Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Apikoros II on January 09, 2008, 02:40:56 AM

Title: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Apikoros II on January 09, 2008, 02:40:56 AM
OK.... So I was writing a post for my blog about the Trilogy (Been reading it again and as you might see from my post in Principia Discussion, it has been on my mind) and I had an idea. So again, if been done, yah yah I shoulda searched the post but I am a rather lazy man.... Here goes.... Lets cast Illuminatus Trilogy:The Movie... A few from my head, love to see what others think... from the Major Characters to the most minor---(Oh, so you all know, if Hollywood ever did do this, I am confident they'd fuck it up but what the hell)

Padre Pederastia----John Waters (who also directs)
Joe Malik---- Gary Sinise
Simon Moon---- Johnny Depp
Markoff Chaney---The Angry Little Person that Will Ferrell fights in Elf or Warwick Davis
Hagbard Celine---It's a stretch but I believe in him: Artie Lange
Squirrel in Beginning and End---The one with the big nuts from fark.com
Howard----Flipper or Pauly Shore (Shore has range)
AMA---Green Day? That's a toughie
Saul Goodman---Judd Hirsch
Barney Muldoon----Dennis Leary

Well, I gotta go to bed but that should be a good start
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Faust on January 09, 2008, 02:46:13 AM
tom green should totally play hagbard.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: hooplala on January 09, 2008, 04:00:38 AM
Strangely enough, I had also thought of John Waters as the Padre.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 09, 2008, 04:03:56 AM
excuse me. i think you meant to say,

Padre Pederastia----Tom Cruise
Joe Malik---- Tom Cruise
Simon Moon---- Tom Cruise
Markoff Chaney---Tom Cruise
Hagbard Celine---Tom Cruise
Squirrel in Beginning and End---Tom Cruise
Howard----Tom Cruise
AMA---Tom Cruise
Saul Goodman---Tom Cruise
Barney Muldoon----Tom Cruise
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on January 09, 2008, 05:50:17 AM
Quote from: vexati0n on January 09, 2008, 04:03:56 AM
excuse me. i think you meant to say,

Padre Pederastia----Tom Cruise
Joe Malik---- Tom Cruise
Simon Moon---- Tom Cruise
Markoff Chaney---Tom Cruise
Hagbard Celine---Tom Cruise
Squirrel in Beginning and End---Tom Cruise
Howard----Tom Cruise
AMA---Tom Cruise
Saul Goodman---Tom Cruise
Barney Muldoon----Tom Cruise

Are we looking for ways to maximize Tom Cruise's ability to make us sick of him?
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cain on January 09, 2008, 05:51:00 AM
Tom Cruise is now second in command of the CoS.

Allegedly.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 09, 2008, 06:01:27 AM
Quote from: Cain on January 09, 2008, 05:51:00 AM
Tom Cruise is now second in command of the CoS.

Allegedly.
That rumor is spread by rogue Thetans. By attempting to propogate this lie, you are displaying an inward desire to be cleansed of these Thetans, restrained by your uncooperative conscious mind. Please step into the Dislocation Chamber.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Triple Zero on January 09, 2008, 08:53:09 AM
hagbard should be george clooney.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: LMNO on January 09, 2008, 01:12:37 PM
You should all die a slow, painful death.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Apikoros II on January 09, 2008, 01:18:14 PM
All I know is that we are all going to die but I do prefer quick and painless, hopefully eaten by Cthulu, Sharks or Jenna Jameson. She's a cannibal.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: AFK on January 09, 2008, 01:25:49 PM
Have you seen her lately?  I'd choose the sharks, seriously. 
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cain on January 09, 2008, 03:13:32 PM
Sadly yes, and even more sadly, I agree.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cramulus on January 09, 2008, 03:30:07 PM
Quote from: Apikoros II on January 09, 2008, 02:40:56 AM
Padre Pederastia----John Waters (who also directs)
Joe Malik---- Gary Sinise
Simon Moon---- Johnny Depp
Markoff Chaney---The Angry Little Person that Will Ferrell fights in Elf or Warwick Davis
Hagbard Celine---It's a stretch but I believe in him: Artie Lange
Squirrel in Beginning and End---The one with the big nuts from fark.com
Howard----Flipper or Pauly Shore (Shore has range)
AMA---Green Day? That's a toughie
Saul Goodman---Judd Hirsch
Barney Muldoon----Dennis Leary

I think these are pretty dead on actually. Except in my imagination, Hagbard Celine is played by the sea captain from the Simpsons.

Since Celine is a metaphor for RAW himself, I also picture RAW as the sea captain from the Simpsons.

I'd cast the voice of Howard with oh let's say David Hyde Pierce. Pauly would be okay but I'd have trouble listening to him recite dolphin epic poetry. Maybe that's the point?

Green Day could do the AMA if they got really cleaned up. They've got that mainstream-rebel look. But isn't there a chick in the AMA?

And as Harry Coin - how about Benicio Del Toro?


              Arrrr, don't be mistaken
              tha map for tha territory ARRRRR
                                                     /
(http://www.xtreme-simpsons.de/pics/grabpics/big/captain01.gif)
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Suu on January 09, 2008, 03:31:16 PM
NB4 Roger...


UNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Apikoros II on January 09, 2008, 05:30:54 PM
No, for Howard, I want to paint Pauly Shore Blue and CGI Fins onto him... not just the voice.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: The Apex, The Harmony Of on January 09, 2008, 06:35:45 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on January 09, 2008, 03:30:07 PM

              Arrrr, don't be mistaken
              tha map for tha territory ARRRRR
                                                     /
(http://www.xtreme-simpsons.de/pics/grabpics/big/captain01.gif)

Thats so beautiful im considering getting it as a tattoe. All over my body in a lattice.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Triple Zero on January 09, 2008, 09:32:22 PM
no but in the book they describe hagbard as looking like a kind of actor (forgot which), assuming that guy's dead by now, i thought george clooney looked most like that (if sean connery wouldn't have been ancient by now i'd have chosen him)
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: hooplala on January 10, 2008, 12:00:01 AM
Quote from: triple zero on January 09, 2008, 09:32:22 PM
no but in the book they describe hagbard as looking like a kind of actor (forgot which), assuming that guy's dead by now, i thought george clooney looked most like that (if sean connery wouldn't have been ancient by now i'd have chosen him)

This guy:
(http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/2966/celineiz0.jpg)

And, I agree with you about George Clooney.  I think he would make a very wry Celine.

Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Triple Zero on January 10, 2008, 08:05:53 PM
when i googled that guy he looked more like sean connery kinda.

but i'm really really bad at recognizing actors and saying they look like somebody everybody always disagrees.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 10, 2008, 08:08:24 PM
I always imagined Hagbard as being an Indian. We should tap some underutilized talent in Bollywood.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cain on January 10, 2008, 08:22:53 PM
That's like saying we should tap some underutilized talent in Hollywood.  There is no talent in Hollywood, and most likely not in Bollywood either.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Triple Zero on January 10, 2008, 09:50:56 PM
either way, making the illuminatus movie a bollywood project sounds like a great plan!
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cain on January 10, 2008, 09:51:48 PM
Would HAVE to be a musical.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Triple Zero on January 10, 2008, 10:01:15 PM
The hills are alive with the sound of music one hand clapping
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music one hand clapping
My heart pineal gland wants to sing every song it hears
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Agrippa on January 11, 2008, 11:46:58 PM
Stella = Oprah
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Drunken Monkey Cabal on January 12, 2008, 01:38:46 AM
how would you somehow manage to get the whole book in the film? or would you do it as an actual trilogy?

i was going to say that it would never get made due to all the plot lines...

but uh pirates of the Caribbean had more...
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Cain on January 12, 2008, 01:46:58 AM
When they did the stage adaptation they had 5 23 minute acts, and got most of it in.  Of course, because it was on the stage, certain parts were technically impossible and so skipped.  If they did a film, I'm sure they could work it as a trilogy, what with CGI etc
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Drunken Monkey Cabal on January 12, 2008, 02:31:00 AM
if theres any german people on the board the could make the film and not have to worry about the money side. i think.

i remember reading about how uwe bull (the guy who made the atrocious game adaptation to film. i.e bloodrayne and other stuff) still managed to make films is that the German government subsidies him due to the minority of German films or something. its like if the film doesn't make any money back the government pays the rest. something along those lines.

so yknw German people out there..
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Jasper on January 12, 2008, 04:42:47 AM
Celine should be Michael Richards.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Shibboleet The Annihilator on August 10, 2010, 12:50:34 AM
I'm going to fucking slap the jackass who bumped this.
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Roaring Biscuit! on August 10, 2010, 12:59:37 AM
also:

Hagbard Celine = Daniel Day Lewis.   DRAAAIIIINNNNNNAAAGGGGEEEEE!!!!!!
Title: Re: Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie
Post by: Apikoros II on August 10, 2010, 01:23:27 PM
I cannot believe that this got bumped--- I love the fact, based on the responses from 2008, that you can see how discussion of the trilogy went from still acceptable to literature non grata... Alas, the vagaries of the internet, alas!