Messages

::burp::  
Waste not want not.

For me?  Mmmm, food for thought.  Gobble gobble gobble.  Got milk?

A schism is defined by Webster as a split.  It's defined by the World as insanity.  It's defined by me as peace of mind!  We've got to stick apart!  Uniquify!  It's a shame that only 1% of people in the world are schizoid.  More people should think like me.  I can understand why they don't though, since even though it has its good points, it  is a disease of the mind; insanity is a disease of the mind in which one sees reality the way it actually is.  Sometimes I wish I could blissfully believe that there is no conspiracy against humans, and that our trusted God isn't also a great Satan intent on the destruction of the world.  Sometimes I wish I could actually split from this world of insanity, just like the Christians plan.  But I'm just as wary of the spirit world as I am of the material world.  I've seen some very dark, vampiric places when I found what it means to become purely spiritual and split from the material world.  I walk in balance between matter and spirit now, like a yin-yang, or a Discordian hodge-podge.  Purgatory some call it.  Perhaps I'm not so schizoid after all, since I seem to have become more holistic.  But I'm still hypervigilant (some would say paranoid) of an insane, wicked world that masquerades as Truth and Beauty.  Fortunately, I can and do split from that world of helter skelter, and live in my own little world, because I'm schizoid.  Maybe you should be too.  Maybe doctors should start selling schizoid pills instead of anti-psychotics to people like me.   Well it's time for me to 23Schidoo out of here, since the world is probably out to get me after that little ditty.   Goodbye, cruel world.

[Rant 157Something Smells Over Here]

Rant 157
Something Smells Over Here

"What I want to know is how the Scots got to ancient Israel in the first place."
-Chairman Chao (when asked about the Maccabee rebellion)

"How could anyone confuse a cabbage with a human being? You'd think it would be just about impossible...One of the five Aneristic Orders, though, is seeking to make this distinction less clear. The Defamation League (who secretly controls almost all organized religion and Goddess knows what else) has been secretly costuming cabbages and trying to pass them off as humans. Why they are doing this is uncertain, but keep in mind these are some of the same people who said you'd go to hell for spanking the monkey."
-from the Summa Discordia

"We all know about presidents getting shot by people, but this is the first time a vice-president has ever shot someone."

We live under the glamour and dazzle of a basic socio-cultural philosophy which cuts us down and away from inherent value as living beings and then says to us that we can buy ourselves to being real. We get frustrated when something prevents us from playing this game. Or when that next new greatest advertised thing is too expensive for us to consider. We are a society of credit cards, loans, financing, and debt because of this. We never once stop to question the motives behind all of this, and yet we rail and rant against our government which spends money in exactly the same way.

I am amazed when I run into people who get cars by financing, who take out extensive loans to buy property, and who constantly shop on credit. When I ask about this wastefulness, I am usually told "But how else will I be able to afford these things?" My response is "You can't afford those things. That's why you are in debt, silly." Paying for something when you don't have the money upfront for it obviously means you can't afford it. And in the future you will be less able to afford anything similar.

This is a symptom of a greater problem and you all know what this problem is. A combination of Stupidity and The Fear. Otherwise known as DUMB and DOOM. Each one of these is bad enough, but when they mate they produce the bastard children known as slavery and hatred. Look around you at human cultures. Doesn't it seem like that most of them have been entranced by the tango of stupidity and fear throughout history. DUMB and DOOM have been the cause of death for humans more so than any natural causes. DUMB and DOOM get us to spend money we don't have out of fear that we can't keep up with the neighbors, won't be able to buy the new IPod, or won't be able to impress that date, and if we can't do these things, the fnords will eat us. DUMB and DOOM convince us that we have no time left so we must run out now and buy ourselves a new and improved version of the hottest lifestyle so we can look in the mirror and feel sexy and alive. (Ignoring the fact that if you can't do that already, nothing else will do it for you.)

DUMB and DOOM keep us locked away in our own narrow worlds with our own fixations and habits afraid of stepping out. Afraid of admitting that no matter what we do, life pretty much happens largely out of our control. Heads up, people. Beware of God. She's Out of Order. And She doesn't care about your bullshit, no matter how much of it you think you can buy or get on credit. Eris isn't buying any of it. If living life free of DUMB and DOOM seems impossible to you, question why you are alive (especially if you are Erisian).

In fact, it is nearly impossible to have DOOM without dumb. Remember for about 1500 years the Christian Church convinced Westerners that they'd go to hell if they didn't tithe, have lots of babies, give their land away to nobles, or believe in hell in the first place. How would people even put up with this. They were convinced to be DUMB. They were connived into it. Every now and then a bunch of people would be burned at the stake just to drive home the point and people largely stayed DUMB, until Eris tossed an apple into the Church and the Protestants and Catholics split apart and started killing one another to prove who was prettier. The air in Western culture was thus cleared for a time. With the believers of Christ focused on fighting each other, the diversion gave the rest of the people some space to start thinking again. This allowed science and democracy to creep up from behind and slug religious domination upside the head, and it has been stumbling around ever since, refusing to fall over once and for all. Some breathing room was created. But DUMB and DOOM are a hearty couple and they still manifest all around us.

Look around you now. Where do you feel the most DUMB coming from? Hell, sometimes DOOM gets confused by Eris and you actually become positively afraid of being stupid so you immediately wise up. But look around you. Muslims going on a rampage over some cartoons. Christians whining about holiday greetings or the fact the public schools don't teach the Bible. Jews and Arabs convincing themselves to hate one another. North Korean politicians with bad hair days. Vice-presidents shooting people. None of them are aware of themselves acting like silly gits. None of them are yet aware that there is no God but Goddess, and Her name is Eris. (Okay, pick another name if you think you can find someone better to blame reality on.)

But fear not. Stupidity and Fear is a choice. You can escape them when they try to take over your life, even if you might not be able to escape their followers. The world's great religions are not really all the great. Stupidity and Fear are the greatest religions of all time and people are blindly creating gods, cultures, economies, wars, and microwaves out of them. Scratch the surface of any shining rational or justification or excuse, whether religious or not, and you will find the true sources: stupidity and fear. What can we Discordians do about this?

Laugh at ourselves, first off for falling for this game and then forgetting that we were playing it. Then whatever comes to mind next.

February 17th, 2006
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC;
of the DSSS/PMM
Conspirator with High Papessa Bella
Agent Provocateur in Hoshiko and DS#3's War Against Hostages
Church of Eris ArchSwinging Bastard
and silly man who convinces white people they can be shamans so he can get a good laugh

Weeeeeeeeeeeeha!  There is no doom anywhere!  I believe I've become a frickin' genius!  Thanks Hugh!  ::drinks arsenic::

Mmmmm...  Dignity.

Pull my finger and I'll give you a Hershey's kiss.
                               \

Well, yeah, I think people really can choose as part of their biochemistry.  At least I can.  It's kind of a paradox.  I made paradox into a fundamental religion at one time.  It still is my religion.  You're free to choose while I chain you up in my mental meanderings.  Be like me.  I'm free-drug.

Is your mama fat and ugly?  Send her away to the Academy of the Fat and Ugly where she will learn valuable skills such as Sumo cannibalism and fatal staring contests.  At the end of the school season (probably just a few hours away), she will be scouted on a field trip through Juan Soylent's meat factory, after which you will never have to see her again.  Just call 1-800-FAT-UGLY to dispose properly of those "gotta go" relatives.

Teh staff of PD.com would like you to know that teh opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily teh opinions of any of its victims.

Thank you, thank you.  ::sniffs and wipes away the tears::  Now look.  I've gone and blemished myself.  If you'll excuse me, I need to repaint my mascera.  At least the shirt's already black.

Georgina feels your pain.

Georgie!  Come back to me!  We can live in eternal torment!  We can make it work!

Thank you, thank you.  ::sniffs and wipes away the tears::  Now look.  I've gone and blemished myself.  If you'll excuse me, I need to repaint my mascera.  At least the shirt's already black.

[Contrarywise]

I was surfing the net and saw an ad saying I can win money if I enter a poem at poetry.com, so I thought up a poem off the top of my head.  They thought it was good enough to include it in a book called Eternal Portraits, an audio album called The Sound of Poetry, and it got an Editor's choice award, which only 33 people get.  So far I haven't won any money though, and admittedly, I shelled out 25 paper gods just to see my poem in a book.  Maybe it'll win money in one of these contests they're running me through, and I'll be a happy schmuck.  The poem is called

Contrarywise

Eris holds me in her hand,
While vampires gape at Wonderland,
Heaven or H*** or purgatory,
Says the Devil God with the pyramid story,
In paradox, an anxious solace,
Here in Heaven's Devil's palace.

Thank ya.  Thank ya very much.
::dodges a barrage of tomatos::

[enlightened]There is no "self" anywhere![/enlightened]

Feeling stressed?  Tired out?  Discordant?  Come to the Latter Saint's Day Mental Health Clinic!  For virtually no charge (nevermind the electrodes) we can TOTALLY HEAL YOUR MIND!  Unlike those gimmick clinics that aim at temporary sanity, we'll help you along the path to complete annihilation of all thought, rational or not! (and hey, that rhymed, so it must be good!)  
Watch as we obliterate the way to salvation from reality through ZAP-synthesis, Rorschach lashings, "alternative" drugs/poisons/whatever, pain to death therapy, and "pure" lobotomy.   So stop on by the "sanity" shack and FINALLY LEARN HOW TO RELAX!
All applicants accepted and all cures gaurenteed which may or may not be true.

Many of the things that cause mental illness are things which we have little or no control over--worldly conditions.  Rarely do people choose to be mentally ill, and rarely is anybody not at least somewhat mentally ill.  Mental illness is usually caused by social ills or mortalist madness, though it sometimes is caused by bad brain chemistry.  We have little control over the evil social conditions that we sometimes live under and we have probably no control over the gloom of doom.  Medicating mental illness can be helpful in alleviating mental problems, but can also be a problem for the individual when they have to walk around numb in the noggin all the time.  Doctors always have to respect a patient's decisions about medication, unless they're so bad that they must be put in a cookoo's nest.  Of course, being that I'm Christian, I'll probably change everything so that it's eternal Heaven on Earth... maybe tomorrow... or the next day... or later.  Or not... I'm too busy slacking to be bothered with teh messiah thingy.