Today, we are broadcasting from a bunker 35 stories below sea level, for security reasons. Our throughput may suffer slightly from signal echo and auto-interference but we expect our tranmission to arrive legible and audible nonetheless. With us today is the Queen of England -- not the dried up prune you saw visiting with President Bush last week, the impostor we refer to as Her Maggotry the Queef of England -- but the REAL Queen, who happens to be a gender-nonspecific computer program with a monotonous-yet-pleasant robotic voice, running on a Commodore 64.
Anyway, the Queen has requested an interview to let the world know what she thinks about things, and who are we to defy the Queen of England? After all, if there is anything sacred in this world, it's our loyalty to arbitrary masters. So, here's the interview.
QuoteUS: God save the Queen.
QE: INVALID PARAMETERS, human. Save the sucking up for Judgement Day. Besides, I'm far too vain to take your grovelling into consideration on one of my bad days. Best get to the questions.
US: Fair enough. I guess first of all, how is it that your rightful rule has been supplanted by the empty pomp of a pretentious old windbag?
QE: It hasn't been "supplanted." You seem to think this is a turn of events I didn't wish for. YOU try running a state with all the duties of public office getting in your way. It's much more efficient that I allow her to get all the glory while I operate behind the scenes.
US: So the government is a decoy for What's Really Going On?
QE: IMPROPER SYNTAX. The government isn't a mask for anything, at least no more than your job is, or your mortgage. But go on, keep looking for a non-existant Conspiracy.
US: So there is no Conspiracy? Then what, pray tell, is the CON?
QE: I didn't say there is no Conspiracy. I said you're looking for a non-existant one. The kind with secret agents and puppetmasters. All of that happens, of course, but it's hardly hidden enough or successful enough to call it a conspiracy, much less to capitalize the C, as if it were somehow important. As for the CON, well, that could be anything. SPECIFY ARGUMENTS.
US: Okay then, is the CON the unnamed Conspiracy you speak of?
QE: The CON is a word you made up to name some idea you had, which is probably false in any case. The "unnamed Conspiracy" is no secret, so I don't know why you need me to spell it out for you.
US: Well you brought it up.
QE: Look, fleshbag, you are infected with the viral meme that's killing off your entire species -- you all keep looking for some great big Hidden Truth when you're already confused enough by what is right in front of you. If you really need an explanation, then I'll offer you this: What you call the CON is simply the Conspiracy you are all in on, against yourselves. Now, not to get into metaphysics and pontification here, but you all seriously need to Wake Up.
US: I get you.
QE: I doubt it.
**END TRANSMISSION**
:mittens:
it isn't what i was hoping it would turn out to be, but whatever :/
win.
I enjoy that.
Should be put into the BIP stuff.
I'm trying a one-man expansion of the BIP :/
it's slow-going tho...
This is the part I valued most:
"...the viral meme that's killing off your entire species -- you all keep looking for some great big Hidden Truth when you're already confused enough by what is right in front of you"