Principia Discordia

Alright, we all know that when the shit hits the fan, humanity's back is going to be up against the wall. But the thing is that the robot revolution is going to be real sexy. We'll WANT to submit to them. Rawr!

Your robot girlfriend will be anything you want and more. You can customize her appearance to match your taste, whether you want a swedish bikini model or a tentacular hentai zombie!

She'll have personality packs you can install. You can configure her to act and talk like a naughty schoolgirl, a naughty dominatrix, a naughty UN Ambassador, or even a naughty nurse!


Robotic girlfriends are superior to meat-based ones in every way. They'll never nag you about anything, they'll never cheat on you, and they'll never leave you.

All the vestigial systems which come standard on a meat-based girlfriend have been removed in the robotic model, such as periods, aging, and orgasms.

A variety of protein pills will be available. By changing her "diet" you can change her build or hair color. You can sculpt her from slim and trim to pleasantly plump and back to the undernourished waif setting in a short three week diet cycle. These cycles take months, if not years in the outdated human models. and unlike humans, robots do not get stuck in one setting.


Your robot girlfriend's nipples will be dials. One will be a volume control, the other an AM/FM tuner

Your robot girlfriend will have a keg in her stomach cavity. She'll secrete delicious beer through her tongue, tears, and hoo-hoo. Most people have wanted a girl to pee on them, but don't like human urine. Now you can have Heineken urinated into your eager mouth!

You don't have to be insecure in any way around your robot girlfriend. Robots can be programmed to think your penis is gigantic, even if her records obviously indicate otherwise.


My robot girlfriend is going to have a wireless modem which receives live feeds from cameras placed around the room. She'll take in all camera streams and instantly edit them into high quality porn footage. Her eyes are functional video projectors, so she can project the porn onto the wall as you rail her from behind.

When not in use, her butt unit will stream funky porn music.

Holy shit my robot girlfriend is going to have rockets on her feet so we can fly around as I pork her over and over again.

Hate condoms? Worried about getting your robot girlfriend pregnant? Scientists have developed a birth control patch with 80% efficacy!


See, the Robot Revolution is the sexiest thing to happen to mankind. With options like these available, no one will want to date a smelly girl. When given a choice, they'll pick the stainless steel fembot every time.

"Check out the nodes on that robo-ho!"

For humanity, the end will come not with a bang, but with a moan of ecstasy



So presented with these facts, I must ask...

Needs more dark satire.  Right now, it's simply faux-mysogynist.  Take it to the extreme.

okay not everything needs to be dark satire

I'm just expressing my fantastic vision of the robot future

No problem with the mysogeny (I'm a man ffs!) but I do agree with LMNO that it could be taken a lot further. I feel you owe it to the rest of the class to do so Prof!

Suggestion - What else is going on whilst you're stuck in a 24/7 cyber orgasm? Bring it full circle - what were you discussing at the start?

I wasn't trying to say that the misogyny was a bad thing, in this context, I just thought I could go more over the top.

Quote from: LMNO on May 17, 2007, 05:11:55 PM
I wasn't trying to say that the misogyny was a bad thing, in this context, I just thought I could go more over the top.

I dare you.

No... goddamnit ... I double dare you!

I don't have the time, but if I did, it would be something very tech-writer-ish, like the manual to your robo-ho, or a corporate report on marketing tests.

Very clinical, very pro-robot, very anti-female.

while we're getting it on she could be killing terrorists with LASERS.


or maybe her nipples can actually cut glass!
In addition to glass, her nipples can cut solid titanium.



my robot girlfriend is going to have a rotating vagina, so no hip motion is necessary

when warmed up, the vagina spins at up to 70 rpm 170 RPM!


you can get a scrolling LED marquee installed on her lower back which will give you stock quotes


you can install personality packs which mimic teachers, celebrities, even dead people. Ever wanted to nail Martha Washington? I sure have!


in a pinch, your robot girlfriend can jump start your car. With her mouth.


in a pinch your robot girlfriend can jump start your peen. With her spark plugs.

have they, in this new model, finally defeated the Gag Reflex bug so prevalent in human models?

of course! anything you can imagine!

some models, for example, will come with poontangs grafted to the back of their throats

I'd have posted this an hour ago if I hadn't got carried away shopping a pic of Jenna with clothes on.

Yup ... prioritise life acquisition ... I'm on it

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/JULIE.jpg)

yes, YES

(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/top_model_400x300.jpg)

(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/2816.jpg)

(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/COMICkamandi1.jpg)



sorry guys, boredom at work has apparently transmogrified me into a robosexual wango tango meme machine.

What do you do again for work?

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 07:13:14 PM
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/COMICkamandi1.jpg)



sorry guys, boredom at work has apparently transmogrified me into a robosexual wango tango meme machine.

This has me seriously cackling like a shakespearian witch.

Keep up bunking off work cram, it produces legendary results.

:mittens:

I think the whole robo-ho thing is perfectly ended with the kamandi pic.


When disseminating to the masses, please keep this in mind.

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on May 17, 2007, 07:14:24 PM
What do you do again for work?

apparently I make retarded graphics in MS Paint.
in my spare time I'm an asst. editor for elementary level textbooks.

Quote from: LMNO on May 17, 2007, 07:18:23 PM
I think the whole robo-ho thing is perfectly ended with the kamandi pic.

if you think that's the end, you're mistaken


but it's time for a break before I overload my sex circuits

You know what i mean.

When presenting the pics, it needs a punchline like kamandi.

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 07:20:00 PM

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on May 17, 2007, 07:14:24 PM
What do you do again for work?

apparently I make retarded graphics in MS Paint.
in my spare time I'm an asst. editor for elementary level textbooks.

I see.  Now I'll know who to blame when my daughter comes home from school telling me about how many wangos there are in a tango.  

QuoteI am a bitch.
How do you want me?
From behind or on my knees?

I am a slut.
Please hold me down.
I'll be your noise.
This shit will fuck you up.

I have that song stuck in my head now.

I have a craving for scraps of metal with which to make an android costume.

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 07:20:00 PM

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on May 17, 2007, 07:14:24 PM
What do you do again for work?

apparently I make retarded graphics in MS Paint.


in my spare time I'm an asst. editor for elementary level textbooks.

:lol:

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 04:48:00 PM
She'll have personality packs you can install. You can configure her to act and talk like a naughty schoolgirl, a naughty dominatrix, a naughty UN Ambassador, or even a naughty nurse!

No shopped pic of John Bolton/robocop/naughty catholic schoolgirl?

Sex with robots is wrong.
I saw it on a documentary.

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 07:20:00 PM
in my spare time I'm an asst. editor for elementary level textbooks.

I read that as "elementary level textbook asshat" when I skimmed through it. I loled.

Quote from: hunter s.durden on May 17, 2007, 08:59:05 PM

Quote from: Professor Cramulus on May 17, 2007, 04:48:00 PM
She'll have personality packs you can install. You can configure her to act and talk like a naughty schoolgirl, a naughty dominatrix, a naughty UN Ambassador, or even a naughty nurse!

No shopped pic of John Bolton/robocop/naughty catholic schoolgirl?

Sex with robots is wrong.
I saw it on a documentary.

sex with robots is the win.

especially if she's just playing the part

Quote from: SillyCybin on May 17, 2007, 05:10:48 PMSuggestion - What else is going on whilst you're stuck in a 24/7 cyber orgasm?

http://minorcrisis.net/files/Chris%20Morris%20-%20porn.mp3

this.

(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/macilon/safetyft.png)

:lulz: :lulz:

I'm feeling moist from the thought of that, Cyberus.

Then again, I often play the role of a doll or android submissive in a BDSM scene.

So uhh, all this robot sex talk makes me think...
Someone's having trouble getting laid.

(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/The_Invisibles_robotgirlfriend.jpg)

(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/animatedcramulusbellybump.gif)

 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Old School Bump

Someone really ought to get the ball rolling by attaching a fleshlight to Asimo.

fucking thing already walks like it's been raped by a horse (http://youtu.be/FAcgSi6pzv4?t=38s)

I want one.








SHUT UP!

I'm not really ok with this, Cram. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhVu2hxm07E&feature=related

Quote from: Nigel on January 26, 2012, 12:47:19 AM
I'm not really ok with this, Cram. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhVu2hxm07E&feature=related

Oh, wow.... I.....

I'd hit it  :fap:

Quote from: Nigel on January 26, 2012, 12:47:19 AM
I'm not really ok with this, Cram. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhVu2hxm07E&feature=related

But his bro rocks . . . Pope Joey Chaos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLOxxugBHT4

blessed are the AI makers or something

Speaking of ROBOTS, I was cleaning out my home folder this morning, and I keep all sorts of tiny text files floating around, written when I have some brilliant idea, but either are too tired or short on time to do something with it, or am not in a proper mindset to properly assess their level of brilliance (there were a few occasions when I posted things of such brilliance it exploded all your inferior little minds and I had to reset time for a bit--you probably don't remember, with time being reset and all--but I try not to do that too much because of jet-lag¹).

---

¹ it's not quite as bad as a jet-lag, because it's one-way and you don't actually have to go through it again on the way back, but it's still inconvenient especially in the winter when you don't get as much daylight anyway.

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Anyway, and then I found this, and decided it's probably safe to share:

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You are currently in the PD.com demi-aneristic and wholly authentic Ferret-bowl
Bureau of Registration. Please fill out our formal application with applicable
frivolities.

However. You're going to have to prove to us that you're not a robot. You
thought cabbages were bad? Robots are worse. If you're a cabbage, please go
away. But if you're a robot, fuck off!!

So here's the deal. Step one, authentication. Below you see three
pictures, please select the authentic Kate.

[kate]   [cat]    [man with moustache]    [ferret bowl]    [etc]

Thanks. Step two, electronic eschatonic distaste. Below, from the word
cloud below, select the three terms most distasteful to robots, below:

[word cloud]

Allright! Now

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There's just one thing that's puzzling me, I'm fairly sure that's me that wrote it because of some of the wordings, but what in fuck's name is a ferret bowl ??