It was another pleasant morning in Tucson. It's always a pleasant morning here, provided you have the right values and aren't in a world of shit, involving district attorneys, class 1 misdemeanor charges, and being hauled through the churning gears of the justice system.
Von Melee, unfortunately, is in a world of shit. Von Melee's arraignment had been delayed ANOTHER hour...Nivek, Kaz, Von Melee, and myself were sitting out in a very nice courtyard, and it was easy to forget that this is a place where they take people "into the system", which is another way of saying "No more fun for you, Bubba". The weather was perfect, the sun was out, and we were all nicely dressed. In fact, we apparently looked like a collection of cops and prosecutors, because random strangers kept shooting us dirty looks, and worse.
For example, one homeless guy rode by on a bike, flipped us off, and bellowed out "Number one! Nuuuuuuuuuuumber ONE!". Some random redneck looked me in the eye, and he too flipped me off. Things were getting tense. There was a bad feeling, as if everyone in the large park-courtyard hated us. Mistaken or no, we were the enemy. The pigs. The Man. The personification of all the horrible shit that was happening to them in a building just a few meters away.
Kaz and I went to get some coffee at what passes for a commissary, and the situation deteriorated. An ancient fat man sat behind a counter, with a filthy thermos on it, and a crowd of hobos were taking up all the seats. I stood and waited for about a minute, and the guy just sat there and stared at the floor. He looked dead.
"He can't see you", one of the hobos finally said. The rest gave a nasty laugh as the blind guy slowly turned in our direction. He had no eyeballs. I don't mean his eyes didn't work, I mean he had gaping sockets where his eyes belonged.
"Coffee?"
"Sexy!", the ancient freak said.
I just stood and stared, utterly confused and sort of horrified.
"SEXY!", he bellowed...
"He means Sixty cents", said the hobo. More nasty laughter.
"Okay, give me two coffees, then."
"Dollah twenny, heresacups, coffee inna thermos."
I paid the man, and he gave us two reasonably clean styrofoam cups. Despite the outer condition of the thermos, the coffee LOOKED okay. I asked for lids for our cups.
"AIN'T GOT NO LIDS. LIDS IS ILLEGAL UP INNA COURRRRRRRRRRTROOMS." It was like listening to a beluga whale moan in pain. We fled.
At about this point, I felt the spirit move me. I began to look for a public bathroom, and Kaz wandered out to the courtyard. The bathroom was a tiny slot in the wall, with stalls built for midgets. I squeezed my bulk in, and began to take care of business, when I was assaulted by another horror.
From the next stall over, I heard someone muttering and groaning in Spanish. I didn't catch much other than "mother of God" and some grunting...and then whomever it was began to laugh. It wasn't a healthy laugh, and I hear what sounded like water drops hitting tile. I could just see under the stall wall...
Blood. Little drops of blood hitting the floor between the guy's feet. More laughter. More blood. Not much, not pints or anything. Just little droplets. The laughter began to rise a bit, and I distinctly heard the guy mutter "Brewer".
What the fuck was this shit? Some random Hispanic guy laughing and apparently spitting up blood, and apparently talking about the governor? I hurriedly finished my business and got up to leave. It was just too weird...but the other guy opened his stall door at the same time. His pants were around his ankles, and his lips were all cut up...not like you'd get from a beating, but more like what a scalpel or a razor would do. He looked at me, laughed hysterically, and then said "BUENO!".
I put my shoulder into him, knocking him back into the stall, and fled for the relative normalcy of the courtyard. But when I got there, Nivek and Von Melee had already gone to the courtroom, and Kaz was stomping on one of the millions of pigeons that infest the legal district.
"What the FUCK are you doing, Kaz?"
"Teaching this flying rat a thing or two about trying to shit on me."
"KAZ! Why the FUCK are you stomping on a pigeon?"
"BECAUSE I LEFT MY PIGEON PUNCHING HAT AT HOME! FUCK YOU!"
It was all too much. I took a vacation day for this, and I'm going to go to jail because of my fucked up friends. Or maybe not. Two uniformed deputies walked by, looked at Kaz, and laughed. One said "I've always wanted to do that."...the other replied "It's fun. You should try it some time."
Everyone in this town is insane. Even the cops. ESPECIALLY the cops.
I sat on a bench, and waited for the horror show to end, drinking surprisingly good coffee, and getting flipped off by more random strangers, until Nivek and Von Melee came back down, and we left for the seedier side of town, where shit like this doesn't happen.
Or Kill Me.
:aaa:
:horrormirth:
WOW.
Quote from: LMNO on October 27, 2009, 06:26:24 PM
WOW.
It never ends here, LMNO. It just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
What's that? You want MORE Slack?
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:45:42 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
The water, the air...the food...everything's tainted.
Could be worse, I suppose...everything can ALWAYS be worse, or so they say. Sometimes I think it's not worse, but a
different worse, if that makes sense.
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:53:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:45:42 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
The water, the air...the food...everything's tainted.
Could be worse, I suppose...everything can ALWAYS be worse, or so they say. Sometimes I think it's not worse, but a different worse, if that makes sense.
Of course it gets weirder. It always gets weirder.
Or maybe I'm just noticing it more. Or maybe it's both.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:57:49 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:53:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:45:42 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
The water, the air...the food...everything's tainted.
Could be worse, I suppose...everything can ALWAYS be worse, or so they say. Sometimes I think it's not worse, but a different worse, if that makes sense.
Of course it gets weirder. It always gets weirder.
Or maybe I'm just noticing it more. Or maybe it's both.
Weird, worse...sometimes they are the same, sometimes it's what you run to and then once you're in it, you wonder why you ran so hard and so fast when all you want is OUT.
And you may be noticing it more, and you may just be over it. You sound over it. It's ok, you know, to be over it.
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:59:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:57:49 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:53:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:45:42 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
The water, the air...the food...everything's tainted.
Could be worse, I suppose...everything can ALWAYS be worse, or so they say. Sometimes I think it's not worse, but a different worse, if that makes sense.
Of course it gets weirder. It always gets weirder.
Or maybe I'm just noticing it more. Or maybe it's both.
Weird, worse...sometimes they are the same, sometimes it's what you run to and then once you're in it, you wonder why you ran so hard and so fast when all you want is OUT.
And you may be noticing it more, and you may just be over it. You sound over it. It's ok, you know, to be over it.
Over what?
What, did VM decide Nivek couldn't one- up him on charges or something.
Also, I'm newly devoted to staying away from "the state", even though I'm in a different one.
Quote from: Richter on October 27, 2009, 07:04:33 PM
What, did VM decide Nivek couldn't one- up him on charges or something.
Also, I'm newly devoted to staying away from "the state", even though I'm in a different one.
Come to Tucson, Richter. It's so sunny and happy and bright and we only sometimes miss Curly.
I dunno, I thought maybe you'd be over the worsening weirdness sometimes...or maybe the feeling you can't get out--the sun doesn't let you leave that place, I think. Sunny, bright--those things don't jar--it's the "happy" part that gets me.
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 07:09:47 PM
I dunno, I thought maybe you'd be over the worsening weirdness sometimes...or maybe the feeling you can't get out--the sun doesn't let you leave that place, I think. Sunny, bright--those things don't jar--it's the "happy" part that gets me.
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/three-stooges2.jpg)
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
I can't STOP laughing.
Quote from: Nigel on October 27, 2009, 07:33:32 PM
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
I can't STOP laughing.
Neither can I. It's all TOO FUCKING FUNNY! :horrormirth:
Stomping on a pigeon ?
:horrormirth:
Quote from: JohNyx on October 27, 2009, 10:05:29 PM
Stomping on a pigeon ?
:horrormirth:
It had to be done.
beautiful writing. My guts ache from ... something ... something like laughter ... but worse
Quote from: Cramulus on October 28, 2009, 02:26:51 AM
beautiful writing. My guts ache from ... something ... something like laughter ... but worse
Maybe it's me, but things are getting weirder.
Tighten your sphincters...
WHAT
:lulz:
To fuck with the pigeons, I'd have stomped on the hispanic guy. He sounds like he was having way too much fun.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:29:53 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 28, 2009, 02:26:51 AM
beautiful writing. My guts ache from ... something ... something like laughter ... but worse
Maybe it's me, but things are getting weirder.
This story definitely contains an elevated level of weird compared to the other MSY texts, and that's probably saying something.
I mean the guy with the blood in the toilet ... W-T-F ... :eek:
Quote from: Triple Zero on October 28, 2009, 04:02:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:29:53 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 28, 2009, 02:26:51 AM
beautiful writing. My guts ache from ... something ... something like laughter ... but worse
Maybe it's me, but things are getting weirder.
This story definitely contains an elevated level of weird compared to the other MSY texts, and that's probably saying something.
I mean the guy with the blood in the toilet ... W-T-F ... :eek:
It's gotten so I always expect horrible shit around every corner. Paranoia is impossible.
It used to be that leaving a bunch of weird shit on someone's porch actually surprised them. Now the ante's really up there. It takes Zalgo in the bathroom.
Fuck, I think that even Zalgo would be greeted with a resigned sense of "well, it had to happen eventually".
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on October 29, 2009, 12:40:13 AM
It used to be that leaving a bunch of weird shit on someone's porch actually surprised them. Now the ante's really up there. It takes Zalgo in the bathroom.
Fuck, I think that even Zalgo would be greeted with a resigned sense of "well, it had to happen eventually".
We're a little jaded.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:45:42 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 27, 2009, 06:38:59 PM
JESUS fucking CHRISTO. Downtown Riverside can be like that. The courthouse is directly across the street from the jail. The visit I did with my dad before he was sent up north was so fucking horrific. The smells you get in that place. The dungeon that was the visiting room. *shivers* Your story brought it all back.
Maybe I'll write about it. Experiences like this one and that one should be recorded for posterity.
I can't get out, Jenne. I am stuck here in my beautiful BIP, and I can't get out. It's so sunny and nice. And it's full of people who also can't get out, and they're all crazy. Maybe it's the water.
Bump for increasing levels of truth.
Thanks for this. After reading it, I wondered why I was laughing so much. It's so not funny, so right out the other side of funny, and I pretty much believe every word, because A/ I can pretty much believe anything I want to,
And B/ No-one could sit down and make this shit up.
Then I found it, the adjective that was eluding me. One that I have only been aware of for a few days, but it fits perfectly.
Horrormirth. You are the Doyenne of Horrormirth.
LMAO...It's not quite the same in text...but it's still hilarious....That shit just blows my mind....*shrugs* Tucson..
Quote from: BadBeast on April 23, 2010, 12:40:02 AM
Thanks for this. After reading it, I wondered why I was laughing so much. It's so not funny, so right out the other side of funny, and I pretty much believe every word, because A/ I can pretty much believe anything I want to,
And B/ No-one could sit down and make this shit up.
Then I found it, the adjective that was eluding me. One that I have only been aware of for a few days, but it fits perfectly.
Horrormirth. You are the Doyenne of Horrormirth.
You got it in that one sentence right there. It took it to the
other side.
Bump!
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 02, 2010, 06:57:39 PM
Bump!
Heh. He certainly tried to get you in court. And by "tried" I mean "failed miserably".
Quote from: Kai on November 02, 2010, 07:22:17 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 02, 2010, 06:57:39 PM
Bump!
Heh. He certainly tried to get you in court. And by "tried" I mean "failed miserably".
SHE tried. He stole the money she gave him to file. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:17:22 PM
He looked at me, laughed hysterically, and then said "BUENO!".
(http://i55.tinypic.com/qpkk7k.jpg)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23HfAHSKWlk
Quote from: E.O.T. on November 07, 2010, 04:41:59 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23HfAHSKWlk
watched. interesting, but how is it relevant? :?
Quote from: Epimetheus on November 07, 2010, 03:49:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2009, 06:17:22 PM
He looked at me, laughed hysterically, and then said "BUENO!".
(http://i55.tinypic.com/qpkk7k.jpg)
:mittens:
How did I miss THAT? :lulz:
AAAUGH.
For some reason, I now feel that it is not enough for Tucson to spread across the globe. It must be sent to Other Places as well.
Maybe if aliens can be cowed by The City, they'll leave us the fuck alone.