I never imagined
as a little girl
that a kiss on the mouth
would be the defining factor
between a relationship
and a friend.
lol Eve poetry. I rarely share it but have gotten good feedback on this one (mostly because of the title), so here is.
I like it.
That was good. And a little ouch, which means it worked.
Love the idea, I don't understand the rhythm.
I was taught, and came to agree, that poetry is meant to be read aloud. Is that the intent here?
Reading silently, it makes my brain "wiggle." Is that what you were going for?
All told, high marks from the newbie. Thanks for sharing.
I think that with a piece this short, you can be pretty freeform without sacrificing impact when it's read aloud, because it doesn't continue long enough to fall into a defined rhythm. That said, if I was writing it, I would probably refine it so that the syllables in each line were a little more regular.
Quote from: Torodung on March 01, 2009, 03:06:00 AM
Love the idea, I don't understand the rhythm.
I was taught, and came to agree, that poetry is meant to be read aloud. Is that the intent here?
Reading silently, it makes my brain "wiggle." Is that what you were going for?
All told, high marks from the newbie. Thanks for sharing.
Personally, I tend to prefer poetry that comes across as a little more "real" (interpreted differently for each person, of course). What that basically means is that I enjoy--and more often write--free form as opposed to rhyming schemes or metered verse. That's not to say that there is anything
wrong with either form, it's just not what draws my attention as often, or what I usually write. It's something that I only really noticed when I started keeping copies of my favorite poems (paper notebooks, firefox bookmarks, and even a blog (http://poeticfuck.blogspot.com)). I could wax on about it and give examples, but that's kind of unnecessary.
I'm not sure I'd agree that poetry is
meant to be anything*. It is usually more moving and more powerful when read aloud, but that doesn't mean written poetry should be chucked in the garbage, either. I will give an example here--I've loved "We Real Cool" by Gwendolyn Brooks since I first read it at ~11 years old. When I heard a reading of it by Brooks, I actually found that I liked it a little bit less because her rhythm didn't match the one I had in my head. Doesn't mean either is wrong, though. Nigel hit it pretty right, I think; it's really too short to have a defined rhythm to it, but that was also somewhat intentional. As for the brain wiggle, I'm not really sure it's what I was going for since I'm not really sure what you mean by it. ;)
*Clarification: meant to be read in any particular way.
Weird, one of the things I liked about it was the rhythm.
I like it a lot the way it is. The only reason I said that that if it were mine I would make the syllables per line more even is because that's usually how I write... not because I think it should be changed. I quite like it the way it is, and didn't think "Oh, that should be tightened." It has good impact and reads well as it stands.
Poignant, I like!
Well thanks :)
The sense of thinly contained emotions is palpable. That was pretty, but not in a totally nice way.
Great poem Eve. I think it reads fine. Then again, I tend to write a lot of poems in this kind of style too, so I'm probably a little biased. :D
I think its epic. I like the way i don't really get it, which is good so no-one go explaining it top me now will you :D
Quote from: Mu on March 01, 2009, 08:16:11 PM
I think its epic. I like the way i don't really get it, which is good so no-one go explaining it top me now will you :D
What if I only explain it to say that you'll get it someday?
Brain wiggle: the effect of hearing the drone of a hive of bees, and then suddenly realizing that it's not one sound, but the individual sound of a million little bees all doing their own thing. Intracranial vibration and perspective shift.
That's the verbose. Not understanding the rhythm is just fine by me. That's why I said I "didn't understand" as opposed to "dislike."
I disagree, however, that metrical considerations only matter in longer poems. All it takes is a single foot, or whatever you happen to be doing. IMO, all that foot and stanza stuff is for folks who want to pigeon-hole poems, rather than enjoy them. IMO, rhythm is always a consideration in poetry.
I enjoyed this one. :D
Eve, this isn't a "bring and brag," but it was inspired by this poem:
High Bright White and Clear
Indefatigable
Refuge to polar bears
sinker of the Boastful
The tip of The iceberg
(ignore this sixth line please)
and beneath the Water
sleeps the Devil dreaming
Quote from: Torodung on March 02, 2009, 08:39:30 AM
I disagree, however, that metrical considerations only matter in longer poems. All it takes is a single foot, or whatever you happen to be doing. IMO, all that foot and stanza stuff is for folks who want to pigeon-hole poems, rather than enjoy them. IMO, rhythm is always a consideration in poetry.
This is what I said:
Quote from: Nigel on March 01, 2009, 03:28:13 AM
I think that with a piece this short, you can be pretty freeform without sacrificing impact when it's read aloud, because it doesn't continue long enough to fall into a defined rhythm. That said, if I was writing it, I would probably refine it so that the syllables in each line were a little more regular.
I'm not sure if that's what you're disagreeing with though, because whatever you're responding to doesn't seem to bear a lot of relationship to what I said.
That said, I have a strong personal dislike for when people use someone's else's Bring & Brag thread as a hijack opportunity to display their capacity for lit-wankery, so I'd suggest starting your own thread for that.
Quote from: Nigel on March 02, 2009, 08:19:27 PM
Quote from: Torodung on March 02, 2009, 08:39:30 AM
I disagree, however, that metrical considerations only matter in longer poems. All it takes is a single foot, or whatever you happen to be doing. IMO, all that foot and stanza stuff is for folks who want to pigeon-hole poems, rather than enjoy them. IMO, rhythm is always a consideration in poetry.
This is what I said:
Quote from: Nigel on March 01, 2009, 03:28:13 AM
I think that with a piece this short, you can be pretty freeform without sacrificing impact when it's read aloud, because it doesn't continue long enough to fall into a defined rhythm. That said, if I was writing it, I would probably refine it so that the syllables in each line were a little more regular.
I'm not sure if that's what you're disagreeing with though, because whatever you're responding to doesn't seem to bear a lot of relationship to what I said.
I disagree with everyone else then. If I'm responding directly to you, I'll quote you. Promise. ;)
Quote from: Nigel on March 02, 2009, 08:25:56 PM
That said, I have a strong personal dislike for when people use someone's else's Bring & Brag thread as a hijack opportunity to display their capacity for lit-wankery, so I'd suggest starting your own thread for that.
That was not my intent. I answered as best I could with the poem. It was not a 'bring and brag,' it was a reply in poetry.
I have little need to show off, but sometimes that's the only way I can speak.
Not talking about the poem. Talking about the lit-wankery.
Quote from: Nigel on March 06, 2009, 07:31:26 PM
Not talking about the poem. Talking about the lit-wankery.
Quote from: TorodungIMO, all that foot and stanza stuff is for folks who want to pigeon-hole poems, rather than enjoy them.
I used the word foot twice, and stanza once, and I'm engaging in lit-wankery? What? Do I have to speak Greek to please you? Don't answer that. I don't care. I'm not here to please you.
Explanation: I don't use that vocabulary to show off. I use it to show respect. If it offends you, then it's your problem.
If Eve wants to complain about it, I'll listen to her. It's her brag thread and poem, after all.
YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT
HINT: I AM A TOTAL DICK SHUT UP NOW.