Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:08:28 AM

Title: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:08:28 AM
I'm stuck in Harbor Freight's $10 "handcuffs"

I'd McGuyver out but my dinner is burning.

ASK ME ANYTHING
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on December 02, 2010, 01:13:14 AM
How did you get in the cuffs?
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:13:57 AM
Well that was too easy.  I'm off to stir a pot with my liberated arms.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:14:15 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on December 02, 2010, 01:13:14 AM
How did you get in the cuffs?

Tao.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Jasper on December 02, 2010, 03:07:13 AM
Did you destroy your way out of them like a brutal champion, or did you find a sneaky way out?
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 03:33:35 AM
Got sneaky. 

I am not that much the brutal champion.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Eater of Clowns on December 02, 2010, 03:37:33 AM
Well, your continued typing means you probably didn't gnaw your own hand off at the wrist, so props for being more clever than I could be.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on December 02, 2010, 03:39:38 AM
Fact: Harbor Freight is probably one of the greatest stores ever known to America, and America doesn't even KNOW IT.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 03:47:21 AM
It's true.  The odd part is much of their "Cheap" stuff decently copies or meets the same standards as "better" made goods from big box stores (all cheap chinese export anyways......)

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on December 02, 2010, 03:37:33 AM
Well, your continued typing means you probably didn't gnaw your own hand off at the wrist, so props for being more clever than I could be.

Had both hands in front of me, and it's not that hard to slip them around from behind my back anyways (i tried that too).  There's just the problem of not being able to move the hands more than 6 in. apart.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on December 02, 2010, 03:48:48 AM
I spent a chunk of the afternoon shopping around with Enzo, we made it to Warwick alive somehow and found our way into Harbor Freight. BIG mistake, as always. I just have no pictures to show for it.

"Look at all this STUFF." - Actual Testimonial from Enzo
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 03:52:37 AM
Speaking of which, you still need to post "nut splitter".
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on December 02, 2010, 04:15:17 AM
(http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a356/theonlyang/nutsplitter.jpg)


"Erotic!" - Actual Testimonial from Cramulus.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 02, 2010, 05:01:29 AM
ouch.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Bella on December 02, 2010, 07:06:33 AM
Quote from: Suu on December 02, 2010, 03:39:38 AM
Fact: Harbor Freight is probably one of the greatest stores ever known to America, and America doesn't even KNOW IT.

Harbor Freight's one of the best stores anywhere!  I wish we had one around here. :(
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:26:18 PM
Things I've learned:

- Do a function check on any restraints before you use them.  They're owed the same once over as tools, practice weapons, firearms, and motorized stuff.  (I went over the things for awhile before I even tried it.  Thankfully.  Hacksawing yourself out of things sucks.)

- Keep keys handy.  Jimmying cheap locks (not to mention actual quality ones) is a trick when they're stuck at wrist level.  If you're around knuckleheads, smartasses, or friends with sick senses of humor, keep a spare key on a cord around your neck.

- If you plan to get yourself out of cuffs, make sure the keyholes are facing your fingers, not your armpits.  This is not essential if your Dexterity score is over 15, but is damn helpful. 

- Plan on telltale red marks on the wrists.  Yeti heritage will cover this to an extent.

- If cuffed behind the back, you CAN slip them into the front.  Practicing this is good, since it's not a way people usually stretch.  Don't ask me about dislocating shoulders. 
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 02, 2010, 04:32:19 PM
Quote from: Richter on December 02, 2010, 01:26:18 PM
Things I've learned:

- Do a function check on any restraints before you use them.  They're owed the same once over as tools, practice weapons, firearms, and motorized stuff.  (I went over the things for awhile before I even tried it.  Thankfully.  Hacksawing yourself out of things sucks.)

- Keep keys handy.  Jimmying cheap locks (not to mention actual quality ones) is a trick when they're stuck at wrist level.  If you're around knuckleheads, smartasses, or friends with sick senses of humor, keep a spare key on a cord around your neck.

- If you plan to get yourself out of cuffs, make sure the keyholes are facing your fingers, not your armpits.  This is not essential if your Dexterity score is over 15, but is damn helpful. 

- Plan on telltale red marks on the wrists.  Yeti heritage will cover this to an extent.

- If cuffed behind the back, you CAN slip them into the front.  Practicing this is good, since it's not a way people usually stretch.  Don't ask me about dislocating shoulders. 


The cop that arrested me got super pissed when I did this, then made me slide my hands back behind me before I got to the station.
She acted as if she'd never seen anyone do it before.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 05:08:13 PM
If was I for serious cuffed, I'd never do this.   Unless I knew I was in serious danger, and needed to make an immediate attempt to run or fight and all.  I've had SOME training fighting with hands restrained various ways, but it's real desperation stuff.

The toughest part was actuall getting the cuff past my ass.  It more strenuous in terms of making my core muscles do unacustomed things (even being a skinny long armed monkey type).  I'm also pretty sure it would be tougher, if not impossible with hinged handcuffs as opposed to the chain handcuffs I have.

Zip tie cuffs would have the same issues.  You can break cheap ones by bracing and striking them right, shim most other types open (even the heavy teflon ones), or use a piece of paracord to wear/friction through.


Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 02, 2010, 05:30:24 PM
Well I didn't try to get them off, I just don't like sitting on my hands.
I don't think I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag, let alone get cuffs off.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on December 02, 2010, 05:52:47 PM
My own thought process was it could get twisted into "resisting arrest".  I can see cops getting skittish and rough when confronted with a possible escapologist too.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 02, 2010, 05:57:12 PM
Well in hindsight it may not have been the best idea, but at the time, I was pissed I was being arrested for something so stupid, I only weighed 100lbs and was really uncomfortable.

Now a days I... wouldn't get arrested.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 09:11:09 PM
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on December 02, 2010, 04:15:17 AM
(http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a356/theonlyang/nutsplitter.jpg)


"Erotic!" - Actual Testimonial from Cramulus.

Bump for later WOMPAGE.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Luna on March 31, 2011, 09:12:39 PM
I think I just peed...
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Don Coyote on April 01, 2011, 02:47:42 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 09:11:09 PM
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on December 02, 2010, 04:15:17 AM
(http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a356/theonlyang/nutsplitter.jpg)


"Erotic!" - Actual Testimonial from Cramulus.

Bump for later WOMPAGE.

I have been here too long. I am having thoughts similar to TGRR.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on April 01, 2011, 04:06:31 PM
Richter and I shopping together usually turns into borderline illegal behavior. Just like that time we got a plunger from Home Depot, stuck it to the side of the Volvo, and went to the Starbucks drive-through.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on April 01, 2011, 04:20:23 PM
The Starbucks people LOVED that.  I remember screaming out Wagner too.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Don Coyote on April 01, 2011, 04:24:11 PM
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on April 01, 2011, 04:06:31 PM
Richter and I shopping together usually turns into borderline illegal behavior. Just like that time we got a plunger from Home Depot, stuck it to the side of the Volvo, and went to the Starbucks drive-through.

:fap:

I'm going to do that.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on April 01, 2011, 04:29:20 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 01, 2011, 04:20:23 PM
The Starbucks people LOVED that.  I remember screaming out Wagner too.


That's right, Flight of the Valkyries.

That was also the same outing as SNAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!

(http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a356/theonlyang/snake.jpg)
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Richter on April 01, 2011, 04:34:29 PM
Yeah, right up there with the "Celtic Cheese" sermon, and my preaching about the scum under the shelves at Wal-Mart being a relfection of Americatm

edit for proper internets
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on April 01, 2011, 04:38:25 PM
When we were grocery shopping with Luna a few weeks ago, she has no idea that we weren't even warmed up yet.
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Luna on April 01, 2011, 04:40:09 PM
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on April 01, 2011, 04:38:25 PM
When we were grocery shopping with Luna a few weeks ago, she has no idea that we weren't even warmed up yet.


Still amused, though.   :D
Title: Re: Aw FUCK.
Post by: Suu on April 01, 2011, 04:44:09 PM
Christmas shopping in the dollar store was also another epic evening.