Whenever I get sick and have to stay home from work it reminds me of when I was a kid and would just play hookey to watch cooking shows and experiment with food.
Often I actually made myself sick with what I made, but every once in a while I'd surprise myself.
Today was not one of those days.
I was craving eggs, and I generally make some good deviled eggs when I'm not mistaking cayenne for paprika.
Some sick twisted part of mt brain thought it would be ok to mix sriracha, salt and pepper, chili powder, a touch of brown mustard, a half a green olive (garnish) and ...
miracle whip.
Now I like MW on sandwiches. Especially bologna and plain potato chip sandwiches.
Deviled eggs? Good god NO.
It tasted like something out of a horror movie. The strong farty egg taste mixed horribly with the sickly sweet mayo wanna be followed by a slight burning from the sriracha and then the salty brine flavor from the olive was just what I needed to trigger my gag reflex.
What's worse is I managed to choke down 6 halves/3 whole eggs worth of these fuckers and NOT DIE.
Now my mouth is burning but there's an overpowering sweet residue on my tongue and I can't wash this taste out.
Blirgh bleich bloooooooooorf!!
This miracle whip is an obvious abomination that must be eradicated like the cum-stains it causes.
Squid: OFUCk. :vom:
000 : Thank you. You have given me a remarkable way to descrate anythign white and cloth I now find with a simple condiment. I think the next PETA bacon slinger I meet needs some fake pecker tracks.
Quote from: Triple Zero on January 25, 2010, 10:48:39 PM
This miracle whip is an obvious abomination that must be eradicated like the cum-stains it causes.
This made me laugh and laugh, and my son was like "what's so funny" and I got all stern and barked "NOTHING" then just glared at him till he walked away, then I laughed at him and he shook his head.
He's gonna put me in the worst old folks home ever.
And I'll die alone. :lulz:
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on January 26, 2010, 12:50:03 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on January 25, 2010, 10:48:39 PM
This miracle whip is an obvious abomination that must be eradicated like the cum-stains it causes.
This made me laugh and laugh, and my son was like "what's so funny" and I got all stern and barked "NOTHING" then just glared at him till he walked away, then I laughed at him and he shook his head.
He's gonna put me in the worst old folks home ever.
And I'll die alone. :lulz:
And 2/3rds of you will deserve it.
:lulz:
:lulz: And ewww...Squiddy!
Tell us more of the fucked up shit you do with food. So we don't uh make the same mistake.
you should see what i eat when i'm drunk and/or lazy
:vom:
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on January 25, 2010, 10:10:09 PM
I was craving eggs, and I generally make some good deviled eggs when I'm not mistaking cayenne for paprika.
This is Squid House Legend, evidently, that I witnessed back in April.
Also: :vom: for use of Miracle Whip ALONE. Then :vom: :vom: for the concoction.
I wanted to make some gravy once, but didn't have any milk, but I did have cottage cheese. So, I mixed it with water as a substitute.
It worked really well. I was amaze.
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on January 26, 2010, 04:55:45 AM
you should see what i eat when i'm drunk and/or lazy
:vom:
Ha, see, and I shared this in Apple Talk, last time I was drunk/weird I cracked a raw egg in a juice glass full of carrot juice and drank it like a shot.
It stayed down, but GAH.
You know, come to think of it, I wasn't hungover AT ALL that morning, and I should've been. Hm. Wonder if the egg had anything to do with that?
Quote from: Jerry_Frankster on February 07, 2010, 06:30:04 AM
I wanted to make some gravy once, but didn't have any milk, but I did have cottage cheese. So, I mixed it with water as a substitute.
It worked really well. I was amaze.
but, you don't need milk for gravy :?
maybe a bit of cornstarch, maybe a bit of stock, wine, beer or a squirt of ketchup always does wonders for me too.
but basically all you need is a pan in which you just made meat, water and salt and pepper.
still, cottage cheese might not be too bad in it.
Quote from: Jerry_Frankster on February 07, 2010, 06:30:04 AM
I wanted to make some gravy once, but didn't have any milk, but I did have cottage cheese. So, I mixed it with water as a substitute.
It worked really well. I was amaze.
yeah, uhh, there's no reason to ever put milk in gravy. There are many reasons to NOT ever put milk in gravy, not least of which is that it's a disgusting practice.
What the hell? How do you make white gravy or country gravy without milk? What about pork chops and potatoes with buttermilk gravy?
I don't think us Westerners understand your East Coast ways.
I have to have milk to make sausage gravy.
That's the only way to make it.
Add butter and flour to the cooked sausage, then add milk till it's, you know, gravy.
What the hell else would you use to make it??
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on February 07, 2010, 07:03:32 PM
I have to have milk to make sausage gravy.
That's the only way to make it.
Add butter and flour to the cooked sausage, then add milk till it's, you know, gravy.
What the hell else would you use to make it??
That's what I'm talking about!
A sausage is a closed unit, how does one add anything to sausage? with a syringe?
butter/fat/oil + water = tasteless gravy.
use the butter/fat/oil you used to cook the sausage/whatever for the taste.
water to make it thinner and flour/starch if you used too much water.
you can change the proportions of fat, water and flour to your preference but i've never heard of using milk.
interesting idea though. no idea what taste and texture that would give.
Quote from: Regret on February 07, 2010, 09:44:42 PM
A sausage is a closed unit, how does one add anything to sausage? with a syringe?
butter/fat/oil + water = tasteless gravy.
use the butter/fat/oil you used to cook the sausage/whatever for the taste.
water to make it thinner and flour/starch if you used too much water.
you can change the proportions of fat, water and flour to your preference but i've never heard of using milk.
interesting idea though. no idea what taste and texture that would give.
oh honey.
you take the sausage out of the casing and cook it like ground meat. when it's brown you add a little flour to the fat in the pan (adding a dab or 2 of butter if it's lean) and then add some milk till it's hot, thick, rich and gravy-like.
SAUSAGE GRAVY, usually served over biscuits or toast.
(http://blogchef.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/sausage_gravy_1.jpg)
this. this is a southern staple (that i can't eat anymore)
Why not?
Quote from: Regret on February 07, 2010, 09:44:42 PM
A sausage is a closed unit, how does one add anything to sausage? with a syringe?
butter/fat/oil + water = tasteless gravy.
use the butter/fat/oil you used to cook the sausage/whatever for the taste.
water to make it thinner and flour/starch if you used too much water.
you can change the proportions of fat, water and flour to your preference but i've never heard of using milk.
interesting idea though. no idea what taste and texture that would give.
Sausage is also sold loose:
(http://blog.ideasinfood.com/.a/6a00d83451f83a69e201156f834cae970c-500wi)
She can't eat it anymore because sausage gravy is one of the fattiest things a person can put inside their body, and she has to watch her health.
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on February 08, 2010, 07:02:12 AM
Quote from: Regret on February 07, 2010, 09:44:42 PM
A sausage is a closed unit, how does one add anything to sausage? with a syringe?
butter/fat/oil + water = tasteless gravy.
use the butter/fat/oil you used to cook the sausage/whatever for the taste.
water to make it thinner and flour/starch if you used too much water.
you can change the proportions of fat, water and flour to your preference but i've never heard of using milk.
interesting idea though. no idea what taste and texture that would give.
oh honey.
you take the sausage out of the casing and cook it like ground meat. when it's brown you add a little flour to the fat in the pan (adding a dab or 2 of butter if it's lean) and then add some milk till it's hot, thick, rich and gravy-like.
SAUSAGE GRAVY, usually served over biscuits or toast.
(http://blogchef.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/sausage_gravy_1.jpg)
this. this is a southern staple (that i can't eat anymore)
Also a Western staple
I've been in every state between here and Texas, and I have not found one place that didn't have biscuits and gravy.
Also, chicken-fried-steak pretty much requires country gravy, which is made with bacon or sausage grease, flour, pepper, salt, and milk.
Quote from: Mistress Freeky on February 08, 2010, 07:33:21 PM
Why not?
cause it's some artery cloggin shit, yo.
I've been trying to eat healthier after the quitting smoking thing. I mean, if I'm not gonna have insurance than the least I can do is try to take care of myself a little bit. Right?
Nigel-- very true. it is a staple over there too. i think the chicken fried steak thing started in texas when the germans settled there and had their shnitzel but the veal was expensive so they used chicken... there's a story about it somewhere. i'm too lazy to look it up though.
Chicken fried steak is pounded beef here, breaded, fried, and served with milk gravy.
what are the lumps made of in that pic??? please don't tell me it's flour globs?
and Regret:
you have the correct idea about gravy. except the taste is mostly not in the fat but in the dark brown bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. these dissolve in water (if they'd dissolve in fat, they wouldnt be stuck to the bottom of the pan)*. so you add the water (or wine, beer, stock/bouillon) to dissolve the tasty bits. yes you will scrape it off the bottom and not fear getting some carbon in your food :) the water doesn't actually make it thinner, if you stir a lot it will form an emulsion with the fat, which actually makes it thicker and more sauce-y. which is why you add the cornstarch (maizena) because emulsions are hard to make and the starch acts as a sort of emulsifier. which is why I suggest to try and add ketchup, because apart from adding tangy flavour and a bit of sweetness and acidity (always good) it contains an emulsifying additive stronger than starch (I found you really only need a few drops of ketchup).
About the saucage, sometimes people say "sausage" when they mean "sausage meat". Either way, can anyone explain me the difference between sausage meat and, say, minced pork?
Same I suppose when people say "gravy" when they mean "milk gravy"? Except more confusing.
* whoever tells you gravy is made from "the juices of the meat" is an idiot, by the time the meat is done and it's gravy making time, any drops of juice are evaporated and the browning and getting stuck to the pan part is essential for the flavour.
Quote from: Calamity Nigel on February 09, 2010, 08:24:10 AM
Chicken fried steak is pounded beef here, breaded, fried, and served with milk gravy.
DUH, that's what I meant. I worked 12 hours yesterday. Head not right.
000- the lumps are meat bits
My mother's recipe, which is from the Bootheel region of Missouri (basically, NOT the midwest in culture, more like Kentucky, and the deep South near Mississippi), calls for MILK. I have watched my (now deceased) great-grandmother from Sikeston, MO make her gravy in the morning after frying bacon and sausage, and it's milk that is used with flour to make it. So NOT easy to get those lumps out, either. (Not the meat-lumps, the flour-lumps.) My mom always complains hers is not as smooth as Gangaw's.
Wire whisk, cast iron skillet.
Whisk it till your arm falls off.
Mostly lump-free.
To have no lumps:
1) equal amount of fat and flour.
2) spread flour evenly across fat (no mound o' flour)
3) stir fat and flour together until smooth. then add liquid, but slowly, stirring as you go.
Basically, all the flour particles need to be evenly coated in fat, before you add any liquid.
(my mom's gravy is actually teh bomb, she just has that nasty tendency to complain about her own skills so others bring her up)
Great tips, guys!
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on February 09, 2010, 06:21:07 PM
Wire whisk, cast iron skillet.
Whisk it till your arm falls off.
Mostly lump-free.
Ahhhhh...every good Southern/Western woman has herself an awesome iron skillet.
Quote from: Triple Zero on February 09, 2010, 09:23:19 AM
what are the lumps made of in that pic??? please don't tell me it's flour globs?
and Regret:
you have the correct idea about gravy. except the taste is mostly not in the fat but in the dark brown bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. these dissolve in water (if they'd dissolve in fat, they wouldnt be stuck to the bottom of the pan)*. so you add the water (or wine, beer, stock/bouillon) to dissolve the tasty bits. yes you will scrape it off the bottom and not fear getting some carbon in your food :) the water doesn't actually make it thinner, if you stir a lot it will form an emulsion with the fat, which actually makes it thicker and more sauce-y. which is why you add the cornstarch (maizena) because emulsions are hard to make and the starch acts as a sort of emulsifier. which is why I suggest to try and add ketchup, because apart from adding tangy flavour and a bit of sweetness and acidity (always good) it contains an emulsifying additive stronger than starch (I found you really only need a few drops of ketchup).
About the saucage, sometimes people say "sausage" when they mean "sausage meat". Either way, can anyone explain me the difference between sausage meat and, say, minced pork?
Same I suppose when people say "gravy" when they mean "milk gravy"? Except more confusing.
* whoever tells you gravy is made from "the juices of the meat" is an idiot, by the time the meat is done and it's gravy making time, any drops of juice are evaporated and the browning and getting stuck to the pan part is essential for the flavour.
Sausage is sausage. It's either cased or not. It's ground, seasoned meat.
Gravy comes in many varieties, and whether you want to say what kind of gravy is kind of dependent on whether it's relevant to the context.
Quote from: Triple Zero on February 07, 2010, 10:18:00 AM
Quote from: Jerry_Frankster on February 07, 2010, 06:30:04 AM
I wanted to make some gravy once, but didn't have any milk, but I did have cottage cheese. So, I mixed it with water as a substitute.
It worked really well. I was amaze.
but, you don't need milk for gravy :?
maybe a bit of cornstarch, maybe a bit of stock, wine, beer or a squirt of ketchup always does wonders for me too.
but basically all you need is a pan in which you just made meat, water and salt and pepper.
still, cottage cheese might not be too bad in it.
Sorry, I meant specifically "country gravy", which we, here in the country, just call "gravy".
We also have "brown gravy". Country gravy is mainly a breakfast gravy, and brown gravy is for anything but breakfast.
Quote from: LMNO on February 09, 2010, 06:25:49 PMTo have no lumps:
1) equal amount of fat and flour.
2) spread flour evenly across fat (no mound o' flour)
3) stir fat and flour together until smooth. then add liquid, but slowly, stirring as you go.
Basically, all the flour particles need to be evenly coated in fat, before you add any liquid.
I always use a sieve, like this:
(http://albums.modelbrouwers.nl/coppermine/albums/userpics/10002/DSCF0074.jpg)
except with flour instead of blue copper powder.
I want to eat that blue stuff.
It looks delicious, though I'm sure it's not.
If you're lucky, it is copper sulfate, which is merely a very effective make-you-throw-up-and-puke-your-gut-out thingy. If you're less lucky it is copper somethingelsate, which is most probably a lot more toxic.
Nah just kidding,
it's Instant-SmurfTM. Just add water.
Muhuhahahahaha! Delicious Smurfs!
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