Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: LMNO on July 20, 2010, 08:46:49 PM

Title: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: LMNO on July 20, 2010, 08:46:49 PM
I just got a PDF from my aunt... It claims to show you how to make "brand name" dishes at home.

What do I mean by "brand name"?
It shows you how to make food as prepared by:

Applebees
Benihana
Bennagins
Burger King
California Pizza Kitchen
Cheesecake Factory
Chi Chis
Chilis
Dennys
Dominos
Jack-In-The-Box
KFC
Long John Silvers
McDonalds
Olive Garden
Outback
PF Changs
Pizza Hut
Pizzaria Uno
Popeyes
Red Lobster
Sbarro
Shoneys
Sizzler
TGI Fridays
Taco Bell
Wendys
White Castle


Just to name a few.  This is a joke, right?
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Cain on July 20, 2010, 08:51:38 PM
Fuck yeah, instead of my normal 100% beef, real cheese, fresh lettuce, home-grown tomatoes, beetroot and grilled onion homemade burger, Imma gonna have me a Big Whopper
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: LMNO on July 20, 2010, 08:52:57 PM
Do we have an "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!" emote?
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: AFK on July 20, 2010, 09:19:24 PM
It probably isn't the stupidest idea ever, but it offers some stiff competition. 

Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Freeky on July 20, 2010, 09:27:46 PM
I can see why this sort of thing woulld exist. Let's take a middle-aged, friendless couple who are completely inept at cooking. Their favorite thing to do is to go out to eat. However, it's their money situation is far too tight to go out at the moment, so they get this to pretend like they've gone out to their favorite restaurant.

BTW, can I get a link to that? I know some people who might enjoy it.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on July 21, 2010, 12:08:45 AM
Quote from: LMNO on July 20, 2010, 08:52:57 PM
Do we have an "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!" emote?

The three most likely candidates:  :amurrica: :memnoch: :rush:
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on July 21, 2010, 03:39:31 AM
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW!!!!!



just my opinion
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Jasper on July 21, 2010, 04:09:44 AM
I think it exists because people will buy it.








:(
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on July 21, 2010, 07:51:53 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa—let's not be rash.

While the Volcano Burrito is not spicy at all it still manages to live up to its name.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on July 21, 2010, 08:28:12 AM
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on July 21, 2010, 07:51:53 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa—let's not be rash.

While the Volcano Burrito is not spicy at all it still manages to live up to its name.

(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f45/Squidoid667/emotes/eek.jpg)
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Richter on July 21, 2010, 02:20:41 PM
Quote from: LMNO on July 20, 2010, 08:46:49 PM
I just got a PDF from my aunt... It claims to show you how to make "brand name" dishes at home.

What do I mean by "brand name"?
It shows you how to make food as prepared by:

Applebees
Benihana
Bennagins
Burger King
California Pizza Kitchen
Cheesecake Factory
Chi Chis
Chilis
Dennys
Dominos
Jack-In-The-Box
KFC
Long John Silvers
McDonalds
Olive Garden
Outback
PF Changs
Pizza Hut
Pizzaria Uno
Popeyes
Red Lobster
Sbarro
Shoneys
Sizzler
TGI Fridays
Taco Bell
Wendys
White Castle


Just to name a few.  This is a joke, right?

It can't all have the literary genius of "Cooking with Semen", LMNO.

Practically, I don't think the common citizen has that much access to mechanical seperators, freeze dired veggies, or anonymous frozen white bags from the mother factory.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on July 21, 2010, 02:24:33 PM
I have this cookbook.  I was so grossed out by what I have been eating over the years.   :eek:

There were a few things in there that I was glad to have though.  Benihana's Ginger Salad dressing... mmmmm one of my favorites, Benihana's Magic Mustard sauce mmmmmm another good one and absolutely awesome on wings.

It's scary if these are really real recipes because it seriosuly lowers my appreciation of what I may have thought was quite tasty before I knew it was mainly granulated garlic and mayo. :wink:
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 02:56:13 PM
If they can tell me how to make TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce, this book is worth its weight in TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce.

Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: LMNO on July 21, 2010, 02:59:34 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 02:56:13 PM
If they can tell me how to make TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce, this book is worth its weight in TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce.

Ask, and...

T.G.I. Friday's Jack Daniels Grill Glaze

1 head of garlic
1 tablespoon olive oil
2/3 cup water
1 cup pineapple juice
1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 1/3 cups dark brown sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons minced white onion
1 tablespoon Jack Daniels Whiskey
1 tablespoon crushed pineapple
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Cut about 1/2−inch off of top of garlic. Cut the roots so that the
garlic will sit flat. Remove the papery skin from the garlic, but
leave enough so that the cloves stay together. Put garlic into a
small casserole dish or baking pan, drizzle olive oil over it, and
cover with a lid or foil. Bake in a preheated 325° oven for 1 hour.
Remove garlic and let it cool until you can handle it.

Combine water, pineapple juice, teriyaki sauce, soy sauce, and
brown sugar in a medium saucepan over medium/high heat.
Stir occasionally until mixture boils then reduce heat until mixture
is just simmering.

Squeeze the sides of the head of garlic until the pasty roasted garlic
is squeezed out. Discard remaining skin and whisk to combine.
Add remaining ingredients to the pan and stir.

Let mixture simmer for 40−50 minutes or until sauce has reduced by
about 1/2 and is thick and syrupy. Make sure it doesn't boil over.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 03:04:58 PM
OMG I am salivating. I would order that shit as a drink if it were on the menu.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Richter on July 21, 2010, 04:24:38 PM
I'd be disturbed, but in my weaker moment's I've taken chugs of terriaki sauce.

Your pot made me realize my kettle is black cramulus.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Jasper on July 21, 2010, 05:55:57 PM
Brings new meaning to "I really need to lay off the sauce."
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: President Television on July 21, 2010, 06:54:56 PM
Quote from: Khara on July 21, 2010, 02:24:33 PM
I have this cookbook.  I was so grossed out by what I have been eating over the years.   :eek:

And this is the true value of the cookbook.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: AFK on July 21, 2010, 07:45:02 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 21, 2010, 02:56:13 PM
If they can tell me how to make TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce, this book is worth its weight in TGI Friday's Jack Daniels sauce.



I have to agree with this.  That shit is pretty good. 
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Jasper on July 21, 2010, 07:57:41 PM
I still hate that "Chef Food Dude" that they have on their menus.   He's like some kind of supreme being of douchiness.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Richter on July 21, 2010, 08:02:21 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on July 21, 2010, 07:57:41 PM
I still hate that "Chef Food Dude" that they have on their menus.   He's like some kind of supreme being of douchiness.

Worse than the Microsoft search dog or Office Paper Clip?
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Jasper on July 21, 2010, 08:17:32 PM
I've actually come to see the paperclip as a talented troll, thus granting it a certain likability.  :lol:
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.) on July 21, 2010, 11:44:38 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on July 20, 2010, 09:27:46 PMso they get this to pretend like they've gone out to their favorite restaurant.
Those places aren't restaurants, they're troughs.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Freeky on July 22, 2010, 01:39:25 AM
Quote from: Doktor Prolapse on July 21, 2010, 11:44:38 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on July 20, 2010, 09:27:46 PMso they get this to pretend like they've gone out to their favorite restaurant.
Those places aren't restaurants, they're troughs.

Not to them that like to eat there. I think theyre ok, but I cook better.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Sister_Gothique on July 22, 2010, 02:54:37 PM
Le gasp! But now who will they blame for child obesity??
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Bruno on July 27, 2010, 10:02:57 AM
I absolutely love KFC chicken. But I am on a diet, and also to be done right it has to be cooked under pressure.

Captain D's makes the best sweet and sour sauce I've ever had.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: AFK on July 27, 2010, 01:48:21 PM
Quote from: Jerry_Frankster on July 27, 2010, 10:02:57 AM
I absolutely love KFC chicken. But I am on a diet, and also to be done right it has to be cooked under pressure.

Captain D's makes the best sweet and sour sauce I've ever had.

Also quiet desperation and crushing depression.  Food tastes better when it is cooked with pain. 
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: LMNO on July 27, 2010, 01:58:00 PM
Which is why I normally cook while wearing a hairshirt.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: leln on July 28, 2010, 12:11:28 AM
It's a bit late in the thread to be mentioning this, but as far as I can tell the only possible reason to make this cookbook would be using it to produce your own tastier and far healthier versions of the recipes. I do that with a recipe I found online for Panera Bread's black bean soup. My version has more nutrients and a fraction of the salt, and I like it enough that I haven't bothered to taste the original. If a restaurant cookbook gave me ideas for healthy alternatives while preserving the flavors I enjoy I'd probably buy it and never willingly eat fast food. Though I know many people would follow the instructions rather than think "gee, fifty tablespoons of salt and three cups of unidentified grease? Maybe I should cut those down a bit."
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Freeky on July 28, 2010, 12:13:03 AM
Quote from: leln on July 28, 2010, 12:11:28 AM
It's a bit late in the thread to be mentioning this, but as far as I can tell the only possible reason to make this cookbook would be using it to produce your own tastier and far healthier versions of the recipes. I do that with a recipe I found online for Panera Bread's black bean soup. My version has more nutrients and a fraction of the salt, and I like it enough that I haven't bothered to taste the original. If a restaurant cookbook gave me ideas for healthy alternatives while preserving the flavors I enjoy I'd probably buy it and never willingly eat fast food. Though I know many people would follow the instructions rather than think "gee, fifty tablespoons of salt and three cups of unidentified grease? Maybe I should cut those down a bit."
:lulz: Aint it the truth.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: leln on July 28, 2010, 01:15:08 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on July 28, 2010, 12:13:03 AM
Quote from: leln on July 28, 2010, 12:11:28 AM
It's a bit late in the thread to be mentioning this, but as far as I can tell the only possible reason to make this cookbook would be using it to produce your own tastier and far healthier versions of the recipes. I do that with a recipe I found online for Panera Bread's black bean soup. My version has more nutrients and a fraction of the salt, and I like it enough that I haven't bothered to taste the original. If a restaurant cookbook gave me ideas for healthy alternatives while preserving the flavors I enjoy I'd probably buy it and never willingly eat fast food. Though I know many people would follow the instructions rather than think "gee, fifty tablespoons of salt and three cups of unidentified grease? Maybe I should cut those down a bit."
:lulz: Aint it the truth.

God bless the right to self-imposed ignorance and obesity.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Freeky on July 28, 2010, 01:26:16 AM
Quote from: leln on July 28, 2010, 01:15:08 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on July 28, 2010, 12:13:03 AM
Quote from: leln on July 28, 2010, 12:11:28 AM
It's a bit late in the thread to be mentioning this, but as far as I can tell the only possible reason to make this cookbook would be using it to produce your own tastier and far healthier versions of the recipes. I do that with a recipe I found online for Panera Bread's black bean soup. My version has more nutrients and a fraction of the salt, and I like it enough that I haven't bothered to taste the original. If a restaurant cookbook gave me ideas for healthy alternatives while preserving the flavors I enjoy I'd probably buy it and never willingly eat fast food. Though I know many people would follow the instructions rather than think "gee, fifty tablespoons of salt and three cups of unidentified grease? Maybe I should cut those down a bit."
:lulz: Aint it the truth.

God bless the right to self-imposed ignorance and obesity.

AMEN HALLELUJAH
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Rumckle on July 28, 2010, 02:52:57 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on July 28, 2010, 12:13:03 AM
Quote from: leln on July 28, 2010, 12:11:28 AM
It's a bit late in the thread to be mentioning this, but as far as I can tell the only possible reason to make this cookbook would be using it to produce your own tastier and far healthier versions of the recipes. I do that with a recipe I found online for Panera Bread's black bean soup. My version has more nutrients and a fraction of the salt, and I like it enough that I haven't bothered to taste the original. If a restaurant cookbook gave me ideas for healthy alternatives while preserving the flavors I enjoy I'd probably buy it and never willingly eat fast food. Though I know many people would follow the instructions rather than think "gee, fifty tablespoons of salt and three cups of unidentified grease? Maybe I should cut those down a bit."
:lulz: Aint it the truth.

Only 3 cups?
Must be a low fat option.
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: Nurse Enabler on September 03, 2010, 06:31:36 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on July 20, 2010, 08:46:49 PM
I just got a PDF from my aunt... It claims to show you how to make "brand name" dishes at home.

What do I mean by "brand name"?
It shows you how to make food as prepared by:

Applebees
Benihana
Bennagins
Burger King
California Pizza Kitchen
Cheesecake Factory
Chi Chis
Chilis
Dennys
Dominos
Jack-In-The-Box
KFC
Long John Silvers
McDonalds
Olive Garden
Outback
PF Changs
Pizza Hut
Pizzaria Uno
Popeyes
Red Lobster
Sbarro
Shoneys
Sizzler
TGI Fridays
Taco Bell
Wendys
White Castle


Just to name a few.  This is a joke, right?
This list is making me hungry. Anyone got cheese cake?
Title: Re: Why would anyone write this cookbook?
Post by: bds on September 04, 2010, 02:09:31 PM
I've never heard of most of those. This country is so backwards!