Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Aneristic Illusions => Topic started by: AFK on August 11, 2009, 08:46:16 PM

Title: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: AFK on August 11, 2009, 08:46:16 PM
Hang on to your junk ladies and gentleman!  According to Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action, Obamacare is going to mandate sex changes:

QuoteLittle-known fact about this revolutionary new healthcare scheme for all Americans: it will force you to have your genitals remade into opposite-looking genitals. But the procedure will be "free," sort of, just like those abortions you'll be enjoying on demand.

So suggests an ambiguously titled press release from Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action:

ObamaCare Likely to Mandate Free "Sex-Change" Surgeries

Washington, DC – When asked by Senator Orin Hatch (R-UT) whether President Obama's proposed socialized healthcare plan will mandate taxpayer funded abortion, Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) admitted that it will require "any service deemed medically necessary or medically appropriate." It now appears that the plan's "medically appropriate" umbrella is far more expansive than most Americans could have imagined.

[...]

Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action commented: "There's a gulf of difference between what Obama and liberals in Congress, and the American people deem 'medically appropriate;' especially when it's 'we the people' footing the bill. To force Americans, against their conscience, to fund abortion on demand and to facilitate gender confusion by subsidizing the elective practice of genital 'sex-change' mutilation is unconscionable.

"After hearing Sen. Mikulski's 'any service deemed...medically appropriate' admission, I was prompted to dig a little deeper. I contacted the offices of Sen. Harry Reid, Rep. Charlie Rangel, Rep. Barney Frank and the House Subcommittee on Health. I asked, very simply, for 'an assurance that the proposed healthcare plan will not allow taxpayer funded gender reassignment surgeries or hormone therapies.' When faced with the bill's relevant language, every staffer I spoke with either declined to answer or would neither confirm nor deny that such procedures would be covered."

And so on and so forth. The point is, kiss your reproductive equipment goodbye, because Obama's going to take it.

http://wonkette.com/410276/socialized-medicinemandatory-sex-changes-for-all
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Jenne on August 11, 2009, 09:24:25 PM
So, along with babykilling and the death panel, there's going to be massive sex changes!

HUZZAH!
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Richter on August 11, 2009, 09:30:39 PM
Brave new world and all, but I really wouldn't look good as a woman.  Can I just have a few prehensile tentacles instead?
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on August 11, 2009, 09:31:51 PM
CHANGE :lulz:
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Jenne on August 11, 2009, 09:32:38 PM
Quote from: Richter on August 11, 2009, 09:30:39 PM
Brave new world and all, but I really wouldn't look good as a woman.  Can I just have a few prehensile tentacles instead?

:lulz:  "Strategically placed" I'm sure.   :lulz:
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Template on August 11, 2009, 11:57:09 PM
Quote from: Richter on August 11, 2009, 09:30:39 PM
Brave new world and all, but I really wouldn't look good as a woman.  Can I just have a few prehensile tentacles instead?

I first read that as "prehensile testicles."
:horrormirth:
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Kai on August 12, 2009, 12:01:28 AM
OH. MY. GOD.  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:


....WTF?!?  :lulz: :lulz: Is this person for real?  :lulz:

.... :x :x :x

:explodie:
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Rumckle on August 12, 2009, 02:11:58 AM
At first I was like:  :lulz: :argh!:

Then I realised that it makes perfect sense, by having mandatory sex changes we don't have to worry about about any babies slipping past the mandatory abortions.
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Richter on August 12, 2009, 03:04:14 AM
Quote from: yhnmzw on August 11, 2009, 11:57:09 PM
Quote from: Richter on August 11, 2009, 09:30:39 PM
Brave new world and all, but I really wouldn't look good as a woman.  Can I just have a few prehensile tentacles instead?

I first read that as "prehensile testicles."
:horrormirth:

THOSE TOO!  Heck, just prehensilize everything.  Especially my penis.

Retractable claws too, FTL.
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on August 12, 2009, 04:42:07 AM
Maybe Rachel Maddow is wrong and Obama DOES really want to also rub gum into your hair and make you wear nude colored panty hose on your hands for the inconvenience.

holy crap.
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Triple Zero on August 12, 2009, 04:33:07 PM
so all the men in america will become women and the women will become men??

in other words, they want to turn america into FRANCE?



(look at meee I made my first anti-french joke, amidoinitrite?)
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Jenne on August 12, 2009, 04:41:57 PM
:lulz:
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on August 12, 2009, 04:43:46 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 12, 2009, 04:33:07 PM
so all the men in america will become women and the women will become men??

in other words, they want to turn america into FRANCE?



(look at meee I made my first anti-french joke, amidoinitrite?)

AAAAAAAAAAWE!! ~pat pat pat~

how cute :)
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on August 13, 2009, 12:08:01 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 12, 2009, 04:33:07 PM
so all the men in america will become women and the women will become men??

in other words, they want to turn america into FRANCE?



(look at meee I made my first anti-french joke, amidoinitrite?)

A good start! However, for the discerning Amurrican connoisseur of French-bashing, references to hairy smelly women and tiny little men should be less subtle. Lay it on thick, with a side helping of "surrender monkey."

Then all the people who supported "Freedom fries" will like you. :)
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Iason Ouabache on August 13, 2009, 12:50:17 AM
You forgot to mention the smelly cheese. You can't have a proper French joke without mentioning cheese.
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Jenne on August 13, 2009, 01:20:56 AM
Mmmm...cheeese...
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on August 13, 2009, 01:31:24 PM
And wine.



<insert combination wine/math joke here>
Title: Re: Another secret Health Care Reform scheme uncovered!!!
Post by: Jenne on August 13, 2009, 10:10:15 PM
NO LINEAR WINE.  8)