1. A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
2. A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the
edges.
3. A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
4. A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.
5. A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
6. A penny saved is a penny earned.
7. All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.
8. All wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones.
9. An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
10. And whether you're an honest man, or whether you're a thief, depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief.
11. Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
12. Anyone who trades liberty for security deserves neither liberty nor security.
13. Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.
14. By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
15. Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
16. Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.
17. Creditors have better memories than debtors.
18. Diligence is the mother of good luck.
19. Distrust and caution are the parents of security.
20. Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.
21. Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.
22. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
23. Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.
24. Energy and persistence conquer all things.
25. Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
26. For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once thought right but found to be otherwise.
27. Gain may be temporary and uncertain; but ever while you live, expense is constant and certain.
28. Games lubricate the body and the mind.
29. Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
30. Half a truth is often a great lie.
31. Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.
32. He does not possess wealth; it possesses him.
33. He that can have patience can have what he will.
34. He that displays too often his wife and his wallet is in danger of having both of them borrowed.
35. He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
36. He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
37. He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
38. He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner.
39. He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
40. Hear reason, or she'll make you feel her.
41. Honesty is the best policy.
42. Human felicity is produced not as much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur every day.
43. I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand.
44. If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles.
45. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
46. If you desire many things, many things will seem few.
47. If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone.
48. If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
49. It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.
50. It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth.
51. It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.
52. It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want, neither fine clothes, fine houses or fine furniture.
53. It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.
54. Many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when he is really selling himself to it.
55. Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
56. Mine is better than ours.
57. Necessity never made a good bargain.
58. Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.
59. No nation was ever ruined by trade.
60. Rather go to bed with out dinner than to rise in debt.
61. Remember that credit is money.
62. The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
63. The discontented man finds no easy chair.
64. The first mistake in public business is the going into it.
65. The use of money is all the advantage there is in having it.
66. There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
67. There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish our wants or augment our means – either may do – the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens to be easier.
68. Those disputing, contradicting, and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory, sometimes, but they never get good will, which would be of more use to them.
69. Time is money.
70. To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.
71. "When doing the monkey dance on a French whore's head, beware the claws that catch. Or was that the Frumious Bandersnatch?"
72. "King George III is the suxxor. LOL." <--- troll letter to the British PM.
73. "I go through more assistants that way." <--- Referring to the kite thing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly
Quote from: Slanket the Destroyer on October 13, 2009, 01:46:16 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly
Explain to me again why he wasn't made emperor?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress
74. "I love it when you call me big poppa."
Ben Franklin is the first Discordian Saint of America. Suggesting the turkey as the national bird alone makes him awesome. Flatulence jokes and harnessing electricity are just fringe miracles.
Quote from: Suu on October 13, 2009, 03:12:04 PM
Ben Franklin is the first Discordian Saint of America. Suggesting the turkey as the national bird alone makes him awesome. Flatulence jokes and harnessing electricity are just fringe miracles.
Plus he invented a better wood burning stove, bifocals, and the pimp cup.
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on not staying up late, but still being willing to game until 5AM: STILL RELEVANT
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:18:57 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on not staying up late, but still being willing to game until 5AM: STILL RELEVANT
His advice on dropping 187 on a motherfucking cop: STILL RELEVANT.
Quote from: Suu on October 13, 2009, 03:12:04 PM
Ben Franklin is the first Discordian Saint of America. Suggesting the turkey as the national bird alone makes him awesome. Flatulence jokes and harnessing electricity are just fringe miracles.
I just want to point out that a wild turkey will fucking anybody.
Quote from: LMNO on October 13, 2009, 03:21:48 PM
Quote from: Suu on October 13, 2009, 03:12:04 PM
Ben Franklin is the first Discordian Saint of America. Suggesting the turkey as the national bird alone makes him awesome. Flatulence jokes and harnessing electricity are just fringe miracles.
I just want to point out that a wild turkey will fucking anybody.
Yes. Yes it will. Aside from it being fugly as all hell.
Quote from: Suu on October 13, 2009, 03:24:07 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 13, 2009, 03:21:48 PM
Quote from: Suu on October 13, 2009, 03:12:04 PM
Ben Franklin is the first Discordian Saint of America. Suggesting the turkey as the national bird alone makes him awesome. Flatulence jokes and harnessing electricity are just fringe miracles.
I just want to point out that a wild turkey will fucking anybody.
Yes. Yes it will. Aside from it being fugly as all hell.
Beats a vulture-like scavenger/opportunist like the Eagle.
Have you read his piece on the eagle? It describes what America became to a fucking T.
Quote"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.
"With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country . . .
"I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America . . . He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."
Dang!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:20:26 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:18:57 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on not staying up late, but still being willing to game until 5AM: STILL RELEVANT
His advice on dropping 187 on a motherfucking cop: STILL RELEVANT.
His greeting guests while in the tub: STILL RELEVANT
There is a statue of Franklin in St Andrews, IIRC. We gave him an honourary doctorate before the revolution, just because he was such a great guy.
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:35:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:20:26 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:18:57 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on not staying up late, but still being willing to game until 5AM: STILL RELEVANT
His advice on dropping 187 on a motherfucking cop: STILL RELEVANT.
His greeting guests while in the tub: STILL RELEVANT
His raping the banking system using derivatives just for kicks: STILL RELEVANT.
Quote from: Cain on October 13, 2009, 03:39:02 PM
There is a statue of Franklin in St Andrews, IIRC. We gave him an honourary doctorate before the revolution, just because he was such a great guy.
Then you pitched him out on his arse, IIRC.
Statues last longer, he was surplus to requirements.
Quote from: Cain on October 13, 2009, 03:42:12 PM
Statues last longer, he was surplus to requirements.
Oh, yeah, right, right.
[/Nigel from the Young Ones]
QuoteFranklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING"
:x
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:39:18 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:35:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:20:26 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:18:57 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 13, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 13, 2009, 03:16:35 PM
His advice on keeping finances and living frugaly: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on keeping your pimp hand strong: STILL RELEVANT.
His advice on not staying up late, but still being willing to game until 5AM: STILL RELEVANT
His advice on dropping 187 on a motherfucking cop: STILL RELEVANT.
His greeting guests while in the tub: STILL RELEVANT
His raping the banking system using derivatives just for kicks: STILL RELEVANT.
In the category of things related to producing spirits: STILL RELEVANT.
Quote from: Cramulus on October 13, 2009, 08:00:51 PM
QuoteFranklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING"
:x
America: Pun Nation Under God.
Ben Franklin is one of my heroes.
Quote from: Nigel on October 14, 2009, 06:55:24 AM
Ben Franklin is one of my heroes.
My top 5 Americans of all time:
Patrick Henry (INVENTOR of "Or Kill Me")
Ben Franklin
Thomas Jefferson
Mohammed Ali
Theodore Roosevelt
Quote from: Cramulus on October 13, 2009, 08:00:51 PM
QuoteFranklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING"
:x
I've always said that punning was a Patriotic Duty.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 14, 2009, 04:58:23 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 13, 2009, 08:00:51 PM
QuoteFranklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING"
:x
I've always said that punning was a Patriotic Duty.
That's because you kiss terrorists.
Yep, just this morning my wife proclaimed Jihad against the toaster when it burnt her bagel.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 14, 2009, 05:24:34 PM
Yep, just this morning my wife proclaimed Jihad against the toaster when it burnt her bagel.
And rightfully so. These appliances have all the wrong values, and need to be put the fuck in check.
WWCD?
Mohommed Ali! I have loved him since I saw his articulate beauty on Late Night when was 14!
Quote from: Nigel on October 15, 2009, 02:11:45 AM
Mohommed Ali! I have loved him since I saw his articulate beauty on Late Night when was 14!
I've been a fan since I read what he said when asked by the judge why he wouldn't go to Vietnam.