Who's fault is this?
Was I dealt this hand or did I pick it?
I'm sure I remember having dreams and hopes and aspirations but it was so fucking long ago now I've forgotten what they were. Nowadays I'm killing time as furiously as I can, patiently waiting for it all to be over. Someday, hopefully soon, I won't wake up and have to wade through yesterday's bullshit again. That's the nearest thing to an ambition I have.
What is it with those fucks on the teevee that tell you to "never give up on your dreams"? So a few of them got lucky but, for the majority, dreams are dangerous, dreams give you hope and hope is nothing but a higher height from which to fall when, inevitably, your dreams come crashing down.
Life is pain. There's no caveat in that statement. No one said "life is pain but it's worth it", or maybe some idiot did, maybe one of the lucky teevee fucks who got the life they wanted. Good for them, I just wish they'd keep it to themselves. Life hurts and that's about it for most of us poor dumb bastards, the silent majority who make the lucky ones feel so great cos they don't have to put up with our shitty existence.
I wake up most mornings, way before nature designed me to, I sit in an office staring at a screen and try to remember what being drunk feels like, anything to take my mind off where I am, where I'll be tomorrow and the day after. Then I get my two days of bonus time and spend them drinking as much as I can swallow, just to numb the pain of realising this is all I have to look forward to.
It's a vicious cycle. Drudgery leads to oblivion, leads back to drudgery.
I get barely enough currency to buy the shit that everybody tells me I need. If I don't listen to them, I'm sure all I need is enough alcohol to explode my liver but apparently theres more to life. There's a house and a car and a holiday in the sun. There's matching bath towels and devices you plug into the wall to make the room smell like summer fucking meadows. Is this the meaning of life? To trade the time you have for dishwasher tablets and razors with even more blades than last year?
I'm sure this is wrong but, at the same time, I'm fucked if I can think of an alternative. It's friday soon. I think I'll get drunk and wake up monday, keep those dreams at bay.
fucking A I feel ya
hate this job, can't get a new one, running on a treadmill to break even in a zero sum game I don't even want to play.
I go to work and engage in activities which will fast forward the passage of time until I can go home
Then I drift right into the next day
In some cartoons, when people die they get Xs over their eyes. Shouldn't it be dollar signs?
The clerk at the casino: "Poor guy. Played the slots for 70 years before the sucker finally cashed out."
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on October 29, 2008, 01:24:29 PM
Who's fault is this?
Was I dealt this hand or did I pick it?
I'm sure I remember having dreams and hopes and aspirations but it was so fucking long ago now I've forgotten what they were. Nowadays I'm killing time as furiously as I can, patiently waiting for it all to be over. Someday, hopefully soon, I won't wake up and have to wade through yesterday's bullshit again. That's the nearest thing to an ambition I have.
What is it with those fucks on the teevee that tell you to "never give up on your dreams"? So a few of them got lucky but, for the majority, dreams are dangerous, dreams give you hope and hope is nothing but a higher height from which to fall when, inevitably, your dreams come crashing down.
Life is pain. There's no caveat in that statement. No one said "life is pain but it's worth it", or maybe some idiot did, maybe one of the lucky teevee fucks who got the life they wanted. Good for them, I just wish they'd keep it to themselves. Life hurts and that's about it for most of us poor dumb bastards, the silent majority who make the lucky ones feel so great cos they don't have to put up with our shitty existence.
I wake up most mornings, way before nature designed me to, I sit in an office staring at a screen and try to remember what being drunk feels like, anything to take my mind off where I am, where I'll be tomorrow and the day after. Then I get my two days of bonus time and spend them drinking as much as I can swallow, just to numb the pain of realising this is all I have to look forward to.
It's a vicious cycle. Drudgery leads to oblivion, leads back to drudgery.
I get barely enough currency to buy the shit that everybody tells me I need. If I don't listen to them, I'm sure all I need is enough alcohol to explode my liver but apparently theres more to life. There's a house and a car and a holiday in the sun. There's matching bath towels and devices you plug into the wall to make the room smell like summer fucking meadows. Is this the meaning of life? To trade the time you have for dishwasher tablets and razors with even more blades than last year?
I'm sure this is wrong but, at the same time, I'm fucked if I can think of an alternative. It's friday soon. I think I'll get drunk and wake up monday, keep those dreams at bay.
This is amazing, P3n. You capture the essence of the Rat Race perfectly. I don't have an answer or a solution for anything you've said, but this weekend when I consume my recreational beverages, I'll drink to you.
It goes beyond your job, unfortunately. It seeps into your consciousness, and the heaviness and the weight of your blood in your veins tears at you. It drags you down into the sidewalk, each step you take bringing you further and further toward the cold earth, until you really just don't want to move anymore. Blinking and breathing are a physical trial.
I so feel you, P3nt, I get ashamed how thirsty your OP makes me.
Well said, Dude.
Reminds me of the narrator in Fight Club. i'm still at the point where the distractions can do some good for a while. Try not to hurt yourself, somebody out there doesnt want that, be it a relative or friend. Get better man
Parents definitely know what that depression feels like, which is why (mine at least) urge me to find a career I will truly enjoy. They basically told me this - "You will still hate it, you will still get bored with it, but at least you aren't shovelling shit"
To which I added, "Who knows? I might even be able to sneak off at times and play Doom"
I know depression goes way past a job, but since jobs eat 8 hours a day of your life, imparting knowledge to make it easier upon others might just make you a slight bit happier.
As for the general BS of everybody else, fuckem.
Wow, well done P3nt! Damn.
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on October 29, 2008, 06:09:05 PM
...Try not to hurt yourself, somebody out there doesnt want that, be it a relative or friend. Get better man
erm ... fread title is
Fun with depression
Am I the only one who doesn't think this situation is lulzy? :?
Hi there P3nT4gR4m,
I like your style! A tad of dark humor with a bit of the tongue in cheeky side too. :)
:fuckmittens:
I thought I was happy with a razor with five blades until I read this post.
Fuck you P3nt.
Paes. Whutup.
Hiya Jenne.
Nommuches.
Remembered there were these boards where people said inneresting stuff.
And WRATH. So I came back.
I'm 21 and I have suffered from severe depression for almost 6 years. An A+ all-inclusive depression I mean, not seeing the sun for weeks, using drugs you haven't even heard of, multiple suicide attempts etc.
Now a couple of months ago I took it a little far when I got myself crack, cocaine and xtc for around $200s worth and went out with a knife trying to kill somebody. Just anybody so I would go to jail and finally be done with everything (seeing how I apparently don't have the balls to kill myself). Well luckily I broke down before I could find a victim and needless to say that I spent the next months in a closed psychiatry.
It took them some time to figure out how desperate and dangerous I actually was until they decided to give me the strongest antidepressants they had available. The side effects really suck, but today I wake up every morning with the exact same thoughts as before, but with a way better feeling. I can actually get up and do things if I want to.
The best of all is that I'm basically still as wicked as before, but I don't feel bad about it. I can truly do whatever the fuck I want, not being scared of any consequences whether it be death, jailtime or bankruptcy. AND I have the energy to do it.
So to get back to you, and fun with depression Id say that many people suffering a depression are much more "free" in their thoughts than most people. The problem is that you just cant get your body to do what you want. You simply don't enjoy things, whatever it may be. Solution: Get some hardcore drugs from your trusted psycho-doc and enjoy life to its fullest. Don't do any of that therapy stuff, its designed for people who don't think about what they are told. Just get the basic chemical balance in your brain fixed.
-> Profit!
Oh and you got dealt this hand. Your hand is JTs. Preflop all-in equity wise it sucks, but if you play it smart it has the potential to connect big and is good for a lot of fun.
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on October 29, 2008, 01:24:29 PM
Who's fault is this?
Was I dealt this hand or did I pick it?
I'm sure I remember having dreams and hopes and aspirations but it was so fucking long ago now I've forgotten what they were. Nowadays I'm killing time as furiously as I can, patiently waiting for it all to be over. Someday, hopefully soon, I won't wake up and have to wade through yesterday's bullshit again. That's the nearest thing to an ambition I have.
What is it with those fucks on the teevee that tell you to "never give up on your dreams"? So a few of them got lucky but, for the majority, dreams are dangerous, dreams give you hope and hope is nothing but a higher height from which to fall when, inevitably, your dreams come crashing down.
Life is pain. There's no caveat in that statement. No one said "life is pain but it's worth it", or maybe some idiot did, maybe one of the lucky teevee fucks who got the life they wanted. Good for them, I just wish they'd keep it to themselves. Life hurts and that's about it for most of us poor dumb bastards, the silent majority who make the lucky ones feel so great cos they don't have to put up with our shitty existence.
I wake up most mornings, way before nature designed me to, I sit in an office staring at a screen and try to remember what being drunk feels like, anything to take my mind off where I am, where I'll be tomorrow and the day after. Then I get my two days of bonus time and spend them drinking as much as I can swallow, just to numb the pain of realising this is all I have to look forward to.
It's a vicious cycle. Drudgery leads to oblivion, leads back to drudgery.
I get barely enough currency to buy the shit that everybody tells me I need. If I don't listen to them, I'm sure all I need is enough alcohol to explode my liver but apparently theres more to life. There's a house and a car and a holiday in the sun. There's matching bath towels and devices you plug into the wall to make the room smell like summer fucking meadows. Is this the meaning of life? To trade the time you have for dishwasher tablets and razors with even more blades than last year?
I'm sure this is wrong but, at the same time, I'm fucked if I can think of an alternative. It's friday soon. I think I'll get drunk and wake up monday, keep those dreams at bay.
CHEERS!
also: :mittens: