PRESENTING....
INTERMITTENS ISSUE 6: LESSER POOP
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/cover.png)
see here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/14660538/Intermittens-6-Lesser-Poop
[Original Post]
(http://intermittens.theinvisiblecollege.com/images/stories/i_am_pooping.jpg)
Lesser Poop is a "Bathroom Reader" edition of Intermittens. It focuses on short submissions which you can enjoy during a brief shitting sitting. It's the perfect issue to leave in the bathrooms of coffee houses, bars, doctor's offices, etc.
Especially crude, stupid, or idiotic submissions are preferred. I am aiming for about 20-25 pages of low brow content. I may do some interviews, but I probably won't be running longer, more serious pieces. Think about stuff which would be fun to read while you're on the can.
In case you missed it, the title is a reference to this page of the PD: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/6.php
Calling Dibbs on these threads:
Very Short Stories
Awful Jokes Thread
Exercises to Mindfuck Yourself
Try out intermitten.org's brand new super powers by submitting stuff here (http://intermittens.theinvisiblecollege.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=49:intermittens-9-article-submissions&Itemid=63&layout=default). (you'll need a login)
I submitted something, and then noticed a typo in it. There are two "the" in a row. :(
Quote from: Nigel on April 10, 2009, 08:07:25 PM
I submitted something, and then noticed a typo in it. There are two "the" in a row. :(
That's why we have editors ;-)
:lulz: that's awesome, Nigel!
NSFW: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3061/2882365241_386bd5ee4a_m.jpg <---- Kerry Thornley had a huge dick! :eek:
Quote from: Cramulus on April 10, 2009, 08:16:54 PM
:lulz: that's awesome, Nigel!
NSFW: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3061/2882365241_386bd5ee4a_m.jpg <---- Kerry Thornley had a huge dick! :eek:
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: Holy shit, if that guy wasn't reality trolling with that, I don't know...
And yeah, who would have thought? Goddamn.
Quote from: Nigel on April 10, 2009, 08:23:14 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on April 10, 2009, 08:16:54 PM
:lulz: that's awesome, Nigel!
NSFW: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3061/2882365241_386bd5ee4a_m.jpg <---- Kerry Thornley had a huge dick! :eek:
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: Holy shit, if that guy wasn't reality trolling with that, I don't know...
And yeah, who would have thought? Goddamn.
Well, that explains why he had pretty young girls lined up even in the early 90's... "Thornleyettes" they were apparently called.
EWWWWWW
I'm wondering if it's actually a normal sized weenor but the dude is just so damn skinny it dwarfs him
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 11, 2009, 08:33:45 AM
I'm wondering if it's actually a normal sized weenor but the dude is just so damn skinny it dwarfs him
:lulz:
What's the deadline on this puppy? After Sunday my work schedule will relent (I think) and I'd like to throw in a couple of things.
I submitted my version of "Who Killed The Lulz" http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=18549.0
Tried to submit some sensory tricks, but they're not showing up :argh!:
Quote from: Richter on April 15, 2009, 03:03:38 PM
Tried to submit some sensory tricks, but they're not showing up :argh!:
Weird, yo. I see the article, but it doesn't show any content in it. WTF?
Quote from: Cainad on April 15, 2009, 03:05:10 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 15, 2009, 03:03:38 PM
Tried to submit some sensory tricks, but they're not showing up :argh!:
Weird, yo. I see the article, but it doesn't show any content in it. WTF?
Yes...that.
Article was what I tried to submit. Not jsut the tricks.
They may be gone forever. I'm nowhere NEAR coherent today.
you can only see submitted articles if you have an author login - so if you're not registered on the site, your submissions will be invisible to you after you submit them.
But how odd!! I see "Who Killed the Lulz II", and the other 4 articles that were there are now gone...
Ratatosk, do you know what's up?
as for deadline - I'm basically going to release this as soon as I'm done laying out the material I have. But fear not, that's taking FOREVER. If you submit stuff within the next week, it should be good.
Can I also say - this issue is coming out awesome. My first issue, I tried to rush through it and get it out ASAP to prove that anyone can do this with little effort. On this one, I'm seeing what it's like to actually spend time trying to make it look good. And it's hard! But also really exciting. I've never played with magazine layout, so everything I do is new and fresh to me.
QuoteThey may be gone forever.
:x
Quoteforever.
(http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/Smileys/default/icon_mad.gif)
Quote from: InCrandible! on April 15, 2009, 03:26:34 PM
you can only see submitted articles if you have an author login - so if you're not registered on the site, your submissions will be invisible to you after you submit them.
But how odd!! I see "Who Killed the Lulz II", and the other 4 articles that were there are now gone...
Ratatosk, do you know what's up?
They seem to me there from my view...
* Discordia in Theory and Practice -- with P3nt4gr4m ( 3 Articles )
* Operation Mindfuck - with Sheered Volva ( 0 Articles )
* Citation Needed -- with LMNO ( 6 Articles )
* Lesser Poop - with Cramulus ( 7 Articles )
* Uncategorized ( 2 Articles )
And Cram's right, when you submit an article, it goes into the editor's queue. They can then select what goes into their Intermittens issue and then publish the articles selected. If an article is not selected for a specific issue, it gets moved to a Uncategorized section where future editors can pull from....
as for deadline - I'm basically going to release this as soon as I'm done laying out the material I have. But fear not, that's taking FOREVER. If you submit stuff within the next week, it should be good.
Can I also say - this issue is coming out awesome. My first issue, I tried to rush through it and get it out ASAP to prove that anyone can do this with little effort. On this one, I'm seeing what it's like to actually spend time trying to make it look good. And it's hard! But also really exciting. I've never played with magazine layout, so everything I do is new and fresh to me.
QuoteThey may be gone forever.
:x
Quoteforever.
(http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/Smileys/default/icon_mad.gif)
oh wait, I see it now
I wasn't logged in
Richter, I've got your submissions! :mrgreen:
so far I've gotten submissions from
Enki
Nigel
Richter
& Cainad
thanks guys! :thumb:
Quote from: InCrandible! on April 15, 2009, 04:07:32 PM
oh wait, I see it now
I wasn't logged in
Richter, I've got your submissions! :mrgreen:
so far I've gotten submissions from
Enki
Nigel
Richter
& Cainad
thanks guys! :thumb:
You weren't loggedn in?
Spag...
:lulz:
:mrgreen: :Whew: ! I'm glad it went through!
:argh!: I just finished re - writing / editing my piece on sensory tricks.
I would like to submit ads. i has account now, but what format would they work best in? (at pesent, they are in screenplay format- a space consuming format. does it matter, anyway?)
The products i have ads for are Space Dockers Slacks™, Jinn Gin™, Mason-Dixon Cider™, and the Tampoon™.
What works best for you?
Be aware that the site is currently down due to my VPS being hosed. Hosed meaning that I switched from lighthttpd to apache and apache apparently ate all the memory. I can't currently log in to reboot it or anything, so we're waiting on their tech people to bomb it from orbit.
EDIT:
Bombed and fixt!!
Some excerpts from my Sit-Down Comedy (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=13348.0) thread:
QuoteSo, yesterday was a pretty rough day.
I went to the hair salon to get a trim.
The lady who was cutting my hair seemed to have some personal issues.
At one point she yelled out, "I hate myself and I want to dye."
It was a pretty hairy situation.
After I left there I went to get some coffee.
I was about to go in when this bum named Joe stopped me.
He asked me for some change so I gave him a buck.
He in turn handed me a cup of urine.
I suppose the bright side is that's the cheapest Cup of Joe you can get.
QuoteTomato, Tomato.
Let's call the whole thing off.
Or at least put it on hold.
We can ketchup later.
QuoteSo, I was feeling a little hoarse.
I figured it was about time for a drink.
I walked into the bar.
I asked for a drink.
The bartender asked why the long face.
I told him about my earlier escapades at the hair salon and the coffee shop.
I asked for a shot of whiskey.
He said they were out.
This made me rather mad.
At that point I started yelling at the bartender.
I called him some rather unsavory names.
He told me to leave.
I didn't, I started throwing shit around.
He called the police who promptly arrived.
So there I was, wild, hoarse, and they dragged me away.
QuoteDid you hear the one about the deaf Discordian?
Whut?
QuoteI walked into the bar last night.
Boy, did that smart!
Anyhow, I yelled out "Gin!"
Someone replied, "No dumbass, we're playing Black Jack!"
QuotePessimistic German: A Stitch in Time Saves Nein!
QuoteSo, I was watching the History channel the other day.
They had a fascinating program on King Arthur and his Round Table crew.
Apparently, there is a legend that Sir Lancelot was running an underground Moonshine operation.
The story goes that King Arthur caught wind of it and had his men destroy the equipment.
Yes, that's right, they broke the Still of the Knight.
QuoteAn Etch-A-Sketch was hanging out in a club.
A Lite-Brite and an Easy Bake oven come and sit next to him.
They lay out a few hits of Cocaine on the table.
The Etch-A-Sketch becomes visibly disturbed.
"What the hell guys! You know I can only do one continuous line!"
QuoteThe sheep approached the Farmer with Shear Terror.
:lulz:
nice... this thing is getting longer than I expected. I wanted a nice short 20 pager, but it's looking more like 28 or 30. That's A-OK!
thanks for those submissions.
What I need now is more Art. preferably images that are funny or weird, and are in the public domain. Hard to tell what's Public though...
Is your face public domain?
Heh heh, just kidding.
my face is creative commons. You can remix it (non commercially), but must attribute me as the source. Any faces which utilize elements of my face must carry the same license.
Ads for my Fake Products. Hope some are useful/weird enough.
I dunno when i can have my Tampoon™ ad ready by. If someone else wants to take a stab at the Tampoon™, it exactly what it sounds like: a tampon that doubles as an abortion.
Pics:
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/JINNBAR4-1.jpg)
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/JINNBAR-1.jpg)
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/JINNBAR2-1.jpg)
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/JinnGin1-1.jpg)
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/MasonDixonCider.jpg)
Quote from: Cramulus on April 20, 2009, 07:56:11 PM
:lulz:
nice... this thing is getting longer than I expected. I wanted a nice short 20 pager, but it's looking more like 28 or 30. That's A-OK!
thanks for those submissions.
What I need now is more Art. preferably images that are funny or weird, and are in the public domain. Hard to tell what's Public though...
I bet Katherine wouldn't mind you using the Cramicorn-with-sea-maggots shoop she did, or the Uniporny.
PRESENTING....
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/cover.png)
this shit is finally done:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/14660538/Intermittens-6-Lesser-Poop
well, almost done. I'm going to put an OFFICIAL stamp on this PDF sometime late on Monday. But I wanted to release it here first because I will inevitably see 100 typos as soon as I upload it.
If you've got writing in this Issue which you'd like pulled out, please contact me.
After the issue is finalized (in a little over 24 hours), no further edits will be made.
making zines using the rhythm method?
we need to teach you about safe text.
(hrhrhrrhrrhhrrhrrrrr)
:mittens:
Spread 14-15 needs the background image screened (lay over an 80-95% transparent white layer, then merge layers) or a similar technique.
Bravo!
oddly enough, that spread is fine on my computer (the background image is supposed to be like 70% transparent). Scribd's processing seems to bork it up and remove transparency. The copy I eventually toss on intermittens.org will be rendered properly.
So yesterday as I was getting off the train, my messenger bag full of Lesser Poop, I was stopped by a Jehova's Witness who had some literature to give me. she was in her mid 20s, large, black, shy.
I said, "Wanna trade? I'll read yours if you read mine."
She was hesitant.
I asked her what her lit was about. She said it was about helping people and how money isn't as important as people make it out to be. "A good cause!" I told her. She said, "Whats yours about?"
"Ehhh mostly scatological humor you can read while sitting on the toilet."
she seemed hesitant, but I wouldn't take her pamphlet until she took my magazine. So she took it and we parted ways.
Ten steps later I remembered what I wrote in the Introduction, and laughed long and hard.
BEAUTIFUL!
Also, my one sentence story wasn't credited as mine. Don't change it though, just wanted to point it out.
OOOPS you're totally right! -- my bad. Was difficult to track which authors I ended up using so I suspected that list wasn't entirely accurate. Will update later.
I forgot to edit properly:
Twice in Jinn Gin, the drink is called a whiskey sour. Should be Tom Collins. That's my bad, though, and if it's too late to fix, it's poop anyway, right?