http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/
I'm pissed off that I didn't think of this first. :argh!:
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Damnit! I could have made a mint!
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
Yeah I'm really looking forward to this. Especially if the fundies from the other religions get to go too.
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
Just chill? That would be disappointing! :sad:
What about all those swarms of locusts and unspeakable torments unleashed from the pit of hell? I want some
solidarity here.
Locusts will be dealt with via pesticides and the personal army of seagulls we few Utahns will command once the Mormons are gone.
Just as soon as I'm done with Sam Harris's car.
You know what would suck? If just one group were to be taken--all Catholics, all Mormons, or just the JWs. That would leave so many jilted Christians behind.
But on the bright side, if only the Catholics go, that's one billion monkeys gone.
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
No you won't.
GET OFF MY LAWN.
With the Rapture, both sides win. The fundies get sucked up to do the whole cloud+harp thing, whereas the people left get, well, a world without fundies. It's Heaven either way.
^ THIS
also, :lulz: whoever thought that up is a genius!
Um....doesn't that rely on the people in the Bible Belt being real Christians?
For all we know, the Rapture took place in 40 A.D. and everyone since is just deluding themselves that their well-disguised bigotries are Christian.
That would explain a lot about the religion.
If so, we would have to assume that it's true, which really fucks up my cosmology.
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
You've got it all wrong man. I think They're all going to Hell in the Bible Belt...
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
^ TITCM
I think we're already IN hell tbh.
I don't understand why people keep assuming the rapture hasn't happened yet. The obvious conclusion is that the Second Coming did happen, during the lifetime of whatever dude Jesus promised it would to. Since, y'know, that's when he said it would happen and Jesus doesn't lie. Let the Word interpret itself for Chrissakes! The reason nobody noticed is because, as is written in the Bible, only the poorest, meekest, humblest, etc people got in - nobody cares when a few dozen hobos go missing.
Quote from: GA on August 31, 2009, 01:42:50 AM
The obvious conclusion is that the Second Coming did happen, during the lifetime of whatever dude Jesus promised it would to.
Maybe the J-man promised them that, and then made them immortal. for the lulz.
Quote from: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on August 31, 2009, 01:30:59 AM
You've got it all wrong man. I think They're all going to Hell in the Bible Belt...
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
:aaa:
That's a cool quote for the Bible.
Quote from: Epimetheus on August 31, 2009, 01:57:04 AM
Quote from: GA on August 31, 2009, 01:42:50 AM
The obvious conclusion is that the Second Coming did happen, during the lifetime of whatever dude Jesus promised it would to.
Maybe the J-man promised them that, and then made them immortal. for the lulz.
If I recall correctly, I think that he said (Several times in fact) that the end would come when nobody was expecting it, so it can't happen while there are still people who believe that the apocalypse is actually going to happen.
Quote from: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on August 31, 2009, 01:30:59 AM
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
You've got it all wrong man. I think They're all going to Hell in the Bible Belt...
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
I LOVE that passage.
Jesus, where the hell ARE these real christians? All killed off? Because the above passage makes them sound like the blood of true patriots.
I'm pretty sure the last real Christian got burned alive for being a which around the 14th century.
Quote from: Kai on August 31, 2009, 02:10:09 AM
Quote from: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on August 31, 2009, 01:30:59 AM
Quote from: derpsichord on August 29, 2009, 01:43:01 AM
Wait so we can just chill on Earth after the Rapture? I'll have the whole Biblebelt to myself. 8)
You've got it all wrong man. I think They're all going to Hell in the Bible Belt...
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
I LOVE that passage.
Jesus, where the hell ARE these real christians? All killed off? Because the above passage makes them sound like the blood of true patriots.
Check OKM, my Godless, damned-for-all-eternity friend. We're here.
Quote from: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on August 31, 2009, 02:01:49 AM
Quote from: Epimetheus on August 31, 2009, 01:57:04 AM
Quote from: GA on August 31, 2009, 01:42:50 AM
The obvious conclusion is that the Second Coming did happen, during the lifetime of whatever dude Jesus promised it would to.
Maybe the J-man promised them that, and then made them immortal. for the lulz.
If I recall correctly, I think that he said (Several times in fact) that the end would come when nobody was expecting it, so it can't happen while there are still people who believe that the apocalypse is actually going to happen.
Just as an aside; On Futurama they predicted that the Second Coming would occur in the year 2443, and that its only lasting effect would be to damage most videotapes from the 2oth century
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 07:11:11 AM
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
No, they'll just say that you're the devil quoting scripture for evil reasons. And rightly so, you Satan spawn.
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 07:11:11 AM
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
If you like that one, then you should check out Ecclesiastes 7:16
QuoteEcclesiastes 7:16
"Be Ye Not Righteous Overmuch, Nor Make Thyself Overwise. Why Shouldest thou destroy thyself"
In fact, most of the Book of Ecclesiastes is kind of like that. Check it out...
Quote from: Kai on August 31, 2009, 12:28:20 PM
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 07:11:11 AM
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
No, they'll just say that you're the devil quoting scripture for evil reasons. And rightly so, you Satan spawn.
My bad, forgot for a second that it's impossible to have a "discussion" with a fundie. Also, Satanism has a really good dental plan.
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 08:22:08 PM
My bad, forgot for a second that it's impossible to have a "discussion" with a fundie.
Incorrect. You just have to beat them into submission first.
Quote from: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on August 31, 2009, 03:12:12 PM
QuoteEcclesiastes 7:16
"Be Ye Not Righteous Overmuch, Nor Make Thyself Overwise. Why Shouldest thou destroy thyself"
That explains a lot.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 31, 2009, 08:23:40 PM
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 08:22:08 PM
My bad, forgot for a second that it's impossible to have a "discussion" with a fundie.
Incorrect. You just have to beat them into submission first.
What kind of bat?
Wooden? Aluminum? Wiffle?
(http://animatedtv.about.com/library/graphics/sp703cartmanKyleWiffleBat.jpg)
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 08:41:34 PM
What kind of bat?
Wooden? Aluminum? Wiffle?
That's more a matter of personal preference.
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 07:11:11 AM
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
It might help to read the rest of the chapter, so you know how they're gonna spin it.
Quote from: LMNO on September 01, 2009, 01:31:10 PM
Quote from: Havok on August 31, 2009, 07:11:11 AM
QuoteMark 7:6-8
6.He told them, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites. As it is written, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7.Their worship of me is worthless, because they teach human rules as doctrines.' 8.You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."
Yoinked for future discussions with fundies, thanks. It's always awesome when you can take them down with their own holy scripture.
It might help to read the rest of the chapter, glossolail yourself into a thorough stupor so you know how they're gonna spin it.
Fixed.