This one is with a particular conversation. It goes like this:
Childless person: "Hey, want to come to this marginal-sounding event tonight?"
Me: "Gee, thanks... but I'll be home with my children."
Childless person, smugly: "You see; that's why I didn't have kids, LOL"
What? The hell is that? No one has ever said to me "You see; that's why I don't have a sex life" when I've turned down an invitation because I had a date. It doesn't even make sense.
1. If I am genuinely bummed about missing the event (which 99% of the time I am not) that is a dick thing to say.
2. I am not bummed. The children are an all-purpose convenient excuse, and it's built right in to doing what I wanted to do anyway, which is stay home. If I'd wanted to go out, I would have made plans to go out. However, I don't want to go out. I want to hang out at home with my kids. I like my kids, and enjoy spending time with them. In fact, I went to significant lengths to acquire them in the first place, and I want to get to see them a little before they move out.
So when someone asks me if I want to go do something later on a day when I have kids, I have several factors I need to weigh. They go like this:
Will this get me laid? (Y/N)
Will this cost me money? (Y/N)
Will this make me money? (Y/N)
Is there free food? (Y/N)
Is this person a close friend I rarely get to see? (Y/N)
Do I have a social obligation which I can discharge by going? (Y/N)
Will this be more fun than hanging out with my kids? (Y/N)
If it weighs in heavily enough to my benefit, then I'll go. But most likely I won't, because I don't really want to.
There are a few people in my life who will be butthurt if I post this where they can see it, because they will (I know, it's weird) take it personally and interpret it as my saying that I like my kids better than I like them, and actually would rather spend time with my kids than with them. Which is true of almost everyone, but I never just outright say so because that would be rude. A lot of people assume that kids are just something that happens by default, kind of by accident, and that's true sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. Not all of the time. Among our peer group of highly educated hipsters it's probably not even true very much of the time.
There are advantages to not having kids, advantages to not having friends, not having a boyfriend, not having a house, not having a career, not volunteering, not having anyone relying on you, not having responsibilities. Sure. These things are not for everyone, and many people make different decisions about their lives based on what's important to them. I would never tell anyone that they would be better off without something that is very important to them just because it gets in the way of my entertainment for an evening. It is like someone telling you that you should just drop that education thing because, man, it really gets in the way of their good time. There are advantages to not having to show up at class.
Fuck them.
And THANK YOU for being a parent who cares about your children, and to spend time with them.
The world needs more people like you. :wink:
Thanks!
The thing is, I wanted kids, or I wouldn't have had them. I don't understand the attitude some people have that I must have just somehow picked up these undesirable burdens along the way without noticing and now I'm stuck with them. Furthermore, I think that people who don't want kids shouldn't have them.
And I'm glad you do. I'm nowhere near old enough to debate whether or not I want kids and a family (although I do know that at some point I want to adopt an older kid, when I'm old enough and financially secure), but I'm glad to know that you have a family you enjoy being a part of. Not everyone has that.
Aaaaaaaand.... I'm also going to stick my neck out here and say that I don't like abortion at all.
As long as you don't want to take the right away from other people, I'm cool with you having your own opinion.
I'm not against the idea of having kids, but I am pretty sure I don't want a daughter.
Quote from: The Great Pope of OUTSIDE on September 25, 2010, 08:44:28 PM
And I'm glad you do. I'm nowhere near old enough to debate whether or not I want kids and a family (although I do know that at some point I want to adopt an older kid, when I'm old enough and financially secure), but I'm glad to know that you have a family you enjoy being a part of. Not everyone has that.
Aaaaaaaand.... I'm also going to stick my neck out here and say that I don't like abortion at all.
Really? Abortion is like, my
favorite.
I do hope you're joking.
I'm not going to be all militant about it and say the government should stop all abortions everywhere NOW! I know there's no truly effective way for the government to stop all abortion, and I know there are some situations where there is absolutely no way to have the child without someone getting seriously hurt or putting the child in a seriously bad situation.
BUT if there is any other option that would allow the kid to live, then I would support that choice, and I support any organization that would help expecting mothers figure out their situation so that the child could live in a place that could support it.
Quote from: The Great Pope of OUTSIDE on September 25, 2010, 09:24:13 PM
I do hope you're joking.
I'm not going to be all militant about it and say the government should stop all abortions everywhere NOW! I know there's no truly effective way for the government to stop all abortion, and I know there are some situations where there is absolutely no way to have the child without someone getting seriously hurt or putting the child in a seriously bad situation.
BUT if there is any other option that would allow the kid to live, then I would support that choice, and I support any organization that would help expecting mothers figure out their situation so that the child could live in a place that could support it.
Nobody likes abortion. It sucks. It's an invasive, painful procedure with risks.
But this thread isn't about abortion.
My bad, sorry.
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 25, 2010, 09:00:26 PM
I'm not against the idea of having kids, but I am pretty sure I don't want a daughter.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 25, 2010, 08:28:07 PM
Childless person: "Hey, want to come to this marginal-sounding event tonight?"
Me: "Gee, thanks... but I'll be home with my children."
Childless person, smugly: "You see; that's why I didn't have kids, LOL"
Are these the same people that assume you're always free to do stuff because you work at home?
Because, damn, you sure do seem to hang out with people act like insensitive jerks (some of the time. I bet they have redeeming qualities too :) ).
Quote from: Triple Zero on September 25, 2010, 10:03:27 PM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on September 25, 2010, 08:28:07 PM
Childless person: "Hey, want to come to this marginal-sounding event tonight?"
Me: "Gee, thanks... but I'll be home with my children."
Childless person, smugly: "You see; that's why I didn't have kids, LOL"
Are these the same people that assume you're always free to do stuff because you work at home?
Because, damn, you sure do seem to hang out with people act like insensitive jerks (some of the time. I bet they have redeeming qualities too :) ).
I
don't hang out with them, actually... :lulz: the people I hang out with are the ones who make plans with me.
I know a lot of people, and it is advantageous for me to know a lot of people. I'm even polite to most of them.
I think the next person that calls, you should give them a bat shit crazy excuse...
Not because kids aren't a good enough reason, but if your tired of their answers, change the question or something
And Might as well have fun with it.
SORRY I HAVE TO GO WALK MY LOBSTER?
Way to go Nigel! I wish more parents were as thrilled about having kids. I can't tell you how many of my preschool parents/babysitting clients thank me for "putting up with their children". UH WUT?
:lulz: I like that idea. I'm a terrible liar, but maybe if I make something up and have it ready in advance...
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on September 25, 2010, 11:27:05 PM
SORRY I HAVE TO GO WALK MY LOBSTER?
Way to go Nigel! I wish more parents were as thrilled about having kids. I can't tell you how many of my preschool parents/babysitting clients thank me for "putting up with their children". UH WUT?
Oh my god, I know! I don't fucking get that! Some kids really are monsters, though... but again, they're usually monsters because the parents are.
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on September 25, 2010, 11:27:05 PM
SORRY I HAVE TO GO WALK MY LOBSTER?
Way to go Nigel! I wish more parents were as thrilled about having kids. I can't tell you how many of my preschool parents/babysitting clients thank me for "putting up with their children". UH WUT?
I can understand this, but only because A) the monkey is an uber-shit head who barely listens (in other words, he's 2 1/2), and 2) I'm constantly paranoid about people getting pissed off at him and I end up becoming unwelcome/no longer have a babysitter for even just a few minutes.
Yeah, occasionally you get one that's just fucking horrible. But usually if they're shits, it's because the parents 1)don't know what to do, 2)don't care, 3)created it in the first place.
I get little pissy when people assume that my children were accidents. There's nothing wrong with unplanned babbies, but mine were not unplanned.
I have a special sort of disdain for fathers who don't care for their progeny.
An unrelated pet peeve of mine is when people tell me to eat more. I eat all the fucking time. I eat fatty, meaty foods. I eat carbs. It's not really my fault my ancestors were peasants who lived on pig gristle (I assume).
My real beef with this is that I never, ever tell fat people "Hey, man you need to put that double-meat, double-cheese, no veggie sandwhich down and try a salad. Also, stop it with the Oreos."
Usually people who tell me to eat have a lot of extra weight, and that's what bothers me about it. I don't give a shit how they look or how much they weigh, why do they feel compelled to give a shit about me in that way?
That's a pet peeve of mine, but in a different direction because I _am_ fat, and I hate it when people make all these "helpful" suggestions, and I'm just like, "Yeah, already tried that."
my pet peeve is named fluffy
My best friend has a stuffed animal sheep she named pet peeve.
He is the life of the party always. :lulz:
(http://i53.tinypic.com/2s1wxsp.png)
Quote from: Alty on September 26, 2010, 01:35:08 AM
I get little pissy when people assume that my children were accidents. There's nothing wrong with unplanned babbies, but mine were not unplanned.
I got that for a long time because I look young. In fact, I think it contributed to the general notion that I somehow accidentally ruined my life with children.
Nothing could be farther from the truth; I tried for two years to conceive my first child. Two YEARS.
I finally realized that I'm answering the question wrong. When people ask me if I can go do something on a night I am staying home with my kids, the correct answer is "Thanks, but I already have plans". Then if they ask what I'm doing, I can say "Hanging out with my kids".
Works the other way around, too. If they ask what I'm doing tonight, I can say "hanging out with my kids", and when they say "Do you want to go to X event with me" I can say "Thanks, but I already have plans". I mean, I just told them what my plans are, right? I hate it when people assume that "hanging out with my kids" means the same thing as "I don't have plans".