Dear friend,
Ok, so you finally got a girlfriend again. Good for you. Why are you being insufferable? Yesterday, I was ready to throttle you for being such an unmitigated ass and the day before was the day you got together which the girl--I'm pretty sure there's a correlation because you weren't like this a couple days ago. I understand some of your cockiness because, well, she thought it was your knee. But I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you ever say something like that again to me. We give each other shit all the time but that was over the line and I HATE the way you said it. I'm not easy to offend or hurt, but congratulations, you managed it.
Oh, and also? That comment you made to me yesterday when I almost fell over? Not ok. I am not an object and you will never reduce me to my body. More than it would go to waste if I died.
And then there's the matter of you taking up with this particular girl at all. First off, I'm pretty sure you aren't with her because you like her. You just know she broke up with her ex because he wouldn't put out. Plus, this girl is quite frankly abusive. I kind of doubt she'll do it to you, but you know exactly what kind of things she said to our friend the red head. You know how she treated him. And that you got with her at all is fucking low because you KNOW he hasn't been able to get over this girl since September. She also all but has a sign on her back that says BAT SHIT CRAZY. We've talked about this and you agreed with me last week--which was about three days before you found out she liked you. WTF.
I don't expect you to take this into account when selecting a girlfriend, but you know that A) I'm a pretty good judge of character and B) I don't like her. Hm. Let's count the number of times I've been wrong.
I'm going to be civil to her and I'm going to remind you I don't like her. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you. Little tiny jabs here and there until you stop behaving like a revolting jackass. Or maybe you never will. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be your friend if you keep this up.
What happened to the friend I've had for three years? My friend was sweet and had a sense of honor. He got mad when people made the sort of comments you did yesterday. Congratulations. You are now your father. Let me buy you some coke and find you a whore and you'll be all set.
Love (or maybe not),
Kurys
sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.
Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating a girl just because she's batshit crazy and you KNOW that means she'll be a tiger in the sack.
I got the sense that the OP had feelings for the guy. But then again, I've known some guys who'll string along a girl as backup, and treat them like crap (or just ignore them) once they think they've found something better.
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on February 13, 2010, 04:37:03 PM
sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.
This. It also comes across as teenage drama.
If he's not pleasant to hang around with, stop hanging around with him until he gets it sorted out. Hanging out with him so that you can enjoy making "tiny jabs" is, um, batshit. As for his choice of mate, you are not the arbiter of attraction. Butt out. He apparently knows what he's getting himself into, he can deal with it. Keep your mouth shut, you can pull out the "I told you so" card when they break up. Better yet, don't, and just actually be a friend.
And are you serious? He's supposed to not date this girl because she broke up with a mutual friend
six months ago? If it was his best friend, I guess I could see that. Otherwise, your other friend's inability to get over this girl shouldn't affect whether someone else in your social circle dates her.
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on February 13, 2010, 04:37:47 PM
Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating a girl just because she's batshit crazy and you KNOW that means she'll be a tiger in the sack.
crazy is always fun :D....
...
For a while :|.
Quote from: Kurys on February 13, 2010, 01:44:33 AM
Dear friend,
Ok, so you finally got a girlfriend again. Good for you. Why are you being insufferable? Yesterday, I was ready to throttle you for being such an unmitigated ass and the day before was the day you got together which the girl--I'm pretty sure there's a correlation because you weren't like this a couple days ago. I understand some of your cockiness because, well, she thought it was your knee. But I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you ever say something like that again to me. We give each other shit all the time but that was over the line and I HATE the way you said it. I'm not easy to offend or hurt, but congratulations, you managed it.
Oh, and also? That comment you made to me yesterday when I almost fell over? Not ok. I am not an object and you will never reduce me to my body. More than it would go to waste if I died.
And then there's the matter of you taking up with this particular girl at all. First off, I'm pretty sure you aren't with her because you like her. You just know she broke up with her ex because he wouldn't put out. Plus, this girl is quite frankly abusive. I kind of doubt she'll do it to you, but you know exactly what kind of things she said to our friend the red head. You know how she treated him. And that you got with her at all is fucking low because you KNOW he hasn't been able to get over this girl since September. She also all but has a sign on her back that says BAT SHIT CRAZY. We've talked about this and you agreed with me last week--which was about three days before you found out she liked you. WTF.
I don't expect you to take this into account when selecting a girlfriend, but you know that A) I'm a pretty good judge of character and B) I don't like her. Hm. Let's count the number of times I've been wrong.
I'm going to be civil to her and I'm going to remind you I don't like her. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you. Little tiny jabs here and there until you stop behaving like a revolting jackass. Or maybe you never will. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be your friend if you keep this up.
What happened to the friend I've had for three years? My friend was sweet and had a sense of honor. He got mad when people made the sort of comments you did yesterday. Congratulations. You are now your father. Let me buy you some coke and find you a whore and you'll be all set.
Love (or maybe not),
Kurys
If you wanted to bone your friend so badly you should have made a move first.
Its amsuing how much derision this thread has invited, given that it wouldn't be at all out of place had it been posted in Apple Talk.
I think it might have gotten pretty much the same responses, though, if it was posted as-is, because of the rant format. If it was posted as a "I'm so bummed and pissed off because my friend is dating this awful girl and is being a jerk to me" sort of post in Apple Talk, I think it would have gotten sympathy and more gently-worded advice.
Also, I think that people expect a pretty high caliber of rant in Or Kill Me, and have good reasons; this sub (usually) delivers.
yeah, I'd have had the same advice had this been in apple talk, but I might have worded it less harshly.
But then, I might not have.
I could have had him if I had wanted him, even as recently a last week, but I turned him down when he went after me and I don't regret it. I can see the drama. And it's not the red head she broke up with--that boy has been pining for her for ages and never got her. Part of the problem is, she openly used and verbally abused our red head friend for six months before my friend got with her. We were talking about it last *week.*
Quote from: Calamity Nigel on February 13, 2010, 08:48:36 PM
...If it was posted as a "I'm so bummed and pissed off because my friend is dating this awful girl and is being a jerk to me" sort of post in Apple Talk, I think it would have gotten sympathy and more gently-worded advice.
I learned something new. Thank you.
You do have a good point, Nigel. I am rather unlikely to actually hurt him back for his comments, even though I wanted to when I posted this, because that never does anyone any good. I was pretty angry at that point (even if it comes off more like whining :oops: ). And I'm kind of hoping this is a phase because I'd like to keep him as a friend.
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on February 13, 2010, 04:37:03 PM
sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.
It had more to do with the tone in the both instances than the actual wordage. In the first instance, he didn't sound teasing or sarcastic, just demeaning and it made me angry. I made that pretty clear to him that and he didn't stop or apologize. The second instance what he said was rather objectifying--he's still attracted to me and it's been a source of running humor but, again, it was the way he said what he said and not the comment. Didn't sound funny, not said with a smile, just a crass jackass comment I would have expected from a bro (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bro).
We have an agreement to be rather honest about our opinions of the other's boy or girlfriend, should an opinion be asked. He knew my opinion beforehand and I'm not going to pretend otherwise if he asks me again. I already said I didn't expect him to actually take it into account even though we both know I'm a fairly good judge of character and that's not why I'm unhappy anyway. If he hadn't been an ass to me and she hadn't been abusing our friend for six months, I wouldn't care that he picked up with a girl I didn't like. But he was, she did, and I'm pretty sure there's a correlation based on his comments, so I do care. But I'm not going to stick my nose in their relationship because it's not my place.
O.K.
I still haven't read the O.P.
BUTT
I did it because you wouldn't put out & I'm avoiding you until I get a P.M.
P.S.
I'm already looking for something new because she may make no sense, ever, but she's dead fish in the sack.
:eek:
What a shocking development!
Quote from: Horrendous Foreign Love Stoat on February 14, 2010, 04:47:48 AM
QuoteI could have had him if I had wanted him, even as recently a last week, but I turned him down when he went after me and I don't regret it.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
HFLS - brushing bits of smoldering roll up off the laptop.
I'm not laughing. Why do people have to be so stupid and petty about relationships. If I like someone, and I want to cuddle+, I just out and SAY it. I don't very well pretend I don't want someone and then bitch about them getting in a relationship soon after.
I think the majority of people's problems in relationships (I.E. having feelings for a friend but not making a move, them moving on if you reject them for asking you out etc) really just comes down to HEAD GAMES. Why people play them? I have no clue. I've been told I'm not a typical woman for the mere fact that I don't play those games of "there's a problem, but you have to figure it out yourself because I'm not telling you and you should have known that would piss me off.." If something bothers me I tell them straight up. Why can't people just do this?
Quote from: Kurys on February 13, 2010, 01:44:33 AM
Dear friend,
Ok, so you finally got a girlfriend again. Good for you. Why are you being insufferable? Yesterday, I was ready to throttle you for being such an unmitigated ass and the day before was the day you got together which the girl--I'm pretty sure there's a correlation because you weren't like this a couple days ago. I understand some of your cockiness because, well, she thought it was your knee. But I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you ever say something like that again to me. We give each other shit all the time but that was over the line and I HATE the way you said it. I'm not easy to offend or hurt, but congratulations, you managed it.
Oh, and also? That comment you made to me yesterday when I almost fell over? Not ok. I am not an object and you will never reduce me to my body. More than it would go to waste if I died.
And then there's the matter of you taking up with this particular girl at all. First off, I'm pretty sure you aren't with her because you like her. You just know she broke up with her ex because he wouldn't put out. Plus, this girl is quite frankly abusive. I kind of doubt she'll do it to you, but you know exactly what kind of things she said to our friend the red head. You know how she treated him. And that you got with her at all is fucking low because you KNOW he hasn't been able to get over this girl since September. She also all but has a sign on her back that says BAT SHIT CRAZY. We've talked about this and you agreed with me last week--which was about three days before you found out she liked you. WTF.
I don't expect you to take this into account when selecting a girlfriend, but you know that A) I'm a pretty good judge of character and B) I don't like her. Hm. Let's count the number of times I've been wrong.
I'm going to be civil to her and I'm going to remind you I don't like her. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you. Little tiny jabs here and there until you stop behaving like a revolting jackass. Or maybe you never will. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be your friend if you keep this up.
What happened to the friend I've had for three years? My friend was sweet and had a sense of honor. He got mad when people made the sort of comments you did yesterday. Congratulations. You are now your father. Let me buy you some coke and find you a whore and you'll be all set.
Love (or maybe not),
Kurys
First of all, I think you should cut your losses if you think he's hurt you that bad. Second of all, if you honestly have a problem with it take your friend aside and tell him. It's better to have it out in the open instead of playing high school head games with the bastard. I think you need to grow up a bit and step back. Stop trying to control who your friend dates, and grow a thicker skin.
Quote from: Nurse Mayhem on February 14, 2010, 09:33:34 PM
I think the majority of people's problems in relationships (I.E. having feelings for a friend but not making a move, them moving on if you reject them for asking you out etc) really just comes down to HEAD GAMES. Why people play them? I have no clue. I've been told I'm not a typical woman for the mere fact that I don't play those games of "there's a problem, but you have to figure it out yourself because I'm not telling you and you should have known that would piss me off.." If something bothers me I tell them straight up. Why can't people just do this?
Thank fuck there's other people out there who operate like this.
Have you notice that people don't seem to like you as much due to it? It's like they ENJOY the headgames, like the fucking around bullshit is part of this balanced breakfast. No, no, they don't want honesty, they don't want the person who can't just talk about feelings. They have to have the traditional bowl of bullshit with their grapefruit of immaturity, or they can't start their day off right.
Quote from: Kai on February 15, 2010, 01:13:28 AM
No, no, they don't want honesty, they don't want the person who can't just talk about feelings. They have to have the traditional bowl of bullshit with their grapefruit of immaturity, or they can't start their day off right.
:potd:
What a great analogy. Reminds me of more than a few people I know.
The older I get, the more I realize there are fewer and fewer people who live by honesty. Most expect bullshit, and wrap up their own lives in it, and when you don't serve it to them back, get their panties in a bunch and freak the fuck out.
It's sad.
Quote from: Jenne on February 15, 2010, 04:44:54 PM
The older I get, the more I realize there are fewer and fewer people who live by honesty. Most expect bullshit, and wrap up their own lives in it, and when you don't serve it to them back, get their panties in a bunch and freak the fuck out.
It's sad.
Not to pick on you ot Kai or anyone else who has espoused honesty in this thread or anyone else. But claiming that you are drama free or hate drama is usually a sign of a drama magnet, and claiming you don't spout bullshit and are straightforward and honest usually means you just want other people to treat your bullshit like it isn't.
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on February 15, 2010, 08:18:46 PM
Quote from: Jenne on February 15, 2010, 04:44:54 PM
The older I get, the more I realize there are fewer and fewer people who live by honesty. Most expect bullshit, and wrap up their own lives in it, and when you don't serve it to them back, get their panties in a bunch and freak the fuck out.
It's sad.
Not to pick on you ot Kai or anyone else who has espoused honesty in this thread or anyone else. But claiming that you are drama free or hate drama is usually a sign of a drama magnet, and claiming you don't spout bullshit and are straightforward and honest usually means you just want other people to treat your bullshit like it isn't.
I've actually found this to be fairly true, at least among people I know IRL.
Depends on who you hang out with, actually. If you are honest to god honest with everyone, and they know this to be true, then they usually don't peddle the bullshit so hard. They keep it up for the people they know who'll accept it.
I'm not saying my life is dramafree. Sometimes, quite opposite. But I actually don't attention whore for the most part, either. I think there is a time when people STOP covering up whatever it is they're afraid of, and they notice they've dug themselves great, big holes they can't fill with anything other than more bullshit. Amazing how clear everything is when you don't have to cover that shit up. Dispense with the bullshit, and the holes fill up on their own.
I stopped covering shit up long ago. Not that I advertise, either. I just don't hide it when asked.
(edited for clarity)
For the record, I don't think I did say that I was drama free. I get involved in a lot of bullshit and drama seems to find me. But I try very hard not to create drama. I still think that people that can't handle truth are really just the ones that want to hear you candy coat things and make them easier to swallow. I am a firm believer in the truth. Not to say that I've never lied to anyone. But I do give a great deal of truth to people who need to hear it. And, yes, people don't like to hear the truth. And they seem to respect you less for doing so. But the people that actually matter in life will respect you for it and appreciate it. They will know where to go for the truth. No one lives in a drama free life. It always manages to find you. Especially when you have close friends who come to you for advice for so many things. They don't want to hear nice words from me. They want to hear what I actually think.
NiveK, I think that more people respect the honesty in you than they let on. They may cover it in fear, loathing or disdain, but they'll still respect ya more than if you lobbed lies to meet their own brand of b.s.
If you (general you) are surrounded by folks that just wanna smack the bullshit back and forth, change who it is you hang with. Life's waaay too fucking short to do otherwise. I have learned this every which hard way there is.
(unless you LIKE the bullshit, then by all means, have at...)
Quote from: Jenne on February 16, 2010, 05:24:45 AM
NiveK, I think that more people respect the honesty in you than they let on. They may cover it in fear, loathing or disdain, but they'll still respect ya more than if you lobbed lies to meet their own brand of b.s.
If you are surrounded by folks that just wanna smack the bullshit back and forth, change who it is you hang with. Life's waaay too fucking short to do otherwise. I have learned this every which hard way there is.
(unless you LIKE the bullshit, then by all means, have at...)
That's why the friends I keep close are as close as they are to me. They do respect me for the truth I tell them and for the straight forward advice. That's also why most people don't actually like to deal with me. :lulz:
Troof: I unintentionally scare the fuck out if people. *shrug* I've gotten over it. I'm not what what you would call " popular " but I am respected. It used to bother the shit outta me, so I tried for a while in my 20's to be a bullshitter and just someone I truly AM NOT. Glad I got over that, but fuck me I wasted a shitload of time meanwhile.
I never tried to bullshit. It's hard enough being truthful to people, but harder to keep track of lies. Although I'm sure there are people that assume I am a bullshitter because some of my stories are a bit less believable. Crazier than fiction I would say. I can't make up good shit like that. :lulz:
I'm less than popular too. But the friends I have think I'm awesome, for some reason, and they like me for me. That's all I can ask for.
Quote from: Kai on February 15, 2010, 01:13:28 AM
Quote from: Nurse Mayhem on February 14, 2010, 09:33:34 PM
I think the majority of people's problems in relationships (I.E. having feelings for a friend but not making a move, them moving on if you reject them for asking you out etc) really just comes down to HEAD GAMES. Why people play them? I have no clue. I've been told I'm not a typical woman for the mere fact that I don't play those games of "there's a problem, but you have to figure it out yourself because I'm not telling you and you should have known that would piss me off.." If something bothers me I tell them straight up. Why can't people just do this?
Thank fuck there's other people out there who operate like this.
Have you notice that people don't seem to like you as much due to it? It's like they ENJOY the headgames, like the fucking around bullshit is part of this balanced breakfast. No, no, they don't want honesty, they don't want the person who can't just talk about feelings. They have to have the traditional bowl of bullshit with their grapefruit of immaturity, or they can't start their day off right.
Agreed. When I met my "best friend" I told him straight up to always expect the truth from me. I don't like secrets (unless they're good secrets i.e. birthday pressies) and I hate being lied to. Therefore, I try my damnedest to not do it myself. The result of this is that my friend has greater respect for me than for most of his other friends. Mainly because he knows if he's doing something that's not good for him, I'm going to politely pull his ass back in line.
Mind games are just that - GAMES. And, like "Global Thermal Nuclear War" should never be played with anyone because someone's going to end up blown to pieces and labelled as a "high radiation" zone.
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on February 15, 2010, 08:18:46 PM
Quote from: Jenne on February 15, 2010, 04:44:54 PM
The older I get, the more I realize there are fewer and fewer people who live by honesty. Most expect bullshit, and wrap up their own lives in it, and when you don't serve it to them back, get their panties in a bunch and freak the fuck out.
It's sad.
Not to pick on you ot Kai or anyone else who has espoused honesty in this thread or anyone else. But claiming that you are drama free or hate drama is usually a sign of a drama magnet, and claiming you don't spout bullshit and are straightforward and honest usually means you just want other people to treat your bullshit like it isn't.
[sarcasm] Thanks for adding to my overall impostor syndrome/paranoia BH.[/sarcasm]
Quote from: Kai on February 16, 2010, 08:53:13 PM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on February 15, 2010, 08:18:46 PM
Quote from: Jenne on February 15, 2010, 04:44:54 PM
The older I get, the more I realize there are fewer and fewer people who live by honesty. Most expect bullshit, and wrap up their own lives in it, and when you don't serve it to them back, get their panties in a bunch and freak the fuck out.
It's sad.
Not to pick on you ot Kai or anyone else who has espoused honesty in this thread or anyone else. But claiming that you are drama free or hate drama is usually a sign of a drama magnet, and claiming you don't spout bullshit and are straightforward and honest usually means you just want other people to treat your bullshit like it isn't.
[sarcasm] Thanks for adding to my overall impostor syndrome/paranoia BH.[/sarcasm]
You're welcome.