It is traditional for me to impart great truths to you when I resurrect, and I shall continue this tradition with this - the first chapter of my Book of Prophecy.
1:1 In the third year of the reign of Hugh, Moderator of PD came Hustle, Moderator of Pimpsville unto Apple Talk, and besieged it.
1:2 And the Lord gave Hugh Moderator of PD into his hand, with part of the vessels of the house of Admin: which he carried into the land of Maine to the house of his Admins; and he brought the vessels into the treasure house of his Admins.
1:3 And the Moderator spake unto Rev. Uncle BadTouch the master of his eunuchs, that he should bring certain of the children of WOMP, and of the Moderator's seed, and of the princes;
1:4 Children in whom was no blemish, but well favoured, and skilful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as had ability in them to stand in the Moderator's palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Spags.
1:5 And the Moderator appointed them a daily provision of the Moderator's meat, and of the wine which he drank: so nourishing them three years, that at the end thereof they might stand before the Moderator.
1:6 Now among these were of the children of PD, Payne, Eve, Fred, and Cramulus:
1:7 Unto whom the prince of the eunuchs gave names: for he gave unto Payne the name of The Motherfucking Mesiah; and to Eve, of Kimmy Gibbler; and to Fred, of Noodle; and to Cramulus, of Shit on a Shoe.
1:8 But Payne purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the Moderator's meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.
1:9 Now The Great Admin had brought Payne into favour and tender love with the prince of the eunuchs.
1:10 And the prince of the eunuchs said unto Payne, I fear my lord the Moderator, who hath appointed your meat and your drink: for why should he see your faces worse liking than the children which are of your sort? then shall ye make me endanger my head to the Moderator.
1:11 Then said Payne to Sheered Volva, whom the prince of the eunuchs had set over Payne, Eve, Fred, and Cramulus,
1:12 Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink.
1:13 Then let our countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the Moderator's meat: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants.
1:14 So he consented to them in this matter, and proved them ten days.
1:15 And at the end of ten days their countenances appeared fairer and fatter in flesh than all the children which did eat the portion of the Moderator's meat.
1:16 Thus Sheered Volva took away the portion of their meat, and the wine that they should drink; and gave them pulse.
1:17 As for these four children, The Admin gave them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom: and Payne had understanding in all visions and dreams.
1:18 Now at the end of the days that the Moderator had said he should bring them in, then the prince of the eunuchs brought them in before Hustle.
1:19 And the Moderator communed with them; and among them all was found none like Payne, Eve, Fred, and Cramulus: therefore stood they before the Moderator.
1:20 And in all matters of wisdom and understanding, that the Moderator enquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and astrologers that were in all his realm.
1:21 And Payne continued even unto the first year of Moderator Faust.
:mittens: (and :lulz:)
Just wait till I actually start Prophesying.
You'll ALL regret it.
Chapter Two tomorrow.
:mittens: :mittens: :mittens:
Fuck it. Chapter Two NOW!
2:1 And in the second year of the reign of Hustle Hustle dreamed dreams, wherewith his spirit was troubled, and his sleep brake from him.
2:2 Then the Moderator commanded to call the magicians, and the astrologers, and the sorcerers, and the Spags, for to shew the Moderator his dreams. So they came and stood before the Moderator.
2:3 And the Moderator said unto them, I have dreamed a dream, and my spirit was troubled to know the dream.
2:4Then spake the Spags to the Moderator in Syriack, O Moderator, live for ever: tell thy servants the dream, and we will shew the interpretation.
2:5 The Moderator answered and said to the Spags, The thing is gone from me: if ye will not make known unto me the dream, with the interpretation thereof, ye shall be cut in pieces, and your houses shall be made a dunghill.
2:6 But if ye shew the dream, and the interpretation thereof, ye shall receive of me gifts and rewards and great honour: therefore shew me the dream, and the interpretation thereof.
2:7 They answered again and said, Let the Moderator tell his servants the dream, and we will shew the interpretation of it.
2:8 The Moderator answered and said, I know of certainty that ye would gain the time, because ye see the thing is gone from me.
2:9 But if ye will not make known unto me the dream, there is but one decree for you: for ye have prepared lying and corrupt words to speak before me, till the time be changed: therefore tell me the dream, and I shall know that ye can shew me the interpretation thereof.
2:10 The Spags answered before the Moderator, and said, There is not a man upon the earth that can shew the Moderator's matter: therefore there is no Moderator, lord, nor ruler, that asked such things at any magician, or astrologer, or Spag.
2:11 And it is a rare thing that the Moderator requireth, and there is none other that can shew it before the Moderator, except the gods, whose dwelling is not with flesh.
2:12 For this cause the Moderator was angry and very furious, and commanded to destroy all the wise men of Pimpsville.
2:13 And the decree went forth that the wise men should be slain; and they sought Payne and his fellows to be slain.
2:14 Then Payne answered with counsel and wisdom to Cainad the captain of the Moderator's guard, which was gone forth to slay the wise men of Pimpsville:
2:15 He answered and said to Cainad the Moderator's captain, Why is the decree so hasty from the Moderator? Then Cainad made the thing known to Payne.
2:16 Then Payne went in, and desired of the Moderator that he would give him time, and that he would shew the Moderator the interpretation.
2:17 Then Payne went to his house, and made the thing known to Eve, Fred, and Cramulus, his companions:
2:18 That they would desire mercies of the The Great Admin of heaven concerning this secret; that Payne and his fellows should not perish with the rest of the wise men of Pimpsville.
2:19 Then was the secret revealed unto Payne in a night vision. Then Payne blessed the Admin of heaven.
2:20 Payne answered and said, Blessed be the name of The Great Admin for ever and ever: for wisdom and might are his:
2:21 And he changeth the posts and the emoticons: he removeth Moderators, and setteth up Moderators: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:
2:22 He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the hidden posters, and the admin panel dwelleth with him.
2:23 I thank thee, and praise thee, O thou The Admins of my fathers, who hast given me wisdom and might, and hast made known unto me now what we desired of thee: for thou hast now made known unto us the Moderator's matter.
2:24 Therefore Payne went in unto Cainad, whom the Moderator had ordained to destroy the wise men of Pimpsville: he went and said thus unto him; Destroy not the wise men of Pimpsville: bring me in before the Moderator, and I will shew unto the Moderator the interpretation.
2:25 Then Cainad brought in Payne before the Moderator in haste, and said thus unto him, I have found a man of the captives of PD, that will make known unto the Moderator the interpretation.
2:26The Moderator answered and said to Payne, whose name was The Motherfucking Mesiah, Art thou able to make known unto me the dream which I have seen, and the interpretation thereof?
2:27 Payne answered in the presence of the Moderator, and said, The secret which the Moderator hath demanded cannot the wise men, the astrologers, the magicians, the soothsayers, shew unto the Moderator;
2:28 But there is a The Great Admin in heaven that revealeth secrets, and maketh known to the Moderator Hustle what shall be in the latter days. Thy dream, and the visions of thy head upon thy bed, are these;
2:29 As for thee, O Moderator, thy thoughts came into thy mind upon thy bed, what should come to pass hereafter: and he that revealeth secrets maketh known to thee what shall come to pass.
2:30 But as for me, this secret is not revealed to me for any wisdom that I have more than any living, but for their sakes that shall make known the interpretation to the Moderator, and that thou mightest know the thoughts of thy heart.
2:31 Thou, O Moderator, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible.
2:32 This image's head was of poor pixelly madness, his breast and his arms a statue found on Google Images, his belly and his thighs of a fat man found on Yahoo Image Search,
2:33 His legs of the brush tool of MSPaint, his feet part of the brush tool and part of inept use of the brush tool.
2:34 Thou sawest till that the image was cropped without hands, which smote the image upon his feet that were of the brush tool and part of inept use of the brush tool, and brake them to pieces.
2:35 Then was the brush tool, the fat man , the statue, and the poor pixelly madness, broken to pieces together, and became like the chaff of the summer threshing floors; and the wind carried them away, that no place was found for them: and the cropping tool that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth.
2:36 This is the dream; and we will tell the interpretation thereof before the Moderator.
2:37 Thou, O Moderator, art a Moderator of Moderators: for the Admin of heaven hath given thee a Moderatorship, power, and strength, and glory.
2:38 And wheresoever the children of men dwell, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the heaven hath he given into thine hand, and hath made thee ruler over them all. Thou art this head of poor pixelly madness.
2:39 And after thee shall arise another Moderatorship inferior to thee, and another third Moderatorship of fat men, which shall bear rule over all the earth.
2:40 And the fourth Moderatorship shall be strong as the brush tool: forasmuch as the brush tool breaketh in pieces and subdueth all things with WRATH: and as brush tool that breaketh all these, shall it break in pieces and bruise.
2:41 And whereas thou sawest the feet and toes, part of inept use of the brush tool, and part of the brush tool, the Moderatorship shall be divided; but there shall be in it of the strength of the brush tool, forasmuch as thou sawest the brush tool mixed with inept use therof.
2:42 And as the toes of the feet were part of brush tool, and part inept use therof, so the Moderatorship shall be partly WRATHful, and partly broken.
2:43 And in the days of these Moderators shall the Admin of heaven set up a Moderatorship, which shall never be destroyed: and the Moderatorship shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these Moderatorships, and it shall stand for ever.
2:45 Forasmuch as thou sawest that the cropping tool was used without hands, and that it brake in pieces the image; the great Admin hath made known to the Moderator what shall come to pass hereafter: and the dream is certain, and the interpretation thereof sure.
2:46 Then the Moderator Hustle fell upon his face, and worshipped Payne, and commanded that they should offer an oblation and sweet odours unto him.
2:47 The Moderator answered unto Payne, and said, Of a truth it is, that your Admin is a Admin of all Admins, and a Lord of Moderators, and a revealer of secrets, seeing thou couldest reveal this secret.
2:48Then the Moderator made Payne a great man, and gave him many great gifts, and made him ruler over the whole province of Pimpsville, and chief of the governors over all the wise men of Pimpsville.
2:49 Then Payne requested of the Moderator, and he set Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, over the affairs of the province of Pimpsville: but Payne sat in the pizza parlour of the Moderator.
:lulz: :lulz:
I don't get it.
Chapter the Third
3:1 Hustle the Moderator made a pizza of pepperoni, whose width was threescore cubits, and the depth thereof six cubits: he set it up in the plain of Discordian Recipes, in the province of Pimpsville.
3:2 Then Hustle the Moderator sent to gather together the princes, the governors, and the captains, the judges, the treasurers, the counsellors, the sheriffs, and all the rulers of the provinces, to come to the dedication of the pizza which Hustle the Moderator had set up.
3:3 Then the princes, the governors, and captains, the judges, the treasurers, the counsellors, the sheriffs, and all the rulers of the provinces, were gathered together unto the dedication of the pizza that Hustle the Moderator had set up; and they stood before the big pie that Hustle had set up.
3:4 Then an herald cried aloud, To you it is commanded, O people, nations, and languages,
3:5 That at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the great pizza that Hustle the Moderator hath baked:
3:6 And whoso falleth not down and worshippeth shall the same hour be cast into the midst of a burning pizza oven.
3:7 Therefore at that time, when all the people heard the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, and all kinds of musick, all the people, the nations, and the languages, fell down and worshipped the big pie that Hustle the Moderator had set up.
3:8 Wherefore at that time certain Spags came near, and accused the WOMP cabal.
3:9 They spake and said to the Moderator Hustle, O Moderator, live for ever.
3:10 Thou, O Moderator, hast made a decree, that every man that shall hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, and dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, shall fall down and worship the pizza:
3:11 And whoso falleth not down and worshippeth, that he should be cast into the midst of a burning pizza oven.
3:12 There are certain WOMP cabalites whom thou hast set over the affairs of the province of Pimpsville, Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe; these men, O Moderator, have not regarded thee: they serve not thy Admins, nor worship the big pie which thou hast baked.
3:13 Then Hustle in his rage and fury commanded to bring Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe. Then they brought these men before the Moderator.
3:14 Hustle spake and said unto them, Is it true, O Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, do not ye serve my admins, nor worship the tasty treat which I have set up?
3:15 Now if ye be ready that at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, and dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the massive fuck-off pie which I have made; well: but if ye worship not, ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning pizza oven; and who is that Admin that shall deliver you out of my hands?
3:16 Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, answered and said to the Moderator, O Hustle, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.
3:17 If it be so, our Admin whom we serve is able to deliver us from the oven, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O Moderator.
3:18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O Moderator, that we will not serve thy Admins, nor worship the pizza which thou hast set up.
3:19 Then was Hustle full of fury, and the form of his visage was changed against Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe: therefore he spake, and commanded that they should heat the oven seven times more than it was wont to be heated.
3:20 And he commanded the most mighty men that were in his army to bind Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, and to cast them into the pizza oven.
3:21 Then these men were bound in their coats, their hosen, and their hats, and their other garments, and were cast into the midst of the furnace.
3:22 Therefore because the Moderator's commandment was urgent, and the oven exceeding hot, the flames of the fire slew those men that took up Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe.
3:23 And these three men, Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.
3:24 Then Hustle the Moderator was astonied, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto the Moderator, True, O Moderator.
3:25 He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of an Admin.
3:26 Then Hustle came near to the mouth of the burning fiery furnace, and spake, and said, Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, ye servants of the most high Admin, come forth, and come hither. Then Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, came forth of the midst of the fire.
3:27 And the princes, governors, and captains, and the Moderator's counsellors, being gathered together, saw these men, upon whose bodies the fire had no power, nor was an hair of their head singed, neither were their coats changed, nor the smell of fire had passed on them.
3:28 Then Hustle spake, and said, Blessed be the Admin of Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, who hath sent his Beautiful Fairy Princess, and delivered his servants that trusted in him, and have changed the Moderator's word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any Admin, except their own Admin.
3:29 Therefore I make a decree, That every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the Admin of Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall be made a dunghill: because there is no other Admin that can deliver after this sort.
3:30 Then the Moderator promoted Kimmy Gibbler, Noodle, and Shit on a Shoe, in the province of Pimpsville.
Eldora was a mod? Yuo shore?
It's not supposed to be factual Hoops. It's PROPHECY!
ETA: You can advise a suitable replacement though, I won't mind. Bear in mind that I've been working on this while I've been offline so had no source to check facts and shit out.
This rocks.
Quote from: Payne on April 14, 2009, 03:35:59 AM
It's not supposed to be factual Hoops. It's PROPHECY!
ETA: You can advise a suitable replacement though, I won't mind. Bear in mind that I've been working on this while I've been offline so had no source to check facts and shit out.
Don't get me wrong, Payne, I loves it. Eldora just threw me off... I think she was a mod wannabe. Use Hugh.
This is amazing! :lulz:
However, it's "beautiful fairy princess".
Just saying.
HOLY FUCK!
This is teh greatest story evar told :mittens:
Sorry Roger, I fixed that for you.
Also Hoops, changed Eldora into Hugh.
4:1 Hustle the Moderator, unto all people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth; Peace be multiplied unto you.
4:2 I thought it good to shew the signs and wonders that the high Admin hath wrought toward me.
4:3 How great are his emoticons! and how mighty is his database! his Moderatorship is an everlasting Moderatorship, and his dominion is from server to server.
4:4 I Hustle was at rest in mine board, and flourishing in my forum:
4:5 I saw a dream which made me afraid, and the thoughts upon my bed and the visions of my head troubled me.
4:6 Therefore made I a decree to bring in all the wise men of Pimpsville before me, that they might make known unto me the interpretation of the dream.
4:7 Then came in the magicians, the astrologers, the Spags, and the soothsayers: and I told the dream before them; but they did not make known unto me the interpretation thereof.
4:8 But at the last Payne came in before me, whose name was The Motherfucking Mesiah, according to the name of my Admin, and in whom is the spirit of the holy gods: and before him I told the dream, saying,
4:9 O The Motherfucking Mesiah, master of the magicians, because I know that the spirit of the holy gods is in thee, and no secret troubleth thee, tell me the visions of my dream that I have seen, and the interpretation thereof.
4:10 Thus were the visions of mine head in my bed; I saw, and behold a longcat in the midst of the earth, and the height thereof was great.
4:11 The longcat grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth:
4:12 The fur thereof was fair, and the claws thereof much, and in it was meat for all: the beasts of the field had shadow under it, and the fowls of the heaven dwelt in the fur thereof, and all flesh was fed of it.
4:13 I saw in the visions of my head upon my bed, and, behold, a watcher and an holy one came down from heaven;
4:14 He cried aloud, and said thus, Hew down the longcat, and cut off his legs, shake off his fur, and scatter his claws: let the beasts get away from under it, and the fowls from his fur:
4:15 Nevertheless leave his tail in the earth, even with a band of iron and brass, in the tender grass of the field; and let it be wet with the dew of heaven, and let his portion be with the beasts in the grass of the earth:
4:16 Let his heart be changed from a cats, and let seven times pass over him.
4:17 This matter is by the decree of the watchers, and the demand by the word of the holy ones: to the intent that the living may know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the basest of men.
4:18 This dream I Moderator Hustle have seen. Now thou, O The Motherfucking Mesiah, declare the interpretation thereof, forasmuch as all the wise men of my Moderatorship are not able to make known unto me the interpretation: but thou art able; for the spirit of the holy gods is in thee.
4:19 Then Payne, whose name was The Motherfucking Mesiah, was astonied for one hour, and his thoughts troubled him. The Moderator spake, and said, The Motherfucking Mesiah, let not the dream, or the interpretation thereof, trouble thee. The Motherfucking Mesiah answered and said, My lord, the dream be to them that hate thee, and the interpretation thereof to thine enemies.
4:20 The longcat that thou sawest, which grew, and was strong, whose height reached unto the heaven, and the sight thereof to all the earth;
4:21 Whose fur was fair, and the claws thereof much, and in it was meat for all; under which the beasts of the field dwelt, and within whose fur the fowls of the heaven had their habitation:
4:22 It is thou, O Moderator, that art grown and become strong: for thy greatness is grown, and reacheth unto heaven, and thy dominion to the end of the earth.
4:23 And whereas the Moderator saw a watcher and an holy one coming down from heaven, and saying, Hew the cat down, and destroy it; yet leave the stump its tail thereof in the earth, even with a band of iron and brass, in the tender grass of the field; and let it be wet with the dew of heaven, and let his portion be with the beasts of the field, till seven times pass over him;
4:24 This is the interpretation, O Moderator, and this is the decree of the most High, which is come upon my lord the Moderator:
4:25 That they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of hostile forums, and they shall make thee to T.V. dinners, and they shall wet thee with the dew of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and seven times shall pass over thee, till thou know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
4:26 And whereas they commanded to leave the stump of the tail; thy Moderatorship shall be sure unto thee, after that thou shalt have known that the heavens do rule.
4:27 Wherefore, O Moderator, let my counsel be acceptable unto thee, and break off thy sins by righteousness, and thine iniquities by shewing no mercy to the trolls; if it may be a lengthening of thy tranquillity.
4:28All this came upon the Moderator Hustle.
4:29 At the end of twelve months he walked in the palace of the Moderatorship of Pimpsville.
4:30 The Moderator spake, and said, Is not this great Pimpsville, that I have built for the house of the Moderatorship by the might of my power, and for the honour of my majesty?
4:31 While the word was in the Moderator's mouth, there fell a voice from heaven, saying, O Moderator Hustle, to thee it is spoken; The Moderatorship is departed from thee.
4:32 And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of hostile forums: they shall make thee to eat T.V. dinners, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
4:33 The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Hustle: and he was driven from men, and did eat T.V. dinners, and his body was wet with the dew of Pabst Blue Ribbon, till his hairs were grown like eagles' feathers, and his nails like birds' claws.
4:34 And at the end of the days I Hustle lifted up mine eyes unto heaven, and mine understanding returned unto me, and I blessed the most High, and I praised and honoured him that liveth for ever, whose dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his Moderatorship is from generation to generation:
4:35 And all the inhabitants of the PD are reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and among the inhabitants of the PD: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou?
4:36 At the same time my reason returned unto me; and for the glory of my Moderatorship, mine honour and brightness returned unto me; and my counsellors and my lords sought unto me; and I was established in my Moderatorship, and excellent majesty was added unto me.
4:37 Now I Hustle praise and extol and honour the Moderator of heaven, all whose works are truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase.
4:31 is not properly formatted with the newness of line, and with the returneth of carriage and with the boldness of legend :argh!:
This is fucking incredible.
5:1 LMNO the Moderator made a great feast to a thousand of his lords, and drank wine before the thousand.
5:2 LMNO, whiles he tasted the wine, commanded to bring the golden and silver vessels which his father Hustle had taken out of the temple which was in Apple Talk; that the Moderator, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, might drink therein.
5:3 Then they brought the golden vessels that were taken out of the temple of the house of Admin which was at Apple Talk; and the Moderator, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, drank in them.
5:4 They drank wine, and praised the gods of goatse, and of tubgirl, of 2girls1cup, of midget pr0n, of lube, and of big gay cowboys.
5:5 In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaister of the wall of the Moderator's palace: and the Moderator saw the part of the hand that wrote.
5:6 Then the Moderator's countenance was changed, and his thoughts troubled him, so that his bowels were loosed, and his knees smote one against another.
5:7 The Moderator cried aloud to bring in the astrologers, the Spags, and the soothsayers. And the Moderator spake, and said to the wise men of Pimpsville, Whosoever shall read this writing, and shew me the interpretation thereof, shall be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about his neck, and shall be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:8 Then came in all the Moderator's wise men: but they could not read the writing, nor make known to the Moderator the interpretation thereof.
5:9 Then was Moderator LMNO greatly troubled, and his countenance was changed in him, and his lords were astonied.
5:10 Now the queen by reason of the words of the Moderator and his lords came into the banquet house: and the queen spake and said, O Moderator, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed:
5:11 There is a man in thy Moderatorship, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the Moderator Hustle thy father, the Moderator, I say, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Spags, and soothsayers;
5:12 Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Payne, whom the Moderator named The Motherfucking Mesiah: now let Payne be called, and he will shew the interpretation.
5:13 Then was Payne brought in before the Moderator. And the Moderator spake and said unto Payne, Art thou that Payne, which art of the children of the captivity of PD, whom the Moderator my father brought out of Jewry?
5:14 I have even heard of thee, that the spirit of the gods is in thee, and that light and understanding and excellent wisdom is found in thee.
5:15 And now the wise men, the astrologers, have been brought in before me, that they should read this writing, and make known unto me the interpretation thereof: but they could not shew the interpretation of the thing:
5:16 And I have heard of thee, that thou canst make interpretations, and dissolve doubts: now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:17 Then Payne answered and said before the Moderator, Let thy gifts be to thyself, and give thy rewards to another; yet I will read the writing unto the Moderator, and make known to him the interpretation.
5:18 O thou Moderator, the most high Admin gave Hustle thy father a Moderatorship, and majesty, and glory, and honour:
5:19 And for the majesty that he gave him, all boards, forums, and servers, trembled and feared before him: whom he would he slew; and whom he would he kept alive; and whom he would he set up; and whom he would he put down.
5:20 But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him:
5:21 And he was driven from the sons of men; and his heart was made like the beasts, and his dwelling was with the wild asses: they fed him with T.V. dinners, and his body was wet with Pabst Blue Ribbon; till he knew that the most high Admin ruled in the Moderatorship of men, and that he appointeth over it whomsoever he will.
5:22 And thou his son, O LMNO, hast not humbled thine heart, though thou knewest all this;
5:23 But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven; and they have brought the vessels of his house before thee, and thou, and thy lords, thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them; and thou hast praised the gods of goatse, and of tubgirl, of 2girls1cup, of midget pr0n, of lube, and of big gay cowboys, which see not, nor hear, nor know: and the Admin in whose hand thy breath is, and whose are all thy ways, hast thou not glorified:
5:24 Then was the part of the hand sent from him; and this writing was written.
5:25 And this is the writing that was written, PR0K, PR0K, WTFITF, WAYSA.
5:26 This is the interpretation of the thing: PR0K; The Great Admin hath eaten of thy Moderatorship, and finished it.
5:27 WTFITF; The Great Admin ate most well of thy pr0k, but was found yet wanting.
5:28 WAYSA; The Great Admin hath decreed thy Moderatorship is divided, and given to the Canadians and Scots.
5:29 Then commanded LMNO, and they clothed Payne with scarlet, and put a chain of gold about his neck, and made a proclamation concerning him, that he should be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:30 In that night was LMNO the Moderator of the Spags slain.
5:31 And Hoopla the Canadian took the Moderatorship, being about threescore and two years old.
Fie! I am slain!
:dies:
I still don't get it.
6:1 It pleased Hoopla to set over the Moderatorship an hundred and twenty princes, which should be over the whole Moderatorship;
6:2 And over these three presidents; of whom Payne was first: that the princes might give accounts unto them, and the Moderator should have no damage.
6:3 Then this Payne was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him; and the Moderator thought to set him over the whole realm.
6:4 Then the presidents and princes sought to find occasion against Payne concerning the Moderatorship; but they could find none occasion nor fault; forasmuch as he was faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him.
6:5 Then said these men, We shall not find any occasion against this Payne, except we find it against him concerning the law of his Great Admin.
6:6 Then these presidents and princes assembled together to the Moderator, and said thus unto him, Moderator Hoopla, live for ever.
6:7 All the presidents of the Moderatorship, the governors, and the princes, the counsellors, and the captains, have consulted together to establish a royal statute, and to make a firm decree, that whosoever shall ask a petition of any Admin or man for thirty days, save of thee, O Moderator, he shall be cast into the den of lions.
6:8 Now, O Moderator, establish the decree, and sign the writing, that it be not changed, according to the law of the Canadians and Scots, which altereth not.
6:9 Wherefore Moderator Hoopla signed the writing and the decree.
6:10 Now when Payne knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Apple Talk, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his Admin, as he did aforetime.
6:11 Then these men assembled, and found Payne praying and making supplication before his Admin.
6:12 Then they came near, and spake before the Moderator concerning the Moderator's decree; Hast thou not signed a decree, that every man that shall ask a petition of any Admin or man within thirty days, save of thee, O Moderator, shall be cast into TCC? The Moderator answered and said, The thing is true, according to the law of the Canadians and Scots, which altereth not.
6:13 Then answered they and said before the Moderator, That Payne, which is of the children of the captivity of PD, regardeth not thee, O Moderator, nor the decree that thou hast signed, but maketh his petition three times a day.
6:14 Then the Moderator, when he heard these words, was sore displeased with himself, and set his heart on Payne to deliver him: and he laboured till the going down of the sun to deliver him.
6:15 Then these men assembled unto the Moderator, and said unto the Moderator, Know, O Moderator, that the law of the Canadians and Scots is, That no decree nor statute which the Moderator establisheth may be changed.
6:16 Then the Moderator commanded, and they brought Payne, and cast him into TCC. Now the Moderator spake and said unto Payne, Thy Admin whom thou servest continually, he will deliver thee.
6:17 And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the Moderator sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose might not be changed concerning Payne.
6:18 Then the Moderator went to his palace, and passed the night fasting: neither were instruments of musick brought before him: and his sleep went from him.
6:19 Then the Moderator arose very early in the morning, and went in haste unto TCC.
6:20 And when he came to the den, he cried with a lamentable voice unto Payne: and the Moderator spake and said to Payne, O Payne, servant of the living Admin, is thy Admin, whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the Pagans?
6:21 Then said Payne unto the Moderator, O Moderator, live for ever.
6:22 My Admin hath sent his Beautiful Fairy Princess, and hath shut the Pagans mouths, that they have not flamed me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O Moderator, have I done no hurt.
6:23 Then was the Moderator exceedingly glad for him, and commanded that they should take Payne up out of the den. So Payne was taken up out of the den, and no manner of butthurt was found upon him, because he believed in his Admin.
6:24 And the Moderator commanded, and they brought those men which had accused Payne, and they cast them into TCC, them, their children, and their wives; and the Pagans had the mastery of them, and brake all their bones in pieces or ever they came at the bottom of the den.
6:25 Then Moderator Hoopla wrote unto all boards, forums, and servers, that dwell in all the tubes; Peace be multiplied unto you.
6:26 I make a decree, That in every dominion of my Moderatorship men tremble and fear before the Admin of Payne: for he is the living Admin, and stedfast for ever, and his Moderatorship that which shall not be destroyed, and his dominion shall be even unto the end.
6:27 He delivereth and rescueth, and he worketh signs and wonders in heaven and in earth, who hath delivered Payne from the power of the Pagans.
6:28 So this Payne prospered in the reign of Hoopla, and in the reign of Synaptyx the Scot.
Payne has truly died and been resurrected as a higher being.
7:1 In the first year of LMNO Moderator of Pimpsville Payne had a dream and visions of his head upon his bed: then he wrote the dream, and told the sum of the matters.
7:2 Payne spake and said, I saw in my vision by night, and, behold, the four winds of the heaven strove upon the great sea.
7:3 And four great trolls came up from the sea, diverse one from another.
7:4 The first was like a goth, and had diverse prejudices: I beheld till the skin thereof was pierced with hooks , and it was lifted up from the earth upon iron chains, and made stand upon the feet as a man, and a man's heart was given to it.
7:5 And behold another troll, a second, like to a clown, and it raised up itself on one side, and it had three musickal insruments in the mouth of it between the teeth of it: and they said thus unto it, Arise, produce outlandish sounds upon Man.
7:6 After this I beheld, and lo another, like an attention whore, which had upon it four heads; the troll had also two faces upon each head; and butthurt was given to it.
7:7 After this I saw in the night visions, and behold a fourth troll, dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly; and it had great iron teeth: it devoured and brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with the feet of it: and it was diverse from all the troll that were before it; and it had ten accounts.
7:8 I considered the accounts, and, behold, there came up among them another alt, before whom there were three of the first accounts plucked up by the passwords: and, behold, in this account were many posts, and a mouth speaking great things.
7:9 I beheld till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of days did sit, whose garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool: his throne was like the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire.
7:10 A fiery stream issued and came forth from before him: thousand thousands ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him: the judgment was set, and the admin panels were opened.
7:11 I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the alt account spake: I beheld even till the troll was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to burning flame wars.
7:12 As concerning the rest of the trolls, they had their dominion taken away: yet their lives were prolonged for a season and time.
7:13 I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him.
7:14 And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a Moderatorship, that all boards, forums, and servers, should serve him: his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his Moderatorship that which shall not be destroyed.
7:15 I Payne was grieved in my spirit in the midst of my body, and the visions of my head troubled me.
7:16 I came near unto one of them that stood by, and asked him the truth of all this. So he told me, and made me know the interpretation of the things.
7:17 These great trolls, which are four, are four Moderators, which shall arise out of the earth.
7:18 But the WSotTC of the most High shall take the Moderatorship, and possess the Moderatorship for ever, even for ever and ever.
7:19 Then I would know the truth of the fourth troll, which was diverse from all the others, exceeding dreadful, whose teeth were of iron, and his nails of brass; which devoured, brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with his feet;
7:20 And of his ten accounts, and of the other which came up, and before whom three fell; even of that account that had many posts, and a mouth that spake very great things, whose look was more stout than his fellows.
7:21 I beheld, and the same account made war with the WSotTC, and prevailed against them;
7:22Until the Ancient of days came, and judgment was given to the WSotTC of the most High; and the time came that the WSotTC possessed the Moderatorship.
7:23 Thus he said, The fourth troll shall be the fourth Moderatorship upon earth, which shall be diverse from all Moderatorships, and shall devour the whole earth, and shall tread it down, and break it in pieces.
7:24 And the ten accounts out of this Moderatorship are ten Moderators that shall arise: and another shall rise after them; and he shall be diverse from the first, and he shall subdue three Moderators.
7:25 And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the WSotTC of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time.
7:26 But the judgment shall sit, and they shall take away his dominion, to consume and to destroy it unto the end.
7:27 And the Moderatorship and dominion, and the greatness of the Moderatorship under the whole heaven, shall be given to the people of the WSotTC of the most High, whose Moderatorship is an everlasting Moderatorship, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.
7:28 Hitherto is the end of the matter. As for me Payne, my cogitations much troubled me, and my countenance changed in me: but I kept the matter in my heart.
Oh my god. :mittens:
8:1 In the third year of the reign of Moderator LMNO a vision appeared unto me, even unto me Payne, after that which appeared unto me at the first.
8:2 And I saw in a vision; and it came to pass, when I saw, that I was at Meta Forum in the palace, which is in the province of Site Matters; and I saw in a vision, and I was by the river of Limburgatory.
8:3 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and saw, and, behold, there stood before the river a poster which had two accounts: and the two accounts had high post counts; but one was higher than the other, and the higher came up last.
8:4I saw the poster pushing westward, and northward, and southward; so that no other poster might stand before him, neither was there any that could deliver out of his hand; but he did according to his will, and became great.
8:5 And as I was considering, behold, another poster came from the west on the face of the whole earth, and touched not the ground: and the goat had a notable account.
8:6 And he came to the poster that had two accounts, which I had seen standing before the river, and ran unto him in the fury of his power.
8:7 And I saw him come close unto the first poster, and he was moved with choler against him, and smote the asstard, and outed his two accounts: and there was no power in the poster to stand before him, but he cast him down to the ground, and stamped upon him: and there was none that could deliver the poster out of his hand.
8:8 Therefore the new poster waxed very great: and when he was strong, the great account was broken; and for it came up four notable alts toward the four winds of heaven.
8:9 And out of one of them came forth a little spaggoty alt, which waxed exceeding great, toward the south, and toward the east, and toward the pleasant land.
8:10 And it waxed great, even to the host of heaven; and it cast down some of the host and of the stars to the ground, and stamped upon them.
8:11 Yea, he magnified himself even to the prince of the host, and by him the daily sacrifice was taken away, and the place of the sanctuary was cast down.
8:12 And an host was given him against the daily sacrifice by reason of transgression, and it cast down the truth to the ground; and it practised, and prospered.
8:13 Then I heard one of the WSotTC speaking, and another of the WSotTC said unto that him which spake, How long shall be the vision concerning the daily sacrifice, and the transgression of desolation, to give both the sanctuary and the host to be trodden under foot?
8:14 And he said unto me, Unto two thousand and three hundred days; then shall the board be cleansed.
8:15 And it came to pass, when I, even I Payne, had seen the vision, and sought for the meaning, then, behold, there stood before me as the appearance of a man.
8:16 And I heard a man's voice between the banks of Limburgatory, which called, and said, Roger, make this man to understand the vision.
8:17 So he came near where I stood: and when he came, I was afraid, and fell upon my face: but he said unto me, Understand, O son of man: for at the time of the end shall be the vision.
8:18 Now as he was speaking with me, I was in a deep sleep on my face toward the ground: but he touched me, and set me upright.
8:19 And he said, Behold, I will make thee know what shall be in the last end of the indignation: for at the time appointed the end shall be.
8:20 The poster which thou sawest having two Accounts are the Moderators of Canada and Scotland.
8:21 And the second poster is the Moderator of Ireland: and the great account that is with him is the first Moderator.
8:22 Now that being broken, whereas four stood up for it, four Moderatorships shall stand up out of the nation, but not in his power.
8:23 And in the latter time of their Moderatorship, when the transgressors are come to the full, a Moderator of fierce countenance, and understanding dark sentences, shall stand up.
8:24 And his power shall be mighty, but not by his own power: and he shall destroy wonderfully, and shall prosper, and practise, and shall destroy the mighty and the holy people.
8:25 And through his policy also he shall cause craft to prosper in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart, and by peace shall destroy many: he shall also stand up against the Prince of princes; but he shall be broken without hand.
8:26 And the vision of the evening and the morning which was told is true: wherefore shut thou up the vision within a secret forum; for it shall be for many days.
8:27 And I Payne fainted, and was sick certain days; afterward I rose up, and did the Moderator's business; and I was astonished at the vision, but none understood it.
How the fuck are you able to do that so fast?
I had most of it typed out when I was offline.
I'm just tweaking it and making a few changes here and there now.
Well, it's awesome.
I bow before your prophecies.
It is pretty much the best fucking thing ever.
9:1 In the first year of Hoopla the son of Wade, of the seed of the Canadians, which was made Moderator over the realm of the Spags;
9:2 In the first year of his reign I Payne understood by books the number of the years, whereof the word of the LORD came to Penumbral the prophet, that he would accomplish seventy years in the desolations of Apple Talk.
9:3 And I set my face unto the Lord Admin, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
9:4 And I prayed unto the LORD my Admin, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful Admin, keeping the pledge and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
9:5 We have trolled, and have committed drama, and have done flame wars, and have over thrown our moderators, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
9:6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our Moderators, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
9:7 O LORD, the server belongeth unto thee, but unto us confusion of a poster of faces, as at this day; to the men of PD, and to the inhabitants of Apple Talk, and unto all WOMP, that are near, and that are far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
9:8 O Lord, to us belongeth confusion of face, to our Moderators, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have trolled against thee.
9:9 To the Lord our Admin belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
9:10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our Admin, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
9:11 Yea, all WOMP have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that is written in the law of Cain the servant of Admin, because we have trolled against him.
9:12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Apple Talk.
9:13 As it is written in the law of Cain, all these lame drama trolls is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the LORD our Admin, that we might turn from our flame wars, and understand thy truth.
9:14 Therefore hath the LORD watched upon the drama, and brought it upon us: for the LORD our Admin is righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
9:15 And now, O Lord our Admin, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Principia Discussion with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have trolled, we have not heeded the pledge.
9:16 O LORD, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from Apple Talk, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the trolling of our fathers, Apple Talk and thy people are become a reproach to all that are about us.
9:17 Now therefore, O our Admin, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy forum that is desolate, for the Lord's sake.
9:18 O my Admin, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the forum which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
9:19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my Admin: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
9:20 And whiles I was speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people WOMP, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my Admin for the holy mountain of my Admin;
9:21 Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Roger, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.
9:22 And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Payne, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding.
9:23 At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision.
9:24 Seventy weeks are determined upon thy people and upon Apple Talk, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of drama, and to make reconciliation for flame wars, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision and prophecy in a secret forum, and to anoint the most Holy.
9:25 Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the commandment to restore and to build Apple Talk unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and threescore and two weeks: the thread shall be unlocked again, and the wall, even in troublous times.
9:26 And after threescore and two weeks shall the Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary; and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined.
9:27 And he shall confirm the pledge with many for one week: and in the midst of the week he shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease, and for the overspreading of abominations he shall make it desolate, even until the consummation, and that determined shall be poured upon the desolate.
Quote from: Nigel on April 14, 2009, 06:10:58 PM
It is pretty much the best fucking thing ever.
I second this.
I think we are witnessing the birth of The Chronicles of PD, a Holy Text.
10:1 In the third year of Synaptyx Moderator of Scotland a thing was revealed unto Payne, whose name was called The Motherfucking Mesiah; and the thing was true, but the time appointed was long: and he understood the thing, and had understanding of the vision.
10:2 In those days I Payne was mourning three full weeks.
10:3 I ate no pleasant bacon, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I masturbate myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
10:4 And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which is Limburgatory;
10:5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold
10:6 His body also was like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude.
10:7 And I Payne alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves.
10:8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no WRATH.
10:9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground.
10:10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands.
10:11 And he said unto me, O Payne, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
10:12 Then said he unto me, Fear not, Payne: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy Admin, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
10:13 But the prince of the Moderatorship of Scotland withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Roger, one of the chief Beautiful Fairy Princesses, came to mock me; and I remained there with the Moderators of Scotland.
10:14 Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision is for many days.
10:15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb.
10:16 And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no WRATH.
10:17 For how can the servant of this my lord talk with this my lord? for as for me, straightway there remained no WRATH in me, neither is there breath left in me.
10:18 Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me,
10:19 And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be WRATHful, yea, be WRATHful. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me.
10:20Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Scotland: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Ireland shall come.
10:21 But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and there is none that holdeth with me in these things, but Roger your prince.
11:1 Also I in the first year of Hoopla the Canadian, even I, stood to confirm and to strengthen him.
11:2 And now will I shew thee the truth. Behold, there shall stand up yet three Moderators in Scotland; and the fourth shall be far richer than they all: and by his strength through his riches he shall stir up all against the realm of Ireland.
11:3 And a mighty Moderator shall stand up, that shall rule with great dominion, and do according to his will.
11:4 And when he shall stand up, his Moderatorship shall be broken, and shall be divided in twain; and not to his posterity, nor according to his dominion which he ruled: for his Moderatorship shall be plucked up, even for others beside those.
11:5 And the Rebel Alliance shall be strong, and one of his princes; and he shall be strong above him, and have dominion; his dominion shall be a great dominion.
11:6 And in the end of years they shall join themselves together; for the Leader of the Rebel Alliance's daughter shall come to the Moderator of PD to make an agreement: but she shall be given up, and they that brought her.
11:7 But from her shall one stand up in his estate, which shall come with an army, and shall enter into the fortress of the Moderator of PD, and shall deal against them, and shall prevail:
11:8 And shall also carry captives into Rebel Territory their
Admins, with their princes, and with their precious B.I.P. and Intermittens; and he shall continue more years than the Moderator of PD.
11:9 So the Leader of the Rebel Alliance shall come into his Moderatorship, and shall return into his own land.
11:10 But his sons shall be stirred up, and shall assemble an Iron Troll Brigade: and one shall certainly come, and overflow, and pass through: then shall he return, and be stirred up, even to his hidden base..
11:11 And the Rebel Alliance shall be moved with choler, and shall come forth and fight with him, even with the Moderator of PD: and he shall set forth a great multitude of trolls; but the multitude shall be given into his hand.
11:12 And when he hath taken away the multitude, his troll will be stepped up; and he shall flame many ten thousands: but he shall not be strengthened by it.
11:13 For the Moderator of PD shall return, and shall set forth a multitude greater than the former, and shall certainly come after certain years with a great army and with much screenshots.
11:14 And in those times there shall many stand up against the Rebel Alliance: also the mockers of thy people shall exalt themselves to establish the vision; but they shall fail hard.
11:15 So the Moderator of PD shall come, and cast up a DDOS, and take the most secret forums: and the trolls of the Rebels shall not withstand, neither his chosen people, neither shall there be any strength to withstand.
11:16 But he that cometh against him shall do according to his own will, and none shall stand before him: and he shall stand in the glorious land, which by his hand shall be consumed.
11:17 He shall also set his face to enter with the strength of his whole Moderatorship, and upright ones with him; thus shall he do: and he shall give him the daughter of women, corrupting her: but she shall not stand on his side, neither be for him.
11:18 After this shall he turn his face unto the Pagans, and shall take many: but a prince for his own behalf shall cause the reproach offered by him to cease; without his own reproach he shall cause it to turn upon him.
11:19 Then he shall turn his face toward the Discordians: but he shall stumble and fall, and not be found.
11:20 Then shall stand up in his estate a Pinealist in the glory of the Moderatorship: but within few days he shall be destroyed but not in battle.
11:21 And in his estate shall stand up a vile Spag, to whom they shall not give the honour of the Moderatorship: but he shall come in peaceably, and obtain the Moderatorship by flatteries.
11:22 And with a flood of trolls shall they be overflown from before him, and shall be broken; yea, also the prince of the pledge.
11:23 And after the league made with him he shall work deceitfully: for he shall come up, and shall become strong with a small people.
11:24 He shall enter peaceably even upon the greatest boards of the forum; and he shall do that which no other Moderators have done; he shall scatter among them the prey, and spoil, and riches: yea, and he shall abuse the admin panel against the strong holds, even for a time.
11:25 And he shall stir up his power and his courage against the Rebel Alliance with a great army; and the Rebel Alliance shall be stirred up to battle with very great and mighty trolls; but they shall not stand: for the Moderator of PD shall use the admin panel against them..
11:26 Yea, the Rebel Alliance will be banned, and his trolls shall lose their accounts: and many shall fall down IP banned.
11:27 And both of these leaders hearts shall be to do mischief, and they shall speak lies at one table; but it shall not prosper: for yet the end shall be at the time appointed.
11:28 Then shall he return into his land with great screenshots; and his heart shall be against the pledge; and he shall exploit security loopholes, and return to his own land.
11:29 At the time appointed he shall return, and come toward the Rebels.
11:30 But the trolls of Pagans shall come against him: and he shall be grieved, and return, and have indignation against the pledge: so shall he do; he shall even return, and allay them that forsake the pledge.
11:31 And trolls and flamers and script kiddies shall stand on his part, and they shall pollute the forum, and shall take away the daily horrormirth, and they shall place the abomination that maketh mass bannings.
11:32 And such as do wickedly against the pledge shall he corrupt by flatteries: but the people that do know their Admin shall be strong, and do exploits against him.
11:33 And they that understand among the people shall instruct many: yet they shall fall by the Iron Troll Technique, and by flames, by DDOS, and by trollings, many days.
11:34 Now when they shall fall, they shall be given a little help: but many shall be deceived with flatteries.
11:35 And some of them of understanding shall fall, to test, and to step, and to make them WRATHful, even to the time of the end: because it is yet for a time appointed.
11:36 And the Moderator of PD shall do according to his will; and he shall exalt himself, and magnify himself above every Admin, and shall speak marvellous things against the Admin of Admins, and shall prosper till the indignation be accomplished: for that that is determined shall be done.
11:37 Neither shall he regard the Admin of his fathers, nor the desire of tubgirl, nor regard any Admin: for he shall magnify himself above all.
11:38 But in his estate shall he honour the Admin force: that which he shall honour with screenshots, and lail, and with horormirth, and bacon.
11:39 Thus shall he do in the most strong holds with a strange Admin, whom he shall acknowledge and increase with glory: and he shall cause them to rule over many, and shall divide the forum for gain.
11:40 And at the time of the end shall the Rebel Alliance push at him: and the Moderator of PD shall come against him like a whirlwind, with HIMEOBS, and with ITB, and with WSotTC; and he shall enter into the boards, and shall defeat those that arm themselves against him..
11:41 He shall stretch forth his hand also upon all the boards: and the
boards of the Rebels shall not escape.
11:42 But he shall have power over the trolls and of projects, and over all the precious things of Rebels: and the Pinealists shall be at his steps.
11:43 But tidings out of the Pagan forums and out of the Goth forums shall trouble him: therefore he shall go forth with great fury to destroy, and utterly to make away many.
11:44 Yet finally he shall come to his end, and none shall help him.
12:1 And at that time shall Roger stand up, the Beautiful Fairy Princess which
standeth for the children of PD: and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a forum even to that same time: and at that time thy people shall be delivered, every one that shall be found written in a secret forum.
12:2 And many of them that known only in the dust of the member list shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.
12:3And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.
12:4 But thou, O Payne, shut up the words, and seal them in a secret forum, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.
12:5 Then I Payne looked, and, behold, there stood other two, the one on this side of the bank of Limburgatory, and the other on that side of the bank of Limburgatory.
12:6 And one said to the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, How long shall it be to the end of these wonders?
12:7 And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half; and when he shall have accomplished to scatter the power of the PD people, all these things shall be finished.
12:8 And I heard, but I understood not: then said I, O my Lord, what shall be the end of these things?
12:9 And he said, Go thy way, Payne: for the words are closed up and sealed in a secret forum till the time of the end.
12:10 Many shall be purified, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.
12:11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the admin panel that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.
12:12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days.
12:13 But go thou thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days.
That's it folks.
My prophecies. A lot of work went into them, and I actually enjoyed every minute, but am I fuck doing THAT again.
holy mother of :mittens:
I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells. or, if not, it's still Great!
Now that I think about it, would it be possible to move this to Or Kill Me please?
I thought it was going to turn out like the usual Apple Talk stuff, but I really like this.
YUO really like this? Holy fucking shitballs, this is the best evar, Payne. Damn and damn again. Bravo, etc. and all that. Wow.
*speechless*
Intermittens, Y'All. Word.
This, combined with the Chao te Ching, are Heralds of PD.com's Third Circuit Rebirth.
About fucking time.
Quote from: Burns on April 14, 2009, 11:14:57 PM
holy mother of :mittens:
I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells. or, if not, it's still Great!
I already have this thing copied into a pdf, for ease of reading. If anyone wants to submit some graphics, then it shouldn't be too hard to make something coolio. O'course, i'm not the best at the whole design thing, so if anyone else is planning on/already started making this then go ahead. :P
Also, would it be an idea to say, put a coupla chapters in each issue of intermittens? Cause we pretty much got 4/5 issue's worth of stuff here. Could be a running feature.
Quote from: The Borderline Simpleton on April 15, 2009, 12:50:13 PM
Quote from: Burns on April 14, 2009, 11:14:57 PM
holy mother of :mittens:
I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells. or, if not, it's still Great!
I already have this thing copied into a pdf, for ease of reading. If anyone wants to submit some graphics, then it shouldn't be too hard to make something coolio. O'course, i'm not the best at the whole design thing, so if anyone else is planning on/already started making this then go ahead. :P
Also, would it be an idea to say, put a coupla chapters in each issue of intermittens? Cause we pretty much got 4/5 issue's worth of stuff here. Could be a running feature.
I'm on it. Should be finished tonight.
I haven't had time to read all of this yet, but what I've read so far is fucking aces! Good show Mr. Payne. Good show.
I give this 11 fake messiah's brutally martyred out of 10.
Also, moving to OKM.
Quote from: Cain on April 15, 2009, 01:47:57 PM
I give this 11 fake messiah's brutally martyred out of 10.
Also, moving to OKM.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/mustachepipe.gif)
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 15, 2009, 01:26:54 PM
Quote from: The Borderline Simpleton on April 15, 2009, 12:50:13 PM
Quote from: Burns on April 14, 2009, 11:14:57 PM
holy mother of :mittens:
I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells. or, if not, it's still Great!
I already have this thing copied into a pdf, for ease of reading. If anyone wants to submit some graphics, then it shouldn't be too hard to make something coolio. O'course, i'm not the best at the whole design thing, so if anyone else is planning on/already started making this then go ahead. :P
Also, would it be an idea to say, put a coupla chapters in each issue of intermittens? Cause we pretty much got 4/5 issue's worth of stuff here. Could be a running feature.
I'm on it. Should be finished tonight.
K. Payne did say so in IRC, but I'ma prolly go ahead and make an alternate version as well, if you don't mind?
Quote from: LMNO on April 15, 2009, 12:46:40 PM
This, combined with the Chao te Ching, are Heralds of PD.com's Third Circuit Rebirth.
About fucking time.
fuck yeah dude
the last few months have been like "ehhh this board sucks - it's all ehhhhhhh"
but now we seem to be in full-steam production mode and it's GLORIOUS.
King P3nT edition is released (http://www.scribd.com/doc/14258676/The-Gospel-of-Payne)
I came
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 15, 2009, 08:15:23 PM
King P3nT edition is released (http://www.scribd.com/doc/14258676/The-Gospel-of-Payne)
oshit i can't compete with that. :mittens:
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 15, 2009, 08:15:23 PM
King P3nT edition is released (http://www.scribd.com/doc/14258676/The-Gospel-of-Payne)
You messed up the end of chapter one and the start of chapter two.
And there are a few places where there are no breaks between verses.
Other than that, it's a bang up job.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/mustachepipe.gif)
This is divine! Bravo! (also nice new edition!)
Quote from: Payne on April 16, 2009, 02:08:14 AM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 15, 2009, 08:15:23 PM
King P3nT edition is released (http://www.scribd.com/doc/14258676/The-Gospel-of-Payne)
You messed up the end of chapter one and the start of chapter two.
And there are a few places where there are no breaks between verses.
Other than that, it's a bang up job.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/mustachepipe.gif)
I'll have a look at it tonight
Oh, now I get it.
It wasn't about me, so 0/10.
-toa,
you all exist to entertain me
Edit: ;)
Jesus.
No. "Payne".
Right. Sorry.
Payne.
fixed pdf will be delayed - I have a sick PC on my hands. Suspect either a dying HD or bios probs. Gonna try and get the data off it tonight then flatten it and see hat's what but I gotta run a drivecheck which looks like it's going to be the rest of the night :mad:
Hhe, no problem, I just thought a perfectionist such as yourself would want to know.
Fuck yeah - I'll get it sorted, don't you worry
BTW - has anyone noticed it runs to 23 pages :tinfoilhat:
*edit* this fread is now about applying the law of fives to paynes holy vision to provide evidence that there is a secret code, embedded in it that even God wasn't aware of :eek:
oh there's a secret code in it all right :fnord:
There actually are some codes and allusions to other, secret, things in it.
That's the whole point of these things, isn't it?
Thanks for including me in your prophecy! But I'm afraid I have some bad news.
You've been completely ripped off! There's this guy with the Discordian name of Belteshazzar who stole your work and got it published! I did some checking, and found out his real name is Daniel. Unfortunately, I haven't found his last name yet, but I did learn he's Jewish and from Iraq.
It's obvious that he ripped you off just from the first two verses of your two works.
Here's yours:
Quote from: Payne on April 14, 2009, 02:18:21 AM
1:1 In the third year of the reign of Hugh, Moderator of PD came Hustle, Moderator of Pimpsville unto Apple Talk, and besieged it.
1:2 And the Lord gave Hugh Moderator of PD into his hand, with part of the vessels of the house of Admin: which he carried into the land of Maine to the house of his Admins; and he brought the vessels into the treasure house of his Admins.
And here's his:
Quote1:1In the third year of the reign of Jeholakim king of Judah came Nebuchadnezzer king of Babylon unto Jerusalem, and besieged it.
1:2 And the Lord gave Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hand, with part of the vessels of the house of God: which he carried into the land of Shinar to the house of his god; and he brought the vessels into the treasure house of his god.
Maybe you can bring a lawsuit against this Belteshazzar. :argh!:
:lulz:
Bump, as per LMNO's suggestion.
Oh, woot, and such.
Also, Uncle BadTouch ruins the joke, ITT.
Quote from: Payne on April 14, 2010, 07:28:21 PM
Also, Uncle BadTouch ruins the joke, ITT.
Uncle BadTouch always ruins the joke.