed to make himself creepier and more ogre-ish than ever before.
I don't have a video, but he's got a commercial with himself and a bunch of kids on a playground and well.. you can't look at the guy and not think Pogo the clown. Or Pogo the Shrek.
The kids all chant "Alan Grayson save our schools!" and crowd around him like the kids in Come to daddy to that beast thing...


So I challenge you, PD, to a "Make Alan Grayson so fucking creepy even I wouldn't vote for him" slammatious WOMP-a-thon.

I'll start---

Ha ha, ope.. got your foot. Oh I'm just playin with ya little Johnny.
      \




Do you know who the fuck I am?
      \





aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GO!

PS- yes I'm still voting for him
#37
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Yahoo Answers LOL
September 11, 2010, 10:49:16 PM
Look what Mr Squid did.
I swear, this guy...

http://tinyurl.com/26jwgcn
#38
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Hey Suu
August 08, 2010, 06:05:23 PM
You woulda loved the thunderstorms we had this morning.
My whole house was rattling, there were lightning strikes every few seconds right over us and at one point there was a crack so loud and fast that I know it hit near the street.

There were a couple tornadoes in volusia county and some street flooding all over.

It was too loud to sleep through.
#39
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / News Flash
April 28, 2010, 04:52:21 AM
I don't know if you guys heard or wrote about it yet, but there's a giant oil problem in the Gulf right now.
A rig exploded and now there's 1000 barrels a day just pouring out into the Gulf.

Nice.

Don't eat ANYTHING from the Gulf!
Shrimp, tuna, blah blah
#40
Quote from facebook--"tell the lazy fucker to get his own face book :D outdated fart. hehehe that should provoke him some.
7 minutes ago"

You done been SUUUUUUUUURVED, bitch!

You gonna dance or what?
#41
From the 16th-21st of May I'll be in NY.
Mostly in the Brooklyn, Manhattan, Flushing area.

If anyone wants to hit a museum, have a beer or nom on some chow, let me know.
I can travel anywhere the trains go.
#42
Discordian Recipes / Stuff I ate...
March 14, 2010, 07:20:57 PM
ITT show us the stuff you ate.
Was it good? Bad? What's in it? Did you make it or were you at a restaurant?
I'll go first:


Hard boiled egg, sliced in half with salt and pepper, sambal and a little drizzle of soy. Notice how the soy seeps into the little cracks of the egg after sitting for a minute.


It was delicious.
#43
...and now I can't seem to find the thread it was in. So now I have to start a new thread and I really didn't want to but I really wanted opinions.

*inhaaaaaaaaaale* that was a long sentence

So there's an opening for a training coach at work.
I'll keep my base pay but lose most of my incentive pay which is kind of like a commission and sometimes a considerable amount of money.

Pros-
-- getting off my damn machine and letting some of my back and shoulder problems heal
-- having more "management" experience on my resume
-- the possibility of a greater chance for relocation when they phase us out next year
-- getting to move around, teach people stuff and learn something new
-- GETTING OFF MY MACHINE
-- a sense of purpose

Cons-
-- less pay


Do I sacrifice money for happiness?
#44
Discordian Recipes / Yum oh yum HOT CHOCOLATE!
March 05, 2010, 02:01:11 AM
You need:

3 cups of milk (2% is ok)
4.5 oz of toblerone milk chocolate with nougat
4.5 oz of toblerone dark chocolate with nougat
mini marshmallows

Scald your milk (you know, bring just to a boil, barely, then take it off the heat). Add some chocolate bits and stir. Turn the heat down to low and keep stirring in that chocolate till it's all melted. Pour into coffee cup with mallows in it.
DRINK IT



Hell YEAH that's a Denny's mug. I got CLASS bitches.
#45
Party of one. Your table is now available
:sadbanana:








(sorry, I couldn't resist  :lulz: )
#46
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Today at work...
February 24, 2010, 04:40:38 AM
Now, I'm sure I've bitched about how much I hate my job, but something weird happened today. I have one of those jobs where it's very easy to sit and stew in my delicious brain juices because the actual work is very mindless and un-challenging.

Today I envisioned the typical "office shooter" scenario. It was quite vivid and emotional. I went up and down the rows in my mind thinking of who I'd shoot, who I'd spare, where I'd start.
I thought the best thing to do would go into the old lady boss's office, rip her phone out of the wall and tell her to get on the floor and fucking stay there. For some reason I respect her. She's an artist. Then I'd shoot the skeezy bastard in the next cubicle over. He doesn't deserve his position and he's a jerk.
Up and down the isles, shoot one, spare another.

This guy in r&d that I hate. His attitude is so terrible that I'd really like to shoot him, but I'd consider it a mercy killing, and I'm merciless at this point, so instead I'd just bash him on the snout with the butt of the gun a few times and make him yell "THANK YOU SIR!" and call it good. Mostly because he would be expecting to get shot, and I think a part of him would welcome it. So nuh uh. Not happenin.

I was actually shocked at who would get it and who wouldn't. I would totally shoot this guy that I've called a friend. And even hung out with off the clock. Yup. BANG! And then spare the  others who I don't give a rat's ass about, but they have what seems to be a nice little family life.
Weird.
#47
I didn't wanna keep spammin up apple talk with stupid cat talk shit so I made a new thread.
You can delete it on Sunday if you want.

As of now--

Blinky was pregnant (damn it Darnell  :argh!: )
The doctor felt what may have been 2 sacks. Right now they're the size of the cotton bit on a swab.
It is in everyone's best interest to not let them go full term. By everyone I mean Blinky, us, the kittens and, well, Earth. She is in no shape physically to be a mother. She's already pretty deformed and there's no telling what would happen. She's severely underdeveloped for her age and birth could have been really hard on her.
(she's about 5 or 6 and the vet thought she was about a year and a half)
Yes I am extremely sad about it. And sensitive. But we'll all live.

They tested her for aids and leukemia and she is clean.
This is her first trip out of the house and in someone else's care. I have faith that they're going to take good care of her since the itemized estimate was very thorough. From morphine patches, to iv's, to antibiotics and everything else.
They gave me a talk through for the whole procedure.

I get to pick her up on Saturday.
I know it's stupid to be bitching and crying about a damn cat to you spags, but I just needed to kind of get it off my chest. I don't feel like telling my irl friends about it and frankly I don't even feel up to speaking out loud to humans right now.
Thanks for listening. Sorry for whining.
I just really love my little kitty.


#48
Discordian Recipes / Sick day food craving NO NO'S
January 25, 2010, 10:10:09 PM
Whenever I get sick and have to stay home from work it reminds me of when I was a kid and would just play hookey to watch cooking shows and experiment with food.
Often I actually made myself sick with what I made, but every once in a while I'd surprise myself.

Today was not one of those days.
I was craving eggs, and I generally make some good deviled eggs when I'm not mistaking cayenne for paprika.

Some sick twisted part of mt brain thought it would be ok to mix sriracha, salt and pepper, chili powder, a touch of brown mustard, a half a green olive (garnish) and ...

miracle whip.

Now I like MW on sandwiches. Especially bologna and plain potato chip sandwiches.

Deviled eggs? Good god NO.
It tasted like something out of a horror movie. The strong farty egg taste mixed horribly with the sickly sweet mayo wanna be followed by a slight burning from the sriracha and then the salty brine flavor from the olive was just what I needed to trigger my gag reflex.
What's worse is I managed to choke down 6 halves/3 whole eggs worth of these fuckers and NOT DIE.
Now my mouth is burning but there's an overpowering sweet residue on my tongue and I can't wash this taste out.

Blirgh bleich bloooooooooorf!!
#49
SERIOUSLY!


Some sort of ice?Cold weather? What's a 29 degrees?
Is it gonna snow?

WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?

Will hell freeze over? Stay tuned...
#50
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / OMG Burns!
December 25, 2009, 09:43:41 AM
That shit in your avatar.
Is that from that pickle surprise shit?!?

I can't look at it

:lulz: