THE NEED FOR EXPERIMENTATION IN ORDER TO RID HUMANITY OF FILTHY GENES LIKE YOURS OUGHT TO BE LONG GONE BY NOW. This is the Twenty-First Century! It is the FUTURE! We ought to be on to far better things now: shining Utopian metropolises, filled to the brim with the singular beige hue of Post-Diversity Humanity; we should be tooling around the globe in hovercars and lewdly exposing the silhouettes of our highly-evolved genitalia through the sheer silver fabric of unisex leotards; we should all be singing the praises of SCIENCE and PROGRESS by now, rather than still debating the merits of the Horrible Truth and whether or not most Humans are even worthy of HEARING about it.
LET ME ASSURE YOU; MOST HUMANS ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT WORTHY. Now, allow me to save you the trouble of wondering who is and who is not up to the task of contemplating the Horrible Truth. It is simple: I AM; YOU ARE NOT*.
THE FUTURE HAS BEEN STOLEN. THAT IS ALL YOU MUST KNOW. And it is all YOUR FAULT. That is why I, DOKTOR PANGO GILLESPI, ASTROFIZZICYST TO THE STARS, HAVE BEEN SENT HERE. To RID THE PERFECT WORLD of the IMPERFECT PEOPLE who INFECT IT with their INSUFFERABLE WONDERING, THEIR VACANT IMAGINATION, AND THEIR FUTILE ATTEMPTS TO BUILD A UTOPIA on the CRACKED FOUNDATION OF A DYING WORLD. Tomorrow will never be better, unless it arrives: And tomorrow will never arrive, until today is over.
HAVE YOU WITNESSED the majesty of a person's eyes rolling back and forth in a dismembered skull? So full of wonder; so surprised by the apparently impossible; and yet somehow sad, as if becoming so abruptly acquainted with the beauty of mortality is an insult. My goal is to capture that sense of wonder, without that troublesome sadness. Perhaps the knives I have been using in my experiments are too dull, or improperly serrated. Or perhaps the scorpion stings used in the Patient Preparation Stage are not painful enough to detract from the shock of being decapitated. Obviously the only way forward is MORE EXPERIMENTS.
...VOLUNTEERS?
SIGN ME UP, PANGO. I am willing to bust some kneecaps FOR SCIENCE.
I'm down. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 04:23:50 PM
THE NEED FOR EXPERIMENTATION IN ORDER TO RID HUMANITY OF FILTHY GENES LIKE YOURS OUGHT TO BE LONG GONE BY NOW.
This is the best thing said on PD this year.
THE RIGOURS OF EXPERIMENTATION PERPETUATE THE QUALITY OF SCIENCE. In layman's terms, that means that SCIENCE IS NOT THE GIRL SCOUTS; ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY SIGN UP. Proper SCIENCE is the fruit of YEARS AND YEARS OF STUDY; countless victims subjects; and an IRON GUT, willing and able to withstand the SUSTAINED ASSAULT ON ONE'S INTELLECT AND CHARACTER that is promised by any foray into a field of Science.
OURS IS A WORLD OF NUMSKULLS, DIMWITS, and PROTOGERIATRICS, and the masses sway like punching bags to the rhythm of the Electro-Culture Beats of the Perpetually Hypnotised. THE PROBLEMS OF TODAY WILL BE SOLVED BY THE SCIENCE OF TOMORROW. And we're starting with YOU.
Bring us your skulls, bulging with useless information.
We will relieve the pressure with hoses and saws; and your mind will be as free as a post-omelette egg.
Bring us your hands, trembling and calloused from cyber-sex with women who do not exist.
And we will sever them, and leave you with two bloody stumps, and we'll see how easy it is to be a wanker then!
Bring us your ears, pierced like Caesar on the swords of shitty music from which there is no escape.
We will fill them with the kind of thing you've never even dreamed of: wonderful, terrible, awful, beautiful horrorscapes brimming with terror and nausea; because a sick mind is a quiet mind; and a quiet mind is a blessing.
FOR SCIENCE
FOR MANKIND, or what is left of it when we are through.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 07:07:29 PM
THEY CALL THEM SMART PHONES because they are, generally, next to HUMANS. By comparison, the phones are practically GODS in the area of computation and logic. YOU HOGS ARE HARDLY WORTH THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO PRODUCE SUCH HEAVENLY DEVICES; it is only because they are such magnificent creatures that they are made at all. It has nothing to do with convenience to Humans.
In 1974, I sat on a panel of scientists who were developing the first iteration of tiny electronic devices. I sat on that panel, and I CRUSHED THEM under the mountainous weight of my BIG IDEAS. They screamed. They kicked. They pissed themselves. Eventually, they suffocated and died. They were weak. They wanted the future you all think you have. They wanted FREEDOM OF INFORMATION and INSTANT CHAT and FRONT-FACING CAMERAS. THEY WANTED TO RULE THE WORLD FROM A THRONE OF GOOD INTENTIONS. And they never even made it out of R&D. I took the plans, I built the prototypes.
Do you think the radiation that continually permeates your saggy, flappy little bodies is an accident? NO! It is all part of THE PLAN.
PHASE TWO INVOLVES FLYING MONKEYS.
You've all been warned, you swine.
--DOKTOR PANGO,
Leading the Fight Against Whatever.
I am a Doktor Pango fan, as of this post.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on September 29, 2010, 07:14:24 PM
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 07:07:29 PM
THEY CALL THEM SMART PHONES because they are, generally, next to HUMANS. By comparison, the phones are practically GODS in the area of computation and logic. YOU HOGS ARE HARDLY WORTH THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO PRODUCE SUCH HEAVENLY DEVICES; it is only because they are such magnificent creatures that they are made at all. It has nothing to do with convenience to Humans.
In 1974, I sat on a panel of scientists who were developing the first iteration of tiny electronic devices. I sat on that panel, and I CRUSHED THEM under the mountainous weight of my BIG IDEAS. They screamed. They kicked. They pissed themselves. Eventually, they suffocated and died. They were weak. They wanted the future you all think you have. They wanted FREEDOM OF INFORMATION and INSTANT CHAT and FRONT-FACING CAMERAS. THEY WANTED TO RULE THE WORLD FROM A THRONE OF GOOD INTENTIONS. And they never even made it out of R&D. I took the plans, I built the prototypes.
Do you think the radiation that continually permeates your saggy, flappy little bodies is an accident? NO! It is all part of THE PLAN.
PHASE TWO INVOLVES FLYING MONKEYS.
You've all been warned, you swine.
--DOKTOR PANGO,
Leading the Fight Against Whatever.
I am a Doktor Pango fan, as of this post.
HOW FORTUNATE FOR YOU. Everyone ends up being a Doktor Pango fan; either that or a Doktor Pango Lampshade!
Doktor Pango is my new medicine.
:lulz:
I like his style.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 29, 2010, 07:46:50 PM
Doktor Pango is my new medicine.
THEN IT IS GOOD YOU ARE CALLED DOKTOR HOWL. Pangocillin comes in two mouthwatering flavors:
Jalapeno, and Horseraddish.
SUPPOSITORIES.
--DOKTOR PANGO,
Bottoms up!
:eek: :eek:
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 08:19:54 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 29, 2010, 07:46:50 PM
Doktor Pango is my new medicine.
THEN IT IS GOOD YOU ARE CALLED DOKTOR HOWL. Pangocillin comes in two mouthwatering flavors:
Jalapeno, and Horseraddish.
SUPPOSITORIES.
--DOKTOR PANGO,
Bottoms up!
That's okay, Doktor, because I'm up for
any program!
This is turning me on.
As an omnicidal maniac, I approve this message. I will sign up for any Death Squads, Legions of Doom, Genocide Patrols, Eugenics experiments (as researcher or patient), or any other program that intends to bring about the end of humanity as we know it. Hell with it, I'll take them all.
Can I sign up to have chloroplasts in my cells so that I can go extended periods of time without food if need be? Also for research involving preventing the shortening of telomeres, so as to make myself biologically immortal?
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 29, 2010, 10:17:56 PM
Can I sign up to have chloroplasts in my cells so that I can go extended periods of time without food if need be? Also for research involving preventing the shortening of telomeres, so as to make myself biologically immortal?
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Trust me. :lol:
Quote from: Charley Brown on September 29, 2010, 10:19:01 PM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 29, 2010, 10:17:56 PM
Can I sign up to have chloroplasts in my cells so that I can go extended periods of time without food if need be? Also for research involving preventing the shortening of telomeres, so as to make myself biologically immortal?
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Trust me. :lol:
I'll stick with the chloroplasts then, I guess, and come up with something else to volunteer for.
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 09:59:45 PM
As an omnicidal maniac, I approve this message. I will sign up for any Death Squads, Legions of Doom, Genocide Patrols, Eugenics experiments (as researcher or patient), or any other program that intends to bring about the end of humanity as we know it. Hell with it, I'll take them all.
OH, THAT IT WERE SO SIMPLE!
DOKTOR PANGO IS SO INSANE, HE IS WILLING TO BET
ANYONE'S LIFE AGAINST YOUR ALLEGED WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE. Sure -- the deaths of a thousand cities in my search for the MOST HOSPITABLE PLACE ON EARTH TO DIE
sounds appealing now, but what if your puppy lives in one of those cities? What if your
mother is quietly baking cookies one morning, or just putting the finishing touches on your 36th Basement Birthday cake, only to be suddenly interrupted by the GLARING RAYS and SEARING HEAT of the Doomsday device?
OH, THE HUMANITY! YES!!
YOUR GRUNGY, PIG-LIKE SPECIES IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. YOU CAME SWINGING OUT OF THE TREES LIKE CHAMPS AND LANDED RIGHT ON THE RAILROAD OF EVOLUTION. Got it made, right? WRONG! You forgot to evolve yourselves a fucking locomotive. Keep on pedalling those little legs, Humans! Surely, you'll be able to outrun the speeding freight train barrelling down those tracks, pulling FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS directly toward you. JUST KEEP PEDALLING! WATCH OUT FOR THE TIES! OH GOD YOU'RE TRIPPING WHAT NOW? GET UP! RUN FASTER!
But I digress.
When the HAMMER OF SCIENCE comes smashing through YOUR Petri dish, WILL YOU SURVIVE? THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IS TO KILL YOURSELF
NOW. Because the rest of us are merely along for the ride on this roller coaster. NO ONE IS DRIVING IT, and the control booth is FULL OF CLOWNS. All we can tell with 100% certainty is that this freight train is flying off the track, and it's aimed right at the PIG PARADE YOU CALL CIVILIZATION.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 10:26:22 PM
DOKTOR PANGO IS SO INSANE, HE IS WILLING TO BET ANYONE'S LIFE AGAINST YOUR ALLEGED WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE. Sure -- the deaths of a thousand cities in my search for the MOST HOSPITABLE PLACE ON EARTH TO DIE sounds appealing now, but what if your puppy lives in one of those cities? What if your mother is quietly baking cookies one morning, or just putting the finishing touches on your 36th Basement Birthday cake, only to be suddenly interrupted by the GLARING RAYS and SEARING HEAT of the Doomsday device?
Hey, mass murder and heat rays are fine and dandy, but
do not fuck up a perfectly good cake.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 10:26:22 PM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 09:59:45 PM
As an omnicidal maniac, I approve this message. I will sign up for any Death Squads, Legions of Doom, Genocide Patrols, Eugenics experiments (as researcher or patient), or any other program that intends to bring about the end of humanity as we know it. Hell with it, I'll take them all.
OH, THAT IT WERE SO SIMPLE!
DOKTOR PANGO IS SO INSANE, HE IS WILLING TO BET ANYONE'S LIFE AGAINST YOUR ALLEGED WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE. Sure -- the deaths of a thousand cities in my search for the MOST HOSPITABLE PLACE ON EARTH TO DIE sounds appealing now, but what if your puppy lives in one of those cities? What if your mother is quietly baking cookies one morning, or just putting the finishing touches on your 36th Basement Birthday cake, only to be suddenly interrupted by the GLARING RAYS and SEARING HEAT of the Doomsday device?
OH, THE HUMANITY! YES!!
YOUR GRUNGY, PIG-LIKE SPECIES IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. YOU CAME SWINGING OUT OF THE TREES LIKE CHAMPS AND LANDED RIGHT ON THE RAILROAD OF EVOLUTION. Got it made, right? WRONG! You forgot to evolve yourselves a fucking locomotive. Keep on pedalling those little legs, Humans! Surely, you'll be able to outrun the speeding freight train barrelling down those tracks, pulling FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS directly toward you. JUST KEEP PEDALLING! WATCH OUT FOR THE TIES! OH GOD YOU'RE TRIPPING WHAT NOW? GET UP! RUN FASTER!
But I digress.
When the HAMMER OF SCIENCE comes smashing through YOUR Petri dish, WILL YOU SURVIVE? THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IS TO KILL YOURSELF NOW. Because the rest of us are merely along for the ride on this roller coaster. NO ONE IS DRIVING IT, and the control booth is FULL OF CLOWNS. All we can tell with 100% certainty is that this freight train is flying off the track, and it's aimed right at the PIG PARADE YOU CALL CIVILIZATION.
Oh FUCK YES. I'm sold. Let's get this train moving.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 29, 2010, 10:26:22 PM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 09:59:45 PM
As an omnicidal maniac, I approve this message. I will sign up for any Death Squads, Legions of Doom, Genocide Patrols, Eugenics experiments (as researcher or patient), or any other program that intends to bring about the end of humanity as we know it. Hell with it, I'll take them all.
OH, THAT IT WERE SO SIMPLE!
DOKTOR PANGO IS SO INSANE, HE IS WILLING TO BET ANYONE'S LIFE AGAINST YOUR ALLEGED WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE. Sure -- the deaths of a thousand cities in my search for the MOST HOSPITABLE PLACE ON EARTH TO DIE sounds appealing now, but what if your puppy lives in one of those cities? What if your mother is quietly baking cookies one morning, or just putting the finishing touches on your 36th Basement Birthday cake, only to be suddenly interrupted by the GLARING RAYS and SEARING HEAT of the Doomsday device?
OH, THE HUMANITY! YES!!
YOUR GRUNGY, PIG-LIKE SPECIES IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. YOU CAME SWINGING OUT OF THE TREES LIKE CHAMPS AND LANDED RIGHT ON THE RAILROAD OF EVOLUTION. Got it made, right? WRONG! You forgot to evolve yourselves a fucking locomotive. Keep on pedalling those little legs, Humans! Surely, you'll be able to outrun the speeding freight train barrelling down those tracks, pulling FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS directly toward you. JUST KEEP PEDALLING! WATCH OUT FOR THE TIES! OH GOD YOU'RE TRIPPING WHAT NOW? GET UP! RUN FASTER!
But I digress.
When the HAMMER OF SCIENCE comes smashing through YOUR Petri dish, WILL YOU SURVIVE? THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IS TO KILL YOURSELF NOW. Because the rest of us are merely along for the ride on this roller coaster. NO ONE IS DRIVING IT, and the control booth is FULL OF CLOWNS. All we can tell with 100% certainty is that this freight train is flying off the track, and it's aimed right at the PIG PARADE YOU CALL CIVILIZATION.
This is fucking EPIC.
Doktor Pango, unless you tell me differently, this is all going in the Audio Book of the Dead.
I'm kind of in awe of this. Doktor Pango, your madness is most impressive.
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 29, 2010, 11:28:19 PM
I'm kind of in awe of this. Doktor Pango, your madness is most impressive.
AW SHUCKS, DOK! IMPRESSING YOU WITH MADNESS IS LIKE IMPRESSING GHANDI WITH PAMPERS! But allow me to be clear: my madness is as impressive as it is UNCONTROLLABLE.
BTW, NICE LIPSTICK.
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
Dkr. Pango Gillespi, I have an unusual red lumpy patch on my right hand (for medical purposes, you should know that it's NOT my fapping hand), and it doesn't seem to respond to usual treatments. What do you recommend, other than euthanasia (or dysthanasia, for that matter)?
Quote from: Cainad on September 30, 2010, 12:08:35 AM
Dkr. Pango Gillespi, I have an unusual red lumpy patch on my right hand (for medical purposes, you should know that it's NOT my fapping hand), and it doesn't seem to respond to usual treatments. What do you recommend, other than euthanasia (or dysthanasia, for that matter)?
HAHAHA YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS "ASK DR. PANGO HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR DOUBLEFISTED WANK" HOUR? IF I WAS A MEDICAL DOCTOR, I WOULD PRESCRIBE DAILY 500mg ARSENIC INJECTIONS UNTIL YOUR SYMPTOMS IMPROVE. But I am not a medical doctor, I am a DOKTOR OF SCIENCE.
AS SUCH, I RECOMMEND YOU TAKE THE AFFECTED HAND AND APPLY IT LIBERALLY TO YOUR RECTUM. With luck, you will be able to insert it far enough up your IGNORANT ASS that you will be able to reach your HEAD, and gain enough leverage to DISLODGE YOUR UNDERSIZED CRANIUM FROM YOUR BOWEL.
MAYBE THEN WHEN YOU TALK, IT WON'T SOUND LIKE THERE'S A THICK WALL OF IMPACTED SHIT between you and me, and we can have a REAL CONVERSATION.
--DOKTOR PANGO,
Proctology and Psychology, Inc.
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
Start off reading the Horrorology board.
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
DOKTORHOOD IS NOT THE PRODUCT OF EDUCATION. It is simply what happens when the bullshit of modern sociey has reached such an INESCAPABLE STENCH that there is no option but to give in to disgust and hate. IF YOU WANT TO BE A DOKTOR, LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH until you CATCH YOURSELF AGREEING WITH HIM.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 30, 2010, 12:34:22 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
Start off reading the Horrorology board.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 30, 2010, 12:39:50 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
DOKTORHOOD IS NOT THE PRODUCT OF EDUCATION. It is simply what happens when the bullshit of modern sociey has reached such an INESCAPABLE STENCH that there is no option but to give in to disgust and hate. IF YOU WANT TO BE A DOKTOR, LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH until you CATCH YOURSELF AGREEING WITH HIM.
So, in both cases, mentally torture yourself until your mind snaps?
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 12:41:55 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 30, 2010, 12:34:22 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
Start off reading the Horrorology board.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 30, 2010, 12:39:50 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
DOKTORHOOD IS NOT THE PRODUCT OF EDUCATION. It is simply what happens when the bullshit of modern sociey has reached such an INESCAPABLE STENCH that there is no option but to give in to disgust and hate. IF YOU WANT TO BE A DOKTOR, LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH until you CATCH YOURSELF AGREEING WITH HIM.
So, in both cases, mentally torture yourself until your mind snaps?
Nah, it usually happens to you without your prompting it, but it can be induced if needed.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 30, 2010, 12:56:14 AM
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 12:41:55 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 30, 2010, 12:34:22 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
Start off reading the Horrorology board.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 30, 2010, 12:39:50 AM
Quote from: phoenixofdiscordia on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
DOKTORHOOD IS NOT THE PRODUCT OF EDUCATION. It is simply what happens when the bullshit of modern sociey has reached such an INESCAPABLE STENCH that there is no option but to give in to disgust and hate. IF YOU WANT TO BE A DOKTOR, LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH until you CATCH YOURSELF AGREEING WITH HIM.
So, in both cases, mentally torture yourself until your mind snaps?
Nah, it usually happens to you without your prompting it, but it can be induced if needed.
That's way too much work. Or too long to wait. Either way, being a Doktor is not for me... yet...
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
To become a proper Doktor you must be willing to go places and see thing that sanity forbids. You must laugh and mean it when you do and see those things. Then, if you emerge functionally insane, you are a Doktor. I am sorry, there is no other way. The Horrible Truth™ makes no exceptions.
Quote from: Charley Brown on September 30, 2010, 01:02:34 AM
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 29, 2010, 11:49:03 PM
So, question to all you Doktors. How does one go about becoming a Doktor? Do you go to some sort of Medikal Skhool? Or is there a home study program available? Or, fuck it, can I just make myself a Doktor? I already deified myself, so I suppose no one is going to stop me.
To become a proper Doktor you must be willing to go places and see thing that sanity forbids. You must laugh and mean it when you do and see those things. Then, if you emerge functionally insane, you are a Doktor. I am sorry, there is no other way. The Horrible Truth™ makes no exceptions.
Unfortunately, I'm already half way there. I still don't mean it when I laugh just yet, but... it's starting to get less hysterical and more...
natural.
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:04:23 AM
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
Just want to point out that CE is the lazy man's alignment.
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:04:23 AM
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
I still consider myself Chaotic Neutral.
QuoteJust want to point out that CE is the lazy man's alignment.
Bah! Chaotic Evil is for those who are really serious about their villainy! It's easy to be Lawful Evil and follow orders, or be a noncommittal Neutral Evil. Chaotic Evil takes commitment, and a strong desire to really burn this shitpile down!
Let me find my laser cannon, and I'll demonstrate. Or if you want I can go call Robo-Nun...
Quote from: Oh Shit Wolf Cavalry on September 30, 2010, 01:05:38 AM
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:04:23 AM
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
Just want to point out that CE is the lazy man's alignment.
I'm
bard* from being lawful, and neutral is for suckers.
*If that pun isn't evil, I don't know what is.
QuoteI'm bard* from being lawful, and neutral is for suckers.
Exactly! And yes, I must admit, the pun was awful.
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 01:09:53 AM
Quote from: Oh Shit Wolf Cavalry on September 30, 2010, 01:05:38 AM
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:04:23 AM
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
Just want to point out that CE is the lazy man's alignment.
I'm bard* from being lawful, and neutral is for suckers.
*If that pun isn't evil, I don't know what is.
stifle your racket. It's making a terrible paladin.
Quote from: Doktor James SemajExactly! And yes, I must admit, the pun was awful.
Though in saying that, I still plan to destroy you.
Quote from: Oh Shit Wolf Cavalry on September 30, 2010, 01:11:48 AM
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 01:09:53 AM
Quote from: Oh Shit Wolf Cavalry on September 30, 2010, 01:05:38 AM
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:04:23 AM
There really has been a sudden upswing in Evil lately, hasn't there? Curious isn't it?
Just want to point out that CE is the lazy man's alignment.
I'm bard* from being lawful, and neutral is for suckers.
*If that pun isn't evil, I don't know what is.
stifle your racket. It's making a terrible paladin.
... the stick up your ass is a class feature, right?
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:13:11 AM
Quote from: Doktor James SemajExactly! And yes, I must admit, the pun was awful.
Though in saying that, I still plan to destroy you.
Yes, yes, I know, evil vendetta. A single area of agreement, or a single collaboration do not absolve the ties of hatred that bind us. Just remember, to truly hate, one must first love that which he hates.
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 01:16:08 AM
Yes, yes, I know, evil vendetta. A single area of agreement, or a single collaboration do not absolve the ties of hatred that bind us. Just remember, to truly hate, one must first love that which he hates.
I think she just asked you out on a date.
Quote from: Oh Shit Wolf Cavalry on September 30, 2010, 01:18:50 AM
Quote from: Lady Nyx on September 30, 2010, 01:16:08 AM
Yes, yes, I know, evil vendetta. A single area of agreement, or a single collaboration do not absolve the ties of hatred that bind us. Just remember, to truly hate, one must first love that which he hates.
I think she just asked you out on a date.
Quiet you.
:lulz:
:fap:
QuoteI think she just asked you out on a date.
So I'm not the only who got that impression?
Thanks for the offer, Lady Nyx, but I do not kiss and murder. I keep my vendetta's purely platonic.
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:21:08 AM
QuoteI think she just asked you out on a date.
So I'm not the only who got that impression?
Thanks for the offer, Lady Nyx, but I do not kiss and murder. I keep my vendetta's purely platonic.
Platonic vendettas? Ohhh, you ARE that innocent, aren't you? That will make me enjoy it all the more.
:wink:
QuotePlatonic vendettas? Ohhh, you ARE that innocent, aren't you? That will make me enjoy it all the more.
I am hardly innocent, merely committed elsewhere.
Didn't you call me sexy in the Spider thread? This explains so much...
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:24:45 AM
QuotePlatonic vendettas? Ohhh, you ARE that innocent, aren't you? That will make me enjoy it all the more.
I am hardly innocent, merely committed elsewhere.
Didn't you call me sexy in the Spider thread? This explains so much...
A bit slow on the uptake, Semaj? :buttsecks:
QuoteA bit slow on the uptake, Semaj?
Maybe. When someone tries to kill me, I usually assume its because they want me dead. Silly me.
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:31:03 AM
QuoteA bit slow on the uptake, Semaj?
Maybe. When someone tries to kill me, I usually assume its because they want me dead. Silly me.
Still used to thinking like a hero, I suppose. Or maybe, it's just that I'm a bit of a necrophiliac? Eh, probably both.
Right, well. I'm spoken for.
This thread has been horribly jacked. Apologies Doktor, wherever you are.
This thread is epic.
Quote from: Doktor James Semaj on September 30, 2010, 01:39:24 AM
Right, well. I'm spoken for.
This thread has been horribly jacked. Apologies Doktor, wherever you are.
That's a shame. Fortunately for me, the living have no claim on the dead.
And yes, Doktor, I apologize for my tangents. I can only hope they anger you enough to speed your plans for the annihilation of humanity.
Villanous Nyx???
:fap: ITT
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on September 30, 2010, 02:22:44 AM
Villanous Nyx???
:fap: ITT
An unfortunate coincidence. However, if you do have the accent of Antonio Banderas, and the looks of Ricardo Montalban, then perhaps I can be persuaded it's not so unfortunate.... :wink:
ITT Dawn looks for love.
ETA: Services, if you will.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on September 30, 2010, 02:28:46 AM
ITT Dawn looks for love.
ETA: Services, if you will.
QuoteGoddess of Sex and Violence, Not Necessarily In That Order
:wink:
"FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS."
I'm stealing that.
See?
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 30, 2010, 01:57:54 PM
"FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS."
I'm stealing that.
See?
A freight train with "FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS," and you're stealing it.
Does the curly handlebar 'stache
ever cease to be appropriate? I mean, you just completed a train robbery.
ITT, Dkr. Alphapance outs himself as a Old Western-style villain.
Quote from: Cainad on September 30, 2010, 02:02:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 30, 2010, 01:57:54 PM
"FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS."
I'm stealing that.
See?
A freight train with "FIVE HUNDRED METRIC FUCKTONS OF WHOOPS," and you're stealing it.
Does the curly handlebar 'stache ever cease to be appropriate? I mean, you just completed a train robbery.
ITT, Dkr. Alphapance outs himself as a Old Western-style villain.
Naturally. He's got the moustache for it, and there is photographic evidence of him riding a horse out west.
WE should check the local news coinciding with his visit there to see what villany he was up to.
All I'm going to say is that there are several dozen satisfied cows out there in Montana.
SO.
I WAKE UP THIS MORNING, I PUT ON MY COLLAPSIBLE CAST-IRON SAFETY PANTS, STROLL DOWN TO THE COMPUTER LABORATORY, POUR MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE BLACKER THAN THE MOST EVIL SINS YOU ALL HAVE IN YOUR CLOSETS, CLICK OVER TO THIS FORUM, AND WHAT DO I FIND TO APPEASE MY DIABOLICAL SENSIBILITIES?
YOU FUCKING HOGS HAVE TURNED MY THREAD INTO A TOOLBOX.
INTERNET HOOK-UPS? OH, NO.
OH, NO NO NO. DOKTOR PANGO WILL NOT ABIDE.
YOU WRETCHED FOUL, YOUR SIDESHOW IS ABOUT TO GET CANCELLED LIKE THE LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY. YOU JUST WATCH. YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL DOKTOR PANGO'S PLAN IS COMPLETE.
--DOKTOR PANGO
ALL CAPS FROM NOW ON.
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 30, 2010, 03:26:48 PM
SO.
I WAKE UP THIS MORNING, I PUT ON MY COLLAPSIBLE CAST-IRON SAFETY PANTS, STROLL DOWN TO THE COMPUTER LABORATORY, POUR MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE BLACKER THAN THE MOST EVIL SINS YOU ALL HAVE IN YOUR CLOSETS, CLICK OVER TO THIS FORUM, AND WHAT DO I FIND TO APPEASE MY DIABOLICAL SENSIBILITIES?
YOU FUCKING HOGS HAVE TURNED MY THREAD INTO A TOOLBOX.
INTERNET HOOK-UPS? OH, NO.
OH, NO NO NO. DOKTOR PANGO WILL NOT ABIDE.
YOU WRETCHED FOUL, YOUR SIDESHOW IS ABOUT TO GET CANCELLED LIKE THE LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY. YOU JUST WATCH. YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL DOKTOR PANGO'S PLAN IS COMPLETE.
--DOKTOR PANGO
ALL CAPS FROM NOW ON.
Please do not accidentally my internets, I did not have any part in it. :)
Quote from: Doktor Pango Gillespi on September 30, 2010, 03:26:48 PM
SO.
I WAKE UP THIS MORNING, I PUT ON MY COLLAPSIBLE CAST-IRON SAFETY PANTS, STROLL DOWN TO THE COMPUTER LABORATORY, POUR MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE BLACKER THAN THE MOST EVIL SINS YOU ALL HAVE IN YOUR CLOSETS, CLICK OVER TO THIS FORUM, AND WHAT DO I FIND TO APPEASE MY DIABOLICAL SENSIBILITIES?
YOU FUCKING HOGS HAVE TURNED MY THREAD INTO A TOOLBOX.
INTERNET HOOK-UPS? OH, NO.
OH, NO NO NO. DOKTOR PANGO WILL NOT ABIDE.
YOU WRETCHED FOUL, YOUR SIDESHOW IS ABOUT TO GET CANCELLED LIKE THE LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY. YOU JUST WATCH. YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL DOKTOR PANGO'S PLAN IS COMPLETE.
--DOKTOR PANGO
ALL CAPS FROM NOW ON.
HA! SUCCESS!
Laverne and Shirley ran for decades in syndication. Just saying.
bump