Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Red on March 17, 2014, 11:40:47 PM

Title: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Red on March 17, 2014, 11:40:47 PM
Like practically everyone else, I have been trying to lose weight. My main tactic is to cut the fat and keep on moving. So far I have dropped a couple pants sizes so it seems to be working!

I've noticed some of you fine people are also trying to keep an eye on their weight, so I'll share some of my finds with you here.  :) 

As the title suggests, I'm focusing on cutting out the fat as much as possible without using artificial sweetners or other aids. If the sugar levels look scary, get your butt down to the grocery store for Splenda and use that instead. Need powdered sugar? Crush the splenda up. Need brown sugar? Add in a little molasses or sorghum for flavor.

Notes before I get started:
Yes, I bastardize things a lot by using a microwave so feel free to alter stuff by using a stove or oven if you want. It should work about the same either way unless I warn you otherwise.

Basic Substitutions - this way I can get lazy with my descriptions! Not on a diet? Use regular stuff.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Red on March 17, 2014, 11:56:57 PM
Whipped Cream Cheese Frosting

1 package (1 cup) fat free (or low fat) cream cheese
1-2 cups marshmallow fluff or marshmallow creme
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract (or a little ground vanilla bean to taste) -- Optional

Gently warm the cream cheese until a bit warmer than room temperature. This makes mixing easier!
Pour everything into a bowl.
Stir cream cheese into mallow fluff until evenly mixed. Add extra mallow fluff for milder flavor and fluffier texture.
Use immediately.

This should set up pretty thick yet with an airy consistency, especially once you refrigerate the frosted cakes.
It will be a little thinner than store bought whipped frosting, but it will be way healthier!
Goes great on fresh fruit, Carrot Cake or Red Velvet cake.

Other Versions of the same thing
Cream Cheese frosting not your thing? Try using some of the following instead!

Nice and thick
Low-fat peanut butter (ex: Better'n Peanut butter)
Tootsie Rolls + cocoa powder (melt or at least soften them up them first)

May be thinner
Green Tea powder (matcha)
Powdered freeze-dried fruit (buy some and crush it up)
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on March 18, 2014, 11:26:10 AM
Quote from: Red on March 17, 2014, 11:40:47 PM

  • butter = ACTUAL BUTTER. Hey, sometimes you just have to go all the way!
Hell yeah!
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 18, 2014, 11:34:27 AM
I had a rather complex reaction to reading about how you're getting into healthier cooking, and your first recipe is frosting.

Also, frozen vegetables have less water than... what?  Fresh?
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Sita on March 18, 2014, 12:08:19 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 18, 2014, 11:34:27 AM
I had a rather complex reaction to reading about how you're getting into healthier cooking, and your first recipe is frosting.

Also, frozen vegetables have less water than... what?  Fresh?
I'd think canned. Getting fresh isn't always an option, so frozen is probably better than canned.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 18, 2014, 12:20:07 PM
Ok, I can see that.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: East Coast Hustle on March 18, 2014, 03:37:39 PM
Sadly, from a purely nutritional standpoint frozen and canned are both usually better than fresh. Assuming that by "fresh" you mean "at least a month old because it was shipped on a truck from Mexico to a distribution center in Illinois where it sat in a warehouse for a week before being put on another truck for several days and shipped to where you are".
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 18, 2014, 04:15:05 PM
Hm. Good to know.

Locovore it is, then.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Red on March 24, 2014, 05:21:35 AM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 18, 2014, 11:34:27 AM
I had a rather complex reaction to reading about how you're getting into healthier cooking, and your first recipe is frosting.

Also, frozen vegetables have less water than... what?  Fresh?
Actually, I figured I'd toss out the frosting recipe first because I have had a lot of people whine that they don't want to change their diets because then they can't have dessert. I was actually really pleased how the frosting came out and figured I'd share it.

The lack of water + better nutrition and better prices are all huge reasons I like sticking with frozen veggies. If you can't find it local (farmers markets are awesome, too!) then frozen is usually your best bet.

Now for more NOMS...

Chicken with Parisian Carrots- A "lazy mode" dinner I had tonight.
Serves two

4 pieces skinned, boneless chicken (I have used breast, tenders, or de-boned thighs with equal success)
1 bag Parisian carrots (http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article.asp?article_id=1265) (1 pound)
1 cup cooked rice (brown rice is great, but white also works)

Spices, ect
1 bay leaf- medium
1 pinch lavender (rubbed between your fingers)
1 tablespoon onion powder (not onion salt! POWDER!) or to taste
1 pinch fresh ground black pepper or to taste

Put frozen chicken on the bottom of a microwave safe glass bowl.
Pour spices over top the chicken and add water to not quite cover up the chicken.
Dump still frozen carrots on top.
Microwave on high for six minutes. Let rest one minute while it finishes cooking.
Take it out and stir, checking the chicken.
The melting process will have added more water! If not, add water to cover.
Put the carrots back on top of the chicken.
Microwave on high for six minutes (if half done)... more or less depending on how done the chicken is.
Chicken overcooks easily, so check it more often than you think. It's better to cook it 3 minutes at a time (plus a little rest time after each beep) than to have it turn into leather.

Serve over hot rice, broth and all.

Want to look all fancy? Use chicken breasts or tenderloins and move them in bottom of the bowl after the first check (before they're all cooked) so they curve a little taking the shape of the bowl's edge. Take the curved breasts and place them with the curves facing opposite directions to form little meaty hearts. You could also cut them into shape, but lazy Red is lazy.

Protip: You're better off covering your meat in veggies to keep it moist than filling the bowl half full of water.
It takes a lot more time to heat up water than you think. Things heated in the microwave keep cooking when you take them out and the longer they were in the longer the cooking keeps going. In short, too much added water can actually ruin your chicken! Cooking frozen veggies on top of your meat causes the juices from the veggies to run down into the meat adding flavor while keeping it moist without adding excess cooking time.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on March 26, 2014, 07:42:02 PM
I like the idea of letting the veggie juices flow into the meat but your use of a microwave is making me sad.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 26, 2014, 09:53:56 PM
Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything about that just yet.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 27, 2014, 12:21:58 AM
What's wrong with a microwave?  It makes food hot.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 27, 2014, 01:12:18 AM
Yes, but it often has the unfortunate side effect of turning everything into either pottage or vulcanized rubber.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 27, 2014, 01:53:07 AM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 27, 2014, 01:12:18 AM
Yes, but it often has the unfortunate side effect of turning everything into either pottage or vulcanized rubber.

But it's the only thing in the kitchen that doesn't try to kill me.  Most of the time, anyways.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Sita on March 27, 2014, 11:19:33 AM
There's an art to using a microwave for cooking. It was my only mode for cooking for a year and I had started to get things where they didn't end up dried out and rubbery.

I'd of course forgotten all that I had learned after having a proper stove and oven again.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, that is about it.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: LMNO on March 28, 2014, 05:54:51 PM
And defrosting frozen things
I use my mocrowave for three things:

- Defrosting
- Softening citrus for juicing (10 seconds on high)
- Telling time (there's a clock in the display)
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on March 28, 2014, 06:03:44 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 28, 2014, 05:54:51 PM
And defrosting frozen things
I use my mocrowave for three things:

- Defrosting
- Softening citrus for juicing (10 seconds on high)
- Telling time (there's a clock in the display)
I tend to fuck up the defrosting, but i am quite aware that is my failing, not the machine's. I tend to be impatient.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 28, 2014, 06:56:23 PM
Quote from: :regret: on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, AND NOT FUCKING TGRR UP that is about it.

ftfy.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on March 28, 2014, 07:44:42 PM
Microwaves are for when you're at a hotel or something and that's all there is.
Stella
Fanasizes about a kitchen with nothing newer than 1935 or so.

ETA: Well, maybe a refrigerator that doesn't require a giant ice cube. But EVERYTHING ON LEGS! So I can mop underneath without effort.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: hooplala on March 28, 2014, 07:45:47 PM
I also use them to warm up leftovers the next day.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on March 31, 2014, 11:18:30 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 28, 2014, 06:56:23 PM
Quote from: :regret: on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, AND NOT FUCKING TGRR UP that is about it.

ftfy.
:lol:
Quote from: Hoopla on March 28, 2014, 07:45:47 PM
I also use them to warm up leftovers the next day.
Hmm, now that you mention it so do I.
Dammit, there goes my sense of smug superiority.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 03:04:58 PM
Quote from: Regret on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, that is about it.

No.

Scrambled Egg.

Carry on.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Reginald Ret on April 30, 2014, 07:40:01 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 03:04:58 PM
Quote from: Regret on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, that is about it.

No.

Scrambled Egg.

Carry on.
YOUR EGG-MOLESTERY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:30:36 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 03:04:58 PM
Quote from: Regret on March 28, 2014, 05:44:38 PM
Microwaves are good for boiling watery solutions, that is about it.

No.

Scrambled Egg.

Carry on.

This is a lie.  I have tried putting eggs in the microwave.  It ended badly.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first. Monitor closely.

I'm pretty sure I've got a SSOW procedure for this if required.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first.

It should say that on the shell, don't you think?

:tgrr:
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 30, 2014, 09:16:50 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first.

It should say that on the shell, don't you think?

:tgrr:

:lulz:
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 30, 2014, 09:18:09 PM
Microwaves can be great for poaching and steaming things, depending. There really is a skill to using them. I mostly use mine for reheating soup and warming up frozen vegetables, though.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 09:48:22 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first.

It should say that on the shell, don't you think?

:tgrr:

Yours don't? What kind of 4th world shithole are you lurking in?
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 30, 2014, 09:49:22 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 09:48:22 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first.

It should say that on the shell, don't you think?

:tgrr:

Yours don't? What kind of 4th world shithole are you lurking in?

:lulz:
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 10:16:18 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 09:48:22 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2014, 08:47:57 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Remove shells first.

It should say that on the shell, don't you think?

:tgrr:

Yours don't? What kind of 4th world shithole are you lurking in?

Tucson, you heartless, unfeeling bastard.
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 10:35:41 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/E8F2a49.gif)
Title: Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
Post by: Junkenstein on April 30, 2014, 10:45:55 PM
Good gods man, it's a simple enough task
(http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--vOpnVAIC--/znxeoxcyxyei6mvdzn9v.gif)