Written in The Spirit by The Good Reverend Roger.
"And the Pipe-Faced Idiot did say unto the spags, 'Go forth, go to all the forums and the Facebook pages and yea, even unto IRL, and smite the heathen, so they might learn, and profit thereby. And should they not learn, smite them again, so that they might wake the hell up. And if they still shall not learn, smite them yet a third time, for cheap kicks.'"
- Inscription on the North wall of The Halls of Payne, circa ~ 20 years before collapse
Dear America™,
I told you to Kill Me, and you didn't. I DEMANDED you Kill Me, and you didn't. Eventually, I was forced to do it myself...But you couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? No, you fucked around and played the Stupid Game until the very Earth expelled me, to punish you for your sins.
First let me say that I am not particularly happy about this, having found my dirt nap to be very relaxing. For this, you shall pay.
Second, let it be known that The Fucking Around is pretty much over. This nation shall be set to rights, or I'll know the reason why. This may involve biblical plagues, stun guns, rubber truncheons, hobnail boots, cannibalism, and funeral-crashing, but these are risks that I am prepared to take.
Look at yourselves. Take a good, long look at what you've become. You are the nation that thought Harry Reid or Sharron Angle (take your pick, pull your lever) were acceptable people to run your government. You are the people that worry about which politician is Gay or Not Quite Christian Enough or insufficiently concerned about <insert pet cause>, while your roads and bridges fall apart and your children's schools edit out anything resembling science and the "suspect" founders (Thomas J, we hardly knew ye).
You are a nation of fools.
You do not deserve the good things you have.
So this is the Time of Scourging. Your institutions of religion and government have failed you, but we in First Church of the Wrath of Baby Jesus™ shall not. Eris sent us to piss you off, and that's just what we aim to do.
Be advised, The Good Reverend Roger is back, and ready to rumble.
You should have left me to rest in peace, suckers.
Or Kill Me.
:mittens:
FUCK YEAH!
Yes, yes, a thousand times,yes!
"If they cannot see, let them eat their eyes." - The Cannibal corpse of Marie Anntionette
Quote from: Cuddlefist on November 04, 2010, 08:17:02 PM
Yes, yes, a thousand times,yes!
This nation needs religion. OUR religion.
TGRR,
Thinks Oklahoma was worried about the wrong things.
Quote from: Richter on November 04, 2010, 08:18:25 PM
"If they cannot see, let them eat their eyes." - The Cannibal corpse of Marie Anntionette
It is time for you to once again take up The Rebar of Correction, Richter.
There is much work to be done.
Oh, fucking god.
We're in for it now, aren't we?
No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.
:mittens:
HE LIVES
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2010, 08:19:53 PM
Oh, fucking god.
We're in for it now, aren't we?
No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.
The scales have fallen from my eyes, Cainad. There is no more TIME for indulging in secular matters.
:mittens:
That's the fucking Swaggertm right there.
It's time to get back to work.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2010, 08:21:35 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2010, 08:19:53 PM
Oh, fucking god.
We're in for it now, aren't we?
No sense denying the inevitable, I guess. It may be More Fun Than We Really Wanted, but fucking hell if I won't try to force it all down until I puke.
The scales have fallen from my eyes, Cainad. There is no more TIME for indulging in secular matters.
Hence why I continued to be a Man of the Cloth, even after you got booted from this world and Science took its seat upon the throne.
Man will always need its prophets, its spiritual advisers, its screeching spewers of horrible, horrible TruthLies. Discordianism and the First Church of the Wrath of Baby Jesus are here to provide the world with BETTER Lies than what common religions can give them.
I would be lying if I said I was ready for the coming times. Now where did I put my helmet?
Yea, and the Idiot Monkey jabbered once, in his idiocy. It jabbered upon what it thought was important, and flung it's poop at what it though mattered.
"OK", said the teachers, "let us show you the other things. See them and comprehend them, and then think again how you throw."
And the idiot monkey jabbered and laughed. It laughed at the ruin of others and the ruin of itself, and again threw poop in its ignorance, carring not to learn more.
"Aw hell", said the teachers. "That's all worthless. get with the program."
The idiot moneky only hooted and howled at the vexation on the teacher's faces. It capered about making mischeif for all, and lsitening only to other monkeys. Generally, it fucked up the joint in the process. Then the rebar of correction wrapped loving around its occipital lobe, and the monkey knew no more.
"Fuck it." said the teachers. "Not in MY house.", as they cleaned the rebar, and set it's forgivingly bendable steel true for the next skull.
Ha, ha, ha! We're in for it now!
:mittens:
Things are going to get interesting
I left my cave recently.
I've seen it, with my own two eyes. The void. It answers when asked, but its answers are questions. I spent some time there, recently, looking into the void looking into me, asking questions to its question-responses only to be responded to in questions.
Time passed, mere months here on Earth, but a small, self contained eternety in the vast emptiness of the void. Madness sets in. Cold madness. The scathing frost broke away my brittle human soul. The madness. Forever.
Until the madness broke into Clarity, and the fragile human soul was replaced by Purpose. And it was then that I was expelled from this mountain top, reuinted with the eagle and the serpent, I swelled with an energy. An energy beyond the need for primitive words and arbitrary explainations, a purpose which is its own. A voice which says, "No more Past! No more present! Now we build a bridge into the future!"
And it also says, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"
The Reverend lives, born again in a maelstrom of Haet!
The Great Discordian De/Re/Unvival is nigh.
YES.
This what America needs.
Whether it wants it or not.
I felt the shift in the ground, it quaked beneath me today and I knew something Good was coming.
Nice to see you back from the dead.
RE; OP
(http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/4/41361/995885-the_anchor_pvw_8_large.jpg)
The reanimation of TGRR might be our only hope! We need The Rage! We need The Hate! And most of all, more than anything, we need The Fear.
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on November 05, 2010, 04:38:49 AM
The reanimation of TGRR might be our only hope! We need The Rage! We need The Hate! And most of all, more than anything, we need The Fear.
We have ALL OF THAT. At BARGAIN BASEMENT PRICES.
:nou:
:banana: :buttsecks:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on October 31, 2010, 04:22:35 PM
Quote1 And the word of Payne came unto me, saying,
2 Poster of PD, set thy face toward the children of Tucson, and prophesy against them:
3 and say unto the children of Tucson, Hear the word of the Lord Payne: Thus saith the Lord Payne, Because thou saidst, lol, against my sanctuary, when it was profaned; and against the forum of PD, when it was made desolate; and against the board of Apple Talk, when they went into captivity:
4 therefore, behold, I will deliver thee to the children of TCC for a possession, and they shall set their encampments in thee, and make their dwellings in thee; they shall eat thy cactus, and they shall drink thy tears.
5 And I will make the Meatrack a stable for furries, and the children of Tucson a couching-place for flocks: and ye shall know that I am Payne.
6 For thus saith the Lord Payne: Because thou hast danced thy safety dance, and huffed with the jenkem, and rejoiced with all the despite of thy soul against the forum of PD;
7 therefore, behold, I have stretched out my hand upon thee, and will deliver thee for a spoil to the interwebs; and I will cut thee off from the peoples, and I will cause thee to perish out of the wi-fi hotspots: I will destroy thee; and thou shalt know that I am Payne.
8 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because that Howl and Roger do say, Behold, the board of Apple Talk is like unto all the nations;
9 therefore, behold, I will open the side of Howl from the mad science creations, from his mad science creations which are on his frontiers, the glory of the cactus, Freekys Automatic Boyfriend Machine, The Puppy Cannon, and The Storied Ducati,
10 unto the children of TCC, [to go] against the children of Tucson; and I will give them for a possession, that the children of Tucson may not be remembered among the nations.
11 and I will execute judgments upon Howl; and they shall know that I am Payne.
12 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because that Roger hath dealt against the board of Apple Talk by taking vengeance, and hath greatly offended, and revenged himself upon it;
13 therefore thus saith the Lord Payne, I will stretch out my hand upon Roger, and will cut off fur and facial hair from it; and I will make it desolate from Taint; even unto Crown shall he be shorn by the sword.
14 And I will lay my vengeance upon Roger by the hand of my people of PD; and they shall do to Roger according to mine anger and according to my wrath; and they shall know my vengeance, saith the Lord Payne.
15 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because the Arizonianites have dealt by revenge, and have taken vengeance with despite of soul to destroy with perpetual enmity;
16 therefore thus saith the Lord Payne, Behold, I will stretch out my hand upon the Arizonianites, and I will cut off the High Desert, and destroy the remnant of the Normal People.
17 And I will execute great vengeance upon them with wrathful rebukes; and they shall know that I am Payne, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.
Payne hands his Wizards Robe and Hat to TGRR, and changes his title.
Godammit. Don't ever let up Good Reverend.
These fuckers, the one's surrounding me every god damned day, they haven't earned anything less than a NEVERENDING FOUNT OF HATE.
Sure they're HUMAN and UNIQUE and MOTHERFUCKING SPECIAL. And every damned one of them deserves to be shoved into a god damned schute (or HOWEVER ONE MOTHERFUCKING SPELLS THAT WORD) and forgotten.
OR KILL ME OR THEM OR ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE WHAT'S COMING TO THEM.
AND YES I'M DAMNED DRUNK.
BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE *NEED* IN THIS NATION.
THE NEED FOR *WAR*!
THEY NEED FOR RIGHTOUS INDIGNATION.
THEY NEED FOR FREE SHIT.
THEY NEED FOR KURT COBAIN LIVE AND UNPLUGGED.
FUCK THEM AND THEIR STUPID GOD DAMNNED NEED.
GIVE THEM HELL. *REAL* HELL.
THE KIND DANTE COULD NEVER FATHOM.
BLARGHFKSNSUDBDISJSGEIDKN!!!!!! :horrormirth:
Ofuk. Continent ovar! :lulz:
Pixie yeilds unto TGRR the Vestments and Trappings of his Rain God status, and is Joyous at the Resurrection!
I did have them adjusted to fit my bewbs tho...
And in the 11th month, which is six months and five months, which is 2*3 months and 5 months, the earth did crack in Twain and did belch and purge the contents from within itself. And behold, in robes besmirched with filth and bile, did TGRR rise up again, rage burning as brightly as the sun from within his breast.
Lo, did he lay waste to the heathen who fled before his presence, crushing them beneath boots crafted from netherwordly beasts only seen in nightmares. And he shall climb into his jeep, eyes gleaming with divine madness and he shall speak, and say, "I WANT YOUR UGLY. I WANT YOUR DISEASE. I WANT YOUR EVERYTHING AS LONG AS ITS FREE. I WANT YOUR LOVE. YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE."
Quote from: Alty on November 05, 2010, 07:02:00 AM
Godammit. Don't ever let up Good Reverend.
These fuckers, the one's surrounding me every god damned day, they haven't earned anything less than a NEVERENDING FOUNT OF HATE.
Sure they're HUMAN and UNIQUE and MOTHERFUCKING SPECIAL. And every damned one of them deserves to be shoved into a god damned schute (or HOWEVER ONE MOTHERFUCKING SPELLS THAT WORD) and forgotten.
OR KILL ME OR THEM OR ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE WHAT'S COMING TO THEM.
AND YES I'M DAMNED DRUNK.
BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE *NEED* IN THIS NATION.
THE NEED FOR *WAR*!
THEY NEED FOR RIGHTOUS INDIGNATION.
THEY NEED FOR FREE SHIT.
THEY NEED FOR KURT COBAIN LIVE AND UNPLUGGED.
FUCK THEM AND THEIR STUPID GOD DAMNNED NEED.
GIVE THEM HELL. *REAL* HELL.
THE KIND DANTE COULD NEVER FATHOM.
BLARGHFKSNSUDBDISJSGEIDKN!!!!!! :horrormirth:
YOWZERS! ALTY-
- calling in for the airstrike!!
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on November 05, 2010, 01:03:10 PM
And in the 11th month, which is six months and five months, which is 2*3 months and 5 months, the earth did crack in Twain and did belch and purge the contents from within itself. And behold, in robes besmirched with filth and bile, did TGRR rise up again, rage burning as brightly as the sun from within his breast.
Lo, did he lay waste to the heathen who fled before his presence, crushing them beneath boots crafted from netherwordly beasts only seen in nightmares. And he shall climb into his jeep, eyes gleaming with divine madness and he shall speak, and say, "I WANT YOUR UGLY. I WANT YOUR DISEASE. I WANT YOUR EVERYTHING AS LONG AS ITS FREE. I WANT YOUR LOVE. YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE."
:dok:
Quote from: Spagifex Maximus Payne on November 05, 2010, 06:05:34 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on October 31, 2010, 04:22:35 PM
Quote1 And the word of Payne came unto me, saying,
2 Poster of PD, set thy face toward the children of Tucson, and prophesy against them:
3 and say unto the children of Tucson, Hear the word of the Lord Payne: Thus saith the Lord Payne, Because thou saidst, lol, against my sanctuary, when it was profaned; and against the forum of PD, when it was made desolate; and against the board of Apple Talk, when they went into captivity:
4 therefore, behold, I will deliver thee to the children of TCC for a possession, and they shall set their encampments in thee, and make their dwellings in thee; they shall eat thy cactus, and they shall drink thy tears.
5 And I will make the Meatrack a stable for furries, and the children of Tucson a couching-place for flocks: and ye shall know that I am Payne.
6 For thus saith the Lord Payne: Because thou hast danced thy safety dance, and huffed with the jenkem, and rejoiced with all the despite of thy soul against the forum of PD;
7 therefore, behold, I have stretched out my hand upon thee, and will deliver thee for a spoil to the interwebs; and I will cut thee off from the peoples, and I will cause thee to perish out of the wi-fi hotspots: I will destroy thee; and thou shalt know that I am Payne.
8 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because that Howl and Roger do say, Behold, the board of Apple Talk is like unto all the nations;
9 therefore, behold, I will open the side of Howl from the mad science creations, from his mad science creations which are on his frontiers, the glory of the cactus, Freekys Automatic Boyfriend Machine, The Puppy Cannon, and The Storied Ducati,
10 unto the children of TCC, [to go] against the children of Tucson; and I will give them for a possession, that the children of Tucson may not be remembered among the nations.
11 and I will execute judgments upon Howl; and they shall know that I am Payne.
12 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because that Roger hath dealt against the board of Apple Talk by taking vengeance, and hath greatly offended, and revenged himself upon it;
13 therefore thus saith the Lord Payne, I will stretch out my hand upon Roger, and will cut off fur and facial hair from it; and I will make it desolate from Taint; even unto Crown shall he be shorn by the sword.
14 And I will lay my vengeance upon Roger by the hand of my people of PD; and they shall do to Roger according to mine anger and according to my wrath; and they shall know my vengeance, saith the Lord Payne.
15 Thus saith the Lord Payne: Because the Arizonianites have dealt by revenge, and have taken vengeance with despite of soul to destroy with perpetual enmity;
16 therefore thus saith the Lord Payne, Behold, I will stretch out my hand upon the Arizonianites, and I will cut off the High Desert, and destroy the remnant of the Normal People.
17 And I will execute great vengeance upon them with wrathful rebukes; and they shall know that I am Payne, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.
Payne hands his Wizards Robe and Hat to TGRR, and changes his title.
Very yes.