I need to see this film.
Now.
Someone at work told me they saw it last night, and I had to shush them, because I could feel a torrent of snark welling up in my chest and I didn't want to vomit it out all over them.
My sister is forcing it upon me in less than a month. :x
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: @ Suu
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:41:40 PM
I need to see this film.
Now.
Someone at work told me they saw it last night, and I had to shush them, because I could feel a torrent of snark welling up in my chest and I didn't want to vomit it out all over them.
My son and his friends got banned from the theater for going to that on opening night. And by "going to that", I mean "going to that
prepared." I'm lucky I didn't have to bail him out, and he's lucky they weren't all killed by pissed off emos (individually, they are nothing, but the theater was PACKED).
Here it is all screaming fangirls, apparently.
Also, I should probably re-read the book, just to remind myself how horrible it truly is.
The only reason I might want to see it is that the book was a couple hundred pages describing crushing, crippling, insanity-level depression. We're talking about screaming yourself to sleep depression.
Self-destructive, sucidal, nihilistic, agonizing depression.
I mean, Lars Von Trier should have been the director for this.
I'm curious how they handle this, considering there isn't much of a plot, other than Bella wanting to die.
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:56:06 PM
Here it is all screaming fangirls, apparently.
How do you tell the difference?
Quote from: LMNO on November 25, 2009, 03:56:42 PM
The only reason I might want to see it is that the book was a couple hundred pages describing crushing, crippling, insanity-level depression. We're talking about screaming yourself to sleep depression.
Self-destructive, sucidal, nihilistic, agonizing depression.
I mean, KUBRIC should have been the director for this.
I'm curious how they handle this, considering there isn't much of a plot, other than Bella wanting to die.
Fixed.
Quote from: Doctor Rat Bastard on November 25, 2009, 03:47:23 PM
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: @ Suu
Well her theory is that because it's such a fad to HATE the series, she just subjects victims to the movies and gauges their reactions for science. She has offered to supply me with a quantity of alcohol in the event the experimentation may become a bit too harsh.
Please note my sister said that the movies actually did the books JUSTICE, and that these shit actors are actually better than Meyer's writing.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 03:52:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:41:40 PM
I need to see this film.
Now.
Someone at work told me they saw it last night, and I had to shush them, because I could feel a torrent of snark welling up in my chest and I didn't want to vomit it out all over them.
My son and his friends got banned from the theater for going to that on opening night. And by "going to that", I mean "going to that prepared." I'm lucky I didn't have to bail him out, and he's lucky they weren't all killed by pissed off emos (individually, they are nothing, but the theater was PACKED).
Your kids will kill us all, one fine day. :lulz:
I refuse to see it, but look forward to Cain's commentary on the movie.
My nanny-kids made me see it over the summer. :vom:
My belief is that I don't want to be one of those assholes that hate it without seeing it. So at least by seeing it AND hating it, I'll be one up on the latest fad.
It's like eating something you don't like at dinner, but you do it anyway to impress your friends.
I'm just worried because the last time my sister forced something upon me, I assimilated. Mmm...Rob Thomas...How I <3 thee...
Quote from: Richter on November 25, 2009, 04:42:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 03:52:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:41:40 PM
I need to see this film.
Now.
Someone at work told me they saw it last night, and I had to shush them, because I could feel a torrent of snark welling up in my chest and I didn't want to vomit it out all over them.
My son and his friends got banned from the theater for going to that on opening night. And by "going to that", I mean "going to that prepared." I'm lucky I didn't have to bail him out, and he's lucky they weren't all killed by pissed off emos (individually, they are nothing, but the theater was PACKED).
Your kids will kill us all, one fine day. :lulz:
They'd better. The fuckers cost enough to raise. I'd like to see some return on my investment.
SPS,
is one of those assholes who hates it without seeing it. And damn proud of it. 8)
I read all the books. I have enough hate for any adaptation that may come down the line.
I got through 3 pages or so of the first one and threw it back at my friend.
When I was in Florida in April, my sister bought Breaking Dawn, and started reading it. She got about half way and it was evident she was forcing herself to go on. She's a fast reader, and it took her like 2-3 days to read the other ones, it took her like 2 weeks to read the last one. She said the writing had gotten so bad and so half-assed that she was only going to finish the book to finish the story, and that was it.
These are her expert reviews:
Twilight: Decent
New Moon: Okay...
Eclipse: What the...?
Breaking Dawn: :vom:
Quote from: Suu on November 25, 2009, 04:49:28 PM
My belief is that I don't want to be one of those assholes that hate it without seeing it.
Granted, but I also did not see the Hannah Montana movie, and am fairly certain it is a steaming pile of dogshit. Life is too short.
Quote from: Hoopla on November 25, 2009, 05:16:16 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 25, 2009, 04:49:28 PM
My belief is that I don't want to be one of those assholes that hate it without seeing it.
Granted, but I also did not see the Hannah Montana movie, and am fairly certain it is a steaming pile of dogshit. Life is too short.
I do have
standards. But I also can say that I've seen an unfortunate amount of Hannah Montana episodes to KNOW that I wouldn't like the movie.
The fifth book was going to the best ever!
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 05:19:49 PM
The fifth book was going to the best ever!
But people had to leak it onto the internets. Now you get no book. FOREVER.
I think she was mostly upset that people
a) made fun of her
b) caught onto exactly how much of a cheap and easy profit making venture this book was actually was
Quote from: Suu on November 25, 2009, 05:24:17 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 05:19:49 PM
The fifth book was going to the best ever!
But people had to leak it onto the internets. Now you get no book. FOREVER.
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 05:26:30 PM
I think she was mostly upset that people
a) made fun of her
b) caught onto exactly how much of a cheap and easy profit making venture this book was actually was
Wait.
The author FLOUNCED? :lulz:
My friend who's really really into this gay crap went to see it and came over afterward with her theater cup with the characters on it and i asked "whatcha drinkin? twilight juice?" and she just hung her head and frowned and said "don't bother... it was so gay"
Well, as hard as it is to judge something like a manuscript/1st draft, I guess with it being actually in Edward's POV rather than Bella's it was really weird and not as well written (har).
Has anyone read The Host? Apparently it pisses off Twifans because it's not Twilight and actual sci-fi...or something.
Quote from: Squid on November 25, 2009, 05:28:05 PM
My friend who's really really into this gay crap went to see it and came over afterward with her theater cup with the characters on it and i asked "whatcha drinkin? twilight juice?" and she just hung her head and frowned and said "don't bother... it was so gay"
It's like me and Harry Potter. I like Harry Potter, I read the books, I've seen all the movies in the theatre...and then the fucking fans ruin it.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 05:27:16 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 05:26:30 PM
I think she was mostly upset that people
a) made fun of her
b) caught onto exactly how much of a cheap and easy profit making venture this book was actually was
Wait.
The author FLOUNCED? :lulz:
Oh yeah. The best bit was the fifth book was just a rehashing of the first book, but from the other main character's POV.
QuoteHas anyone read The Host? Apparently it pisses off Twifans because it's not Twilight and actual sci-fi...or something.
I haven't, but I know people who have. Apparently it is actually quite readable...not groundbreaking, but competent.
So I hear, anyway.
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:56:06 PM
Here it is all screaming fangirls, apparently.
Also, I should probably re-read the book, just to remind myself how horrible it truly is.
How did you do it?
I couldn't get through the first half of the first book
:sad:
Midnight Sun...including links to her draft:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 05:32:29 PM
Oh yeah. The best bit was the fifth book was just a rehashing of the first book, but from the other main character's POV.
Always a bad sign when an author starts stealing ideas from VC Andrews.
Here's the thing: The first 4 books are written as if by a young girl who hates herself; Meyer sucks so bad at writing that this technique sort of works.
However, shifting the POV to a century-old, incredibly self-assured vampire would mean a complete shift of voice, tone, and style.
If Meyer could pull that off, I'd actually respect her more.
The 5th book should be a retelling of the first book
with some actual vampires
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/thehost_movie.html
Oh fuck. I can see the Twihards lining up now, and then halfway through the film they realize there's no sparkly vampires and start a riot.
Quote from: Suu on November 25, 2009, 05:37:25 PM
Midnight Sun...including links to her draft:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html
QuoteMidnight Sun: Edward's Version of Twilight
August 28, 2008
As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.
I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.
I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.
So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.
I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this post). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.
I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.
--Stephenie
HANG ON, STEPHENIE, AND IMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT STEPHEN KING'S AFTERWORD IN THE DARK TOWER SERIES WAS THE BEST FLOUNCE OF ALL TIME.
OF.
ALL.
TIME.
:lulz:
Quote from: Thurnez Isa on November 25, 2009, 05:39:19 PM
The 5th book should be a retelling of the first book
with some actual vampires
I've read good re-tellings of the first book.
They were Twilight/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover fanfiction, though.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 05:42:08 PM
HANG ON, STEPHENIE, AND IMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT STEPHEN KING'S AFTERWORD IN THE DARK TOWER SERIES WAS THE BEST FLOUNCE OF ALL TIME.
OF.
ALL.
TIME.
what he say in the afterword?
Quote from: Cramulus on November 25, 2009, 05:49:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 05:42:08 PM
HANG ON, STEPHENIE, AND IMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT STEPHEN KING'S AFTERWORD IN THE DARK TOWER SERIES WAS THE BEST FLOUNCE OF ALL TIME.
OF.
ALL.
TIME.
what he say in the afterword?
That writing it was really traumatic and he didn't want to do it but his fans made him and he will never go back to the old style of horror he used to do* and that he doesn't ever want to talk about it with anyone and stop with the fucking fan mail and it's really HARD being a genius.
* you know, the kind that sold books?
Although, he has announced he will be writing a new Dark Tower book...
Quote from: Hoopla on November 25, 2009, 05:59:40 PM
Although, he has announced he will be writing a new Dark Tower book...
Guess he's run through a pile of cash. :lulz:
It better be the story about how Cuthbert and Alain died, at that one battle. That being omitted has pissed me off to no end.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 06:02:01 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 25, 2009, 05:59:40 PM
Although, he has announced he will be writing a new Dark Tower book...
Guess he's run through a pile of cash. :lulz:
It better be the story about how Cuthbert and Alain died, at that one battle. That being omitted has pissed me off to no end.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Quote from: Hoopla on November 25, 2009, 06:04:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 06:02:01 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 25, 2009, 05:59:40 PM
Although, he has announced he will be writing a new Dark Tower book...
Guess he's run through a pile of cash. :lulz:
It better be the story about how Cuthbert and Alain died, at that one battle. That being omitted has pissed me off to no end.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Or maybe he writes for the same reason I rant.
Remember, back in the bad old days?
ROGER: "I've had it with you fuckos! LATER."
two days later...
ROGER: "SERMON #30. OH, AND I STILL HATE YOU FUCKERS."
King's an interesting one. His stories are great, but I can't stand his writing.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 05:53:05 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 25, 2009, 05:49:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 05:42:08 PM
HANG ON, STEPHENIE, AND IMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT STEPHEN KING'S AFTERWORD IN THE DARK TOWER SERIES WAS THE BEST FLOUNCE OF ALL TIME.
OF.
ALL.
TIME.
what he say in the afterword?
That writing it was really traumatic and he didn't want to do it but his fans made him and he will never go back to the old style of horror he used to do* and that he doesn't ever want to talk about it with anyone and stop with the fucking fan mail and it's really HARD being a genius.
* you know, the kind that sold books?
This type of behavior is pretty synonymous with Red Sox fans.
Quote from: Richter on November 25, 2009, 06:07:55 PM
King's an interesting one. His stories are great, but I can't stand his writing.
I like his older writing. Anything before Desperation.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 06:12:26 PM
Quote from: Richter on November 25, 2009, 06:07:55 PM
King's an interesting one. His stories are great, but I can't stand his writing.
I like his older writing. Anything before Desperation.
I tried to start "Langoliers" and "The Stand", but got bogged down by both. I read a LOT of character development and scene setting. It was well done, but heavy, and put a serious drag on the pace of it all. I saw this successfully translated to film in the 80's Pet Cemetary. They used cuts to the highway about as often as "Alien" of "2001" used cuts to an outer space scene, but to much less effect.
It could also be fair to say that I find King's establishment of more prosaic scenes boring due to personal familiarity with them, but if I want to hear about traffic, I'll turn off the music. If I want to hear about people living in a tough low income situation (1st book of "Stand"), I'll listen to reality.
I have King's book on writing somewhere, on loan from Mom. I'll have to read that sometime.
I'm a really proud mom.... both boys told their little chicas that if they wanted to watch some emo vamp crap they'd stay home and watch the CW vampire show. The girls could either go with them to see Ninja Assasin or they would compromise on The Blind Side which has lots of crying shit for the girls and football which goes without need of explanation.....
:lulz:
QuoteToday, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/6439149
http://fargo.craigslist.org/mis/1474465927.html
Quote
i sat behind you at he midnight showing of New Moon last night. Me: medium height, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. as your hair draped down behind your seat i just has to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene. great choice). i dont remember much ov the movie but i will always remember the smell and texture of your hair. the way you sound when you whisper and laugh. after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin's. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. if you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. "grin"
wow. just...wow.
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on November 27, 2009, 07:39:30 PM
http://fargo.craigslist.org/mis/1474465927.html
Quote
i sat behind you at he midnight showing of New Moon last night. Me: medium height, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. as your hair draped down behind your seat i just has to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene. great choice). i dont remember much ov the movie but i will always remember the smell and texture of your hair. the way you sound when you whisper and laugh. after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin's. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. if you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. "grin"
wow. just...wow.
Oh. My. God.
MADIJKAL GLITTER VAMPIRE STALKER!
Quote from: Suu on November 27, 2009, 07:43:29 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on November 27, 2009, 07:39:30 PM
http://fargo.craigslist.org/mis/1474465927.html
Quote
i sat behind you at he midnight showing of New Moon last night. Me: medium height, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. as your hair draped down behind your seat i just has to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene. great choice). i dont remember much ov the movie but i will always remember the smell and texture of your hair. the way you sound when you whisper and laugh. after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin's. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. if you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. "grin"
wow. just...wow.
Oh. My. God.
Someone needs to reply, if only to one up them on the creep factor. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 06:02:01 PM
Guess he's run through a pile of cash. :lulz:
It better be the story about how Cuthbert and Alain died, at that one battle. That being omitted has pissed me off to no end.
Supposedly Jericho Hill was supposed to be told through the supplemental comics coming out over the last few years.
I read the first series, which just retold Wizard and Glass (2nd best of the series, behind Gunslinger) except really poorly. The second series was absolute shit and painfully boring. I don't see myself reading the other 5 series or so to get to Jericho Hill.
As for Twilight, I will say this for the series, both its proponents and detractors. It is astoundingly easy to ignore.
It's also astoundingly fun to mock.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 25, 2009, 03:52:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 25, 2009, 03:41:40 PM
I need to see this film.
Now.
Someone at work told me they saw it last night, and I had to shush them, because I could feel a torrent of snark welling up in my chest and I didn't want to vomit it out all over them.
My son and his friends got banned from the theater for going to that on opening night. And by "going to that", I mean "going to that prepared." I'm lucky I didn't have to bail him out, and he's lucky they weren't all killed by pissed off emos (individually, they are nothing, but the theater was PACKED).
What did he do? Tryed to stab them with a wooden stake, while throwing garlic at them?
A friend of mine went up to meet the cast up in Phoenix when they were there for a release party for the new movie, I guess. I don't know if she had fun though, cuz she got transfered to New York by the army before I could talk to her.
http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html (http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html)
QuoteBreaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
QuoteThe baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
QuoteIn a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
That page was AMAZING.
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on November 27, 2009, 07:39:30 PM
http://fargo.craigslist.org/mis/1474465927.html
Quote
i sat behind you at he midnight showing of New Moon last night. Me: medium height, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. as your hair draped down behind your seat i just has to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene. great choice). i dont remember much ov the movie but i will always remember the smell and texture of your hair. the way you sound when you whisper and laugh. after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin's. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. if you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. "grin"
wow. just...wow.
:aaa: That's... so disturbing.
it does, however, give me an idea for trolling the "missed connections" section of CL.
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on November 29, 2009, 02:04:22 AM
it does, however, give me an idea for trolling the "missed connections" section of CL.
It just opens so many doors...
QuoteToday, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
QuoteToday, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Quote from: Da6s on November 28, 2009, 05:45:13 PM
http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html (http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html)
QuoteBreaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
QuoteThe baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
QuoteIn a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
That page was AMAZING.
QuoteThe book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.
Quote from: Cain on November 29, 2009, 12:51:39 PM
QuoteToday, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
QuoteToday, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Hurg... urp... ungkghhhhg...
HLUUUUUURGHGGHGL! :vom:
Okay so given that the original was the lamest, most emo, fuck all to do with actual vampires, trite piece of gut-wrenchingly mills & boon ugly shit that was ever committed to celluloid, is there any reason I should piss my bandwidth and another couple of hours of my life down the toilet watching a DVD rip of the sequel?
Other than the fact that, judging by the trailer I've seen, the werewolf CGI is even more amateurish than the sparkly skin bullshit they did in the first one?
I'm not sure if that's a selling point but it's the best I could come up with - "Twilight pt2 - with new and improved depths of really shitty FX"
I'm just assuming that none of the actors have learned anything about acting since their first outing so Tim Curry-esque knuckle biting will prolly be the order of the day. We have a shitty, sparkly, obviously the work of a retarded epileptic baby - postfx shot of fucking edwooard or whatever his stupid ass name is, standing next to a tree - which one looks more wooden?
Answers on a postcard.
Because it's so bad, it's hilarious. It's like Troll 2, only with a multimillion dollar budget.
I've seen the actors act alright in other things, I think they just hate their characters that much it shows through on the screen.
The author got her English degree from Brigham Young University. I suppose that doesn't make her vampires Mormon, but that doesn't stop me from telling everyone that they, in fact, are.
Quote from: Cain on November 29, 2009, 04:53:38 PM
Because it's so bad, it's hilarious. It's like Troll 2, only with a multimillion dollar budget.
I've seen the actors act alright in other things, I think they just hate their characters that much it shows through on the screen.
Judging by the script I'd be prepared to accept that defense of their acting skillz. Hard to imagine anyone staying awake even thinking about such bullshit, let alone actually saying it out loud, with something resembling a straight face.
On a more positive note Inglorious Basterds was kinda cool and Gamer, despite suffering from some kinda verhoven-robocop overkill at the beginning turned out not too bad. I aint got the patience for "so bad their good" movies. The only time I'd want to talk about this is to slag off a fan for liking it and I think the effect is better if I
don't watch the fucking thing, that way you get the whole "yeah but you need to watch it to understand how awesum it is" evangelical trip to assist my mission of dragging them into complete emotard meltdown. :evil:
The guy who plays Edward Cullen, on his character (http://www.ok.co.uk/celebnews/view/12598/Robert-opens-up-about-girls/):
Quote"It's weird, but girls always seem like that. Being a guy, you always just look at girls and think, 'why are you with that guy?'
"With virtually anyone the nice guys always seem to come last. You always get weirdos like Edward who seem to attract women for some reason.
"If Edward wasn't a fictional character and you met him in reality he is like one of those guys who would probably be an axe murderer or something."
QuoteHe added: “I had no idea people could get so obsessed. But it’s not scary - it’s amazing. People just project their idea of my character on to me and they just seem to assume that I’m the same, when in reality I’m not.”
Tryingnottopisspeopleoffese for "My fans are a pack of retards!"
Yeah, he said that after saying something else about the fans being crazy which everyone took to mean "please, save me from these psychotics", so definitely covering his ass there.
Quote from: Suu on November 29, 2009, 03:48:03 PM
Quote from: Da6s on November 28, 2009, 05:45:13 PM
http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html (http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html)
QuoteBreaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
QuoteThe baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
QuoteIn a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
That page was AMAZING.
QuoteThe book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.
Cronenberg. Or Lynch.
the oatmeal produces some very humorous articles these days:
http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight
That was awesome.
I think we're forgetting about someone very important here
Taylor Lautner
(http://idoubtit.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/werewolf_by_ginasa.jpg)
After all, wouldn't be a proper movie if it didn't have some hawt shirtless werewolf action to excite the furries.
This was on Reddit just now:
Isaiah 1:14 (New International Version) (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%201:14&version=NIV)
Quote14 Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts
my soul hates.
They have become a burden to me;
I am weary of bearing them.