Your Harry Potter slashfic simply cannot compare to the crossover fic, Goku/Anne Frank: Until the End of Time.
This is, I shit you not, a Dragonball Z/Diary of Anne Frank fanfic.
http://smallcave.net/goferchan/afgoku01.html
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 06:39:43 PM
Your Harry Potter slashfic simply cannot compare to the crossover fic, Goku/Anne Frank: Until the End of Time.
This is, I shit you not, a Dragonball Z/Diary of Anne Frank fanfic.
http://smallcave.net/goferchan/afgoku01.html
What I want to know... is how did Cain find this?
Short and snappy for that "wtf" value.
It's also really hard to read because of that background.
But still, :lulz:
Damn. Blockpage.
I'll have to check this out when I get home.
Quote from: Ratatosk on March 09, 2009, 06:40:59 PMWhat I want to know... is how did Cain find this?
Via http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CrackFic
Their entire fanfic section is a treasure trove of horror.
Quote from: LMNO redux on March 09, 2009, 06:42:27 PM
Damn. Blockpage.
I'll have to check this out when I get home.
Anne sighed as she sat in her room, staring at her wall. She just finished writing in her diary, and had nothing to do. Life was boring in the Secret Annex, but it was better than the alternative. It was alright talking to Peter and Margot, but they were both such quiet people, unlike the always active Anne. All of a sudden, a flash of light appeared in the room! Anne jumped back, stifling a scream. Before she could run out the closed door she noticed that the person who appeared in the flash was not a Nazi officer, but someone who she had never seen before! His clothes were very strange, and his hair was in a spiky style that was totally new to her. She stood against the wall, wary of the stranger, but he walked towards her and smiled, extending a hand. "My name is Goku." The mysterious stranger said. Anne nervously put her hand in his. He bent down and kissed it softly, then let go. Anne blushed, feeling something she had never felt before go off inside of her. "My name is Anne..." she replied quietly. "I'm sorry for what just happened," Goku told her, "But I was caught in a time portal and deposited here! My power cells will recharge soon, but until then, I'm stuck here." Anne had no idea what the handsome visitor was talking about, but she played along. "Well, sir" she said. "You may stay in my room as long as you like!" Anne blushed again as she said this, and giggled slightly. Goku looked around, and then sat on the bed. "Thank you for the invitation. I'll be sure to repay you for it soon." Anne did not understand what he meant by that, however, when he spoke, she felt a warmth deep inside of her. She sat by him on the bed, staring at the man's beautiful eyes. Finally, she could stand it no longer. Anne leaned over and kissed the stranger on the cheek, and then pulled back quickly, not sure of what she had done. "I'm sorry..." she said, as she stumbled to find the right words. The visitor smirked. "No, that's quite alright." He replied with a smile, putting one arm around her. "You know, you're a very beautiful girl, but I... well..." Anne looked at him, troubled. "What's the matter?" she said, with a sweet smile. Goku looked nervous. "I... I'm already married." he finally managed to choke out. Anne pulled away from him abruptly. "No!" she said loudly, almost in tears. "I'm sorry..." he replied. Anne was furious. "Nothing ever goes right!" she cried out. "I have to go now, my power cells have recharged." said Goku. Anne was in tears by now, staring at the wall so she wouldn't see Goku's face. He smiled a sad smile, and disappeared in another flash, out of Anne's life forever. Anne never forgot him, though... not until the end of time.
That was absolutely fucking terrible. :lulz:
:lulz:
Laughed so hard
:x :lulz: :x :lulz: :x = :horrormirth: :horrormirth: :horrormirth:
That was... odd.
I was enjoying my will to live. Thanks for taking care of that. :| :lulz: :horrormi :argh!:rth:
I have more links. Oh yes.
Cthulhu Date Rape: http://www.cthulhu.org/smut/stories/daterape.txt
Harry Potter turns to The Lord: http://www.rmxp.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=91&t=59790
Hermione's new change: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4255482/1/Hermiones_New_Change
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 07:02:19 PM
Hermione's new change: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4255482/1/Hermiones_New_Change
Such a promising name.
But, alas, it was wasted.
Ew. :vom:
Quote from: The Borderline Simpleton on March 09, 2009, 07:16:32 PM
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 07:02:19 PM
Hermione's new change: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4255482/1/Hermiones_New_Change
Such a promising name.
But, alas, it was wasted.
Ew. :vom:
That was actually one of the worst things I have ever skimmed. Fuck.
It honestly made me feel ill.
Shiiiit!
http://web.archive.org/web/20040211204827/http://soupfiction.net/viewstory.php?sid=1691
# Fandom: The Beatles Real Person Fic
# Pairings: Paul/Jennifer (an Author Avatar), implied past Ringo/Jennifer
# Synopsis: After a wild bout of sex that somehow feels unusual to our narrator Jennifer, (with Paul pulling out just before climax as an attempt at birth control), Paul becomes seriously ill. A week later (with few details, but we know Paul has not been improving), the doctor determines, hardly believing it himself, that Paul is pregnant because Jennifer's egg somehow got into him (and no, we do not know how this was determined); what is more, it will be a life-endangering pregnancy because the doctor does not know where the egg implanted, just that it's in the stomach cavity, likely on a vital organ. Paul is pro-life enough that he decides to go through with it anyway (to Jennifer's astonishment). Much pain, UST, and poor communication ensues.
:|
O.O
o.o
.....
:horrormirth: :x :x
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 08:20:27 PM
http://web.archive.org/web/20040211204827/http://soupfiction.net/viewstory.php?sid=1691
# Fandom: The Beatles Real Person Fic
# Pairings: Paul/Jennifer (an Author Avatar), implied past Ringo/Jennifer
# Synopsis: After a wild bout of sex that somehow feels unusual to our narrator Jennifer, (with Paul pulling out just before climax as an attempt at birth control), Paul becomes seriously ill. A week later (with few details, but we know Paul has not been improving), the doctor determines, hardly believing it himself, that Paul is pregnant because Jennifer's egg somehow got into him (and no, we do not know how this was determined); what is more, it will be a life-endangering pregnancy because the doctor does not know where the egg implanted, just that it's in the stomach cavity, likely on a vital organ. Paul is pro-life enough that he decides to go through with it anyway (to Jennifer's astonishment). Much pain, UST, and poor communication ensues.
:ohnotache:
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 06:43:05 PM
[...]
Via http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CrackFic
Their entire fanfic section is a treasure trove of horror.
:lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:
Jebus tap-dancing crisp!
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 08:20:27 PM
http://web.archive.org/web/20040211204827/http://soupfiction.net/viewstory.php?sid=1691
# Fandom: The Beatles Real Person Fic
# Pairings: Paul/Jennifer (an Author Avatar), implied past Ringo/Jennifer
# Synopsis: After a wild bout of sex that somehow feels unusual to our narrator Jennifer, (with Paul pulling out just before climax as an attempt at birth control), Paul becomes seriously ill. A week later (with few details, but we know Paul has not been improving), the doctor determines, hardly believing it himself, that Paul is pregnant because Jennifer's egg somehow got into him (and no, we do not know how this was determined); what is more, it will be a life-endangering pregnancy because the doctor does not know where the egg implanted, just that it's in the stomach cavity, likely on a vital organ. Paul is pro-life enough that he decides to go through with it anyway (to Jennifer's astonishment). Much pain, UST, and poor communication ensues.
Pure genius. Also, Paul is pro-life? I didn't know that.
Quote from: Cain on March 09, 2009, 06:39:43 PM
Your Harry Potter slashfic simply cannot compare to the crossover fic, Goku/Anne Frank: Until the End of Time.
This is, I shit you not, a Dragonball Z/Diary of Anne Frank fanfic.
http://smallcave.net/goferchan/afgoku01.html
Oh my fucking God.
Quote from: Tempest Virago on March 09, 2009, 09:56:52 PMPure genius. Also, Paul is pro-life? I didn't know that.
I'm pretty sure that, along with everything else, is artistic licence.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 10, 2009, 03:25:12 AMOh my fucking God.
Be thankful it wasn't slashfic. You
know some sick fuck would.
Quote from: Cain on March 10, 2009, 11:00:09 AM
Be thankful it wasn't slashfic. You know some sick fuck would.
Refresh my memory here - fanfic is just ordinary stories and slashfic is ordinary stories with much more emphasis on pulsating genitals?
Terminology confuses me
That is correct. Fanfic is the generic term, slashfic is the "oh god where is the bleach for my brain" specific sexual "storyline" term.
Someday, I aspire to write slashfic that poorly. I just can't seem to be able to get my sentences to be that badly constructed and clunky.
Quote from: LMNO on March 10, 2009, 11:50:53 AM
Someday, I aspire to write slashfic that poorly. I just can't seem to be able to get my sentences to be that badly constructed and clunky.
Don't forget the so-called "plot" of these stories.
I've taken shit sessions with better plots than most of the slashfics.
"Hermione's Changes" was awesome that way.
In two paragraphs, we find out she's adopted, a half-vampire, and related to the Malfoys.
I still can't believe that a story with that name could be so utterly crap.
:x
Quote from: LMNO on March 10, 2009, 11:57:44 AM
In two paragraphs, we find out she's adopted
This is a common theme in Harry Potter fanfic, because otherwise Hermione would be a "mud-blood" (these writers obviously never cottoned onto the fact that the whole pureblood/mudblood distinction was a not very subtle morality tale about racism).
One of the more amusing commonalities I found when I was *researching* HP slashfic... The "spell of lubrication" they cast on each other's anus.
How thoughtful.
Draco as a sex-bomb is such a common theme there is even a trope named after it.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DracoInLeatherPants
This whole thread = :lulz: and :horrormirth:
Also, extracts of "Snape on the Astral Plain" found by Fandom Wank: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1015949.html
QuoteMy Personal Unbreakable Vow to Severus...
My Unbreakable Vow to Severus Snape
I promise to be always faithful in body and mind, and never love another man.
I promise to love and cherish you all of my life.
I promise to respect and honour you all of my life.
I promise to dedicate all of my life to you.
I promise to stand by you in good times and bad times.
I promise to protect and guard you, and to prevent you from any harm.
I promise to provide anything you need for you.
I promise to take the best care of you.
I promise to use your name with the respect it deserves.
I promise to always wear the ring with your name in it, as a symbol of my love.
I promise to obey you, no matter what.
I promise to respect your wishes and not to be selfish.
I promise to look after you in sickness and in health.
I solemnly promise all of this to you, Severus Snape, my only love.
May these words create a strong loving bond, which can only be broken by death.
If I break the promises made, or treat you not in the manner I should be, I'll make sure I'll die.
May all the good forces and spirits bless our love eternally....
So it will be done...
Lady Darkness
Just one sample
Nnnnng.
Hrrrnng.
Aarrrrgh.
Quote from: Cain on March 10, 2009, 01:06:29 PM
Also, extracts of "Snape on the Astral Plain" found by Fandom Wank: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1015949.html
QuoteMy Personal Unbreakable Vow to Severus...
My Unbreakable Vow to Severus Snape
I promise to be always faithful in body and mind, and never love another man.
I promise to love and cherish you all of my life.
I promise to respect and honour you all of my life.
I promise to dedicate all of my life to you.
I promise to stand by you in good times and bad times.
I promise to protect and guard you, and to prevent you from any harm.
I promise to provide anything you need for you.
I promise to take the best care of you.
I promise to use your name with the respect it deserves.
I promise to always wear the ring with your name in it, as a symbol of my love.
I promise to obey you, no matter what.
I promise to respect your wishes and not to be selfish.
I promise to look after you in sickness and in health.
I solemnly promise all of this to you, Severus Snape, my only love.
May these words create a strong loving bond, which can only be broken by death.
If I break the promises made, or treat you not in the manner I should be, I'll make sure I'll die.
May all the good forces and spirits bless our love eternally....
So it will be done...
Lady Darkness
Just one sample
That just makes me feel sorry for them. They're clearly severely mentally ill.
I tip my hat to Idem for finding this
http://choppertheninja.deviantart.com/art/MARKED-Red-Hair-116621600
Pokemon slashfic. From a
Yiffing site:
http://yiffstar.com/?pid=55235
QuoteWithout any further talk, Tommy rolled with Tango so they were both on their sides, and Tommy drew his lips up close to Tango's in pursuit of another kiss. She was glad to oblige and make quick work of poking her tongue around into his mouth again. She loved the completely foreign taste of his mouth.
It felt like they could keep this up for hours. In all actuality, they probably could. There wasn't really much else for them to do there, and they really missed each other's company. Really missed. Not to mention they really enjoyed it, especially now, in a way they never enjoyed it before.
The feeling of their passionate kissing luster was starting to affect Tommy in a rather dictating place. His penis started to stiffen up. Not that Tommy could notice it right now, even though it sure wanted him to.
Tango had started soaking the fur of her lower region a bit ago. It had now become quite moist and in need of attention. It was a good feeling, one that she had been accustomed to through frequent practice of masturbation. She had become a master of self-pleasure in her mind. Because of this, she knew exactly what was really going on here and just how eager she was to tend to her needs. She was practically shuddering from the thought of it and the feel of just how horny she was now.
There is 12 chapters of this shit, I'd like to point out.
First of all, FUCK YOU FOR FINDING THAT! :x
Secondly, what the hell were you doing at a yiffing site?
I was actually linked to it. The precise words were:
"This is the ultimate destruction of the mind. It is a Pokemon fanfic, extremely NSFW. I don't want to ramble on, but...this is just...if you can read this all the way through, you are an elite member of the internet, and an elite troper. Nothing else linked to by this page even comes CLOSE to this. No, not even the Superjail! fic. UNBELIEVABLY NSFW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED."
That said, I do need to troll Yiffstar at some point.
http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/17/slavebear.html
Care Bear's BDSM
Quote from: Cain on May 08, 2009, 03:52:02 PM
http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/17/slavebear.html
Care Bear's BDSM
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/forumspecific/spit.gif)
Oh yeah, Stephen Colbert/Hitler slashfic
QuoteStephen's brow furrowed at that and Adolf was afraid he had said something wrong. He quickly searched his brain for another subject he could adequately express in English. He bit his lip and Stephen let out a boyish giggle, reaching hesitantly to push a strand of hair back from the German boy's face.
Adolf took Stephen's wrist lightly in midair, inhaling sharply as he felt the older man's smooth skin. He leaned into Stephen's gaze uncertainly, his lips brushing Stephen's. Adolf ran a hand through the man's dark hair and deepened the kiss, pressing his taut young body up against Stephen's.
Stephen gasped into his mouth and broke free, wrenching his body back away from Adolf. "I—I can't do this," he sputtered breathily. "I'm in love with someone else."
Adolf cast his eyes down, his cheeks burning, and pretended to be interested in the worn sheets he was picking at. "Vith whom?"
http://ch-ch-ch-chad.livejournal.com/41487.html
:asplode:
Stephen Colbert/Harry Potter!
QuoteHarry knew he was supposed to be paying attention as Dumbledore went into his usual speech. But what was the use? By now, he knew all of – and had broken most of – the school rules. The only thing that interested him was the perennial question of who would be their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this time.
He glanced along the seated row of professors. Snape was there, sallow as ever, his lip curled in a sneer. Hagrid seemed more gigantic than ever next to the diminutive Professor Flitwick. Seeing no new faces, Harry let his gaze stray around the Great Hall. He spotted the pale, blond figure of Draco Malfoy right away, smirking to his Slytherin cronies just like always. Dislike curled through Harry like a snake.
Hermione elbowed him as Dumbledore said, "And now, before we bring in our new crop of first-years, I have one very special introduction to make."
A piercing, screeching cry made everyone look up. The sky of the Great Hall was enchanted to mimic the sky outside, which tonight was a star-spangled brilliance. Above them, from one of the openings that usually admitted the school owls on their daily deliveries of mail, swept a majestic eagle.
Students cried out, alarmed and impressed, as it circled low over them with talons flashing in the light of the many candles. The wind from its mighty wings ruffled their school robes and blew their hats off their heads. Several people ducked. Neville Longbottom fell backwards off his bench and landed flat on the floor.
As the massive, fierce bird passed over the Slytherins, Malfoy's smirk vanished. He squeaked like a girl and dove under the table, cowering there, while Crabbe and Goyle stared up openmouthed and stupid as trolls.
With a final triumphant cry, the eagle veered toward Dumbledore. As it backwinged and came in for a landing, there was a ripple of magic and a flowing change. What touched down beside the Headmaster was no longer an eagle at all.
"An Animagus!" Hermione gasped, dropping her book and not even noticing.
No longer an eagle, but a man ... though still every bit as majestic and impressive. His tall, lean frame was draped in velvet robes that perfectly complemented his unblemished complexion. He smoothed his thick ink-black hair – which had not been disarranged in the slightest – and raised one shrewd eyebrow as his piercing bird-of-prey gaze scanned the room from behind thin wire-rimmed spectacles.
"Allow me to present Professor Colbert," Dumbledore said. "Your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
http://www.eskimo.com/~vecna/truthiness.html
Oh, fucking excellent.
This has been compared with My Immortal in terms of horribleness, though mercifully shorter
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4915877/1/Curious_George_goes_to_Paris
The Paris in question being Paris under Nazi occupation, where George gets to use inexplicable Kung Fu skills to kill said Nazis.
QuoteGeorge whipped out his AK-47, and before the Nazis knew what hit them they were on the ground, dead. He walked over to Captain Hook's charred body. Though the Man in the Yellow Hat's death had been avenged, George sensed something was wrong. It didn't seem like enough. It was anticlimactic. The story couldn't end here; it would be lame. Then George saw something that caused a manic glint in his eye. On Hook's uniform was the Nazi symbol. George thought of what the Nazi symbol stood for to him. Fear, anger, hatred. Hitler. Adolf Hitler. The man who had caused all this. Perhaps, George thought, Hitler must die. Then the story would be able to end. It would be a climactic ending. Yes, yes, that was it. Adolf Hitler must die.
I've also found a Kim Possible crackfic that looks like it was written by Tom Clancy (Kim Possible is sent to assassinate Bin Laden, 128,000 words of technothriller awesomeness ensues) and a Torchwood/LOLCATS crossover.
And these are just the best of what I have in store for you!
It's really "too bad" that I'm in the middle of the Less Wrong Sequences right now...
Yeah, I need to crack on with that myself, actually. I keep going back to "An Intuitive Explanation of Bayes Theorem". I'm pretty sure I got it, in that I can see where I screwed up previously trying to do the calculations, but I'd like to make sure.
Also got a Dora the Explorer/LOTR crossover, with all the dialogue written in Iambic Pentameter.
Oddly enough, it really is an "intuitive explanation". If you read carefully, you can skip the formulas.
Yeah, but I need to practice my maths skills more, and teaching kids how to add fractions is not cutting it.
Ah, yeah.
If it helps, it's more algebra than "math"-- that is, you can substitute concepts for letters.
Hmm, my head has turned to mush lately. Maybe I'll do better when my latest cold clears.
Also, I now have the identity of the fanfiction writer responsible for Doom: Repurcussions of Evil. His entire corpus of works. Oh yes, there are more. Including the "Book Of Hsitorical Fa Ffiction"
LOLCATS+Torchwood????? linky?
Cain is going to bring about the apocalypse via horrible fanfiction. :x
Note: I read the Pokemon one all the way through, just to see if I could. :lulz:
Cain is a bad bad man for spreading this. :argh!:
Quote from: Cain on October 22, 2010, 08:24:24 PM
Stephen Colbert/Harry Potter!
QuoteHarry knew he was supposed to be paying attention as Dumbledore went into his usual speech. But what was the use? By now, he knew all of – and had broken most of – the school rules. The only thing that interested him was the perennial question of who would be their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this time.
He glanced along the seated row of professors. Snape was there, sallow as ever, his lip curled in a sneer. Hagrid seemed more gigantic than ever next to the diminutive Professor Flitwick. Seeing no new faces, Harry let his gaze stray around the Great Hall. He spotted the pale, blond figure of Draco Malfoy right away, smirking to his Slytherin cronies just like always. Dislike curled through Harry like a snake.
Hermione elbowed him as Dumbledore said, "And now, before we bring in our new crop of first-years, I have one very special introduction to make."
A piercing, screeching cry made everyone look up. The sky of the Great Hall was enchanted to mimic the sky outside, which tonight was a star-spangled brilliance. Above them, from one of the openings that usually admitted the school owls on their daily deliveries of mail, swept a majestic eagle.
Students cried out, alarmed and impressed, as it circled low over them with talons flashing in the light of the many candles. The wind from its mighty wings ruffled their school robes and blew their hats off their heads. Several people ducked. Neville Longbottom fell backwards off his bench and landed flat on the floor.
As the massive, fierce bird passed over the Slytherins, Malfoy's smirk vanished. He squeaked like a girl and dove under the table, cowering there, while Crabbe and Goyle stared up openmouthed and stupid as trolls.
With a final triumphant cry, the eagle veered toward Dumbledore. As it backwinged and came in for a landing, there was a ripple of magic and a flowing change. What touched down beside the Headmaster was no longer an eagle at all.
"An Animagus!" Hermione gasped, dropping her book and not even noticing.
No longer an eagle, but a man ... though still every bit as majestic and impressive. His tall, lean frame was draped in velvet robes that perfectly complemented his unblemished complexion. He smoothed his thick ink-black hair – which had not been disarranged in the slightest – and raised one shrewd eyebrow as his piercing bird-of-prey gaze scanned the room from behind thin wire-rimmed spectacles.
"Allow me to present Professor Colbert," Dumbledore said. "Your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
http://www.eskimo.com/~vecna/truthiness.html
:golfclap:
Quote from: Triple Zero on October 23, 2010, 12:18:16 AM
LOLCATS+Torchwood????? linky?
http://sam-storyteller.livejournal.com/126227.html
8)
Quote from: Liam on October 22, 2010, 11:07:16 PM
Those were all amazing. Book Of Hsitorical Fa Ffiction :D holy shart. I don't think I can stand any more, my fucking sides hurt I peed in ma jeans a little bit from giggling and I'm getting funny looks from my cat.
I personally thought "Hitler: Extreme Nazi" was a brilliant name for a story.
WWE slashfic (now sadly deleted)
Quotejohn and his women was in the grociry store when shwn mickels walked up behind him and grabbed his ass john was like what the fuck is u on he was like nothin i just could not stop admireing the beaty ness of your body yeah what ever umm i dont have a problem with your kind of people but im a women man and shawn was like what if i told u that i was a women john said u shall in the hell would be ugly then shawn was like just one kiss and he was like im wit my women i will call u and she was like u not gone call hime he was like yes i am so old girl unpluged all of the phones and took his cell so in the middle of the night he went to use the pay phone and someone put a gun to his head and said im taken u to my place and not gone let u go until u give me some and if u dont im gone kill u they went to his house shawn was already there what r u doin here go save your self he was like its ok take off yo mask he did and was like oh my gosh your logan and and he was what the fuck and he was like just playen your CHRIS JERICO! ! ! suprise suprise i gay now well i always admired u so give me a piece of that ass i love u and will never fuck another man or women then his girl came in and was like i knew u three would end up together she was like its over and he was like here yo ring and she was like its really over and john was like yeah i am a man man now and i love man he said while kissin shawn and jeroco bye bitch and fucked fucked and fucked.
This one is known to the trolls of Fandom Wiki by the title "surprise surprise i gay now"
What. The. Fuck. :aaa:
Joyce 2010