As a not-so-interesting note, I am a reverend of the Universal Life Church, so I got to thinking what my first sermon would be like. Well...
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. Now that that's been said, I would like you to totally disregard the rest of that holy book because that's about the only part that makes any real sense. Just get rid of the damn things; I don't care how. Hell, burn them for all I care. Winters do get pretty cold around here.
Want to know why I told you to get rid of those books? Take a look around you! In case you haven't noticed, the calendar says 2008, not 28. Whatever that book spouts is irreverent to today's standards and morals. I mean, we no longer stone gay people. Why? Because you don't stone people! Only assholes do that, and you don't want to be an asshole, do you?
"So, then, Reverend, what do you recommend we read?" you ask. Again, I don't really care, I just don't want you reading the bible and thinking it has to be true because, by God, the church says so. Well, this church says not. If the bible was written today, we would call the author a sadistic, amoral monster who's God seems to suffer from some serious metal disorders. If you must read the bible, then only consider it to be a very poor attempt to put gore-porn into a written medium.
If you want to really know what God wants, good luck. It happens to be quite tightlipped these days, so I won't even begin to tell you that I think I know what It wants. I don't, and neither does anyone else.
Then, what is my purpose as a Reverend? For me, it's twofold. Firstly, I'm not going to try to change your mind or your beliefs, I'm going to try to make you think about them. I can come up with some pretty insane things, but I can make it make sense. As Robert Anton Wilson said, "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill."
Along the same lines of quoting people, Robert Ingersoll said, "I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous--if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men." One must never think that they are absolutely right, for they will find that are, for the most part, absolutely wrong. Even 1+1 doesn't always equal two.
Robert Ingersoll...bight man. He also said, "If there be gods we cannot help them, but we can assist our fellow men. We cannot love the inconceivable, but we can love wife and child and friend." Good lesson, if you ask me, because that whole quote tells you what it means. Got to love it when you actually understand what a religious person tells you. Got to also love it when he likes to keep things short because he's got better things to do then talk to you people.
Thanks for listening. Now get the hell out.
Quote from: K-Scar on March 20, 2008, 03:42:17 AM
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. Now that that's been said, I would like you to totally disregard the rest of that holy book because that's about the only part that makes any real sense.
really doesnt make any sense to me
:lulz:
:mittens: overall
totally use that serman, and take pics afterwords
I was planning on using it when I went to one of the college's Campus Crusade for Christ meetings. But then I realized I just didn't have the stomach to be around the people alone.