Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:25:10 AM

Title: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:25:10 AM
:crankey:

So a couple of weeks ago I got a Multnomah County tax statement wherein I was assessed a fee plus a percentage for late payment of my refund. That they owed me.

Just now, I was taking pictures when I was interrupted by the doorbell. Since I was already downstairs, I checked my mail. In my mail was the following letter:

Dear Citimortgage Customer(s):

Or records indicate your mortgage payment is overdue and we have not yet received it. A payment that is received after your due date is considered late. If you have already sent in your payment, thank you. If you have not mailed your payment, please do so today.

As of today, the total amount due is $0.00 including $0.00 in late charges, $0.00 in delinquency expense and $0.00 in other fees.

If we do not receive your payment within 30 days of the scheduled due date, we may report your account as delinquent to the credit bureaus. Late payments, missed payments, or other defaults on your account may be reflected in your credit report.

...

It's like I'm in Bizarro Land or something.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Suu on October 28, 2009, 12:28:21 AM
The letter was scheduled to be generated at a certain time by computer, but when it finally got there, your payment had already been credited.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:29:35 AM
Quote from: Suu on October 28, 2009, 12:28:21 AM
The letter was scheduled to be generated at a certain time by computer, but when it finally got there, your payment had already been credited.

Oh, OK.

The really funny thing is that my payment WASN'T late. I do e-payments, and it was so not at all late.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:30:03 AM
BACK TO PICTURES. MUST FINISH BEFORE NIGHTFALL.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Faust on October 28, 2009, 12:32:30 AM
request a letter of confirmation, signed by the manager of the bank, for a payment of $0.00 and if they refuse report them to the tax office on withholding vital documents.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Iason Ouabache on October 28, 2009, 12:32:51 AM
Send them a check for exactly $0.00; find a way to make them pay postage for it.  :lulz:
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:58:39 AM
Both of those are excellent ideas.  :lulz: I considered sending them a check for $0.00 and seeing if they took it to the bank.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:02:45 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:25:10 AM


It's like I'm in Bizarro Land or something.

I'm telling you, things ARE getting weirder.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:03:12 AM
Quote from: Suu on October 28, 2009, 12:28:21 AM
The letter was scheduled to be generated at a certain time by computer, but when it finally got there, your payment had already been credited.

And so?  Finagle is still running the show, either way.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Suu on October 28, 2009, 02:10:55 AM
Just sayin'. The computers are just getting too used to generating delinquency notices.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 02:16:07 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:02:45 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:25:10 AM


It's like I'm in Bizarro Land or something.

I'm telling you, things ARE getting weirder.

Yes, they are.

A lot weirder.

Earlier today I went for a walk. A mild-looking man passed me and quietly went up the steps to his house. I heard the door open, and then he howled "WOOOOOOOOO!" He closed the door, and as I walked away I could hear him through the walls, continuing to howl.

I'm about to leave for the video store. Anything can happen.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Richter on October 28, 2009, 02:16:23 AM
I've gotten the same.  Credit card bills for $0.  
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:18:07 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 28, 2009, 02:16:07 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 02:02:45 AM
Quote from: Nigel on October 28, 2009, 12:25:10 AM


It's like I'm in Bizarro Land or something.

I'm telling you, things ARE getting weirder.

Yes, they are.

A lot weirder.

Earlier today I went for a walk. A mild-looking man passed me and quietly went up the steps to his house. I heard the door open, and then he howled "WOOOOOOOOO!" He closed the door, and as I walked away I could hear him through the walls, continuing to howl.

I'm about to leave for the video store. Anything can happen.

Taken each apart, no one incident makes much difference.  As a group, let's just say there was a reason I started the psycho letters.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Suu on October 28, 2009, 02:51:29 AM
I really want to publish the Psycho Letters series, by the way. I may start on that soon. Plus I could use more InDesign experience.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on October 28, 2009, 04:10:17 AM
Quote from: ☂Faust☂ on October 28, 2009, 12:32:30 AM
request a letter of confirmation, signed by the manager of the bank, for a payment of $0.00 and if they refuse report them to the tax office on withholding vital documents.

fucking genius

i laughed and i farted.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 01:39:41 PM
Quote from: Suu on October 28, 2009, 02:51:29 AM
I really want to publish the Psycho Letters series, by the way. I may start on that soon. Plus I could use more InDesign experience.

Get with Nivek.
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Suu on October 28, 2009, 01:59:33 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 28, 2009, 01:39:41 PM
Quote from: Suu on October 28, 2009, 02:51:29 AM
I really want to publish the Psycho Letters series, by the way. I may start on that soon. Plus I could use more InDesign experience.

Get with Nivek.

Word.

We gonna make this so gosh darn pretty!
Title: Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 28, 2009, 04:27:28 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 28, 2009, 02:16:23 AM
I've gotten the same.  Credit card bills for $0.  

I've gotten those, and they actually serve a valid purpose, which is to document that your account balance is at zero.