Quote
He was, at some level, manufactured. All of them were these days, of course, and his trained hand purportedly held sway over the vast organic machinery that took raw minds and cooked them, preparing them for lives as butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, doctors, lawyers, television game show hosts, and politicians. The funny thing about power is, like growing up, it only seems nice until you have it.
Now, some poor souls rationalized. "It's no good," they told themselves like junkies, "because it's not enough," and they went off to find the next hit, the next adoring fan or crouching, groveling servant. He knew better.
Power is useless without knowledge. Absolute power, like those lesser forms, was a magnet for delusion, and every decision opened the doors to a new minefield of seductive lies.
Tantalizing.
that's cool, I like that. Is that written or generated? who is the author?
It's written. The author is me. It's atypical in that I didn't start out from word salad and edit it down.
I would like to read more of this kind of thing.
Good. I would like to write more of this kind of thing.
Quote from: Regret on April 14, 2010, 09:59:03 PM
I would like to read more of this kind of thing.
Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on April 15, 2010, 12:51:40 AM
Good. I would like to write more of this kind of thing.
Hey! You two should get together and, you know, interact or communicate or something!
:-P
Seriously, I liked it. I have to admit I only really read it when you said it was not generated. I tried quickly reading it at first, but there is something about the sentence structure or word-choice that made me stumble a bit.
The phrase "All of them were these days", for instance. Maybe there should be a comma?
And the word "purportedly" ... it seems out of place. It has a kind of "colorless green ideas sleep furiously"-feel to it.
Maybe that was your intention. Or maybe I'm not native enough.
I like purportedly; implies that he doesn't belive what's being said (or understands that it is false), though suggests that it is the popular view.
I'd live to see where this goes.
Fuck me! There is some signal in Enki's noise!
Well done mate.
Most excellent, Enki. I enjoyed reading this. Count another one looking forward to you writing 'more of that sort of thing.'
Quote from: Triple Zero on April 15, 2010, 01:40:07 PM
The phrase "All of them were these days", for instance. Maybe there should be a comma?
If you take your time with it, it flows: there's a rhythm to it. Just stop for a sec at each bit of punctuation.
Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on April 03, 2010, 09:01:03 PM
He was, at some level, manufactured. All of them were these days, of course...
And another aye for 'purportedly' - it's a fine word.
I'm keeping my eye out for more fragments from you. :)
I like this first bit.
And even more, I like the idea of narrative fragments. I see it as taking advantage of the true power of web media. Little bursts of content, no walls of text, no need to spend too long. Like Warren Ellis said in a note in the back of a Doktor Sleepless issue, web is not a replacement medium, it's another medium. And literature needs new forms to take advantage of it.
This is pretty mittens, in other words. I think I'd like to get in on doing some of these too.
Added thought:
Seems to me that snippets like these are great for creating an evocative expression that lacks the constraints of conventional expressions. The expression in the OP was that pwer is useless without knowledge and all that, but it was layered with context and meaning and nuance that you don't get with a prosaic explanation because it was set inside a narrative that contextualized the expression. Simply put, this seems like a good way to inject meaningful undertones into an expression or point without spending a whole chapter building up to it.