I'm 17, and live in an apartment with my brother and parents. While I understand that I am obligated to contribute with household chores, I feel that others have been neglecting their share of obligations. It's been a custom in my household that I handle the cooking , and the others collectively contribute to most of the cleaning. However, the place is usually a mess. My mom is too busy taking care of my grandparents, my brother has been in a state of depression for some time now, and my dad doesn't really do much of anything. It's simply too much for me to handle everything.
The problem is, my dad doesn't respect anything around the house. For example, this Thanksgiving, he completely ruined a metal cookie sheet by attempting to carve the turkey on it with an electric carver. It was so gouged I had to throw it away. I was upset with him for it, because I'm the only one who uses such things. His reply was "It was crap anyway, we might as well buy a new one!"
I have yet to see a new one.
He's expressed a lack of interest in improving living conditions for himself or his family all throughout his life. It's the reason the 4 of us are stuck in a depressing 2 bedroom on shaky income.
More over, this problem of not getting my parents to listen to me extends beyond silly issues like housekeeping. I've tried to set boundaries with them before with behaviors I'd find hurtful, annoying, or downright creepy. They however, cheerfully ignore these wishes in pretense of "doing things out of my best interest". It gets me so upset that I often have to resort to yelling at them / fighting. But I'm tired of yelling, even though that is the only thing that (strangely) will get them to listen.
What do?
Are you a junior or senior in high school?
Quote from: Nasturtiums on December 06, 2009, 10:23:07 PM
I'm 17, and live in an apartment with my brother and parents. While I understand that I am obligated to contribute with household chores, I feel that others have been neglecting their share of obligations. It's been a custom in my household that I handle the cooking , and the others collectively contribute to most of the cleaning. However, the place is usually a mess. My mom is too busy taking care of my grandparents, my brother has been in a state of depression for some time now, and my dad doesn't really do much of anything. It's simply too much for me to handle everything.
The problem is, my dad doesn't respect anything around the house. For example, this Thanksgiving, he completely ruined a metal cookie sheet by attempting to carve the turkey on it with an electric carver. It was so gouged I had to throw it away. I was upset with him for it, because I'm the only one who uses such things. His reply was "It was crap anyway, we might as well buy a new one!"
I have yet to see a new one.
He's expressed a lack of interest in improving living conditions for himself or his family all throughout his life. It's the reason the 4 of us are stuck in a depressing 2 bedroom on shaky income.
More over, this problem of not getting my parents to listen to me extends beyond silly issues like housekeeping. I've tried to set boundaries with them before with behaviors I'd find hurtful, annoying, or downright creepy. They however, cheerfully ignore these wishes in pretense of "doing things out of my best interest". It gets me so upset that I often have to resort to yelling at them / fighting. But I'm tired of yelling, even though that is the only thing that (strangely) will get them to listen.
What do?
1. Kick depressed brother in arse.
2. Tell dad you need that cookie sheet now.
3. Get the hell out of there as soon as is feasible.
Quote from: Suu on December 06, 2009, 10:26:40 PM
Are you a junior or senior in high school?
Neither, I got my GED early and now attend the local city college.
Quote from: Nasturtiums on December 06, 2009, 10:28:49 PM
Quote from: Suu on December 06, 2009, 10:26:40 PM
Are you a junior or senior in high school?
Neither, I got my GED early and now attend the local city college.
Start applying to ones far away.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 06, 2009, 10:28:33 PM
Quote from: Nasturtiums on December 06, 2009, 10:23:07 PM
I'm 17, and live in an apartment with my brother and parents. While I understand that I am obligated to contribute with household chores, I feel that others have been neglecting their share of obligations. It's been a custom in my household that I handle the cooking , and the others collectively contribute to most of the cleaning. However, the place is usually a mess. My mom is too busy taking care of my grandparents, my brother has been in a state of depression for some time now, and my dad doesn't really do much of anything. It's simply too much for me to handle everything.
The problem is, my dad doesn't respect anything around the house. For example, this Thanksgiving, he completely ruined a metal cookie sheet by attempting to carve the turkey on it with an electric carver. It was so gouged I had to throw it away. I was upset with him for it, because I'm the only one who uses such things. His reply was "It was crap anyway, we might as well buy a new one!"
I have yet to see a new one.
He's expressed a lack of interest in improving living conditions for himself or his family all throughout his life. It's the reason the 4 of us are stuck in a depressing 2 bedroom on shaky income.
More over, this problem of not getting my parents to listen to me extends beyond silly issues like housekeeping. I've tried to set boundaries with them before with behaviors I'd find hurtful, annoying, or downright creepy. They however, cheerfully ignore these wishes in pretense of "doing things out of my best interest". It gets me so upset that I often have to resort to yelling at them / fighting. But I'm tired of yelling, even though that is the only thing that (strangely) will get them to listen.
What do?
1. Kick depressed brother in arse.
2. Tell dad you need that cookie sheet now.
3. Get the hell out of there as soon as is feasible.
I would love to be out of here. In fact, learning skills for independence has been my project this year. It's all I can do at the moment, besides trying to keep my head on the right way.
And yeah, my brother. He's far better than he was 6 months ago, but unfortunately, I still can't do anything to force him to pick up the slack.
Learn a trade?
Trades are good, and the pay is better the further you get.
I always wanted to get into welding.
If i didnt have the economic backup of my family, id probably just learn something like computers/networks that you can make more money the more you learn, and not necesarilly go to an expensive college to learn it.
What are you studying at the local college?
This was my first semester there, so I've been testing the water to see what sort of thing I'd like to study. So far I've taken art, botany, and some linguistics/foreign language.
The trouble is I have interests in many things, but not many of them particularly lucrative. :lol:
I hear you there, with interests in shit that aren't lucrative. I want to be an English Major or a Music Major. :| Oh yeah, big money there. The other thing I've considered is taking culinary schooling but I don't know if I want to take a fun hobby and make a career out of it. Then again, learning more about cooking is never a BAD thing. Either way I'll take some culinary classes as electives if it's not the main focus.
Quote from: Nasturtiums on December 07, 2009, 03:12:26 AM
This was my first semester there, so I've been testing the water to see what sort of thing I'd like to study. So far I've taken art, botany, and some linguistics/foreign language.
The trouble is I have interests in many things, but not many of them particularly lucrative. :lol:
Start an herbalist shop.
Get thirty jars of rosemary and thirty of oregano. Label them different things. Or is that too SubGenius?
Quote from: Chief Uwachiquen on December 07, 2009, 06:35:42 AM
I hear you there, with interests in shit that aren't lucrative. I want to be an English Major or a Music Major. :| Oh yeah, big money there. The other thing I've considered is taking culinary schooling but I don't know if I want to take a fun hobby and make a career out of it. Then again, learning more about cooking is never a BAD thing. Either way I'll take some culinary classes as electives if it's not the main focus.
Protip: If those are your two options, go with the english major; it's more "respected" in the outside world.
Plus, unless you're planning on writing concertos or being an engineer, playing in as many different kinds bands as possible every night of the week will teach you more about how to be a musician than going to school for it will.
LMNO
-voice of experience.
I think moving out and getting roommates is the best thing you can do at this point. Get a job (I know, not easy to find in this economy) and strike out on your own. It'll force the other adults in the apartment to pick up their end of things. Sucks to be taken advantage of, though.
Why is it that people who deserve them never seem to get kids as awesome as you?
Seriously though, it sucks that you're in a situation where you have to pressure your parents to behave responsibly. I am going to disagree with the majority here, though, and say that as long as you have the option of staying there for free and going to college, keep doing it. At this point, it really doesn't matter what your major is; take as many different classes as you can until you find something that you really love. Not having to work while you go to school is a huge boon; take as much advantage of that as you can.
I'm with Nigel.
Be the most worthless leech on society you can be.
society will make you suffer no matter what you do.
Quote from: Regret on December 07, 2009, 09:43:01 PM
I'm with Nigel.
Be the most worthless leech on society you can be.
society will make you suffer no matter what you do.
Uh, yeah, I don't think that's what Nigel meant, but I guess she can speak for herself. I think her point was more about putting up with shitty familial behavior in order to focus on studies instead of all the energy being sucked into a sucky job. But I could be wrong.
Quote from: Jenne on December 07, 2009, 09:54:36 PM
Quote from: Regret on December 07, 2009, 09:43:01 PM
I'm with Nigel.
Be the most worthless leech on society you can be.
society will make you suffer no matter what you do.
Uh, yeah, I don't think that's what Nigel meant, but I guess she can speak for herself. I think her point was more about putting up with shitty familial behavior in order to focus on studies instead of all the energy being sucked into a sucky job. But I could be wrong.
Yep. You nailed it; he's 17, and if he can take some advantage of the family structure in order to focus on college, it will be easier for him to do well and put him in a better position for moving out in a few years.
"Living with your family while going to college" is not "Leeching off of society", by most definitions.
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 07, 2009, 07:34:40 PM
Why is it that people who deserve them never seem to get kids as awesome as you?
Seriously though, it sucks that you're in a situation where you have to pressure your parents to behave responsibly. I am going to disagree with the majority here, though, and say that as long as you have the option of staying there for free and going to college, keep doing it. At this point, it really doesn't matter what your major is; take as many different classes as you can until you find something that you really love. Not having to work while you go to school is a huge boon; take as much advantage of that as you can.
:oops: I'm hardly what most people would consider awesome, but thank you.
And yeah, even though the thought of moving out and living independently is very nice, I'm hardly prepared to take such a big step soon. That'll need some work.
In the mean time, improving conditions at home and studying at college is what I can do in the immediate.
My parents aren't awful people; they were never abusive or neglectful or meth addicts. It's just that they never had it together, and that makes it hard for me now when I'm trying to get my own life started.
I would also like to say I appreciate everyone's input and it's made me more hopeful about my situation. :)
Having to play parent to mommy and daddy from a young age can do some damage. It's not the most abusive behavior, and really, what doesn't kill you etc., but it's certainly not the best and pretty shitty altogether.
Nigel's advice sounds better and better to me, to tell you the truth.