Fuck my nutjob family. Really, there's noone without some mental issues. My mom has anger management problems, while my dad is a schizophrenic, acting like a fucking teenager that I'm supposed to parent. For a few months it's all been getting worse and worse and contact between them has become nothing but yelling. He spends all the family's monney, refuses to find a job, as he sees himself as a great artist and waits for someone to offer him something really BIG(he's been waiting for the past 3 years) and on top of that he blames us and tells us we spend everything for buying stupid shit, which is not the case.
For a week now things have went to an extreme and we asked him to move out, as he never stopped acting like a really obnoxious teenager. So yesterday he told us that on spring he's mooving out. I was really happy, as I'm sick of his shit.
Everything is going fine untill this morning my mom tells me he started crying like a baby(She's never seen him crying for the 17 years she lives with him and neither have I). He told her that if we really want to, he'll move out, but he's 50 and has no place to go and his life's a mess etc. Now the decision is up to me, as I'm sort of the responsible parent to my parents and it's really messed up. I don't know what to do. He's a schizo, so he really thinks we are conspiring to ruin his life and can't possibly suspect that the problem is him. We don't have monney for theraphy and there aren't any really good psychoterapists here. If we let him stay with us, he'll act nice for a month or two and then he'll switch to jackass mode again. Neither of them is happy living with eachother, but my dad's only option if he moves out is to live in a house away from the city, which is awesome to be in in the summer, but throughout the other seasons is total shit.
I have no idea what to do. It sucks to have so many responsabilities since the age of 10 and I feel like shit for making him moove out. On the other hand I'll feel like shit for making my mother suffer, because she really, really hates living with him. Fuck.
Fuck that. You move out. Get yourself emancipated if you're under age or just take off if you're not. You are not responsible for your parents being screwballs.
I can't do this to them and I have nowhere to go - I'm 16. Plus it will break my mother's heart if I do it, and it will ruin my chances of studying abroad. Me moving out is not really an option
Do you have any relatives?
Not really. There is a family that is even more deranged than ours and would be hell to live with. I'm pretty content of living with my mom and it's been all peace when my dad is gone. I'm not considering moving out - my problem is if I should tell my dad to move out or let him stay. Moving out would be the worse thing to do ever - it would leave my mother alone and she won't be able to take it, or living without me and with my dad, which would be hell itself - they hate eachoter. Every time I think about telling him to move out, I think about him crying and it makes my heart ache, but when I consider letting him stay with us I know my life will be shitty.
You dont have to carry the burden of their mistakes, worry about yourself at least until finishing highschool.
Dude, nasty situation, but i'm sure i don't need totell you that.
Are there no support networks for Scizophenia sufferers and their families where you live? You say there are no good pschotherapists where you are, but if you recognise this as Scizophrenia then you must have had a diagnosis from someone, is he medicated? if not that might be a good start, but i obviously realise i may already be preaching to the choir.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on December 27, 2010, 09:02:11 AM
You dont have to carry the burden of their mistakes, worry about yourself at least until finishing highschool.
in a perfect world maybe, not sure its that simple by the sound of it though. there's always a very real possibility of this uncomfortable home life actually affecting his studies.
Am I the only one who is going to say kick the fucker out? Yeah, Phox is the cunt to do it. Seriously, he needs help. But if you can't get him the help he needs now, maybe being out on his own, he'll settle for a fucking a job, and get the help he needs himself. Kicking him out may be the only thing you can do.
But on the other hand, I don't know shit about shit, and i'm probably just being an insufferable cunt because I hate hearing about how shitty people treat their alleged love ones.
Quote from: Doktor Phox on December 27, 2010, 09:59:46 AM
Am I the only one who is going to say kick the fucker out?
not really, i was trying to, but delicately,and in several stages.
with that all scuppered then, i reiterate my intent, with added brevity.
Get him loaded on meds, then kick him outand let the system be his dad
I would say too... kick the fuck head out.
On another note... do you have a school counsellor? You should talk to them if you do.
You can't save everyone.
Kick him out.
Quote from: Lies on December 27, 2010, 11:39:40 AM
On another note... do you have a school counsellor? You should talk to them if you do.
This doesnt seem like a good idea, they seem to turn into an annoyance rather than help in most cases.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on December 27, 2010, 12:24:11 PM
Quote from: Lies on December 27, 2010, 11:39:40 AM
On another note... do you have a school counsellor? You should talk to them if you do.
This doesnt seem like a good idea, they seem to turn into an annoyance rather than help in most cases.
Not in my experience, and I'm sure RWHN would be willing to back me on this too.
Quote from: Doktor Phox on December 27, 2010, 09:59:46 AM
Am I the only one who is going to say kick the fucker out?
No. But I am, as Dalek puts it, the asshole who ruins PD for the noobs.
Give him the boot.
If he's a diagnosed schizophrenic, and is not on any therapy or medication, wouldn't he be considered a danger to himself and others? Wouldn't the state have to step in and offer assistance?
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on December 27, 2010, 01:47:10 PM
If he's a diagnosed schizophrenic, and is not on any therapy or medication, wouldn't he be considered a danger to himself and others? Wouldn't the state have to step in and offer assistance?
I like where this is going.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on December 27, 2010, 01:47:10 PM
If he's a diagnosed schizophrenic, and is not on any therapy or medication, wouldn't he be considered a danger to himself and others? Wouldn't the state have to step in and offer assistance?
Isnt he from Bulgaria?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 01:43:58 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on December 27, 2010, 09:59:46 AM
Am I the only one who is going to say kick the fucker out?
No. But I am, as Dalek puts it, the asshole who ruins PD for the noobs.
Give him the boot.
Yeah, I have to go with this!!!
Or you can find out what options you have locally to errr "put him away" to get some help.
You cannot let yourself feel guilty about the problems your parents have. They are not your responsibility,
you are theirs!! The fact that your mom has put this off on you has her in just as bad of a light imo as your dad. At least he has a mental illness to fall back on.
You are 16. And while that may (in your case) mean you are super mature and extremely responsible, facts are facts. You are still a minor and as such your parents need to get their shit together. If you do not want to emancipate yourself and there are no other relatives for you to live with, I personally would tell your mom to give your dad two options, leave and get help and you may be able to come back, or just leave. Maybe suggest your mom get some help with her issues as well.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. :sad:
He's not diagnosed but he has lots of the symptoms and all his other family members are diagnosed schizophrenics - he's never been at a therapist.
Today something happened - my dad started crying again at lunch, after we told him that we are not kicking him out. He told us he's tryed to quit doing drugs(I knew he used to smoke weed, but now I know he also took amphetamines) and that for half a year now he's been clean and that he really wants our help and will do whatever we want to be a part of family. Also he said sorry for the first time in his life, he apologised for all the mistakes he made, he apologised for being an asshole and doing drugs and shit and finally I convinced them to let me handle our finances, as my parents proove on and on that they suck at doing so. All in all it was like some fucking soap opera, but everything went better than expected and I really hope it will stay well. I feel like I've been a good parent to my parents after all.
You're fucked.
Sorry to be a bummer, but other than the fact you have been given a responsibility that no 16 year old should have, the household dynamic hasn't changed.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on December 27, 2010, 04:18:01 PM
You're fucked.
Sorry to be a bummer, but other than the fact you have been given a responsibility that no 16 year old should have, the household dynamic hasn't changed.
Unfortunately this!
Addicts always say "I'm sorry" if they think it will get you off their back. If he's an addict with a mental illness you have double the issues because you don't know where what he is saying is coming from, the addiction or the mental illness.
You are being parentalized and thats not good for you.
Just juggling the bills and day by day expenditures... you are way in over your head.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on December 27, 2010, 04:31:12 PM
You are being parentalized and thats not good for you.
Just juggling the bills and day by day expenditures... you are way in over your head.
Hey, I'm good at it, plus I forced them to let me handle them, they both worry about putting too much pressure on me, it's just that I'm sure I can handle it.
Doses his coffee with something to help calm him down,
Quote from: Dalekk on December 27, 2010, 08:15:45 AM
Fuck my nutjob family. Really, there's noone without some mental issues. My mom has anger management problems, while my dad is a schizophrenic, acting like a fucking teenager that I'm supposed to parent. For a few months it's all been getting worse and worse and contact between them has become nothing but yelling. He spends all the family's monney, refuses to find a job, as he sees himself as a great artist and waits for someone to offer him something really BIG(he's been waiting for the past 3 years) and on top of that he blames us and tells us we spend everything for buying stupid shit, which is not the case.
For a week now things have went to an extreme and we asked him to move out, as he never stopped acting like a really obnoxious teenager. So yesterday he told us that on spring he's mooving out. I was really happy, as I'm sick of his shit.
Everything is going fine untill this morning my mom tells me he started crying like a baby(She's never seen him crying for the 17 years she lives with him and neither have I). He told her that if we really want to, he'll move out, but he's 50 and has no place to go and his life's a mess etc. Now the decision is up to me, as I'm sort of the responsible parent to my parents and it's really messed up. I don't know what to do. He's a schizo, so he really thinks we are conspiring to ruin his life and can't possibly suspect that the problem is him. We don't have monney for theraphy and there aren't any really good psychoterapists here. If we let him stay with us, he'll act nice for a month or two and then he'll switch to jackass mode again. Neither of them is happy living with eachother, but my dad's only option if he moves out is to live in a house away from the city, which is awesome to be in in the summer, but throughout the other seasons is total shit.
I have no idea what to do. It sucks to have so many responsabilities since the age of 10 and I feel like shit for making him moove out. On the other hand I'll feel like shit for making my mother suffer, because she really, really hates living with him. Fuck.
Sorry, but as a fake Discordian, I am unable to give you any sound advice.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 09:49:57 PM
Quote from: Dalekk on December 27, 2010, 08:15:45 AM
Fuck my nutjob family. Really, there's noone without some mental issues. My mom has anger management problems, while my dad is a schizophrenic, acting like a fucking teenager that I'm supposed to parent. For a few months it's all been getting worse and worse and contact between them has become nothing but yelling. He spends all the family's monney, refuses to find a job, as he sees himself as a great artist and waits for someone to offer him something really BIG(he's been waiting for the past 3 years) and on top of that he blames us and tells us we spend everything for buying stupid shit, which is not the case.
For a week now things have went to an extreme and we asked him to move out, as he never stopped acting like a really obnoxious teenager. So yesterday he told us that on spring he's mooving out. I was really happy, as I'm sick of his shit.
Everything is going fine untill this morning my mom tells me he started crying like a baby(She's never seen him crying for the 17 years she lives with him and neither have I). He told her that if we really want to, he'll move out, but he's 50 and has no place to go and his life's a mess etc. Now the decision is up to me, as I'm sort of the responsible parent to my parents and it's really messed up. I don't know what to do. He's a schizo, so he really thinks we are conspiring to ruin his life and can't possibly suspect that the problem is him. We don't have monney for theraphy and there aren't any really good psychoterapists here. If we let him stay with us, he'll act nice for a month or two and then he'll switch to jackass mode again. Neither of them is happy living with eachother, but my dad's only option if he moves out is to live in a house away from the city, which is awesome to be in in the summer, but throughout the other seasons is total shit.
I have no idea what to do. It sucks to have so many responsabilities since the age of 10 and I feel like shit for making him moove out. On the other hand I'll feel like shit for making my mother suffer, because she really, really hates living with him. Fuck.
Sorry, but as a fake Discordian, I am unable to give you any sound advice.
Nursing homes. Get your revenge today.
Quote from: Dalekk on December 27, 2010, 04:15:11 PM
He's not diagnosed but he has lots of the symptoms and all his other family members are diagnosed schizophrenics - he's never been at a therapist.
Today something happened - my dad started crying again at lunch, after we told him that we are not kicking him out. He told us he's tryed to quit doing drugs(I knew he used to smoke weed, but now I know he also took amphetamines) and that for half a year now he's been clean and that he really wants our help and will do whatever we want to be a part of family. Also he said sorry for the first time in his life, he apologised for all the mistakes he made, he apologised for being an asshole and doing drugs and shit and finally I convinced them to let me handle our finances, as my parents proove on and on that they suck at doing so. All in all it was like some fucking soap opera, but everything went better than expected and I really hope it will stay well. I feel like I've been a good parent to my parents after all.
Fuck him. Fuck him with an iron fuckstick. If he's not diagnosed then maybe he's just a fucking asshat. Plus now you have an excuse! You didn't
know for sure if he was schizo. Put him out of your misery, man. Things
shall get super shitty again, and in short order, because, like LMNO said, nothing's different except you're the family accountant. So, man up and kick the fat bastard out, or deal with the consequences.
If you're handling the family finances, what happens when you finish high school and go to college or whatever it is you're doing then? Is there much of a nursing/retirement home system in Bulgaria?
Quote from: Vartox on December 28, 2010, 01:26:54 AM
If you're handling the family finances, what happens when you finish high school and go to college or whatever it is you're doing then? Is there much of a nursing/retirement home system in Bulgaria?
He won't go.
Betcha.
QuoteI feel like I've been a good parent to my parents after all.
There is no sixteen year old who should ever have to say this, and that you feel that this is a victory day is a sign you're kinda fucked up - you should probably talk to someone about it because few people come out of situations like this one without issues, even though it sounds like you're a pretty strong guy.
I know it'll hurt and it'll be hard, but kick him out. He sounds like a lost cause. And I can see you being the family accountant backfiring on you hard in terms of you being able to move out or go study abroad because they'll guilt you into staying.
He could always emblezze enough money to make it worth his wild then run off
Wow, shit.
You shouldn't be in a position where you're handling the family finances. Fuck.
Your dad should move out. Period. This sounds all kinds of fucked and I hope you make it through OK. You should not have to be responsible for your parents at 16, yet they have put you in a position where you are.
If it's any consolation, a guy I have known for nearly 20 years was in a very similar situation at your age, and has grown up to have a very normal life. You just have to be able to extricate yourself when you are able, OK? And not let your fear of their inability keep you there taking care of things they should be perfectly capable of, as adults.
Dalekk, I think you should listen carefully to the people giving you advice, here and elsewhere, and then listen carefully to yourself.
Trust yourself to make the best decisions about this and then own the choices you have made.
Family can be a strong bond and often we tell ourselfs, so and so is really ok
Except that one thing
Shame that one thing is a snuff porn fetish
Quote from: Nigel on December 28, 2010, 09:59:04 AM
Wow, shit.
You shouldn't be in a position where you're handling the family finances. Fuck.
Your dad should move out. Period. This sounds all kinds of fucked and I hope you make it through OK. You should not have to be responsible for your parents at 16, yet they have put you in a position where you are.
If it's any consolation, a guy I have known for nearly 20 years was in a very similar situation at your age, and has grown up to have a very normal life. You just have to be able to extricate yourself when you are able, OK? And not let your fear of their inability keep you there taking care of things they should be perfectly capable of, as adults.
I put off reading this thread for a long time, but kept getting back to it. So now I read it.
Damn Dalekk, that is a really really shitty situation, and I'm sorry for you that you're in it.
Reading the responses, I myself kept thinking, "but wait, this is his
family you're talking about, his parents even, it's not a bad thing to want to be there for your parents, is it?" -- But then, maybe that works different when you're just 16, and also I really have no experiences with fucked up situations like these, and I know that a whole bunch of people giving advice in this thread have been in some fucked up situation or other and probably know better than me.
And for some reason, if Nigel says "Your dad should move out. Period.", I believe that's the right thing to do. I dunno, I'd trust her judgement in these matters.
Furthermore, Lysergic's idea about talking this over with your School Councillor or "Trust Person" or whatever I dunno, a social worker maybe,
anyone, sounds really good. You should not have to face a mess like this on your own. Even just someone to talk to, that listens and gives an outside perspective. Just hope you find a good one. If not, try another one. That's my advice, it's not an exact science, and some professional help connects better with certain people or situations than others.
Oh and about the weed, if he's got schizophrenia, he's NOT allowed to have weed EVER again. Remember that research thing where they suspect weed could trigger schizophrenia in people that have not (yet) developed it, but the odds are really small and such? Well if he already
has schizophrenia, the odds are much higher (possibly even 100%) that it will trigger an attack (a psychosis) and make his condition worse. I've seen
that happen and it's not pretty for anyone involved.