Principia Discordia

It was 2003. I was a junior in college at SUNY Purchase. Which was a kind of bizarre place at the time.

I was living in this really zany apartment that had some kind of lunatic hivemind. One night, my sidekick Keiran and I decided that we needed beer and realized that we didn't have any, but we were cool enough to just go get some.

So we put on these pirate outfits. Well to be honest, it was kind of like rockstar / pirate outfits. And we got this crossbow thing we made out of wood and bungee cord, and cutlasses, and we printed out all these stickers with a skull and bones on them. And then we disembarked.

Kieran and I went door to door one Saturday night, and we knocked on the door and said
ARRRRRRRRR we said, we're the PURCHASE PIRATES and we OWN this place. So listen here, ye yellowbellied landlubber, ye can JOIN OR DIE.

And here's the conditions: If you choose DIE then fuck yew and get yuor ass fucked full of AIDS. FOREVER. Instead: JOIN. You get a cool Jolly Roger sticker to put on your door. And you get the following privelege:

any time you're in trouble and need safe harbor, or any time you're bored and need something to do, you can go to any door with the pirate sticker. You'll be like a brother to them. And if any pirates come to your door in search of safe harbor, you have to take them in and treat them like they fucking rule. And by the way, if you want this sticker, you have to give us a tithing of beer.

And you know what, we got drunk night after night for free.
We gave out a few dozen stickers,
and we made a few gross friends.

It spread like stupidfire. After a few weeks, everyone had heard of the pirates and wanted to party with us. We had so many fun and ridiculous public spectales: public executions, rum for strangers day, ballpipe matches, larceny for charity, the beer for chicks foundation, the pirate charity fun, fiasco 100% of the time. and that's just the tip if the iceberg.

So that's how one small idea (let's go get some beer)
made us lead by example (I want to be a pirate too)
and turned into some kind of local explosion (hey you guys, let's all be pirates)

The End.

this gets the thumbs-up guy: :thumb:

I wanna join.

 :himeobs:
:lulz:

reminds me of dodge ball the movie : )

That's hilarious, and proof that what people want most of all is to belong.

Quote from: Nigel on January 19, 2008, 08:18:52 PM
That's hilarious, and proof that what people want most of all is to belong a pirate.

fixt

Quote from: keeper entropic on January 19, 2008, 09:08:19 PM

Quote from: Nigel on January 19, 2008, 08:18:52 PM
That's hilarious, and proof that what people want most of all is to b el on g e a pirate.

fixt

Fixt x2

Quote from: Nigel on January 19, 2008, 08:18:52 PM
That's hilarious, and proof that what people want most of all is to belong raped by a pirate.

I wanna play.

Aside from the mild homophobia, that's pretty cool.