Becoming a parent is weird. They say it "changes a person forever," but "they" say a lot of things, most of it bullshit. And I thought the adage about parenthood was bullshit for a while too but now I'm pretty sure they got something right. Being a parent really didn't change who I am, but it has changed just about everything else about me.
It used to be that I didn't give two shits about politics, but as this board is well aware that's all behind me now. I'm still not into the politics of proving how right you are regardless of how wrong you are (I leave that to politicians). But I am for some reason interested in the politics of compromise and making social progress. It's a cliche but I honestly hope that my children get to live in a world that is better than the one I live in.
Also, I think the necessity of understanding what my children want or need at any moment has encouraged my ability to understand people around me. Somehow, the frustration of wanting something and being unable to do it or have it because some little 18" tall fucker is demanding something of his own has made me pretty adept at getting to the root of what people are really looking for and why. That everyone sees things differently is something I've known for a long time but having kids has taught me that I only had an intellectual awareness of that fact, not a real understanding.
But the biggest thing parenthood has changed for me is the way I think about death. Before kids, death wasn't on my short list of things to accomplish, but I my aversion to it was just your average self-interested obsession with staying alive for nonspecific reasons. That hasn't really left of course but now I really hate the idea of dying. Not because I am more afraid of it, but because I feel like I have a responsibility to my children to protect them and teach them, and besides my wife there's not a single person on this planet I've met, who I would really be comfortable leaving my children with permanently. They're all crazy.
Eventually though (if things go according to plan), the children will grow up and they won't need my protection or my guidance anymore. I wonder now if, when that time arrives, I will lose my aversion to death completely. I guess not, since I know plenty of old people with children who don't want to die. But I have to wonder what will come after children that can mean as much as they do, and not feel like an empty excuse to keep polluting the planet with my exhaust.
interesting thoughts Vex, thanks!
Speaking as a father: :mittens:
Parenthood has a way of forcing you to stop being an egotistical prick and start focusing on others.
tl;dr
just kidding.
no, you're right.
it's funny how once you have children you suddenly have something important to do, you do have a purpose and you need to stick around to complete your task.
before kids, life is a little more carefree and things that should be important don't always seem as such. but once those little ones come into the picture, suddenly it's all very important. the future, the choices you make, the sacrifices, all of it.
Vex, I enjoyed reading this. I actually read it back while I was ill but couldn't muster up the motivation to respond.
While I am very invested in my work in my career, I am most invested in protecting and nurturing my daughter. I see all of the unbridled potential that she has. I also see the world that we live in, and that it won't be a cakewalk in anyway for her.
I've also thought about what life is going to be like when she moves on, and is no longer in need of my care. But, I know she'll always need a compassionate safetynet. And I mean that in the sense of having someone she can always rely on, even in her adult years, as a sounding board. Because as wise as we may grow with the years, there will always be someone wiser with more years.
how did i miss this.
that whole death thing...i hear ya, i really do. although i found it really helps to go into the feeling as horrible as it is sometimes. i think coupled with their spontaneous innocence it makes it even harder. so hard as to crack the shell of even the hardest of nuts. once it's cracked though, a light seems to shine on where the parent has lost his or her particular innocence. i like to think that that innocence can be regained and bejeweled with experience.
the kids, ya know, are physical continuations of you. they're little parts that reminds you of the you that you were back before memory give out. before that teacher failed you, before that girl dumped you, before you made friends. honestly, i dunno where i'm going with this. there just seems like there's the presence of a certain vastness in such a small form..i still can't get my head around it. but then again, maybe i don't have to.
This is some good shit.
Having kids not only gave me something specific and immutable to live for, it also made me LIKE myself more. I look at them and see all these little traits I've beat myself up for, only in them I can see the basic goodness and innocence behind those traits, and I don't dislike myself for them anymore.
I just want them all out of the goddamn house and living on their own while I have a few years left to walk around naked and have sex!
Oh and I want them to be happy.
Actually I don't care if they're happy as long as they can support themselves and any little demons they choose to spawn better than I am able to support their ungrateful litlte asses!
...Khara wanders off this thread looking to smack some reality into a couple of kids!... Tell me no again.... mumble mumble, ungrateful, mumble mumble....