Your baseless assumptions about the 'other guys':
Those people in church? That's not God they're praying to. That's just their cover story.
Neoconservatives actually have a sicker sense of humor than we do, and are intent on taking the joke totally overboard. Every year they get away with ramping it up, and every year it gets more hilarious.
Neoconservatives and the Religious Funny People aren't really the same thing. Most Neocons are actually atheists who like to suck Religious Right Dick for power.
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
That's because you were secretly one of us all along, you just didn't know it.
Now get with the game; this thread is for baseless assumptions (like the one I just made above in this very post). Start making shit up that has minimal basis in reality but satisfies the shit-flinging monkey inside!
In china, people eat General Tso's chicken, egg rolls, and beef with broccoli.
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
yo we all know that's really a satellite called JHVH-1, which has been orbiting in earth's upper atmosphere for 2000 years or something like that
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 04:37:17 PM
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
That's because you were secretly one of us all along, you just didn't know it.
Now get with the game; this thread is for baseless assumptions (like the one I just made above in this very post). Start making shit up that has minimal basis in reality but satisfies the shit-flinging monkey inside!
But that's the thing...you don't have to make it up. It's cringeworthy on its own merits. Nothing is worse than hearing your parents plotting what GOD wants them to do once Dad gets out of the clink. :x
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2009, 04:38:35 PM
In china, people eat General Tso's chicken, egg rolls, and beef with broccoli.
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
yo we all know that's really a satellite called JHVH-1, which has been orbiting in earth's upper atmosphere for 2000 years or something like that
Ah! Mystery solved. The voices in my head were really 0's and 1's hidden in subtext.
(I actually think that'd be cool, at some point.)
Doctors and Aestheticians, some of them have fetishes for infected pores and sebum.
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:41:20 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 04:37:17 PM
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
That's because you were secretly one of us all along, you just didn't know it.
Now get with the game; this thread is for baseless assumptions (like the one I just made above in this very post). Start making shit up that has minimal basis in reality but satisfies the shit-flinging monkey inside!
But that's the thing...you don't have to make it up. It's cringeworthy on its own merits. Nothing is worse than hearing your parents plotting what GOD wants them to do once Dad gets out of the clink. :x
Which is what makes this a "pleasant escapism" fantasy thread. It's for making up horrible shit and realizing it'll never be quite as awful as reality.
Cainad,
Now considers HP Lovesraft's cosmic horrors to be a right jolly romp in fantasy land, compared to what ordinary humans can do
God is the devil.
Earth is Hell.
Humans are hypnotized angels.
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
That wasn't THEIR church, Jenne
Quote from: Richter on November 04, 2009, 04:57:11 PM
Quote from: Jenne on November 04, 2009, 04:35:08 PM
I dunno, having once BEEN the Religious Reich, I can safely say I WAS praying to God, Jesus, whatever, and I kept up that constant dialogue in my head to them, too.
I had to de-program myself in my early-20's to realize that's me, talking to ME.
That wasn't THEIR church, Jenne
Now THAT...I hadn't thought of. Hm.
Let's see if I'm doin' this right:
Doctors are only in it for the money and the power over the little people.
Teachers don't really want to teach, they just wanna bang your heads with books and teach to the test. They secretly hate all little kids and just show up to their joe-jobs to collect their paychecks.
Dentists really do like torturing people with small metal objects and high powered drills.
Quote from: Richter on November 04, 2009, 04:25:47 PM
Your baseless assumptions about the 'other guys':
Those people in church? That's not God they're praying to. That's just their cover story.
I know all about it. I'm a Confirmed™ Catholic you know.
Quote from: Richter on November 04, 2009, 04:25:47 PM
Your baseless assumptions about the 'other guys':
Those people in church? That's not God they're praying to. That's just their cover story.
They believe in White Jesus, yeah that one, and never you mind the bloodstains on the hem of his robe. They believe everything in
The Reader's Digest. They believe every filthy lie that Horatio Alger ever spewed onto paper. Rich people got that way through hard work, and the president (well, maybe not
this one) never tells a lie.
They believe in the United States, and they have never accepted that this isn't the same as believing in
America. They believe that the founders would have supported waterboarding and indefinite detention. They believe that all 1.2 billion Muslims all want to come to their house, kill them, and make their children
GAY.
They believe that their marriage only has value if Gays can't marry. They believe that Martin Luther King Jr was a communist. They believe that waving a flag equals patriotism. They believe that flag is in itself a value, rather than a representation of a set of values. They believe in eating the menu, and killing anyone who disagrees that it tastes GREAT.
They believe the constitution says only American citizens have rights while in American jurisdiction. They believe that rich people shouldn't have to pay taxes, because they believe that THEY will be rich one day - how this will happen is never made plain - and they don't want to fuck it up for themselves.
They believe that in a Libertarian paradise, they would naturally be one of the winners. They believe in self-sufficiency, though they've never tried it. They believe that the act of carrying a gun makes you immortal. They believe smudgy people are out to take their women and their SUV. They believe that they aren't racist, but that
those people are.
They believe in Moe, they act like Larry, and they never heard of Curly, and they'll kill you before they'll let you explain.
They believe in Viagra and the Free Market™. They believe the US government exists.
They believe everything, with the exception of the things that made this nation the last, best, and now FAILED hope of mankind.
They believe Calvin was a hyperactive brat and Hobbes was his imaginary enabler. They believe he needed a shrink and lots of kiddie pills.
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:39:12 PM
They believe Calvin was a hyperactive brat and Hobbes was his imaginary enabler. They believe he needed a shrink and lots of kiddie pills.
They were right. Calvin now works 70 hours a week on salary, writing insurance policies. He's cured.
The Salvation Army? That's a front for the Society of Aggressively Porcine Senators. The secret word is "gallbladder".
EDIT:Wrong general tone, I know, but my statement stands.
Quote from: A giant cock mongler on November 04, 2009, 05:48:20 PM
The Salvation Army? That's a front for the Society of Aggressively Porcine Senators. The secret word is "gallbladder".
EDIT:Wrong general tone, I know, but my statement stands.
Riff killed.
Congratulations.
Kurt Cobain isn't dead. He bathed and changed his name to Robert Pattinson.
-toa,
beating a dead riff
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2009, 05:43:08 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:39:12 PM
They believe Calvin was a hyperactive brat and Hobbes was his imaginary enabler. They believe he needed a shrink and lots of kiddie pills.
They were right. Calvin now works 70 hours a week on salary, writing insurance policies. He's cured.
Yes, he's adapted nicely to being another Middle Class salaryman, with his relatively nice new Toyota and flatscreen TV and adjustable-rate mortgage home.
Middle Class, even though he's currently putting in weekend hours in the hopes of grabbing that promotion, or at least a bonus, because as it turns out he's coming up just a little bit short on those house payments. Middle Class, which these days means your wages are just enough to have a cushy standard of living even though you're fucked if that paycheck doesn't come in next month. But you're not working class if you can afford Nice Things, oh no.
Cainad,
knows that's not what middle class used to mean
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:54:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2009, 05:43:08 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:39:12 PM
They believe Calvin was a hyperactive brat and Hobbes was his imaginary enabler. They believe he needed a shrink and lots of kiddie pills.
They were right. Calvin now works 70 hours a week on salary, writing insurance policies. He's cured.
Yes, he's adapted nicely to being another Middle Class salaryman, with his relatively nice new Toyota and flatscreen TV and adjustable-rate mortgage home.
Middle Class, even though he's currently putting in weekend hours in the hopes of grabbing that promotion, or at least a bonus, because as it turns out he's coming up just a little bit short on those house payments. Middle Class, which these days means your wages are just enough to have a cushy standard of living even though you're fucked if that paycheck doesn't come in next month. But you're not working class if you can afford Nice Things, oh no.
Cainad,
knows that's not what middle class used to mean
That's because you have the wrong values, Cainad. Picture America as a great big pig. The pig needs to be fed, and it eats your labor, your dreams, and your life. It needs these things, Cainad, it needs them to keep you safe. Safe from communists, safe from terrorists, safe from that smudgy guy that moved in down the block, safe from all the troublesome worries that liberty and self-governance bring.
Calvin is safe, now. Safe from all those subversive things that tiger was always whispering to him.
Don't you want to be safe too, Cainad?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2009, 05:59:25 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:54:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2009, 05:43:08 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2009, 05:39:12 PM
They believe Calvin was a hyperactive brat and Hobbes was his imaginary enabler. They believe he needed a shrink and lots of kiddie pills.
They were right. Calvin now works 70 hours a week on salary, writing insurance policies. He's cured.
Yes, he's adapted nicely to being another Middle Class salaryman, with his relatively nice new Toyota and flatscreen TV and adjustable-rate mortgage home.
Middle Class, even though he's currently putting in weekend hours in the hopes of grabbing that promotion, or at least a bonus, because as it turns out he's coming up just a little bit short on those house payments. Middle Class, which these days means your wages are just enough to have a cushy standard of living even though you're fucked if that paycheck doesn't come in next month. But you're not working class if you can afford Nice Things, oh no.
Cainad,
knows that's not what middle class used to mean
That's because you have the wrong values, Cainad. Picture America as a great big pig. The pig needs to be fed, and it eats your labor, your dreams, and your life. It needs these things, Cainad, it needs them to keep you safe. Safe from communists, safe from terrorists, safe from that smudgy guy that moved in down the block, safe from all the troublesome worries that liberty and self-governance bring.
Calvin is safe, now. Safe from all those subversive things that tiger was always whispering to him.
Don't you want to be safe too, Cainad?
That pig is so incredibly fat, I used to think that it would be full of delicious bacon and pork chops when it was finally cut open.
But I remember a story about some folks who raised a pig on donuts and other sweet things. It became enormous and full and round. When they finally cut it open, the meat was foul. It was all for naught.
But this story is a little different. That pig is never going to be cut open. Deep down, we all know what we've been feeding it, and we're all afraid of what's inside. It's grown confident in its new found power; it knows we are terrified of what's inside of it. So we keep on feeding it and feeding it full of the awful sweet things, and occasionally the vital nutrients that we scrape off the carcass of Old America. The pig has a great appetite for the Amendments, especially numbers 1 through 10. We fed it everything we could because if we didn't, it threatened to roll over on us.
Now, a tiger wouldn't be afraid of any goddamn fat pig. But the only tiger we had needed the mind of a child who knew the truth. Calvin is safe, and if he thinks he's safe the tiger doesn't try to protect him. So all that's left to do is clutch a stuffed animal and hope the pig rolls the other way. Maybe he won't notice these last few amendments I've been hiding in my pockets.
Ever seen a pig root for truffles, Cainad? It isn't happy until it has them all.
And there are indeed things inside that pig that you don't want to know about. Horrible things, rotten things, symbiotic beasts that will devour your children and ask you to thank them for it. Many people do. Beasts that say "If we quit now, all the lives lost to date will have been wasted", beasts that say "we're winning", but won't say what the prize is. Beasts that do hideous shit in and for the "intelligence community" that have no real purpose other than to satisfy sick curiousity and the ideal of "because we can".
But that's not all that's in the pig, Cainad. There are people in there, well we'll call them people, even though they don't act like people, don't have regular facial expressions like people, you know what I mean. These people believe that "freedom" means you doing things their way. They believe that patriotism means "nuke the bastards", never mind what bastards, what kind of commie are you?
And there's STUFF in there, man. The newest video game, the Biggest Goddamn SUV ever, the huge (poorly constructed) house you can't afford but will buy anyway, and mountains of pills.
Yes, tigers eat pigs. But we sent all of our tigers off to be killed and maimed in foreign lands, because we put the pig in charge of them.
To keep us safe.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2009, 05:32:04 PM
Quote from: Richter on November 04, 2009, 04:25:47 PM
Your baseless assumptions about the 'other guys':
Those people in church? That's not God they're praying to. That's just their cover story.
They believe in White Jesus, yeah that one, and never you mind the bloodstains on the hem of his robe. They believe everything in The Reader's Digest. They believe every filthy lie that Horatio Alger ever spewed onto paper. Rich people got that way through hard work, and the president (well, maybe not this one) never tells a lie.
They believe in the United States, and they have never accepted that this isn't the same as believing in America. They believe that the founders would have supported waterboarding and indefinite detention. They believe that all 1.2 billion Muslims all want to come to their house, kill them, and make their children GAY.
They believe that their marriage only has value if Gays can't marry. They believe that Martin Luther King Jr was a communist. They believe that waving a flag equals patriotism. They believe that flag is in itself a value, rather than a representation of a set of values. They believe in eating the menu, and killing anyone who disagrees that it tastes GREAT.
They believe the constitution says only American citizens have rights while in American jurisdiction. They believe that rich people shouldn't have to pay taxes, because they believe that THEY will be rich one day - how this will happen is never made plain - and they don't want to fuck it up for themselves.
They believe that in a Libertarian paradise, they would naturally be one of the winners. They believe in self-sufficiency, though they've never tried it. They believe that the act of carrying a gun makes you immortal. They believe smudgy people are out to take their women and their SUV. They believe that they aren't racist, but that those people are.
They believe in Moe, they act like Larry, and they never heard of Curly, and they'll kill you before they'll let you explain.
They believe in Viagra and the Free Market™. They believe the US government exists.
They believe everything, with the exception of the things that made this nation the last, best, and now FAILED hope of mankind.
:mittens: FUCK! You are on a roll today, Roger.
Maine pissed me off.
Atheists are just Christians with a good sense of humour, playing a massive game of chicken with God, to see who will blink first.
I can prove this by how well most Atheists quote scripture.
Quote from: Cain on November 04, 2009, 07:14:48 PM
Atheists are just Christians with a good sense of humour, playing a massive game of chicken with God, to see who will blink first.
I can prove this by how well most Atheists quote scripture.
I like playing chicken. It's only when Roger plays rooster that it hurts.
hi guys, trying my hand again now that I've seen a bit of how it's done
They have them here too, way up north. I've seen some of them. I've met some of them. Our landlords and our doctors and our salesmen. They're nice enough, sure, they're friendly enough, but you can see something in the way they scamper about trying to regulate their lives, something in the unsteadiness of their voices. There's a certain panic about them.
Yes, they go to church, yes, some of them even go into hysterics there. I know, I've been to those services. You know the type. Praise the lord. I'd like to kneel down and thank him for leaving me alive to blow him. But they're lying to themselves, and they're lying to us visitors. We're tourists. Us, we get the pretty glass hotel view with the hossannahs and the amens and the pageants and the hymns. And you know and I know and they know that what they're worshipping, what they believe in, it isn't God.
Heaven is a suburb, you know. Isn't it perfect, the way the houses line up? The neat straight hedges? The uniform lawn ornaments? Can't you admire the symmetry of it all? Everyone gets the same big houses with the bright white siding and the shiny new SUV in the garage and the other car in the driveway. You need another car these days. A smaller one. These are hard times, after all. God is your standard of living, and this economic uncertainty, it's the devil. And the day is coming nearer that the devil will take us all, but don't worry! You can help drive away this evil. It just takes a little self-sacrifice.
This is where the scurrying and the fretting come in. See, something you have to learn, something you've gotta pound into that monkey skull, is that these people are smart. They know what's going on.They didn't go to law school or medical school or accounting school for nothing. They came out better. They came out knowing about the power of the dollar. And now it's their talisman. The coin gets you where you want to go. Gives you good luck, drives away dark spirits. All that it wants in return is all that shit you fed to the pig. You see, the pig, it's just a bank. It's just a giant piggy bank. The money is what's inside.
is this one better?
They believe the Map is the Territory.
They believe eating the Menu is part of a nutricious and well-balanced diet and does not make you fat or diabetic.
They believe what they are Told to believe.
They believe the words of the Company song.
They believe that White is Might is Right is Strong. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcYDBlMbU_Q)
They believe someone is Responsible for them.
They believe in Good.
They believe Deep Down we believe what they Believe.
Except for those No Good Shits, they can't be Saved.
They believe in Evil.
They believe they are Doing the Right Thing.
THEY'RE ALL WORKING FOR THE CLAMPTOWN!