Ok, so a few years back a family moved in next door. They're your typical American Consumer type family, but they're generally pretty quiet and they keep to themselves alright, but, well, their kids...
See, these kids that these people have spawned are probably the most boring teenagers in the universe. At first, obviously, this didn't bother me. However, after the four-millionth time I watched them gleefully mow the lawn in one week, their enthusiasm for common lawn-care activities gets a little, we'll say, obnoxious.
And the overzealous landscaping is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
Three to four times a week, these kids just HAVE to wash their parents cars. As if this was the absolute BEST way to spend their summer. Again, this wasn't much of a problem. At first. Yes, these teens' inclination to live up to the "status quo" is annoying, but easily ignored. Even at four washings a week. However, their undying vigilance for detailing becomes VERY off-putting. For example, the power went out tonight, and instead calling it a night, they pulled one car in front of the other and turned on the headlights so they coud continue washing the car in the dark. IN THE DARK!! They dry the frikkin thing with a leaf-blower. A LEAF BLOWER!!!
These kids are also incredibly inconsiderate, in the sense that our county is currently conserving water, and there's one of those things going on where the even and odd numbered houses alternate days on which they are allowed to use water for "non-essential" activities, such as watering your lawn, and washing your car. These kids don't pay any attention to this and, instead of shutting off the water in between spray-downs, they just spray the fucking water into the street while they soap up their precious (which isn't even theirs, technically). While we're conserving water.
Ok, before anyone jumps on me about "maybe they're doing it for allowance or something," don't. Any parent that insists that you wash the car four times a week in the fucking dark is a lunatic. Plus, just watching them, I can tell that they absolutely LIVE for it. They discuss at length propper technique, and congradulate each other on a job well done. This is not correct behaviour for teen-age boys. For crying out loud, DRINK A BEER OR SOMETHING! GET SOME PORN! SMOKE A FUCKING DOOBIE!!! JUST DO SOMETHING!!!!! Spraying water into the street is not the same calibur of "rebellious teenage behaviour" that kids participated in when I was a teenager.
Any way, I need to do something about this.
My first thought was, just as soon as they wash the car, I'll start mowing the lawn, successfully blowing dirt and dust onto their freshly cleansed ride. HOWEVER, I do NOT want to mow the fucking lawn four times a week. There must be something I can do to, if not get them to stop developing their OCD and anal-retentive habits, at least drive them mad... slowly.
I'm open to any ideas that won't get me arrested.
Time to sneak them some literature.
If they love washing cars, help them out. Organise some sort of charity car wash drive, advertise it around your area, put ads in the paper etc. But just don't tell them about it.
MAYBE THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED
They seem fairly approachable, otherwise I wouldn't say this - but I find my curiosity overwhelming:
Just approach them, introduce yourself, and ask why they enjoy washing the car so much.
If nothing else, it could make for an interesting dialog for an intermittens.
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on July 20, 2010, 05:50:11 AM
MAYBE THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED
Nobody is that gleeful about punishment.
Pills. They has.
Don't do anything.
Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 20, 2010, 04:08:57 PM
Don't do anything.
Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.
this :sad: unfortunately
posters for local trees:
Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning
Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.
:lulz:
see, Cram is a genius
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 20, 2010, 04:08:57 PM
Don't do anything.
Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.
Encourage this behavior.
Quote from: Cramulus on July 20, 2010, 04:44:29 PM
posters for local trees:
Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning
Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.
clicky(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c108/synaptyx/th_suburbia-17.jpg) (http://s26.photobucket.com/albums/c108/synaptyx/?action=view¤t=suburbia-17.jpg)
Wait. These guys LIKE mowing the lawn and washing the car...
And you AREN'T exploiting the ever-living FUCK outta that?
Quote from: Cramulus on July 20, 2010, 04:44:29 PM
posters for local trees:
Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning
Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.
This is good, though I think I might add a list of long/short-term effects of suburbia exposure. Y'know, something to scare/freak them out with.
My god... They're at it AGAIN!!!
Cram's idea. Definitely.
Now they're spraying down all the nooks and crannies with an air compressor... I'm gonna rework Crams flyer and I really think that "charity car wash" is a good idea, too.
Quote from: Rev. St. Syn, KSC on July 20, 2010, 05:06:20 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 20, 2010, 04:44:29 PM
posters for local trees:
Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning
Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.
clicky(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c108/synaptyx/th_suburbia-17.jpg) (http://s26.photobucket.com/albums/c108/synaptyx/?action=view¤t=suburbia-17.jpg)
look at this guy, he just busts out a poster as if it ain't no thang. You are the MAN, Syn!
Make a car porn magazine and put it in their mail box addressed to one of their kids.
Effects of prolonged exposure to extreme suburban behaviors:
Terminal dullness.
Lowered standards.
Back and neck injuries.
Misplaced priorities.
Decreased emotional reactions.
Pimples.
Inability to maintain an objective outlook on reality.
Inability to maintain an erection without medication.
Anymore anyone wants to add before I make the flyer?
*Sudden attraction to lawn mowers, lawn gnomes, vacuum attachments and assorted motor vehicle parts.
I have an alternative idea, should the flyers get taken down too quickly:
Get two chalkboard erasers, a box of brightly colored chalk, and a reliable apparatus that tells you what direction the wind is blowing just outside your window.
Grind a stick of chalk to powder and work it into the erasers.
When the wind is blowing towards this car that is entirely too clean, go out to your yard and clap the erasers together for a few minutes.
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on July 21, 2010, 06:29:56 AM
I have an alternative idea, should the flyers get taken down too quickly:
Get two chalkboard erasers, a box of brightly colored chalk, and a reliable apparatus that tells you what direction the wind is blowing just outside your window.
Grind a stick of chalk to powder and work it into the erasers.
When the wind is blowing towards this car that is entirely too clean, go out to your yard and clap the erasers together for a few minutes.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Ooooooh, this made me chuckle out loud a lot and I'm not even sure it was that funny but it was to me.
Heh! Fucking chalk
Are there trees overhanging where these clean cars are parked? I've noted to my dismay that the fruit trees that hang over my driveway attract copious amounts of birds, which means your car gets covered in bird poop rather quickly. If you could attract birds it would at least give them something to clean off...
Quote from: Turdley Burgleson on July 21, 2010, 08:25:02 AM
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on July 21, 2010, 06:29:56 AM
I have an alternative idea, should the flyers get taken down too quickly:
Get two chalkboard erasers, a box of brightly colored chalk, and a reliable apparatus that tells you what direction the wind is blowing just outside your window.
Grind a stick of chalk to powder and work it into the erasers.
When the wind is blowing towards this car that is entirely too clean, go out to your yard and clap the erasers together for a few minutes.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Ooooooh, this made me chuckle out loud a lot and I'm not even sure it was that funny but it was to me.
Heh! Fucking chalk
:)
Dimo, just email them porn. They'll lose interest in the car soon enough (be sure to eventually send the top shelf stuff, with the parasite enthusiasts etc).
Quote from: dimo on July 20, 2010, 10:29:35 PM
Effects of prolonged exposure to extreme suburban behaviors:
Terminal dullness.
Lowered standards.
Back and neck injuries.
Misplaced priorities.
Decreased emotional reactions.
Pimples.
Inability to maintain an objective outlook on reality.
Inability to maintain an erection without medication.
Anymore anyone wants to add before I make the flyer?
these are a little judgmental IMO
The above lines sound like they were written by somebody who's too good for the suburbs. They're just insults, they're probably not going to snap anybody into a new way of thinking.
perhaps try phrasing these as if they came from INSIDE the suburban mindset
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on July 21, 2010, 06:29:56 AM
I have an alternative idea, should the flyers get taken down too quickly:
Get two chalkboard erasers, a box of brightly colored chalk, and a reliable apparatus that tells you what direction the wind is blowing just outside your window.
Grind a stick of chalk to powder and work it into the erasers.
When the wind is blowing towards this car that is entirely too clean, go out to your yard and clap the erasers together for a few minutes.
I like.
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 02:41:01 PM
these are a little judgmental IMO
The above lines sound like they were written by somebody who's too good for the suburbs. They're just insults, they're probably not going to snap anybody into a new way of thinking.
perhaps try phrasing these as if they came from INSIDE the suburban mindset
Obviously I'm not too good for the suburbs. I live there. Honestly, I thought most of those were kinda funny, except maybe "terminal dullness." But, then again, I'm not entirely sure I understand what you mean by rephrasing as if they came from inside the suburban mindset. Perhaps you could give me an example of what you mean?
I dunno -- it's just that consciousness change rarely comes from external signals. By pointing out that the suburbs gives you pimples it just sounds like you're making fun of them. Which is okay, I'm just not sure if it accomplishes your goal as well.
just to pinpoint one example--
"Decreased emotional reactions."
I think this would be more effective if phrased from a suburban point of view about the outsiders that don't have decreased emotional reactions. You'd be phrasing the poster about how you can identify strangers who aren't from around here by their genuine interest in things, their strange emotional receptivity, their horrible unwashed cars and uncut lawns...
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 03:25:10 PM
I dunno -- it's just that consciousness change rarely comes from external signals. By pointing out that the suburbs gives you pimples it just sounds like you're making fun of them. Which is okay, I'm just not sure if it accomplishes your goal as well.
just to pinpoint one example--
"Decreased emotional reactions."
I think this would be more effective if phrased from a suburban point of view about the outsiders that don't have decreased emotional reactions. You'd be phrasing the poster about how you can identify strangers who aren't from around here by their genuine interest in things, their strange emotional receptivity, their horrible unwashed cars and uncut lawns...
I just aaahhh, I see'd out loud. This makes perfects sense to me now. Thanks Cram, you're always good for taking my silliness and helping me assign it some actual value.
The great thing about using the angle you describe, is that I'll (we'll?) be able to get more mileage out of the poster. It won't just be a one off thing to piss off the neighbors and it'll be effective in any suburb. That's kinda why I asked for your help, because I would rather have a poster with some "staying power" as opposed to just a gag. An aside, how did you get to be so goddamn awesome, Cram?
Will try to put together a draft this afternoon, assuming that I can finish painting my basement...
:thanks:
honestly, it comes from having put up like a thousand posters over the last few years. I think really hard about how people will react to them, how they might actually influence people. I think posters are a cool toy, I'm not sure if they can change the world, but if you hit somebody on the right day, and the right head space, it can be the snowball which turns into an avalanche. And at the very least, it's a nice activity for a Derive.
The Art of Memetics is a good read, although it is a bit wordy. It changed the way I operate. So did Seth Godin's "Unleashing the idea virus" (which is very short and easy to read).
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 03:55:46 PM
:thanks:
honestly, it comes from having put up like a thousand posters over the last few years. I think really hard about how people will react to them, how they might actually influence people. I think posters are a cool toy, I'm not sure if they can change the world, but if you hit somebody on the right day, and the right head space, it can be the snowball which turns into an avalanche. And at the very least, it's a nice activity for a Derive.
The Art of Memetics is a good read, although it is a bit wordy. It changed the way I operate. So did Seth Godin's "Unleashing the idea virus" (which is very short and easy to read).
Imma have to get to the bookstore...
I also love a good poster. One day, I'll be able to make them all by my self.
I still think porn would get those kids interested in other things.
Quote from: dimo on July 21, 2010, 04:15:28 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 03:55:46 PM
:thanks:
honestly, it comes from having put up like a thousand posters over the last few years. I think really hard about how people will react to them, how they might actually influence people. I think posters are a cool toy, I'm not sure if they can change the world, but if you hit somebody on the right day, and the right head space, it can be the snowball which turns into an avalanche. And at the very least, it's a nice activity for a Derive.
The Art of Memetics is a good read, although it is a bit wordy. It changed the way I operate. So did Seth Godin's "Unleashing the idea virus" (which is very short and easy to read).
Imma have to get to the bookstore...
I also love a good poster. One day, I'll be able to make them all by my self.
Both books are available for free (legal) PDF download, btw:
* Art of Memetics (http://artofmemetics.com/)
* Unleashing teh ideavirus (http://www.sethgodin.com/ideavirus/01-getit.html)
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 23, 2010, 12:29:08 PM
Quote from: dimo on July 21, 2010, 04:15:28 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 03:55:46 PM
:thanks:
honestly, it comes from having put up like a thousand posters over the last few years. I think really hard about how people will react to them, how they might actually influence people. I think posters are a cool toy, I'm not sure if they can change the world, but if you hit somebody on the right day, and the right head space, it can be the snowball which turns into an avalanche. And at the very least, it's a nice activity for a Derive.
The Art of Memetics is a good read, although it is a bit wordy. It changed the way I operate. So did Seth Godin's "Unleashing the idea virus" (which is very short and easy to read).
Imma have to get to the bookstore...
I also love a good poster. One day, I'll be able to make them all by my self.
Both books are available for free (legal) PDF download, btw:
* Art of Memetics (http://artofmemetics.com/)
* Unleashing teh ideavirus (http://www.sethgodin.com/ideavirus/01-getit.html)
Hey, thanks Trip!