Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2009, 01:10:52 AM

Title: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2009, 01:10:52 AM
We had just pulled into the driveway when the transmission line blew, spraying transmission fluid all over the gravel, and informing me that the night had just, in fact, begun.  Another filthy night in a filthy, filthy city.  Von Melee and Nivek were passed out in the back, exhausted from a night of swilling coffee and cactus, a filthy combination that led to us being tossed out of The Safehouse for the night.  It seems that even a den of perverts draws the line at pseudo-goths having public sex next to the pool table...especially when they started "calling combinations".  

Horrible.

Roomie was in the passenger seat, thoroughly disgusted.  She had not, it seems, appreciated the impromptu floor show, and was ready to get home.  Well, home she was, but my Jeep was now blocking her driveway, as dead as yesterday's fish.  She kicked the two degenerates awake, and we stumbled into the house.  The mood was turning ugly, and she was muttering about guns.

You've been there.  You know what it's like...ever stay awake right through a drunk, and into the hangover?  It was like that.  

But let's get right down to the nut-cutting.  Von Melee eventually passed out again on the couch, and Roomie made her move.  I came out of the bathroom to find her mixing ink in a jar, with a row of needles laid out on the coffee table.  I asked her what the hell she was doing.

"I've had it with these fuckers getting laid all goddamn day and night, with no consideration for the less fortunate.  It's time to teach them a lesson they'll never forget."

"And...?"

"And you and I are going to give them some new tattoos."

Ho ho!  I mentioned that this was probably some form of felony, and she just glared at me and asked if I was in line.  What could I do?  I took Von Melee's cuffs and shackled his ass to the chair.  He didn't wake up til she started poking him...He tried to explain himself, but he could only whistle through the ball gag.  It took an hour, but Roomie had the first part of her revenge; Von Melee has a new tattoo, the location of which is a very...tender subject around that household.  By now, his thrashings and muted howls had woken Nivek, and she had locked herself in her room.  Safe, for the moment.

The tow truck arrived two hours later, and I made my escape.  The horror is still with me, and I have to bludgeon it down with stale cactus and sleeping pills.  Poor Von Melee has some new bodywork, in the form of a list of his crimes in small script, and I have the horrid memory of sitting on his chest and keeping the extremity in question extended while Roomie giggled and the needle howled out its tinny little song.

But what does it all mean?  What conclusion can we draw from this repulsive little nightmare?

Never fuck with a working artist.  Not on a Thursday night in Tucson.  This City never forgets, and Roomie never forgives.

Or Kill Me.
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: . on September 26, 2009, 05:40:05 AM
You bastard.

Von Melee is useless to me now.  It will be weeks before he's right.

REVENGE!   :argh!:
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: Jenne on September 26, 2009, 06:10:56 AM
You guys...having too much fun on a school night!  Dark, DARK fun...but still.
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2009, 08:51:10 AM
Quote from: Jenne on September 26, 2009, 06:10:56 AM
You guys...having too much fun on a school night!  Dark, DARK fun...but still.

I had no choice, really.  It was him or me.
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: Richter on September 26, 2009, 05:48:36 PM
Holy shit.  Why didn't you tell me that was where fun like this happened?  Around here we're lucky if sharpies get broken out, accomplices bumble and giggle like bad '50's sidekicks, and no one else can be bothered to pull a proper rope body harness on the victim.

Quote from: NiveKRayne on September 26, 2009, 05:40:05 AM
You bastard.

Von Melee is useless to me now.  It will be weeks before he's right.

REVENGE!   :argh!:

Coaco butter / lidocaine?
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2009, 10:21:57 PM
Oh my god.

My admiration for your degeneracy and willingness to cross every line just increased tenfold.

Also, pics pls.
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: . on September 27, 2009, 05:32:27 AM
Quote from: Nigel on September 26, 2009, 10:21:57 PM
Oh my god.

My admiration for your degeneracy and willingness to cross every line just increased tenfold.

Also, pics pls.

I only had the stomach to take one after the Bastard and she got done with my love.
It's so horrible!!!

(http://i569.photobucket.com/albums/ss131/neosanguis/VonMeleeScreamingYahoos.jpg)
Title: Re: Rev Roger, MSY35: Trapped With Perverts
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 27, 2009, 09:15:35 AM
Quote from: NiveKRayne on September 27, 2009, 05:32:27 AM
Quote from: Nigel on September 26, 2009, 10:21:57 PM
Oh my god.

My admiration for your degeneracy and willingness to cross every line just increased tenfold.

Also, pics pls.

I only had the stomach to take one after the Bastard and she got done with my love.
It's so horrible!!!

(http://i569.photobucket.com/albums/ss131/neosanguis/VonMeleeScreamingYahoos.jpg)
:lulz: