Quote from: Cramulus on March 20, 2009, 07:31:31 PM
Project Idea:
The Fat Eris Cook Book
the spags of the recipie forum all post their favorite dishes, with pictures.
once we have 15 or 20, we throw it in a book and hit print
book can also contain advice, anecdotes, and straight-up pranks that will make you think you're making some sauce, but it really turns the whole meal bright green
and your urine purple
or, you know, set your kitchen on fire
As suggested by Cram.
I'm getting a start on it. All I need is for you folks to Post your favorite recipes from this site. That simple
I posted a bunch in the pointless thread that has no real cohesiveness.
The problem with my recipes, though, is that the measurements aren't exact and my instructions are for shit.
Great cookbook idea though.
I have an entire thread devoted to recipes that nobody reads. :argh!:
I read it! I just never have anything to say.
It's probably because I don't post pictures. Someday I will have a camera...
eh, just sketch pictures of what you're making in MSP.
There are only so many times it seems sensible to type "That sounds good / tasty".
Also, if you need a pranks recipe try the Cement Mixer.
When serving someone a shot of liquor as an appertif, or when at a bar, if you want to punish someone, present them a shot of lemon juice, and then a shot of Baileys in quick succession. It will curdle in their mouth.
I'll check all of these out
What do you think would be the best way to organize this thing?
by complexity / difficulty?
Breakfast / Lunch / Snacks / Dinner / Desert?
maybe by theme? (spicy, sweet, salty, etc)
a section for each of the five Basic Elements: sweet, boom, pungent, prickle, and orange?
maybe we could pick a theme for the book like "hosting a dinner party for crazy people", and the book contains recipies, hokey activities, and some original party games?
Maybe the title could be arranged like Dr. Stranglove.
Like "The Fat Eris Cook Book: or How to Host a Dinner Party for Crazy People
It's a totally winnable idea, very kosher, a la Cram. I likey.
And Badges, wtf? your fread is read often, pix or no.
any recipes I have posted are ABSOLUTELY and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to be used for this project, or any other, nor is my name, alias, or anything else even remotely related to me.
it sounds like a fun project and I wish you all the luck, but I have a professional culinary reputation to worry about.
that's totally legit. And we're going to have to be really careful about putting (c) recipes in there.
That could be a daunting thing to check. Hard to tell if one person's "Good cookies" are in fact, a perfect copy of "Betty Crocker's Perfectly Perfect Oatmeal Cookies of White Picket Fence"
The Fat Eris Cookbook, Augmented Lithograph, could catch some flak if they catch on.
Dirtytime, too bad, but totally understandable.
Richter, I'm not entirely sure about that, there's more copyright about a recipe than just the list of ingredients, there's the way you prepare it, the way you explain that, and any pictures you attach to it. If those happen to be identical enough to some existing recipe to raise any copyright questions, it's probably because the recipe was really basic in the first place and can only be prepared in so many ways.
Copyright only protects a work for copying and spreading and publicizing and such. If somebody happens to come up with a very similar piece of work by themselves, copyright does not protect the "original" author from that, as long as can reasonably be assumed there hasnt been any actual copying involved. To protect a novel idea from being used by others, regardless of whether they came up with it themselves, they invented patents. Which are quite a different beast from copyrights. I wouldnt worry about patented recipes though.
Good point, 000. I was actually struggling to both contribute to the conversation AND put a subtle joke out.
Actual Recipe: LMNO inspired Curry Rice
use .5 - 1 tablespoon of curry powder for each cup of rice. Depending on taste.
In a pot large enough for your rice and extras, combine curry powder, light olive oil, and sriacha. Mix together on low heat.
Add rice, increase heat, and mix until coated.
Add water (2 cups water for every 1 cut rice)
Bring to a boil, then simmer / steam.
When most of the water is cooked into the rice, add about 3 cups veggies (Fresh spinach, frozen then added works, and wilts in nicely. Peppers, onion, mushroom, squash also work.)
Cook until remaining water is gone. Add 1/8- 1/4 cup extra water ifmore is needed to cook the veggies.
Serve on it's own with sharp cheddar cheese, or with other curries.
Quote from: Cramulus on March 21, 2009, 05:35:51 PM
What do you think would be the best way to organize this thing?
by complexity / difficulty?
Breakfast / Lunch / Snacks / Dinner / Desert?
maybe by theme? (spicy, sweet, salty, etc)
a section for each of the five Basic Elements: sweet, boom, pungent, prickle, and orange?
maybe we could pick a theme for the book like "hosting a dinner party for crazy people", and the book contains recipies, hokey activities, and some original party games?
bump for further brainstorming
I like the idea of organizing it by the Five Discordian Elements
What kind of dishes do you guys think would make sense for each of the elements?
sweet - desert?
boom - stuff you can make pretty quickly
pungent - something with a strong aroma - seafood? alcohol?
prickle - something spicy? Something difficult to eat like lobster? Something more complex (to counterpoint BOOM)?
orange - obviously something orange or that uses oranges
I'm not much of a cook, but I
am a bit of an editor.
Quote from: Richter on March 22, 2009, 02:43:05 PM
Good point, 000. I was actually struggling to both contribute to the conversation AND put a subtle joke out.
Actual Recipe: LMNO inspired Curry Rice
use .5 - 1 tablespoon of curry powder for each cup of rice. Depending on taste.
In a pot large enough for your rice and extras, combine curry powder, light olive oil, and sriacha. Mix together on low heat.
Add rice, increase heat, and mix until coated.
Add water (2 cups water for every 1 cut rice)
Bring to a boil, then simmer / steam.
When most of the water is cooked into the rice, add about 3 cups veggies (Fresh spinach, frozen then added works, and wilts in nicely. Peppers, onion, mushroom, squash also work.)
Cook until remaining water is gone. Add 1/8- 1/4 cup extra water ifmore is needed to cook the veggies.
Serve on it's own with sharp cheddar cheese, or with other curries.
Okay I put this in
@Cram: Right now Im just getting them on the Pages file so I don't forget them.
Some recipes might not fit in those categories though.
I should throw in my baked ziti recipe. *burps*
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO AGENT!
::burp::
(fun fact: Richter is 3 martinis in ATM)
Quote from: Cramulus on March 22, 2009, 04:32:46 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on March 21, 2009, 05:35:51 PM
What do you think would be the best way to organize this thing?
by complexity / difficulty?
Breakfast / Lunch / Snacks / Dinner / Desert?
maybe by theme? (spicy, sweet, salty, etc)
a section for each of the five Basic Elements: sweet, boom, pungent, prickle, and orange?
maybe we could pick a theme for the book like "hosting a dinner party for crazy people", and the book contains recipies, hokey activities, and some original party games?
bump for further brainstorming
I like the idea of organizing it by the Five Discordian Elements
What kind of dishes do you guys think would make sense for each of the elements?
sweet - desert?
boom - stuff you can make pretty quickly
pungent - something with a strong aroma - seafood? alcohol?
prickle - something spicy? Something difficult to eat like lobster? Something more complex (to counterpoint BOOM)?LaVey figured out and put down in short order what it took a LOT of shrinks years to agree on. I'd give more credence to his writings and less to his church, though. You learn a lot as a Carnie.
orange - obviously something orange or that uses oranges
I'm not much of a cook, but I am a bit of an editor.
I think the order ought to be decided once we know what recipes we've got.
Recipe:
Cut the ends off a bag of pearl onions, skin on. Coat them in olive oil and roast them @ 375 F until they're brown.
Push the caramelized onion out of its' paper into a saute pan with an equal proportion of chopped tomatoes, and some more olive oil. Add a touch of salt and a bit of brown sugar and simmer on low heat for a very long time, stirring occasionally. Add some fresh chopped basil and oregano, and some ground white pepper. Pasta sauce.
It's basic, but basic things kick ass.
Okay I'm going to switch to Mac to add the recipes. Thanks everbody.
(http://i470.photobucket.com/albums/rr70/AidanGriff/Picture1.png?t=1237766678)
Rough draft of the cover.
Need feeback since I really didn't know where to go with this.
It's good as is. So many Discordian works are covered in visually painful collages IMO.
Quote from: Felix on March 23, 2009, 12:06:46 AM
It's good as is. So many Discordian works are covered in visually painful collages IMO.
I second that. That cover just plain works.
I like it a lot! I would just make the fat MSPaint Eris bigger. Probably about as big as she'd go while leaving space for the other stuff. Or perhaps about 2/3rds of that size, but bigger.
I'd also move her down, cause she is not standing on anything, and it looks like she is just floating there.
This is just some feedback, you can also leave it like it is, because it already looks quite good, and moving forward is also important.
I'm still trying to find out what the point of calling this an "Eris" cookbook is.
Other than the 5 elements, what makes these recipies "Discordian"?
Do they cause strife? Are they mindfucks? Do they make you Think For Yourself? Will they show you the bars of your Black Iron Prison? Are they filled with Horrormirth?
Are they made with Lailaise?
Otherwise, isn't it just another cookbook with weak associations to some cultural phenomenon?
The cooking with Cain thread should totally be used for this.
Needs moar hotdog and apple recipes. :argh!:
NEEDS WHOLE SECTION ON BACON
Quote from: LMNO on March 23, 2009, 12:14:22 PM
I'm still trying to find out what the point of calling this an "Eris" cookbook is.
yeah - well there's nothing to grasp onto yet, we're still in the "project planning" phase, so I'd love to hear your take.
QuoteOther than the 5 elements, what makes these recipies "Discordian"?
Do they cause strife? Are they mindfucks? Do they make you Think For Yourself? Will they show you the bars of your Black Iron Prison? Are they filled with Horrormirth?
well to be fair, none of that stuff is required for Discordia. But I hear what you're saying.
QuoteOtherwise, isn't it just another cookbook with weak associations to some cultural phenomenon?
The OP mentions hiding some pranks in the book, or making it about planning a specific kind of party. (maybe one that follows a script?)
the reasoning behind this project is from the Motivations, Goals, Objectives thread. We had that revelation that this community is really good at producing projects when there's a lot of source material to draw from. This subforum is an untapped treasure trove. We've just gotta figure out how to utilize it in a fun way.
So what do you think?
You know, what we need to do after the book comes out is to get someone like LMNO or ECH to challenge Bobby Flay to a Throwdown, cause then they will try to trick LMNO or ECH by convincing them they are making a special on the cookbook, and so they'll mention the cookbook and stuff and we'll be the most famousest of hobbitses. And then we all get to eat yummy food. The end.
My thoughts:
1. I like organizing the recipies around the 5 elements. For some reason, the title "Sweet, Boom, Pungent, Prickle, and Orange: A Discordian Recipie Manual" appeals to me.
2. At least one MF recipie per section: Baked Alaska, for example, be in Sweet, because it's and ice cream dish you SET ON FIRE. Non-life-threatening joke recipies would also be fun.
3. The recipies should be written in a humorous fashion, either through side commentary, or a funny story leading into it.
That's all, for now.
Here's a good example of something:
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=18226.msg601252#msg601252
Maybe each entry could have a part where we describe how to serve it, which will include an anecdote or prank.
Like "Tell your guests you're serving them X. Tell this anecdote about how an old swami gave you this recipe in trade for saving his life. Then, when it's time to bring out the meal, it turns out to be Y." (which is a punchline)
(note: I know I didn't actually write a joke here, but you get the general idea, right?)
Quote from: LMNO on March 23, 2009, 12:14:22 PM
I'm still trying to find out what the point of calling this an "Eris" cookbook is.
Other than the 5 elements, what makes these recipies "Discordian"?
Do they cause strife? Are they mindfucks? Do they make you Think For Yourself? Will they show you the bars of your Black Iron Prison? Are they filled with Horrormirth?
Are they made with Lailaise?
Otherwise, isn't it just another cookbook with weak associations to some cultural phenomenon?
Frankly I have no idea.
I'm just designing the whole thing.
We could have some mind fuck recipes.
Or a black iron prison cake
Taboo Soup.
Join the Club
Ooh, we need a Baby Seal Club Sandwhich.
Okay, I will stop contributing now.
Quote from: LMNO on March 23, 2009, 12:14:22 PM
I'm still trying to find out what the point of calling this an "Eris" cookbook is.
Other than the 5 elements, what makes these recipies "Discordian"?
Do they cause strife? Are they mindfucks? Do they make you Think For Yourself? Will they show you the bars of your Black Iron Prison? Are they filled with Horrormirth?
Are they made with Lailaise?
Otherwise, isn't it just another cookbook with weak associations to some cultural phenomenon?
This is worth doing.
IIRC, during our original brainstorming session we had considered a whole section of recipes that were pranks to pull on other people, or would cause kitchen diasters to those who tried to make them.
Cram's "Happy Fandango" party drink, for example, (which was about getting late arrival to drink something horrid, and then recruiting them to help talk it up and get the next arrival to have one too). This combines social drinking, outright malice, and sadistic glee, with the fun and camraderie of getting your victim in to help on the next jake.
Edit: for correct name of "Happy Fandango"
oh yeah, that thing! :lulz:
here's the post:
Quote from: Cramulus on September 28, 2007, 04:24:12 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 28, 2007, 01:04:12 PM
If you want serious punishment, you want a "cement mixer", a shot of lemon juice followed by a shot of Irish Creme. Screw Iraq, this drink will put kurds in you way.
:lulz:
Also:
Me and one of my cabalmates from the Obnoxious Jerk Cabal came up with a drink called the HAPPY FANDANGO! (when you say it you have to smile and act excited) Also, after you take the shot you are required to say how great it was* and try to get others to do the same.
A HAPPY FANDANGO! is made with:
1 part saki
1 part soy sauce
1 part vodka
1 small paintball
*protip: lie
The "protip: LIE" part always makes me :lulz: !
Similar, but for baked goods:
Meat Muffins.
Get some hamburger, pepper, onion, cresent rolls in a tube (Or pizza dough if you want them to be better) and Spam.
Spread the rolls into muffin pan, fill with cooked beef / pepper / onion mix. Fill one or two with Spam. Cheese optional.
Cap and bake, keeping careful track for yourself which Meat Muffin(s) is Spammed.
Present them at the gathering like ghetto mini calzones, with a bowl of marinara sauce or somesuch for dipping.
If someone accidentally gets a spam muffin, they are shamed, and loose face for the rest of the evening (This is how we roll in BABYLON).
If not, and it lingers there like a malignant landmine, you can start all KINDS of headgames.
Just annonuce, when there are 5 or so left, "ONE of these muffins is full of spam. If you wish, I'll point out TWO af the remainder that aren't." (Then either lie, forget to mention that there are two spammed muffins in reality, etc.)
If the guests avoid entirely, just put them away, and someone will likely hit one the next morning while stumbling about hung over.
I for one, love this.
I do have some recipes that are my own that I will contribute if you want them.
If you want some stuff, let me know and I'll type it up for you.
Richter, for some reason this reminds me of the "beer hunter" game introduced by Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Quote from: Richter on March 23, 2009, 04:01:50 PM
Meat Muffins.
...
If someone accidentally gets a spam muffin, they are shamed, and loose face for the rest of the evening (This is how we roll in BABYLON).
If not, and it lingers there like a malignant landmine, you can start all KINDS of headgames.
Just annonuce, when there are 5 or so left, "ONE of these muffins is full of spam. If you wish, I'll point out TWO af the remainder that aren't." (Then either lie, forget to mention that there are two spammed muffins in reality, etc.)
If the guests avoid entirely, just put them away, and someone will likely hit one the next morning while stumbling about hung over.
:mittens:
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
YES that kind of shit is EXACTLY what we need in this book!
Other random thoughts:
-Maybe some intentional horrid layout as a nod to PD?
-A recipe for something printed in reverse order? (Even BETTER if you get an edible product either way you do it.)
Intentional disaster recipes:
An apple pie that forgets to mention, or advises STRONGLY against doing things that should be common sense, like adding the sugar or butter. You could cause all KINDS of headahces with odd pointers about dealing with the pastry for the crust, whether using a store - bought, or made from scratch.
ANY pie, suggesting a pie crust that's WILDLY innapropriate ( ex: Key lime with an Oreo cookie crust)
If we're feeling generous, there can be an un - listed "Pro - Tips" section in the back, next to the index, denouncing MOST of these traps.
You can promote a "TFY,S" attitude by listing in the front that some of these recipes are horribly wrong, and no one should try making them until the decipher the code.
Or
Intentionally shuffle the pages, so the Pork Shoulder marinade is put into the brownie mix recipe.
what about misleading titles? Like it's a recipe for apple pie, and the ingredients could appear like apple pie, but the instructions actually tell you how to make an apple fritter or something?
or fantastical recipes - like you're actually making pork shoulder, but you present it as unicorn meat. A sidebar contains some unicorn jokes, and suggestions for how to explain to you guests how you acquired this fantastic meat.
also:
Bigfoot steak
chupacabra tacos
fried fnordlings
"Long Pork", as the prefered pork shoulder ingredient, with pork or orangutang as acceptible substitutions.
I made a really good whiskey cake last night, and Sir Talksalot made butterscotch, and we served it with ice cream. It was fucking unbelievable.
Should I post the recipe here or do you want to start a separate thread that's just for submitting recipes?
As far as I know this is an unpublished recipe, because I made it up.
i think we should go easy on the "obviously wrong" recipes. from my background in computer sciences and some teaching, i know that some people are just really really bad at certain things and will try anything presented as "good advice". since 95% of all good advice is actually intended as good advice, I don't think we should punish them for it.
Just like I wouldnt tell people they can make their computer run faster by doing "DELTREE /Y", I wouldnt make a cookbook that creates intentional failcake by leaving out the sugar.
At least, not without malicious intent. If we target this book at fucking with people, sure.
But some Discordian picking up this book, while not really into cooking, decides to try a recipe cause the instructions are so zany, ends up with failcake, might give up cooking FOREVER.
btw we should have a recipe for failcake.
and also roflcake.
That's a valid concern, a recipe boobytrapped with a mistake that "only an idiot would make", will net us the same result as ANYTHING labeled "Idiot proof". Life, in both cases, will oblige with a better idiot.
Also:
Delicious Trap Pie.
1 apple, chopped
2 pre - made pastry pie crusts
1 can pre - made pecan pie filling
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/4 tablespoon flour
Fill pie crust with pecan pie mix. Mix apples, sugar, vinegar and flour, pour over the pecan filling evenly, so no pecans show.
Cover pie with a latice pattern of pastry. (Cut as needed from the extra crust)
Bake until apples are tender and pie rust is golden brown.
When your victim, who you are gracing with pie, expresses surprise, tell him it was a delicious trap. When your mark doesn't get it, explain that they found nuts where he didn't expect there to be any.
If they STILL don't get it, leave them to their pie, and hope to Eris you'll be there to see their face when they get it.
Delicious Inverse trap pie
4-5 apples, chopped
1 pre - made pastry pie crust
1 cup sugar
1-2 tablespoons flour (more for juicier apples)
1 Tablespoon apple cider vinegar (extra to taste)
Whole, shelled pecans as needed.
Mix all ingedients, and fill in crust. Top with pecans so no apples are visible. Bake until apples are tender (poke carefully between the pecans with a skewer.), and crust is golden brown.
Serve to your mark, and improv your own euphamism. I'm too lazy to think up one for this.
Quote from: Triple Zero on March 23, 2009, 08:41:52 PM
i think we should go easy on the "obviously wrong" recipes. from my background in computer sciences and some teaching, i know that some people are just really really bad at certain things and will try anything presented as "good advice". since 95% of all good advice is actually intended as good advice, I don't think we should punish them for it.
Just like I wouldnt tell people they can make their computer run faster by doing "DELTREE /Y", I wouldnt make a cookbook that creates intentional failcake by leaving out the sugar.
At least, not without malicious intent. If we target this book at fucking with people, sure.
But some Discordian picking up this book, while not really into cooking, decides to try a recipe cause the instructions are so zany, ends up with failcake, might give up cooking FOREVER.
btw we should have a recipe for failcake.
and also roflcake.
note to self - posting ammonia and bleach mixture on Martha Stewart site, as an ideal cleaning solution may be immoral or at least a bad thing to do..
This reminds me of Penn & Teller's How To Play With Your Food. Pity it's out of print. :sad:
Quote from: Squid on March 23, 2009, 04:22:47 PM
I for one, love this.
I do have some recipes that are my own that I will contribute if you want them.
If you want some stuff, let me know and I'll type it up for you.
Quote from: Nigel on March 23, 2009, 08:03:28 PM
I made a really good whiskey cake last night, and Sir Talksalot made butterscotch, and we served it with ice cream. It was fucking unbelievable.
Should I post the recipe here or do you want to start a separate thread that's just for submitting recipes?
As far as I know this is an unpublished recipe, because I made it up.
YES. VERY YES.
Since we still seem to be breaking into brainstorming, feel free to dump them here. Like suggested, if it has some Lore, Legend, or Vignette associated, feel free to add!
LMNO: I'm going to have to look harder on the "Beer hunting"
Okay so a mix of mindfuck and actual recipes.
I can do that.
The story behind my whiskey cake is that my friend Casey once was having an Alcoholic Party where everything had to contain significant alcohol. The first Whiskey Cake was a bastardized chocolate cake recipe with chocolate chips added, and the chocolate version is an easy alternate but the clear winner so far is the Ginger Whiskey Lemon Drop version:
Preheat oven to 375. Grease one 9x13 baking pan.
Beat together:
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1 tsp lemon zest
1 tsp grated ginger
juice from one lemon
1/2 cup whiskey
1 tsp vanilla
In another bowl, beat until soft:
1 cube (1/2 cup) butter
add gradually:
1 cup sugar
cream together until light, then add:
2 eggs
Combine yogurt mixture and butter mixture and beat.
In yet another bowl, combine:
2 cups cake or all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and beat well. Bake 40 minutes. Remove from oven and while still hot, drizzle:
1 cup whiskey
evenly over entire cake. Let cool.
Serve with ice cream and cream-cheese glaze or butterscotch.
Simple butterscotch recipe:
1 pint heavy cream
1 cube (1/2 cup) salted butter
1 cup brown sugar
pinch of salt
Combine cream and butter in a small saucepan and warm over low heat. when the butter melts, whisk gently until the cream and butter are well-emulsified. Gradually add the sugar, stirring continuously. When the sugar is completely melted, add a pinch of salt. Continue to heat for a minute or two, then let cool slightly and serve just a little warm over ice cream.
Cream-cheese whiskey glaze:
1 cube of cream cheese
1 stick butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup whiskey
Beat together, pour on cake, yum!
Added
Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2009, 02:01:22 AM
Cream-cheese whiskey glaze:
1 cube of cream cheese
1 stick butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup whiskey
Beat together, pour on cake, yum!
Holy Yoinkage, Batman!
I think the recipe book should include "recipes" for things that aren't food.
For the "Boom" section, there ought to be a DIY pyrotechnics entry for example.
Like a recipe to make green explosions using barium carbonate.
:mittens:
Here's my recipe for mac n cheese. use it if you want.
if you don't want it... then... who the fuck doesn't want my damn mac n cheese. are you god damned crazy??
Noodles n Jizz
or
you know,
Fucking mac n cheese
you need:
1 stick butter
8 Tbps flour
1 middle sized container of half n half
a palmful of paprika
2 lbs shredded cheese of your choice (fucking use cheddar, maybe some gouda, or gruyere, do not melt a whole block of stilton into this bitch or I will punch you)
1 box elbow noodles
Pre-heat your oven to 350F.
Melt the stick of butter in a medium saucepan. I know it seems like a lot of butter, quit crying pussy, you need it. Once the butter melts and begins to bubble add the flour to make a roux. This shit is gonna get thick so start stirring. Slowly add the half n half. Once it gets hot (you can tell by the steam, no joke, you can really cook this way) add the shredded cheese one handful at a time and the paprika until the shit's melty and gooey.
In the meantime you should have boiled your noodles. Oh, you didn't do this? Get out of the kitchen and go mow the lawn or polish your shoes, asshole. If you put oil in the pasta water I will show up at your house and fucking choke you. Do NOT put oil in the god damned water, just stir the shit as you add it slowly. If you can't figure this shit out, get a helmet and go watch t.v.
Grease a casserole dish with either olive oil, butter or lard. there's so much fat in this shit at this point that it doesn't matter if you use 5W20 motor oil.
Mix your cheese sauce and noodles together, top with more shredded cheese, some fresh cracked black pepper and bake until top is brown and crusty or your husband wanders into the kitchen and says "god damn, what is that and is it ready yet??"
Serve with your coronary surgeon's number on speed dial.
If your intention is "accidental death", put this shit in the fridge overnight, cut into blocks, dip into flour-egg-breadcrumbs and deep fry.
For the next hour and a half roll around on the floor crying and wishing that you could throw this shit up. Unfortunately it's so thick that it instantly binds your bowels.
Good luck humans and godspeed little hearts!
Quote from: Squid on March 24, 2009, 05:35:23 AM
Here's my recipe for mac n cheese. use it if you want.
if you don't want it... then... who the fuck doesn't want my damn mac n cheese. are you god damned crazy??
Noodles n Jizz
or
you know,
Fucking mac n cheese
you need:
1 stick butter
8 Tbps flour
1 middle sized container of half n half
a palmful of paprika
2 lbs shredded cheese of your choice (fucking use cheddar, maybe some gouda, or gruyere, do not melt a whole block of stilton into this bitch or I will punch you)
1 box elbow noodles
Pre-heat your oven to 350F.
Melt the stick of butter in a medium saucepan. I know it seems like a lot of butter, quit crying pussy, you need it. Once the butter melts and begins to bubble add the flour to make a roux. This shit is gonna get thick so start stirring. Slowly add the half n half. Once it gets hot (you can tell by the steam, no joke, you can really cook this way) add the shredded cheese one handful at a time and the paprika until the shit's melty and gooey.
In the meantime you should have boiled your noodles. Oh, you didn't do this? Get out of the kitchen and go mow the lawn or polish your shoes, asshole. If you put oil in the pasta water I will show up at your house and fucking choke you. Do NOT put oil in the god damned water, just stir the shit as you add it slowly. If you can't figure this shit out, get a helmet and go watch t.v.
Grease a casserole dish with either olive oil, butter or lard. there's so much fat in this shit at this point that it doesn't matter if you use 5W20 motor oil.
Mix your cheese sauce and noodles together, top with more shredded cheese, some fresh cracked black pepper and bake until top is brown and crusty or your husband wanders into the kitchen and says "god damn, what is that and is it ready yet??"
Serve with your coronary surgeon's number on speed dial.
If your intention is "accidental death", put this shit in the fridge overnight, cut into blocks, dip into flour-egg-breadcrumbs and deep fry.
For the next hour and a half roll around on the floor crying and wishing that you could throw this shit up. Unfortunately it's so thick that it instantly binds your bowels.
Good luck humans and godspeed little hearts!
You know where I said the recipies should be funny?
This is what I was talking about.
Good on you, Squiddie.
Also, for Richter:
http://www.themadmusicarchive.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=129
funny recipes?!?!!
I subumit my TOOTHPASTA AL DENTE : http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=13304.0
I checked the story for spelling errors and readability, I think it could go right into the book like this
Okay both of those are added.
For now the book is divided under actual recipes and mindfuck ones and probably for the first edition/rough draft it will stay that way. Then we can break them up.
how about you just divide the recipes randomly but evenly over the chapters Sweet, Boom, Pungent, Prickle, and Orange. then let the Law of Fives do its work for people to sort out what the connection is.
Maybe "Boom" could be post-apocalyptic/depression era/survival recipes i.e kudzu & dog soup, or dandelion/kitteh stir-fry with WOMP'd pictures of cute furry critters with garnish.
Speaking of Mindfucks:
Here's a little local recipe for ya.
1 lb Pork brains (used to be beef brains, but they are almost impossible to get due to mad cow disease)
1 Egg, beaten
1/2 c Flour
1/2 ts Baking powder
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Soak brains in salt water a short time.
Cover with clear water and remove membrane.
Drain; beat in other ingredients with spoon. If too thin, add a small amount of flour; if too thick, add small amount of milk.
Fry on griddle until well done, turning once.
Serve on buns, of course.
Should be served with a side of squirrel burgoo and a bottle of Double Cola. Followed by a fried candy bar for dessert.
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on March 25, 2009, 06:29:18 AM
Speaking of Mindfucks:
Here's a little local recipe for ya.
1 lb Pork brains (used to be beef brains, but they are almost impossible to get due to mad cow disease)
1 Egg, beaten
1/2 c Flour
1/2 ts Baking powder
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Soak brains in salt water a short time.
Cover with clear water and remove membrane.
Drain; beat in other ingredients with spoon. If too thin, add a small amount of flour; if too thick, add small amount of milk.
Fry on griddle until well done, turning once.
Serve on buns, of course.
Should be served with a side of squirrel burgoo and a bottle of Double Cola. Followed by a fried candy bar for dessert.
:cramstipated:
Perfect!
Boiled egg sandwich
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 large pickle
2 slices of sourdough or rye bread
Mayonnaise
Lightly toast the bread. While the bread is toasting, slice your eggs and pickle.
Generously slather both pieces of toast with mayonnaise ON ONE SIDE ONLY, then layer the egg and pickle slices on the mayo side of one slice. Place the other slice on top, mayo-side-down. Consume voraciously, like a pterodactyl with a pork shoulder.
Holy shit
Broken AI's Recipe takes up a little more than 2 pages
Currently looking for Nigel's Mormon Funeral Potatoes recipe.
Maybe write it in with "We jacked shit form other religion's cookbooks for laughs" sctick?
As of right now for the sake of easier convience to myself mainly I'm dividing them into Mindfucks and recipes. I'll post the PDF of that and you guys can have at it with the organizing and the dividing and such.
Oh and by the way, What is a mormon funeral like in comparison to a normal one
More wives, I'm guessing.
LMNO
-gets all his information from Big Love.
Different invocations were the main thing I noticed. The priest / clergy / whatever were also more approachable, less aloof, but it was more a small town group, so that may not hold true for all of them.
The potatoes, near as we can tell, were designed to put the maximum amount of calories into the problematically nonhungry bereaved. It's like consuming a smothered hash brown made with extra awesome.
Damnit, I need to make some now, where's that recipe....
Edit:
Quote from: Nigel on June 08, 2008, 04:55:54 AM
Oh, now you're asking for it! OK, I will start with Funeral Potatoes:
1 can Campbells Cream of Whatever soup
1 lb shredded cheese (in Mormonland, "cheese" ALWAYS means cheddar. Other types will be individually specified if necessary)
1 8-oz container of sour cream
1 bunch of green onions
1 16-oz bag of shredded hash brown potatoes
1 tube of Ritz crackers, or if you're feeling FANCY you can use Pringles.
Chop the onions. Dump everything but the crackers into a bowl and mix well. Transfer into a casserole dish, crush the crackers on top, and bake at 350 for 1 hour. Bring to your favorite funerals, bible study meetings, or family reunions! A real crowd-pleaser!
Caution: for some reason this recipe WILL NOT WORK if you try substituting fresh, grated potatoes. Maybe it would be OK if they were chopped rather than grated, but I don't want to try it after what happened last time.
EDIT: looking at the ingredients list I am realizing that this recipe is not fucking cheap for the amount of food, not to even consider the amount of nutrition and what you'll have to pay for cholesterol-lowering meds, so if I post any more DELICIOUS Mormon recipes it will have to be in a different thread. I know you're all so disappointed!
That is my very own recipe passed from Mormon to Mormon via oral tradition, and while I'm sure it can be found in a Mormon cookbook, I didn't get it from one FYI... no copyright issues there!
Here's a delicious and horrifying Jell-O pie recipe that I made up when I was 19:
Mix thoroughly:
One small box of Nilla wafers, crushed
1 cube butter
1 tsp water
Press carefully into 2 pie tins.
Use a hand mixer or blender to blend together:
1 package Lime Jell-O
1 cup boiling water
When the Jell-O crystals are thoroughly dissolved, add and blend thoroughly:
1 cup cold water
1 cube cream cheese
juice from 1 lime
Pour into cookie crumb crust and chill until set.
You can make any number of fruity variations: I've tried it with orange and strawberry, subbing a can of mandarin oranges or a cup of strawberries for the lime juice and part of the water.
I'm going to be in DC for the next week, so I can't add anything to the file unfortunately. Still keep on sending them ion
Quote from: Nigel on March 27, 2009, 09:36:13 PM
That is my very own recipe passed from Mormon to Mormon via oral tradition, and while I'm sure it can be found in a Mormon cookbook, I didn't get it from one FYI... no copyright issues there!
Here's a delicious and horrifying Jell-O pie recipe that I made up when I was 19:
Mix thoroughly:
One small box of Nilla wafers, crushed
1 cube butter
1 tsp water
Press carefully into 2 pie tins.
Use a hand mixer or blender to blend together:
1 package Lime Jell-O
1 cup boiling water
When the Jell-O crystals are thoroughly dissolved, add and blend thoroughly:
1 cup cold water
1 cube cream cheese
juice from 1 lime
Pour into cookie crumb crust and chill until set.
You can make any number of fruity variations: I've tried it with orange and strawberry, subbing a can of mandarin oranges or a cup of strawberries for the lime juice and part of the water.
holy shit i bet this makes a "key lime" that looks similar to the one in natural born killers.
too green to be natural lime anything and so fake-ly green that it can't be anything
but lime.
i'm gonna have to make this.
FOR SCIENCE
Suu's Awesomesauce and Baked Ziti
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=15762.0
I'm back and all of those have been added.
awesome - how are you organizing them? Can you post the current table of contents? That'll help us see the shape this thing is taking.
Each recipe is positioned for optimum awkwardness during a cooking while reading instructions for the first time situation.
Quote from: Squid on March 28, 2009, 07:28:43 AM
Quote from: Nigel on March 27, 2009, 09:36:13 PM
That is my very own recipe passed from Mormon to Mormon via oral tradition, and while I'm sure it can be found in a Mormon cookbook, I didn't get it from one FYI... no copyright issues there!
Here's a delicious and horrifying Jell-O pie recipe that I made up when I was 19:
Mix thoroughly:
One small box of Nilla wafers, crushed
1 cube butter
1 tsp water
Press carefully into 2 pie tins.
Use a hand mixer or blender to blend together:
1 package Lime Jell-O
1 cup boiling water
When the Jell-O crystals are thoroughly dissolved, add and blend thoroughly:
1 cup cold water
1 cube cream cheese
juice from 1 lime
Pour into cookie crumb crust and chill until set.
You can make any number of fruity variations: I've tried it with orange and strawberry, subbing a can of mandarin oranges or a cup of strawberries for the lime juice and part of the water.
holy shit i bet this makes a "key lime" that looks similar to the one in natural born killers.
too green to be natural lime anything and so fake-ly green that it can't be anything but lime.
i'm gonna have to make this.
FOR SCIENCE
It is surprisingly delicious!
I'm making a final push to get out the first draft.
I'll publish it on scribd and then much discussion yes?
I'm pretty excited about this... how many recipes are there, anyway?
Only 11. Mainly due to my laziness for scavenging for the recipes from other threads. I've mainly been relying on you folks for the recipes. Its my problem really. However in 2nd edition I'll be adding some from other threads.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/14117857/The-Fat-Eris-Cookbook-Rough-Draft
Whoohoo!
BTW, I forgot to mention that the ACTUAL OFFICIAL name for that jell-O pie is "White Trash Pie".
I'll change that.
Most of the names I just made up and therefore and pretty lame
well i LIKE it
I like it a lot! I just realized I forgot to say. It can be called "Teenage Pie" because that's DIRTY. :eek:
:mrgreen:
Quote from: The Pariah on April 10, 2009, 04:02:22 AM
http://www.scribd.com/doc/14117857/The-Fat-Eris-Cookbook-Rough-Draft
:mittens:
This is looking bad ass, dude. I commend you on advancing this from Chaos to Confusion. :-)
I like many of your font and style choices, particularly the headings.
Some of the text needs to be broken up a bit, or organized. For example, I'm looking at the bottom of page 3. It's a big running block of text.
Centering the text (which happens in many places) looks weird. For the ingredients, I'd either Right of Left align them, depending on whether you're on a left or right page (even pages left, odd pages right). Then for the instructions, justify or left align. Each instruction should have a bullet or number next to it. Or a line break to separate it from the previous item. Whatever you choose, be consistent throughout the document.
I think the entries might look better if you lay it out traditionally - list the ingredients first, then the instructions. The first page of each entry should have a picture. There can be more pics later, but the first page should have a pic.
Not fond of the fonts on page 6 or 18, use a thinner, serif font.
all in all, this looks great, man!
:mittens: Also, you can use any recipe of mine you want, if you wanted. :D Forgot to say that, I think.
Bloody Afghan Eggs
Ingredients:
tomato paste
habaneros
onions
garlic
eggs
salt
red pepper
black pepper
Chop the habaneros, garlic and onions and sauteed them a bit before adding the tamato paste (about 2 tbsp it looked like, for about 1 onion and 3 cloves of garlic). Add the salt, red pepper and black pepper to taste. Then, in the midst of everything, just crack the egg and plop it in...let it fry there in the stuff without turning them over. They should be sunny side up when you serve. Usually they eat it with plain yogurt/sour cream and bread.
How's that?
Oh, and the Borani Banjan Recipe, too
2 large eggplants
lots of oil
lots of garlic
salt
1 large can diced tomatoes, or 2 cans Italian style stewed tomatoes
plain yogurt
sour cream
Peel and slice your eggplant, into about 1/2" thick discs. Set them out on a paper towel and let drain for a WHILE (half an hour plus?).
Put some oil into a LARGE frying pan (lots and lots of oil)--probably 1/4 cup. Fry some garlic (about 3 cloves, chopped), and add eggplant slices, coating them well with the oil. As they begin to soften, add some stewed tomatoes, then some more garlic.
Stir, add more oil if it's abosorbed too quickly. Let stew/simmer on low.
When they start to fall apart, they are ready. To prepare to serve, take a platter/dish and spread sour cream on it. You can mix it with plain yogurt to make it even more sour. If you have access to Persian markets, buy their liquid Qurut and mix it with sour cream/plain yogurt. Spread the sour cream, etc. over the plate til it's in a thin coating.
Then Place the eggplants on it, covering with the tomatoes.
This shit is damned fine and delicious.
Thanks for the feedback people.
Relating to pictures, I might just photoshop them up like I did for the whiskey cake one.
Pariah: You go man! It looks great! I love the "sketchy" frame style you used.
Further, what Cram said, especially on the consistency part. For making chaotic-looking layouts, always remember the mantra: "you got to know the rules, before you break the rules", which means (in this case), it's better to start with a clean ordered layout and then break it down to make it look more "loose" and "messy" than to create a messy layout by not being ordered. take this as constructive advice, please. if you feel you cannot be arsed, that's fine too ;-)
Finally, I noticed you didn't include my "Toothpasta al Dente" recipe/story? Is it too long? Or because it's more like a story than a recipe (it's a good story, still). Link is on pg5 of this thread.
Finally finally, it might be cool to have a short semi-funny sort of text or paragraph next to the recipes that are just recipes and nothing else. Just to make it a bit more discordian-feel.
Oops must have passed that one up. I'll add together as quickly as possible.
I don't like the exact wording for my recipe so how about a little editing:
1 lb Pork brains (formerly beef brains. BEWARE THE PRIONS!!!)
1 Egg, beaten
1/2 c Flour
1/2 ts Baking powder
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Soak brains in salt water for roughly 10 minutes
Remove from brine, place in clear water and remove membrane.
Drain.
Beat in other ingredients with spoon. If too thin, add a small amount of flour; if too thick, add small amount of milk.
Fry on griddle until well done, turning once and only once!
Serve on buns with all the fixins, of course.
Suggested serving with a side of squirrel burgoo and a bottle of Double Cola. Followed by a fried candy bar for dessert.
BUMP - Pariah - where'd you go?
"Annihilated Prok of Egypt"
1 chunk pork loin: Marinade in balsamic vinegar, black and red peppers, paprika, cumin, adobo.
Wrap in 1/2 pack bacon.
Roast at 300 in a dutch oven for 2 + hours, or until JUST done.
Slice and eat. Serves well as sandwich, or on noodles / rice.
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=20512.0
Fuck sorry everyone.
Kind of dropped the ball on this one.
School's been a bitch recently and I haven't been able to go on PD or edit Fat Eris Cookbook as much.
Im going to start up again right . . . Now!
I'm breaking the next drafts into two stages
1) Fix all the mistakes and fix all the stuff you guys talked about
Publish that as the second draft
2) Scavenge for some more recipes add those
Revise as necessary.
bump for an idea: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=21491.msg730671#msg730671
Quote from: Agent Pariah on May 03, 2009, 11:41:24 PM
Im going to start up again right . . . Now!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/forumspecific/something-awful-eye.gif)
I had to watch that thing, with EXTREME trepidation...waiting for him to explode. Wigged me the fuck out, it did.
Quote from: Cramulus on October 20, 2009, 02:57:40 AM
Quote from: Agent Pariah on May 03, 2009, 11:41:24 PM
Im going to start up again right . . . Now!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/forumspecific/something-awful-eye.gif)
Not happening.
Sorry
I loved the omnomnomicon. It needs to be published.
Quote from: Agent Pariah on October 20, 2009, 04:56:37 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 20, 2009, 02:57:40 AM
Quote from: Agent Pariah on May 03, 2009, 11:41:24 PM
Im going to start up again right . . . Now!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/forumspecific/something-awful-eye.gif)
Not happening.
Sorry
No problem. can you post your .doc or other work-in-progress files so somebody can pick up where you left off?
Next time I get over to the mac side of things I'll be sure to do that
BUMP
because even though it's probably not going to be finished, the draft is still real fuckin' sexy
if you guys haven't seen it, check it out:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/14117857/The-Fat-Eris-Cookbook-Rough-Draft
Incidentally, my "Throw it In A Hot Bucket!" recipe might fit in here.
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=18015.msg814120#msg814120
Quote from: Cramulus on February 04, 2010, 04:30:33 PM
BUMP
because even though it's probably not going to be finished, the draft is still real fuckin' sexy
if you guys haven't seen it, check it out:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/14117857/The-Fat-Eris-Cookbook-Rough-Draft
Heeeeeyyyy, a recipe of mine is in there!
There are no pics of it!
If I make a batch of this and get you a picture of it, will it get added?
I recently harvested the forum for recipes, and threw them into one document for ease of checking, so if people want I may be able to take up the project (I've got a bit of free time too).
Three things to note:
1) I've Australian-ified it, ie changing the names of some of the ingredients to their Australian (read: proper) names.
2) It is a straight up cookbook, so I'll need to rewrite the recipes so they are slightly more funny (help with this might be nice as I am not the funniest person on the forum).
3) This will result in a lot more normal recipes than mindfuck recipes, not sure if that is a problem, but I thought I'd get your opinions on it.
So, if Pariah wants to send me the docs, I'll throw some shit in there.
I'm so glad this got bumped, because I lost my whiskey cake recipe and was afraid I'd never reproduce it properly again, which sucks because everyone always wants me to bring it.
I've been trying to re-invent it, this saves me a lot of effort. Woo!
Ok, because Pariah's left this one alone, and I like the idea I've started throwing something together, it looks similar, but I couldn't the original cookbook files, so I changed it a bit.
Anyway, I just started with the first chapter, it needs pics and editing, but I want to get some criticism along the way.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/30327416/Fat-Eris-Cookbook-Draft1
I took one of the recipes that was already in there, and added some more that I have saved.
Also, it is Australian-ified, but I can change that later on.
:D This is going to become a life saver
RUMCKLE I LEARNT HOW TO OPERATE THE STOVE BY MYSELF!!
Awesome!
Just don't burn your house down, or I'll feel bad for persuading you to cook. :)
Quote from: Cramulus on March 22, 2009, 04:32:46 PM
sweet - sweets (candy, cake and other just deserts)
boom - stuff you can make pretty quickly
pungent - something with a strong aroma - seafood? alcohol?
prickle - Something more complex (to counterpoint BOOM)?
orange - obviously something orange or that uses oranges
:fap:
as for formating ideas, i was thinking of BOLD and larger text size for ingredients. instrustions justifed with -><- as bullet points
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on May 26, 2010, 04:00:52 PM
Make cookie dough
Roll it into individual little balls
Freeze 'em for about two hours so they're super frozed
Make cupcake batter
Fill the cupcake tin/cuplets/whatever
Drop a cookie-dough-froze-ball on top of each cupcake
Bake for the normal amount of time for the cupcakes
The cookie dough will defrost, but not cook.
VOILA. COOKIE-DOUGH-FILLED CUPCAKES.
They are like crack.
:fap:
Quote from: Pēleus on May 25, 2010, 10:40:24 AM
as for formating ideas, i was thinking of BOLD and larger text size for ingredients. instrustions justifed with -><- as bullet points
I forgot I was doing this :oops:
Anyway, I'll try and make the ingredients bold/larger.
Not sure about the bullet points though, I like having numbers as it makes it easier to follow IMO, easier to remember what step you are up to and all that.
I would like to say that I'd be happy to do illustrations for the recipes that still lack pictures!
Ooh, some illustrations would nice, thanks Nast. :)
Quote from: Pēleus on May 25, 2010, 10:25:28 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on March 22, 2009, 04:32:46 PM
sweet - sweets (candy, cake and other just deserts)
boom - stuff you can make pretty quickly
pungent - something with a strong aroma - seafood? alcohol?
prickle - Something more complex (to counterpoint BOOM)?
orange - obviously something orange or that uses oranges
:fap:
:mittens:
prickle, maybe also hot things? peppers/vindaloo etc?
pungent >> just add loads of fish sauce :)
TAR BALL
As designed by Jamie and Terri,
proprietors of Dock of the Bay Bar at Sand Dollar Marina in Grande Isle, Louisiana
1 1/2 cups very hot, hot water
1 1/2 packs grape jello
4 oz Jagermeister
Mix ingredients until jello is disolved. Pour into single ounce plastic cups and cover.
Place covered cups into room temperature water for 5 minutes.
Move cups to freezer for one hour, then refrigerate until consuming.