I apologise in advance for the lousy scansion.
The Hatemonger
There once was a forum, a haven most fair;
From all Internet's corners, the people flocked there.
They flocked there in droves, and they ran there in herds;
For no-one can flock like an Internet nerd.
The forum was filled up with all sorts of folk;
There were those who were sober, and people who toked.
There were hippies galore next to anger-filled haters;
Lurkers and oglers, the lone masturbators.
There were oldbies and newbies and all in between;
Many folks into Draema, who worshipped their queen.
There were those who liked art, and preferrers of prose;
Some even liked poems (though, Thank God, few of those).
There were cookers and eaters and drinkers and drunks;
Technology addicts and keepers of junk.
There were some from Britannia, across the wide sea;
From the US of A, many logged on to see.
From France and from Israel, Germany too;
From Canada, Turkey, Japan and Peru.
From all of these places and many besides;
The Internet nerds did log on to reside.
They even invited, right into their midst;
Hatemongers and Retards; and flingers of shit.
Accusations and counter-ones soon filled the air;
But the folk of this forum seemed just to not care.
On a regular basis, the new would descend;
Attacking hatemongers without seeming end.
They did this, of course, just to right perceived wrongs;
(Fortunately for me, who is writing this song.)
The flames oft were vicious, though just as oft not;
Many monitors stained with spat soda and snot.
On occasion the fighting reached epic proportions;
The participants' brains filled with raging endorphins. [betcha didn't think I could come up with a rhyme for proportions, didja?]
For many a year, the forums kept going;
New threads and new posts, the userbase growing.
Projects were started, abandoned with zest;
None would agree on which topics were best.
One day came the mittens, applauding the worthy;
Though some of the wielders clapped just for the dorky.
Emoticon use shot right up through the roof;
And still none could grok the ineffable troof.
In-jokes and politics, writings and rants;
On many occasions, a dire lack of pants.
Yea the breadth of this forum did not know no bounds;
Some members were female! Yea, Gadzooks and Zounds!
Culinary disasters and meals of great daring;
An occasional run-in with rogue knives of paring.
I'm starting to run out of lists now for this bit;
To paraphrase Eris: "Oh, well then. So stop it."
:pileofmittens:
I once wanted to write an epic poem about a table.
:lulz:
Now, same thing, but iambic pantameter
I will go one better and use Spenserian Stanzas!
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:walken: :jihaad: :walken:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/forumspecific/smileymittens.jpg)
This is gorgeous.
THIS is what should go on the title page. Fuck all that other shit.
Heh, this is great. And should be made into some sort of audio project.
Yeah, lets get Eldora to recite it... her accent is hawt.
I've never heard her voice, what does it sound like?
Quote from: Hoopla on May 15, 2008, 04:43:10 PM
Yeah, lets get Eldora to recite it... her accent is hawt.
:argh!:
Quote from: Rev. Whats His Name? on May 15, 2008, 04:44:55 PM
I've never heard her voice, what does it sound like?
Like a Lily Tomlin character.
Quote from: Hoopla on May 15, 2008, 04:37:48 PM
THIS is what should go on the title page. Fuck all that other shit.
Quote from: Rev. Whats His Name? on May 15, 2008, 04:40:36 PM
Heh, this is great. And should be made into some sort of audio project.
I endorse both of these ideas.
Fuck me, Iambic pentameter is a bitch.
Only 4 stanzas today, as Spenserian Stanzas are significantly more time consuming than yesterday's doggerel.
And in this forum many threads were made,
In hatred, anger, joviality;
Some posters were quite volatile, some staid,
Some apathetic, some with energy;
Such was the breadth of this community,
Who all were gathered underneath the sign,
Of one hight Eris, she their deity,
Who enjoined chaos, and was known to pine,
That all of those who followed her have a good time.
For this sole purpose then, this forum lurked:
To foster creativity and act,
As a repository for their work,
And into proper form it to redact—
Until from their day jobs they would be sacked,
For wasting the time of their company,
It having been found out that they had slacked,
Choosing instead their creativity—
Then out of luck all of these forumites would be.
For many years the forum bumbled on,
Quite unaware of its most damnèd fate,
For this same board would invite in anon—
And none would realise until too late—
A veritable monger-man of hate:
A man so filled with hatred and with bile,
So filled with anger you could not create,
A fict-i-o-nal character as vile,
To match his most absurd and decadent lifestyle.
On many forums this would be enough,
But all those here would soon enough adjust,
For they were all made out of sterner stuff,
No cowards here, no wimps with a thin crust,
They'd hold their own with any who would durst,
To fling the hatred and the shit around,
And soon many of them did learn to trust,
This man who would beat others to the ground,
For trying to curry favour with their noses browned.
For today we are going to fast-forward to the "Action" of the piece, written here in prose for the sake of readability, content, and maximizing its effect.
-----HATEMONGER: THE BIT WITH ACTION IN IT-----
OR
PD Mountain
Roger saw a fluffy bunny. It was cute, and so he kicked it.
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 25, 2008, 09:26:01 AM
For today we are going to fast-forward to the "Action" of the piece, written here in prose for the sake of readability, content, and maximizing its effect.
-----HATEMONGER: THE BIT WITH ACTION IN IT-----
OR
PD Mountain
Okay, Stripey.
It's on.
Does that mean I'm doing it right? :lol:
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 25, 2008, 09:39:06 AM
Does that mean I'm doing it right? :lol:
Yep.
I guess it does. Too bad it also makes you a complete fucking hypocrite.
It's cool, I've always been a hypocrite.
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 25, 2008, 09:41:48 AM
It's cool, I've always been a hypocrite.
S'okay.
Get your laughs in.
On the plus side, Stripey can no longer pretend to be a disinterested neutral.
Quote from: e on May 25, 2008, 09:26:01 AM
Roger saw a fluffy bunny. It was cute, and so he kicked it.
I like fluffy bunny's
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a139/ThornIs/bunny.jpg)