The Dildoes of Nigel
Oft mentioned in the same regard as the Iron Maiden of Nuremberg or the Rack of the White Tower, the Dildoes of Nigel hailed from one of the Inquisition's more terrifying periods. Mentioned only in scribbles at the back of the first edition Maleus Maleficarum, and often dismissed as a perverted scribes joke, the horrid truth is that these dildoes DID exist.
Excerpt as such:
"At such time that the nobility of ::obscured:: province began to accuse each other of heresy and witchcraft for their own profit, an Inquisitor was dispatched to discover the truth of the matter.
A suspect was brought before the court and asked to confess their heretical belief and practice. When refusing, they would be foretold that they would suffer torture to extract the truth, and the dildoes would be shown unto them. At the merest sight of these implements both the stoic and the frail, be they woman or man, confessed, preferring flames at the stake to torment upon the dildoes. This is moft fortunate, for in such time as elapsed since their last employment, that no agent of the inquisition knew how for to use them in the extraction of truth.
So terrible were they to the very mind of the sufpect, that even a doughty old gentle, renowned for deed on the field of war and at the hunt, believed to be hearty and tough in every way, did faint dead away at their sight. He was revived with a draught of strong vinegar,and promptly made his confession. He met death at the stake gladly, for the sight had caused him develop a moft horrible prolapfe of the bowelf.
it should be recorded that in dimension, thee Dildoes were a score and three ::unit of measure obscured: in length, and five ::unit ofmeasure obscured:: about the circumference.
May Lord God have mercy upon they who created and knew them!"
::Diagram obscured by varicoloredstain::
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
I JUST POOMPED MY PANCE
:potd:
Best history lesson evar!
should go in the Discordians in History (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12756.0) thread
:lulz:
:thanks:
Thanks all.
Quote from: Cramulus on October 03, 2008, 07:35:43 PM
should go in the Discordians in History (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12756.0) thread
Cross-posted :)
:lulz:
Fact: Nigel has one dildo that is called by the local villagers "The Black Monk". It is known to scare grown men into catatonia by the mere mention of its name.
Oh jesus fuck! :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
The myth that the Hebrew Ark of the Covenant would strike down anyone who touched it was based on Nigel cocksmaking heathens for putting their feet on her coffee table.
Quote from: Richter on September 12, 2009, 03:57:17 PM
The myth that the Hebrew Ark of the Covenant would strike down anyone who touched it was based on Nigel cocksmaking heathens for putting their feet on her coffee table.
And then there's the rumored "Thing That Should Not Be", the dildo supposedly dug up on the fabled and forbidden plateau of Leng, which makes witnesses Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh Wgah'nagl fhtan Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 12, 2009, 05:12:29 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 12, 2009, 03:57:17 PM
The myth that the Hebrew Ark of the Covenant would strike down anyone who touched it was based on Nigel cocksmaking heathens for putting their feet on her coffee table.
And then there's the rumored "Thing That Should Not Be", the dildo supposedly dug up on the fabled and forbidden plateau of Leng, which makes witnesses Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh Wgah'nagl fhtan Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel.
I see you finally figured out the lyrics to Mosselman?
Quote from: Triple Zero on September 12, 2009, 10:39:04 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 12, 2009, 05:12:29 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 12, 2009, 03:57:17 PM
The myth that the Hebrew Ark of the Covenant would strike down anyone who touched it was based on Nigel cocksmaking heathens for putting their feet on her coffee table.
And then there's the rumored "Thing That Should Not Be", the dildo supposedly dug up on the fabled and forbidden plateau of Leng, which makes witnesses Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh Wgah'nagl fhtan Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel.
I see you finally figured out the lyrics to Mosselman?
:lulz:
Quote from: Triple Zero on September 12, 2009, 10:39:04 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 12, 2009, 05:12:29 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 12, 2009, 03:57:17 PM
The myth that the Hebrew Ark of the Covenant would strike down anyone who touched it was based on Nigel cocksmaking heathens for putting their feet on her coffee table.
And then there's the rumored "Thing That Should Not Be", the dildo supposedly dug up on the fabled and forbidden plateau of Leng, which makes witnesses Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh Wgah'nagl fhtan Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel.
I see you finally figured out the lyrics to Mosselman?
Yeah, and I'm still paying on the hospital bills.
Remember, kids: Never shit though anything other than your rectum, even if it seems like a cool idea at the time.