I speak for a living. This gives me a very deep seated attachment to the language I use, the developments, and changes in it. There are some I can take in stride, and others that grate my fucking nerves.
Leverage
I hear a lot more uses of "Leverage" these days. In business, someone might say that they plan to leverage market share, holdings, etc.. Google might "leverage" their position as one of the only fucking worthwhile search engines to make more money by offering priority seating in their databank to whoever the fuck will pay. A bank may "leverage" their loan holding by selling off the debt (Not no more skippy! China ain't buying.). Either way, this means you're probably being a dick, and trying to put a nice face on it. An individual might leverage something they have access or skill in. "I made sure I was cutting this metal right by leveraging my CAD program", was one odd sentiment I recently stumbled over. The Apple Store may offer to let you leverage their Geniuses.
No.
Fucking NO.
You are USING these things.
They are services, products, or circumstances that you are utilizing because they are there. You have no additional ownership, mastery, or control just because you use the name of a simple machine to describe it. You are impressing NO ONE. You may be trying to hide something. I suspect you might be trying to rape me. You may be a pretentious fuck. Wait, no, YOU ARE.
I certainly am, but I speak plainly.
Fall in a hole and die.
"Bonus!"
You realize this is slang that crept down from Canada, and it's first exposure in the USA was through "For Better or For Worse", right? If you use this pointless, puerile exclamation, this fact should fill you with shame. Are you a fucking video game? That's what you sound like. That's right, you're now in the same category as people who whistle the Zelda noise and twirl whenever they pick up an item, announce constantly that they've obtained an "Achievement", or use Leetspeak around the uninitiated.
Self flagellate and take a vow of silence.
RAH! Remind me never to butcher the English language in front of you.
also,
Quote from: Richter on July 30, 2009, 01:22:36 PM
That's right, you're now in the same category as people who whistle the Zelda noise and twirl whenever they pick up an item
You mean that's
wrong? :cry:
Once, occasionally, or done witht act is cute, sure. WHEN IT'S THE TENTH FUCKING TIEM TODAY YOU'VE PICKED UP YOUR COFFEE CUP, I DRAW A LINE. THESE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATE.
FUCK.
NEXT THE GASTROPODS WILL BE DOING THAT "DOODEEDOO" NOISE FROM STARFOX ADVENTURES. :crankey:
Please continue.
Ownership
Here's how it works. When you pay for something; no lease, no payment plan, no rental agreement THEN you own it. When that car / house / TV is YOURS and you frot shaemlessly with it because you need never worry about depreciating the value THEN you own it. (Hence, you can never really own things you buy becasue they are "collectibles". This is an important point.)
You do not have "ownership" of the project at work. That project owns you. You do not have "ownership" of that issue with the Salazorian hedge Fund, but you BETTER get it fixed or you're a dead motherfucker.
This is your boss trying to twist your materialistic hot sticky fingered hoarding grubbery into better work ethic. Hell I would too.
You cannot own (or pwn, if you must) a person. You can achieve glorious temporary victory, but s long as they have a pulse, they'll likely try to return the favor.
Don't delude yourself, my drinking doesn't need the alterior motive of numbing my mind to the banality of your shit.
Appendix 1: Using people's Funny Words Against Them
During my formative years a former Marine told me that shit, dressed up real nice, painted gold, perfumed, and packaged very well (Like an Apple computer product.) is STILL shit. He was right.
Life has taught me that if you do these things, label it "La Merde", get it onto a coutner at "Sears" or "Macy's", and most people will buy it and harp over it's exfoliating and moisturizing qualities.
If you are around the kind of shallow people who are impressed by these things, WORK IT. Take Ownership of the opportunity, Leverage the silly language to your advantage, and exclaim Bonus! when they throw money at you. For extra effect, grab teh projector, spin and twirl while whistle a funny video game noise.
You are now a consultant.
next- FUNDAMENTALLY
:lol: This fread reminds me of this book on Spin-Doctoring that came out in the 90's...it went on in very much the same vein.
My little contribution:
To beg the question does NOT mean that the situation has caused you to ask the question. It means that you gave a non-answer, as in the following example:
"Why do you like fapping?"
"I like fapping because it's my favorite pastime."
Alright, I think most people can be forgiven for this one. At this point in our linguistic history the original meaning of the phrase has all but fallen out of use, and to be fair it sure sounds like it means what most people think it means.
But what people think it means is WRONG. And in future generations the original meaning of the phrase will have died out entirely and they will be plagued by a spectre of WRONGNESS, the nature of which they cannot hope to understand and which will follow them unto the destruction of humanity! :argh!:
See, the notion of "wrong" vs. "right" is too funny for me...but I know how it goes because everytime I hear "nukyular" I just pop a vein in my neck.
Quote from: Richter on July 30, 2009, 01:38:32 PM
Once, occasionally, or done witht act is cute, sure. WHEN IT'S THE TENTH FUCKING TIEM TODAY YOU'VE PICKED UP YOUR COFFEE CUP, I DRAW A LINE. THESE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATE.
FUCK.
NEXT THE GASTROPODS WILL BE DOING THAT "DOODEEDOO" NOISE FROM STARFOX ADVENTURES. :crankey:
Now see, I occasionally do it at the pub when I get a pint.
I invariably declare "You're getting pissed!"
Quote from: Payne on July 30, 2009, 07:26:30 PM
Quote from: Richter on July 30, 2009, 01:38:32 PM
Once, occasionally, or done witht act is cute, sure. WHEN IT'S THE TENTH FUCKING TIEM TODAY YOU'VE PICKED UP YOUR COFFEE CUP, I DRAW A LINE. THESE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATE.
FUCK.
NEXT THE GASTROPODS WILL BE DOING THAT "DOODEEDOO" NOISE FROM STARFOX ADVENTURES. :crankey:
Now see, I occasionally do it at the pub when I get a pint.
I invariably declare "You're getting pissed!"
:lulz:
Leverage in business talk=We're gonna violate the Sherman act with a baseball bat and no lube. But we're calling it leverage so its not actually illegal.
Ok. Which businesses have you heard it used in?
It's been used outside Sherman Act country in a lot of workplace meetings I've been in.
Quote from: Richter on July 31, 2009, 03:53:12 AM
Ok. Which businesses have you heard it used in?
It's been used outside Sherman Act country in a lot of workplace meetings I've been in.
Everyone I work with laughs about that sort of gibberish. Except my boss, and when he gets too excited, we lock him in the server room and send all his memos through the shredder.
He'll thank us, one day. 50 years old is too old to talk like a moron.
Quote from: Richter on July 31, 2009, 03:53:12 AM
Ok. Which businesses have you heard it used in?
It's been used outside Sherman Act country in a lot of workplace meetings I've been in.
I've only ever seen it used by Google and Microsoft.
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Yes, I actually heard the above sentence used. For real.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:42:38 PM
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Yes, I actually heard the above sentence used. For real.
:x :x
What does it really mean? Work your employees till they die of exhaustion?
"Get your employees excited about finishing the important project."
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:57:46 PM
"Get your employees excited about finishing the important project."
moar porn - srsly
Or free beer hour.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:42:38 PM
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Doesn't "bleeding edge" form an oxymoron with "turnkey"? And neither sound desirable for something "mission critical". If you have competent people who can see this, then why would you want to give them an incentive to go against their better judgement? Unless you intend to use those very same people to create a false incentive to motivate the rest of the organisation into FAIL.
Which is the only meaning I can extract from that. In other words: "Let's thwart the system from within, by pitting it against itself!" I'd watch this person very closely as they obviously have strong Discordian tendencies.
I watch that person closely, because they're a moron.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:57:46 PM
"Get your employees excited about finishing the important project."
And they couldn't just say that?
Is this jargon a secret language to keep the rest of humanity from figuring out their devious plans?
It's a secret language to keep employees from realizing their managers are incompetent and borderline retarded.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 05:42:59 PM
It's a secret language to keep employees from realizing their managers are incompetent and borderline retarded.
Should be easy enough to convince them of the truth.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 05:42:59 PM
It's a secret language to keep employees from realizing their managers are incompetent and borderline retarded.
That's why they get MBAs.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:42:38 PM
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Yes, I actually heard the above sentence used. For real.
That's when I reach for the bludgeon.
"incent" what the fuck is that shit? :crankey:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on July 31, 2009, 06:44:22 PM
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:42:38 PM
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Yes, I actually heard the above sentence used. For real.
That's when I reach for the bludgeon.
"incent" what the fuck is that shit? :crankey:
its a verb Roger . . . you obviously don't got an MBA [Must Be an Asshole]
And you thought George W Bush was mangling the language...
...wait, he was an MBA, too... "Strategery" makes sense, now.
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 06:53:06 PM
And you thought George W Bush was mangling the language...
...wait, he was an MBA, too... "Strategery" makes sense, now.
We must strategerize our core...UNNNNNNNNNNNG! I CAN'T DO IT!
Easy on that ticker, old man!
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 07:03:24 PM
Easy on that ticker, old man!
Bah! If I can't rage out, why live?
Honestly, I thought this thread would be about Noam Chomsky.
Quote from: Anton on July 31, 2009, 08:37:07 PM
Honestly, I thought this thread would be about Noam Chomsky.
No, that would be "The horrible creep of blame America for every bad thing in the world."
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 06:53:06 PM
And you thought George W Bush was mangling the language...
...wait, he was an MBA, too... "Strategery" makes sense, now.
:x :lulz: :lulz: :argh!:
Quote from: MMIX on July 31, 2009, 06:47:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on July 31, 2009, 06:44:22 PM
Quote from: LMNO on July 31, 2009, 01:42:38 PM
"Leveraging core competecies to incent the drive for bleeding edge mission critical turnkey solutions."
Yes, I actually heard the above sentence used. For real.
That's when I reach for the bludgeon.
"incent" what the fuck is that shit? :crankey:
its a verb Roger . . . you obviously don't got an MBA [Must Be an Asshole]
Load your portfolio with quarters. Just in case.
I avoid meetings unless something is actually happening in them.
For good fun, question people when they get into that sort of language.
Quote from: Anton on July 31, 2009, 08:37:07 PM
Honestly, I thought this thread would be about Noam Chomsky.
:lulz:
I've never said "Bonus!" (nor heard it said), and I've never used "leverage" as a verb.
I need to be a consultant, to teach these fuckwads how to speak English again.
Yes, it will involve negative reinforcement.
Yes, it will hurt a great deal.
No, rides to the ER will not be included.
Document, document, document.
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:01:41 AM
Document, document, document.
If anyone on my payroll ever says "incent", I will fire, fire, fire.
Most excellent. I've recently had to read a couple books on business management and they're chock full of that kind of shit. :x
I still hate the word "synergy"
Fuck you Ben Mack, and your Fullerine lingo
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:06:37 AM
Most excellent. I've recently had to read a couple books on business management and they're chock full of that kind of shit. :x
It makes up for the fact that the author doesn't know anything about management.
Business management is actually quite simple. Either you can get the producers (and believe me, as a manager you are NOT a producer) to produce, or you can't. Personally, I take the easy way out. I treat my people like adults, and then fire the people that don't respond to that.
Jargon is going to develop in any profession, but business and marketing seems to revel in it. I can't think of any other field that seems to put English through a meat grinder with such zeal.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:32:56 AM
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:06:37 AM
Most excellent. I've recently had to read a couple books on business management and they're chock full of that kind of shit. :x
It makes up for the fact that the author doesn't know anything about management.
Business management is actually quite simple. Either you can get the producers (and believe me, as a manager you are NOT a producer) to produce, or you can't. Personally, I take the easy way out. I treat my people like adults, and then fire the people that don't respond to that.
Wish my work would fuckin do that.
Quote from: The Nerve-Ending Fairy on August 01, 2009, 06:42:53 AM
Jargon is going to develop in any profession, but business and marketing seems to revel in it. I can't think of any other field that seems to put English through a meat grinder with such zeal.
Our sales guy eats those marketing turds for breakfast.
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:45:39 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:32:56 AM
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:06:37 AM
Most excellent. I've recently had to read a couple books on business management and they're chock full of that kind of shit. :x
It makes up for the fact that the author doesn't know anything about management.
Business management is actually quite simple. Either you can get the producers (and believe me, as a manager you are NOT a producer) to produce, or you can't. Personally, I take the easy way out. I treat my people like adults, and then fire the people that don't respond to that.
Wish my work would fuckin do that.
Lazy management: It can work for you.
God, don't I know it. Also the aforementioned horrible noise. Also massively increased order volume, plus they fired some people for absenteeism. I'm going to be coming in early at least three days next week.
This thread really synergises what were all about
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:46:35 AM
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:45:39 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:32:56 AM
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on August 01, 2009, 06:06:37 AM
Most excellent. I've recently had to read a couple books on business management and they're chock full of that kind of shit. :x
It makes up for the fact that the author doesn't know anything about management.
Business management is actually quite simple. Either you can get the producers (and believe me, as a manager you are NOT a producer) to produce, or you can't. Personally, I take the easy way out. I treat my people like adults, and then fire the people that don't respond to that.
Wish my work would fuckin do that.
Lazy management: It can work for you.
Anything else is micromanaging, really. Just don't be the manager that hires an entitled infantile fuckwit, or runs their work ethic into the ground.
Quote from: The Nerve-Ending Fairy on August 01, 2009, 06:42:53 AM
Jargon is going to develop in any profession, but business and marketing seems to revel in it. I can't think of any other field that seems to put English through a meat grinder with such zeal.
You will have slang, abbreviations, and specific terms that get tossed around by the people who actually DO things. These I'm fine with. (What a nightmare of specialized language the USPS is!)
Any department that only does "business" or "marketing", is likely very far away from this actual, functional jargon. Shit like the aforementioned seems to be developed in it's stead.
Marketing's job is bullshit in the first place. And since the best liars all eat their own shit, it shouldn't be too surprising that marketers talk like that.
"Marketing," LOL.
Quote from: ☂Faust☂ on August 01, 2009, 12:56:40 PM
This thread really synergises what were all about
I just leveraged my arse to perform its core competence.
Results were huge deliverables.
Quote from: The Nerve-Ending Fairy on August 01, 2009, 06:42:53 AM
Jargon is going to develop in any profession, but business and marketing seems to revel in it. I can't think of any other field that seems to put English through a meat grinder with such zeal.
As The MGT, they must have better things than their employees. Including jargon, excluding content. Perversely.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:10:43 PM
Quote from: ☂Faust☂ on August 01, 2009, 12:56:40 PM
This thread really synergises what were all about
I just leveraged my arse to perform its core competence.
Results were huge deliverables.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:10:43 PM
Quote from: ☂Faust☂ on August 01, 2009, 12:56:40 PM
This thread really synergises what were all about
I just leveraged my arse to perform its core competence.
Results were huge deliverables.
That kind of gross domestic product could really incent the market.
:lulz:
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on August 02, 2009, 03:42:40 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 01, 2009, 06:10:43 PM
Quote from: ☂Faust☂ on August 01, 2009, 12:56:40 PM
This thread really synergises what were all about
I just leveraged my arse to perform its core competence.
Results were huge deliverables.
That kind of gross domestic product could really incent the market.
This is like one of the circle jerk pun sessions, but more amusing.