LOOK MOTHERFUCKER, I'm sorry you failed Kindergarten and they stuck you behind that big fancy fucking desk to punish you for being a moron. I'm also sorry you don't know how a FUCKING PRINTER WORKS. I've been here 6 times to make it print from the right tray and I get it working EVERY SINGLE TIME, then, 15 minutes later, you call back with WOOF WOOF! PRINTER NO WORKING!
So... here's my advice: shut the fuck up. And don't point your blow-hole at me, you fucking porpoise. Just jump through a hoop and eat some more tuna, you fuck. AND STOP PUSHING THE GOD DAMN WRONG FUCKING BUTTONS. If it says SETTINGS, PROPERTIES, OPTIONS, or for the love of Christ, ADVANCED... THEN CLICK AWAY, CLICK AWAY FAST because those words in your vocabulary are synonymous with BRAIN SURGERY, ROCKET SCIENCE, and COUNTING CALORIES: i.e., you don't fucking get it so leave it the fuck alone.
I am by no means a master of the universe, even in my own field of expertise. There's plenty of shit I already don't know, and I don't need you to add "how to dispose of the body" to that list. So please, I'm asking nicely, STOP FUCKING WITH THE SYSTEM. You are a USER of the system, not an ADMINISTRATOR. For fuck's sake. Just because you KNOW HOW TO LOG IN as the Administrator doesn't mean you SHOULD.
And while I'm at it, how about USE THE FUCKING CORRECT RESOLUTION ON YOUR MONITOR. I'm fucking tired of only being able to see 25% of the fucking screen because you're too god damn lazy to buy some glasses. Fuzzy text, ENORMOUS BUTTONS, stupid rotating background images. By the way, 99% of the time, "OH GOD MY COMPUTER IS SLOW," is TARDSPEAK for "HERPDERP I INSTALLED SOME BULLSHIT THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE."
And.... fuck Windows, too.
I forgot my password.
It's "Password".
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 08, 2010, 06:36:53 PM
I forgot my password.
:walken:
EVERYONE'S PASSWORD is a one of these:
child's name or birthdate
pet's name
favorite sports team
high school girlfriend they never fell out of love with, even after breakup/divorce/cheating/fire/etc
street they grew up on
business phone number
or some combination
plus a few random numbers like 1234 or the date they set the password on.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on October 08, 2010, 06:37:54 PM
It's "Password".
DOES THAT INCLUDE THE QUOTY MARK THINGS?
\
:mullet:
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:42:04 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 08, 2010, 06:36:53 PM
I forgot my password.
:walken:
EVERYONE'S PASSWORD is a one of these:
child's name or birthdate
pet's name
favorite sports team
high school girlfriend they never fell out of love with, even after breakup/divorce/cheating/fire/etc
street they grew up on
business phone number
or some combination
plus a few random numbers like 1234 or the date they set the password on.
Nope. Mine is pretty obvious, but only to people who know me very well.
"GOD"
What is my user id again?
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:42:04 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 08, 2010, 06:36:53 PM
I forgot my password.
:walken:
EVERYONE'S PASSWORD is a one of these:
child's name or birthdate
pet's name
favorite sports team
high school girlfriend they never fell out of love with, even after breakup/divorce/cheating/fire/etc
street they grew up on
business phone number
or some combination
plus a few random numbers like 1234 or the date they set the password on.
I must not be included in Everyone.
Matter of fact my password at work is an random string of letters and numbers that I had to memorize.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on October 08, 2010, 06:44:48 PM
"GOD"
this is why i set password complexity requirements. i TELL them it's about "security," but really i just love to snicker at people who can barely hold all the requirements for their password in their mind at once, let alone
meet them.
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:47:30 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on October 08, 2010, 06:44:48 PM
"GOD"
this is why i set password complexity requirements. i TELL them it's about "security," but really i just love to snicker at people who can barely hold all the requirements for their password in their mind at once, let alone meet them.
I kind of figured that.
I'd set it to *~HOwL_G0d--^&_43b
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:49:47 PM
I'd set it to *~HOwL_G0d--^&_43b
And then set the mandatory password change to weekly. That'll teach the bastards.
Also, I use the same password for EVERYTHING at work.
Dok,
DARE ME TO DRIVE?
"You are not authorized to view this page. Please contact Human Resources immediately."
We have to rotate passwords every few months. When we were on Windows Bronze Age Edition the criteria for passwords were pretty loose. Then we upgraded (this year, mind you) to XP. The new password requirements are:
Alphanumeric, 5+ characters
Cannot be any of the previous 5 passwords you've used
Must be at least 5 days old.
What the bloody fuck does that even mean? Am I that computer illiterate?
Sounds like you can't change it daily, you have a minimum of 5 day's use of that password.
I have no idea why, though.
my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:56:02 PM
my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.
I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 08, 2010, 06:58:09 PM
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:56:02 PM
my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.
I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.
I'm only evil to the really terrible users. People who have no right to even get out of bed in the morning, much less come to work and smear idiot grease into the crevices between keys on their keyboard. Most users aren't that bad, but the bad ones are bad no matter what you do. It's like an arms race with these people, and it quickly degenerates into finding ways to shock them every time they press the S key.
\\ALLDRIVE> @Query*.* > Tubgirl.com
I'm pretty sure my password is a tough one to crack. Non-English word with numbers interspersed throughout. Not impossible to figure out, theoretically, but I wasn't stupid enough to pick, say, the latin name for a corn snake (I have a pet one) and my sister's birthday, or anything idiotic like that. So it'd take guesswork. A LOT of guesswork.
I don't know why this isn't obvious to some people. It's not about how easy it is for you to remember, it's how hard it is for other people to try and figure out.
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 07:04:03 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 08, 2010, 06:58:09 PM
Quote from: vexati0n on October 08, 2010, 06:56:02 PM
my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.
I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.
I'm only evil to the really terrible users. People who have no right to even get out of bed in the morning, much less come to work and smear idiot grease into the crevices between keys on their keyboard. Most users aren't that bad, but the bad ones are bad no matter what you do. It's like an arms race with these people, and it quickly degenerates into finding ways to shock them every time they press the S key.
I spent most of my time convincing people to never, ever trust the police.
And every morning at 6AM, I walked out of my front door wearing nothing but engineer boots and a scowl, and pissed off the cliff onto the rest of the town.
I really hated that place, and they hated me.
What a great job.
OMG I feel you -- as one of the only males in the office who is under 30, I am the go-to guy if you're having a computer problem and you're too embarrassed to go to our real IT people.
So I find myself explaining, in laborious detail, multiple times, how to attach a file to an e-mail. Or how to post on a forum.
"you type in this box and then you click the post button."
"And then what I typed appears in the thread?"
"Yes, and then tiny monks read it and scribe it onto the internet."
"So when I've got my message, what button do I press?"
"You press the post button."
"Do I have to save it?"
"pressing the post button is saving it."
"And then other people can see it?"
"Yes."
"What if I want to edit it later?"
"You click the edit button."
"Can people see me editing it?"
oh god please let this conversation end
wait all I had to do was stop typing it
I'M FREE!
ALSO, FUCK YOU DONNA, HOW DO YOU HAVE 20+ YEARS OF PUBLISHING EXPERIENCE BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO EVEN BASIC THINGS WITH COMPUTERS?
:cramstipated:
"My computer won't turn."
me - Check the AC Interface
"How do I do that?"
me - ........
"my computer wont turn on"
"did you check to see if it's plugged into the wall?"
"no, hold on... oh, that fixed it, thanks"
the real problem was between the seat and the keyboard the entire time.
god I hated IT work.
:lulz:
I feel sorry for the communications guys in my unit. People always fucking shit up because they are stupid. And then me asking for them to do shit that I could do, but can't because I don't have the rights. :lulz:
We have only one working color printer, shared between 2 buildings. It died while I was at school. I love people.
USER: HAY I CAN'T SCAN TO MY PYOOTUR.
ME: Is the scanner turned on/plugged in/set to Setting X/etc?
USER: YA I CHECKED IT.
ME: Check it again, please.
USER: UMM... OKAY. .. .. .. .. YEAH ITS ALL SETUP AND STUFF, BUT ITS NOT WORKING.
Me: Okay, I'll drive 15 miles to your office and see what's going on.
<25 minutes later>
Me: Ok, let's see it. Oh, look.... THE POWER CORD ON THE BACK OF THE FUCKING SCANNER IS UNPLUGGED! OH GEE I WONDER WHY IT WON'T SCAN YOUR PAGES YOU FUCKING TITWANK?
This happens more than it should. Admittedly, this is the fun part of my job, when I get to do something incredibly simple to fix a computer problem, and then the person is obviously embarrassed and calls themselves names.
USER: OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SO DUMB! IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE HERE TO SAVE US FROM OURSELVES VEX! HAHAHAHHAHA I'M DUMB.
Me: It's okay, I don't mind coming over here, you're fun to flirt with.
USER: 'BLUSH' AWWW.
side note: this approach sometimes results in people inviting me to work on other types of boxes as well.
ba BAM! :lulz:
some people won't check if the cable's plugged in, because they would never do something so dumb. a good way to get them to check them anyway, is to tell them the plugs might be a bit damaged/wonky, and to wiggle them in their sockets a bit.
if that helps the problem, half of the time they forgot to plug it in but will never admit so over the phone, and the other half of the time, the plugs might actually have been somewhat wonky.
I just got off the phone with tech support. I told them that mod_rewrite wasn't working correctly and asked nicely if they could check my apache setting.
They did. Things are better now. : )