Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Muir on February 09, 2010, 11:11:25 AM

Title: Cake!
Post by: Muir on February 09, 2010, 11:11:25 AM
When I was a kid (read 11-15 years old) I used to bake cookies, cakes, cupcakes, muffins, etc all the time and was actually pretty good at it.  Fast forward a few years...and...I lost it.  The last time I attempted to bake a "proper" cake it exploded in the oven (I have no clue how, please don't ask).

This past weekend, I decided to try a recipe a friend gave me.  He said it was "foolproof" and it turned out beautifully! (Much to my surprise)

So here is "Sponge Cake in 3 Steps"

Step one:  Sift 4 oz. self-raising flour and 1 tsp baking powder in a large mixing bowl.

Step two:  Throw in 4 oz. soft butter (or margarine) at room temperature, 4 oz caster sugar, 2 large eggs, 2-3  drops pure vanilla essence and mix well until soft and gloopy.

Step three: Empty into a lightly-greased 20 cm (8 inch) round cake tin and put in a 325 F oven for about 30 minutes.  Remove from tin and let cool on a wire rack.

----

Does anyone else have any really simple "never fail" cake recipes?   
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on February 27, 2012, 08:56:44 PM
Yes, get someone else to make you a cake. 

Sit.  Eat.  Enjoy!
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on February 27, 2012, 09:16:07 PM
No, but I have a foolproof peanut butter cookie one.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 27, 2012, 09:26:31 PM
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TLTwPWSfm1I/AAAAAAAAD9A/jZcOV5HoqgU/s400/marshmallow10cake.jpg)
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 28, 2012, 06:42:38 AM
I'm not allowed to use the oven after the Totino's Pizza IncidentTM but this looks like fun. I shall relay recipe to She-Who-Mans-The-Kitchen.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: nagaina on March 06, 2012, 12:36:20 PM
Quote from: Muir on February 09, 2010, 11:11:25 AMDoes anyone else have any really simple "never fail" cake recipes?

I do, I do :)
so you mix 4 eggs with 1 1/2 cups of sugar (one cup = 200gr. or 7 oz), one cup of yogurt (sour cream could work as well) and you put one teaspoon with baking soda in the yogurt, stir good and it goes to the eggs and sugar, all that should be stirred for a minute (until it looks good :D) then you put 2 1/2 cup of flour (normal, white), stir, add 3/4 cup of vegetable oil, stir, and at the add some vanilla powder :) the mixtures should be homogeneous, put it in your cake form and bake for.. 180C in the oven.. that should be 355F I guess.. for about 45-50 min :) I really can't cook, and almost every recipe I try is a failure, but this one just works :D you can also split the mixture in two, and put some cocoa in one of the halves, so you'll have a black and white cake :)
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/404627_2762636540008_1080684478_2729535_686903641_n.jpg)
Hope I've helped :)
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on March 06, 2012, 05:28:07 PM
Mmmmmmmm,, marblecake  :lulz:
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: navkat on March 07, 2012, 05:22:49 PM
Sandra Lee's Semi-Home Made Kwanzaa cake?
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on March 08, 2012, 12:32:35 AM
Nigerian Yellow Cake? 

Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: navkat on March 08, 2012, 02:46:53 AM
Oh, squishy, springy cake. I love you.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on March 08, 2012, 01:27:20 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 08, 2012, 12:32:35 AM
Nigerian Yellow Cake?

Oh come on, this was funny!  Laugh fuckers!
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on March 08, 2012, 02:09:14 PM
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Since moving to Turkey the biggest issue I've found with baking is the odd measurements. "One water glass of flour", "One tea glass of milk" etc.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: navkat on March 08, 2012, 02:17:50 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 08, 2012, 01:27:20 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 08, 2012, 12:32:35 AM
Nigerian Yellow Cake?

Oh come on, this was funny!  Laugh fuckers!

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v511/Navkat/JarethLaugh.png)
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: LMNO on March 08, 2012, 02:18:26 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 08, 2012, 01:27:20 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 08, 2012, 12:32:35 AM
Nigerian Yellow Cake?

Oh come on, this was funny!  Laugh fuckers!

:saddam:
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: DocS on March 08, 2012, 02:58:09 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on February 27, 2012, 08:56:44 PM
Yes, get someone else to make you a cake. 
Ya, just told my girl how to make it. Right after the Steak.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: navkat on March 08, 2012, 03:10:51 PM
Quote from: DocS on March 08, 2012, 02:58:09 PM
Quote from: What's-His-Name? on February 27, 2012, 08:56:44 PM
Yes, get someone else to make you a cake. 
Ya, just told my girl how to make it. Right after the Steak.

"But why is the batter so salty?"
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on March 21, 2012, 11:56:09 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 07, 2012, 05:22:49 PM
Sandra Lee's Semi-Home Made Kwanzaa cake?

:angrymob:
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 01, 2012, 02:36:19 PM
I had to look up Caster sugar.  :oops:
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on August 01, 2012, 03:25:41 PM
I think Caster sugar makes it easier to roll the dough.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 01, 2012, 06:39:16 PM
I've honestly never seen it. I'm sure it does it's job well I'm just seriously amazed I saw the term "Caster sugar" and was completely stupefied. It's not even an odd ingredient. It's not like, "Add 3 deep fried Rocky Mountain Oysters."
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on August 01, 2012, 11:46:07 PM
 :cry:


And thus another poor pun dies a lonely death.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 02, 2012, 05:18:21 AM
I didn't get it until you pointed it out LOL
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Freeky on August 02, 2012, 05:21:23 AM
I still don't get it.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: AFK on August 02, 2012, 10:35:08 AM
http://www.amazon.com/b?ie=UTF8&node=16412291



Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Freeky on August 02, 2012, 07:02:27 PM
Is that what they're called? Oh.
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Triple Zero on August 02, 2012, 08:21:57 PM
Quote from: Muir on February 09, 2010, 11:11:25 AM
Does anyone else have any really simple "never fail" cake recipes?

SURPRISE CAKE:

DEFINITELY sugar + flour + butter in roughly eyeballed amounts
MAYBE a bit of water, milk or egg or maybe just the egg yolk, or baking powder
PROBABLY a bit of salt
SOMETHING of a flavouring thing such as vanilla, cinnamon, lemon or orange peel (juice does not work), chocolate bits chips chunks, candy, candied ginger, 5-spice, anise powder, extra butter, I dunno, something!1!!

Then you mix it and maybe add more butter or flour if the dough doesn't look right.

Then it goes in a cake form that should probably be buttered.

Then it goes into the oven at somewhere between 200 and 225 degrees Celsius (if your oven only does Fahrenheit you're out of luck: get a better oven). It should probably have been preheating, good that you thought about that beforehand!

And then you set an alarm for 20 minutes. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

And then you go do something else and forget about the cake.

And then you will be surprised by a beeping sound. SURPRISE! There is a cake in the oven!

Then you check if the cake needs maybe 10 more minutes or not.

Then you let the cake cool.

And then you eat it. The other SURPRISE is that you do not know what kind of cake you're going to get before you look in your cupboards to see the sorts of things you have.

Should the cake happen to fail, write down what you did, and do something different next time.

If you don't forget about the alarm thing and don't accidentally* use something extremely gross as a flavouring there's not a lot that can go wrong.

* also not on purpose
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Freeky on August 03, 2012, 04:10:56 AM
Quote200 and 225 degrees Celsius

Lightspeed?! :eek:
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 03, 2012, 04:22:43 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 02, 2012, 08:21:57 PM
Quote from: Muir on February 09, 2010, 11:11:25 AM
Does anyone else have any really simple "never fail" cake recipes?

SURPRISE CAKE:

DEFINITELY sugar + flour + butter in roughly eyeballed amounts
MAYBE a bit of water, milk or egg or maybe just the egg yolk, or baking powder
PROBABLY a bit of salt
SOMETHING of a flavouring thing such as vanilla, cinnamon, lemon or orange peel (juice does not work), chocolate bits chips chunks, candy, candied ginger, 5-spice, anise powder, extra butter, I dunno, something!1!!

Then you mix it and maybe add more butter or flour if the dough doesn't look right.

Then it goes in a cake form that should probably be buttered.

Then it goes into the oven at somewhere between 200 and 225 degrees Celsius (if your oven only does Fahrenheit you're out of luck: get a better oven). It should probably have been preheating, good that you thought about that beforehand!

And then you set an alarm for 20 minutes. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

And then you go do something else and forget about the cake.

And then you will be surprised by a beeping sound. SURPRISE! There is a cake in the oven!

Then you check if the cake needs maybe 10 more minutes or not.

Then you let the cake cool.

And then you eat it. The other SURPRISE is that you do not know what kind of cake you're going to get before you look in your cupboards to see the sorts of things you have.

Should the cake happen to fail, write down what you did, and do something different next time.

If you don't forget about the alarm thing and don't accidentally* use something extremely gross as a flavouring there's not a lot that can go wrong.

* also not on purpose

Other than the Celsius part and not drinking wine while waiting for the thing to beep, that could be Justin Wilson. "Handful of dis here, summa dat...how long ya cook it? Ya cook it till it's ready!"
Title: Re: Cake!
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 03, 2012, 11:55:37 PM
I wonder if I could make a beer cake with that