So, yeah, I was sitting at the Meetrack with Nigel, drinking cheap whiskey and smoking too much.
But something was wrong. Nigel is back in Portland, and why the hell am I wearing 1991 vintage DCUs and all the load bearing equipment that goes with it? Why do I have an M16? I don't feel like I'm dreaming.
Nigel was surrounded by sycophantic perverts, who leapt up every time she said "Daddy, I need a fucking pony", and fought over who got to buy her a drink. She seemed a little amused by this, with perhaps more than a touch of disdain.
I ask her where Mr Language is, and she replies, "That's really not the issue, Dok. The issue is where you think YOU are."
"I'm at the Meetrack, obviously. I'm wondering why you're here, come to think of it."
"I'm here because when I was a girl, They issued me a Barbie™ doll and a Barbie™ face, and told me what my role was, just like they gave you legos and GI Joe and told you what your role was. But I don't like that Barbie™ face they stapled to my skull, and I kind of think I'm going to do something about it."
Then she pulled her face off.
That was too much, even for the perverts. Some started to scream, others started puking. Nigel just unfolded her other four arms from behind her back, each holding a dagger or a knotted rope or a blowtorch, and her breath was as hot as Dresden, back in the bad old days. People began trying to get around her, to the door. I, on the other hand, had a world-class panic attack and fell on the floor.
"What's the matter, kiddies?", she asked, with her gory skull hanging out, "Don't you want to buy me a drink, anymore?"
The bar started to smell like chlorine gas and blood , and Nigel sprouted fangs in her mouth, and razor wire around her arms (there's no reason certain mythic entities wouldn't modernize, is there?), and a lot of really bad things happened to people in the general vicinity.
Then she walked over to where I was laying on the floor, and I could see her heels crack the concrete, and her white sun dress all soaked in pervert. I remember thinking there was an (Asian) Indian myth like this, and then she was next to me.
"It's not the drugs, Dok", she said, "Don't ever let them tell you it's the drugs. They lied to me and they lied to you, and they'll lie to our kids just like they lied to our parents, and their parents. It's not the drugs".
I think I passed out at that point, and the next thing I knew, I was staggering down the road in my regular clothes, with the sour aftertaste of cheap whiskey in my mouth, and no idea where my car was.
Just another night in Side Effect City.
To be continued.
:aaa:
Oh, holy fuck.
I felt that. Right here. [points to chest]
Oh, wow!
My nipples went hard.
:mittens:
You got your mojo back, Rog. I likey. :D
Ahhh, I need to tap into the weird that is eating me from outside-in, too. Maybe this weekend.
Meanwhile, damn, this is packing a punch, as LMNO said above.
Thanks. The compliments are very nice, and I'm glad that I can actually SAY shit again, but I worry that I'm not getting my point across. On the other hand, Nigel as Kali kind of struck a chord, and I have 3 more installments to communicate what it is that I'm trying to say.
I'm feeling a little disconnected, right now.
That would crush mere mortals.
You got your point across...this is the same feeling that came over you (well, ok, similar?) when you wrote about spiders and the work that became your comic.
Disconnection is probably the tip of the iceberg--you're disconnected in a way that allows you to see and relate to horrors beyond horrific. ...or maybe that's just what I see and feel when I read your stuff.
Quote"It's not the drugs, Dok", she said, "Don't ever let them tell you it's the drugs. They lied to me and they lied to you, and they'll lie to our kids just like they lied to our parents, and their parents. It's not the drugs".
I feel this is the pivotal moment.
Quote from: Jenne on September 24, 2010, 04:39:48 PM
You got your point across...this is the same feeling that came over you (well, ok, similar?) when you wrote about spiders and the work that became your comic.
Disconnection is probably the tip of the iceberg--you're disconnected in a way that allows you to see and relate to horrors beyond horrific. ...or maybe that's just what I see and feel when I read your stuff.
Not sure I have, because this has nothing to do with spiders, and I feel very different, actually.
But I'm not trying to convey a feeling, so much as...Well, it's hard to communicate it in simple terms. I'll try again in episode 3. I don't think I could get it across in just one rant.
And I'm reasonably certain that most of the horrible shit is actually just in my own head. The world can't possibly be the way I perceive it, or you would have all laid down by now and waited to die.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 24, 2010, 04:42:38 PM
Quote"It's not the drugs, Dok", she said, "Don't ever let them tell you it's the drugs. They lied to me and they lied to you, and they'll lie to our kids just like they lied to our parents, and their parents. It's not the drugs".
I feel this is the pivotal moment.
Yes, that was the whole point of the exercise, though as I've said, I had a lot of creepy fun with the idea of Nigel as Kali. It's not much of a stretch, really, if you take the entire myth into account. Not just the chopping people up bits.
It's also a brilliant piece of writing.
My quote function's borked, but I know it's not about spiders, Rog, what I meant was this is how you seemed to be feeling, or so I thought, when you wrote about them.
Sorry, if I was able to hit "quote" and it worked, I'd explain myself better.
Your exercise of making Nigel into Kali was awesome. And I totally agree with LMNO's choice of pivotal moment.
I don't know, Dok. One of the reasons I love you is that you see the Horrible Truth. I think most people survive by not seeing it, but the reality is staggeringly fucking awful. You see it. I see it. Mr. Language sees it. Most people think you're crazy, if you try to tell them.
Yeah, seeing it isn't so great for day to day function. It makes you crazy. But if nobody ever saw it, who would warn the others?
Quoting manually:
Quote from: LMNOIt's also a brilliant piece of writing.
169% agreed.
Same with what Nigel said above this, too. I think it IS the way you see it...the rose colored glasses are GONE BABY GONE.
Quote from: Nigel on September 24, 2010, 04:47:11 PM
I don't know, Dok. One of the reasons I love you is that you see the Horrible Truth. I think most people survive by not seeing it, but the reality is staggeringly fucking awful. You see it. I see it. Mr. Language sees it. Most people think you're crazy, if you try to tell them.
Yeah, seeing it isn't so great for day to day function. It makes you crazy. But if nobody ever saw it, who would warn the others?
In the old days, they'd either stone people like us, or quote us in some awful violent saga that would later be used to justify all manner of horrible shit.
And that book is a disappointment as well. Having started noticing things, I keep waiting for trumpets and seals and flying snot demons and hornets with human faces and shit, but it never comes, and that makes me want to cry a little...because the alternative is well-dressed men with perfect teeth and greasy smiles explaining to us that "the spill isn't that bad and the fundamentals of our economy are sound and we really had
no choice but to lay off half the teachers and a third of the cops". I can feel the ground shifting under my feet, I can
sense the horrible accelerating slide back into the mud we spend the last 1500 years crawling out of, and I can't see any way to stop it, any more than I can see a way to stop a hurricane or an Earthquake.
There's nothing wrong. Things are fine...But everyone's so damn desperate to snuff out the candle of what civilization we DO have (and I don't mean the toys and the shiny neon lights and the cars), to deal with
non-existent issues. It's all falling apart, but there's
nothing wrong that's causing it.
Nothing but humans, being humans.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 24, 2010, 04:46:27 PM
It's also a brilliant piece of writing.
Thank you. I wish I could do this sort of thing when my head isn't full of rabid weasels and rancid shit.
The suits with the perfect teeth are horrible. The biblical Satan dressed in the guise of God.
Monsters can be fought, but this menace is implacable, unfeeling and smiling. Kill the first rank and there is another right behind it.
Quote from: Jenne on September 24, 2010, 04:46:48 PM
My quote function's borked, but I know it's not about spiders, Rog, what I meant was this is how you seemed to be feeling, or so I thought, when you wrote about them.
I felt a little spaced out, then.
The way I feel now is enough that I got myself checked out for a reoccurance of the illness I had (though I don't feel the same level of hostility I felt then). It's not back, so that's one good thing.
@Rog: Dammit I wish I could hit "quote"...sorry about that. Anyway, yeah, I guess I was just comparing your writing styles when you're feeling "off" and disconnected to when you're, well, not. But like I said, it's my own perception.
What I mean to say is: I GET you. I haven't seen what you have or felt what you have, but what you are going through, I GET. Scary though that might be. What you wrote resonated and was a gutpunch.
I liked it. And I want more.
Not sure what I'm trying to say anymore so I'll just back off. But put me down to "man, that was some awesome fucking shit" if you can...after all the babbling I've been doing.
ETA: damn, glad you're not ill again. I was wondering where you took yourself off to yesterday.
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, because I see the horrible shit just like you do, but I feel like warning people would be a waste of my time. Time that would be better spent exploiting the situation for my own gain. I'm sure this makes me a terrible person on some level, but what makes it even more terrible is that it's not a conscious decision on my part, but deeply instinctive. In fact, it's taken me until very recently to even recognize it for what it is. I don't know what the point of this is, but it feels good to put it out there. And I don't feel any ill effects from being terrible like this, so maybe you can find a way to embrace and exploit it like I have.
After all....you sure as hell aren't going to be able to stop it.
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 24, 2010, 05:15:54 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, because I see the horrible shit just like you do, but I feel like warning people would be a waste of my time.
Well, I'd warn you guys, if that's what I was trying to do, because I like you. You're
actual people in a world full of shit-sucking food tubes.
But I'm not trying to warn you (in the OP), because you guys already
know the bad shit that's coming down the tracks. Screaming about it some more won't do anything but bore everyone, and maybe even further desensitize you a tiny bit.
I'm trying to say something else, and not doing a very good job of it. However, again, I have 3 more chances to make my point, and I expected from the beginning that I'd need all 5.
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 24, 2010, 05:15:54 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, because I see the horrible shit just like you do, but I feel like warning people would be a waste of my time. Time that would be better spent exploiting the situation for my own gain. I'm sure this makes me a terrible person on some level, but what makes it even more terrible is that it's not a conscious decision on my part, but deeply instinctive. In fact, it's taken me until very recently to even recognize it for what it is. I don't know what the point of this is, but it feels good to put it out there. And I don't feel any ill effects from being terrible like this, so maybe you can find a way to embrace and exploit it like I have.
After all....you sure as hell aren't going to be able to stop it.
In basic training a DI was marching us toward the edge of a cliff. I was in the front rank and at the cliff edge I side stepped and watched the other fools, without exception march off into thin air. Then I watched the Di rip them new ones for being fucking idiots.
I have been sidestepping for decades.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 05:20:01 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 24, 2010, 05:15:54 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, because I see the horrible shit just like you do, but I feel like warning people would be a waste of my time.
Well, I'd warn you guys, if that's what I was trying to do, because I like you. You're actual people in a world full of shit-sucking food tubes.
But I'm not trying to warn you (in the OP), because you guys already know the bad shit that's coming down the tracks. Screaming about it some more won't do anything but bore everyone, and maybe even further desensitize you a tiny bit.
I'm trying to say something else, and not doing a very good job of it. However, again, I have 3 more chances to make my point, and I expected from the beginning that I'd need all 5.
I think I see where you are going, but maybe not. It's still one hell of a journey and I'm staying on the bus.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 04:58:37 PM
Quote from: Nigel on September 24, 2010, 04:47:11 PM
I don't know, Dok. One of the reasons I love you is that you see the Horrible Truth. I think most people survive by not seeing it, but the reality is staggeringly fucking awful. You see it. I see it. Mr. Language sees it. Most people think you're crazy, if you try to tell them.
Yeah, seeing it isn't so great for day to day function. It makes you crazy. But if nobody ever saw it, who would warn the others?
In the old days, they'd either stone people like us, or quote us in some awful violent saga that would later be used to justify all manner of horrible shit.
And that book is a disappointment as well. Having started noticing things, I keep waiting for trumpets and seals and flying snot demons and hornets with human faces and shit, but it never comes, and that makes me want to cry a little...because the alternative is well-dressed men with perfect teeth and greasy smiles explaining to us that "the spill isn't that bad and the fundamentals of our economy are sound and we really had no choice but to lay off half the teachers and a third of the cops". I can feel the ground shifting under my feet, I can sense the horrible accelerating slide back into the mud we spend the last 1500 years crawling out of, and I can't see any way to stop it, any more than I can see a way to stop a hurricane or an Earthquake.
There's nothing wrong. Things are fine...But everyone's so damn desperate to snuff out the candle of what civilization we DO have (and I don't mean the toys and the shiny neon lights and the cars), to deal with non-existent issues. It's all falling apart, but there's nothing wrong that's causing it.
Nothing but humans, being humans.
Oh.
OH.
Was that a separate point, Dok, or is it connected to the OP? Because it's one of those thoughts that creeps into my head once in a while and fills everything with a very deep sense of foreboding before disappearing again and I can get back to whatever I was doing with my life.
Even if I'm completely off the mark, I'm paying attention.
I'm looking forward to the next three installments.
What I like best about it, where the horror is, is that there really is nothing wrong. We're not fighting against anything but ourselves. All this madness... over nothing at all.
Quote from: Cainad on September 24, 2010, 05:29:42 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 04:58:37 PM
Quote from: Nigel on September 24, 2010, 04:47:11 PM
I don't know, Dok. One of the reasons I love you is that you see the Horrible Truth. I think most people survive by not seeing it, but the reality is staggeringly fucking awful. You see it. I see it. Mr. Language sees it. Most people think you're crazy, if you try to tell them.
Yeah, seeing it isn't so great for day to day function. It makes you crazy. But if nobody ever saw it, who would warn the others?
In the old days, they'd either stone people like us, or quote us in some awful violent saga that would later be used to justify all manner of horrible shit.
And that book is a disappointment as well. Having started noticing things, I keep waiting for trumpets and seals and flying snot demons and hornets with human faces and shit, but it never comes, and that makes me want to cry a little...because the alternative is well-dressed men with perfect teeth and greasy smiles explaining to us that "the spill isn't that bad and the fundamentals of our economy are sound and we really had no choice but to lay off half the teachers and a third of the cops". I can feel the ground shifting under my feet, I can sense the horrible accelerating slide back into the mud we spend the last 1500 years crawling out of, and I can't see any way to stop it, any more than I can see a way to stop a hurricane or an Earthquake.
There's nothing wrong. Things are fine...But everyone's so damn desperate to snuff out the candle of what civilization we DO have (and I don't mean the toys and the shiny neon lights and the cars), to deal with non-existent issues. It's all falling apart, but there's nothing wrong that's causing it.
Nothing but humans, being humans.
Oh.
OH.
Was that a separate point, Dok, or is it connected to the OP? Because it's one of those thoughts that creeps into my head once in a while and fills everything with a very deep sense of foreboding before disappearing again and I can get back to whatever I was doing with my life.
Even if I'm completely off the mark, I'm paying attention.
Separate point. Thread drift.
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 24, 2010, 05:53:05 PM
I'm looking forward to the next three installments.
What I like best about it, where the horror is, is that there really is nothing wrong. We're not fighting against anything but ourselves. All this madness... over nothing at all.
The population has been conditioned to an "Us vs Them" mentality, in this case between the so-called "liberals" and "conservatives". This has been successful to the point where the country hates each other more than they hate the illusory enemies that have been created for us.
The interesting part is, the people who have engineered this now believe it themselves.
I just can't come up with the right words. This is amazing, scary as fuck, but amazing. You scare me sometimes Dok, I'm not afraid of you, but damn you can scare me.
My brains isn't working very well, and I just can't say what I want, sorry...
Quote from: Kiaransalee on September 24, 2010, 06:39:07 PM
I just can't come up with the right words. This is amazing, scary as fuck, but amazing. You scare me sometimes Dok, I'm not afraid of you, but damn you can scare me.
My brains isn't working very well, and I just can't say what I want, sorry...
That's okay, there's a bit of that going around. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 05:57:47 PM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 24, 2010, 05:53:05 PM
I'm looking forward to the next three installments.
What I like best about it, where the horror is, is that there really is nothing wrong. We're not fighting against anything but ourselves. All this madness... over nothing at all.
The population has been conditioned to an "Us vs Them" mentality, in this case between the so-called "liberals" and "conservatives". This has been successful to the point where the country hates each other more than they hate the illusory enemies that have been created for us.
The interesting part is, the people who have engineered this now believe it themselves.
History of the world, part 1. My tree is better that your tree and you're not allowed in it.
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 24, 2010, 05:53:05 PM
I'm looking forward to the next three installments.
What I like best about it, where the horror is, is that there really is nothing wrong. We're not fighting against anything but ourselves. All this madness... over nothing at all.
Yes, and yes again. Me too!
(and look, thanks to ECH, I can quote again, yay!)
Why isn't pop tart banned yet?
Quote from: Charley Brown on September 24, 2010, 07:12:56 PM
Why isn't pop tart banned yet?
Who? :lulz:
I was waiting for him to tip his hand. He was a little more clever this time, and used a USA-based proxy. I'm not going to just start banning every new user without proof that it's pop tart. He only has about a day at most to use a proxy account before the IP dies, so he has to tip his hand. Then I ban him, and erase all his posts.
Takes about 2 minutes.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 07:15:56 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on September 24, 2010, 07:12:56 PM
Why isn't pop tart banned yet?
Who? :lulz:
I was waiting for him to tip his hand. He was a little more clever this time, and used a USA-based proxy. I'm not going to just start banning every new user without proof that it's pop tart. He only has about a day at most to use a proxy account before the IP dies, so he has to tip his hand. Then I ban him, and erase all his posts.
Takes about 2 minutes.
Sweet.
I'm eagerly awaiting the next installments, Dok, this is excellent.
OP blew me away :mittens: When you're on fire, Dok, you're on fucking fire. The pisser is to be on fire you have to feel like you're burning. It's the same for every genius that ever was. Van Gough got so on fire he ripped his own ear off. The trick is to get back from the edge before you succumb to the ravages of gravity and sharp rocks. No vision is worth shit without risk and you, sir, are a visionary. Good luck!
I showed this to Mr. Language, and he said "Wow, that's a beautiful piece!"
It really is one of your most beautifully-written, visual pieces I've seen in a while. Almost like poetry. Even if I haven't yet gotten the point, I love it as a fine piece of writing.
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 24, 2010, 10:21:25 PM
I showed this to Mr. Language, and he said "Wow, that's a beautiful piece!"
It really is one of your most beautifully-written, visual pieces I've seen in a while. Almost like poetry. Even if I haven't yet gotten the point, I love it as a fine piece of writing.
Thanks a bunch. I'm not going to try to top it for the next 3 installments. I'm just going to write.
Gah. Fucking pleurisy. I feel like Dom Delouise is standing on my chest.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 10:24:20 PM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 24, 2010, 10:21:25 PM
I showed this to Mr. Language, and he said "Wow, that's a beautiful piece!"
It really is one of your most beautifully-written, visual pieces I've seen in a while. Almost like poetry. Even if I haven't yet gotten the point, I love it as a fine piece of writing.
Thanks a bunch. I'm not going to try to top it for the next 3 installments. I'm just going to write.
Gah. Fucking pleurisy. I feel like Dom Delouise is standing on my chest.
D:
I'll cop to it- I need to absorb more of this nebulous, terrible message before I can understand. I'm enjoying reading these, and I'm eager to get it.
I...I just don't have the words, Dok.
I think I'm going to take a walk now. You kind of shot the kneecaps off of my psyche.
Nigel as Kali is a damn cool image, and really all I can say is that I like it.
What got me was the glint of her nose ring as she ripped her own face off.
Bump, to catalogue this shit.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 24, 2010, 04:26:35 PM
So, yeah, I was sitting at the Meetrack with Nigel, drinking cheap whiskey and smoking too much.
But something was wrong. Nigel is back in Portland, and why the hell am I wearing 1991 vintage DCUs and all the load bearing equipment that goes with it? Why do I have an M16? I don't feel like I'm dreaming.
Nigel was surrounded by sycophantic perverts, who leapt up every time she said "Daddy, I need a fucking pony", and fought over who got to buy her a drink. She seemed a little amused by this, with perhaps more than a touch of disdain.
I ask her where Mr Language is, and she replies, "That's really not the issue, Dok. The issue is where you think YOU are."
"I'm at the Meetrack, obviously. I'm wondering why you're here, come to think of it."
"I'm here because when I was a girl, They issued me a Barbie™ doll and a Barbie™ face, and told me what my role was, just like they gave you legos and GI Joe and told you what your role was. But I don't like that Barbie™ face they stapled to my skull, and I kind of think I'm going to do something about it."
Then she pulled her face off.
That was too much, even for the perverts. Some started to scream, others started puking. Nigel just unfolded her other four arms from behind her back, each holding a dagger or a knotted rope or a blowtorch, and her breath was as hot as Dresden, back in the bad old days. People began trying to get around her, to the door. I, on the other hand, had a world-class panic attack and fell on the floor.
"What's the matter, kiddies?", she asked, with her gory skull hanging out, "Don't you want to buy me a drink, anymore?"
The bar started to smell like chlorine gas and blood , and Nigel sprouted fangs in her mouth, and razor wire around her arms (there's no reason certain mythic entities wouldn't modernize, is there?), and a lot of really bad things happened to people in the general vicinity.
Then she walked over to where I was laying on the floor, and I could see her heels crack the concrete, and her white sun dress all soaked in pervert. I remember thinking there was an (Asian) Indian myth like this, and then she was next to me.
"It's not the drugs, Dok", she said, "Don't ever let them tell you it's the drugs. They lied to me and they lied to you, and they'll lie to our kids just like they lied to our parents, and their parents. It's not the drugs".
I think I passed out at that point, and the next thing I knew, I was staggering down the road in my regular clothes, with the sour aftertaste of cheap whiskey in my mouth, and no idea where my car was.
Just another night in Side Effect City.
To be continued.
:aaa:
:mittens:
Bump for use later today.