Baba Yaga brought me a wireless router and a big fat sack of hate.
I was unfortunate enough to to ill on Christmas Eve, which also happened to be the day my cable was hooked up. Because we had the monkey last week, I found myself watching every claymation/animation Christmas special ever fucking made. All one of them. Yep, one.
You see, EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS STORY told via animation or claymation has THE EXACT SAME PLOT. Something happens, and Santa finds himself saying "I guess we'll have to cancel Christmas". Doesn't matter what the fuck it was. Mrs Claus has a hangnail, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.
He's a lazy fuck. I know pot-heads that do more work than that fat, lazy bastard. He has to work ONE DAY A YEAR, and then he's looking for reasons to NOT FUCKING DO IT. It's always left to some little kid or random animal and his whacky magickal elf friends to SAVE CHRISTMAS by MAKING THE FAT BASTARD DO HIS JOB.
Well, I have bad news for you, kiddies. That ISN'T how you save things. A 7 year old or a Goddamn mutant deer with a bioluminescent nose isn't going to do SHIT. If Santa isn't under stall speed, he's outflying the light from that nose, or he's being Goddamn blinded by the glare reflecting back off of the storm.
So what REALLY happened is that Santa and the whole crew impacted on the side of a mountain near Denver, and his dessicated corpse is buried over the treeline. That's why Santa never gets you that flamethrower you asked for, and instead brings you socks, etc. Because Santa is DEAD, and your parents are covering for him...If you're LUCKY. If you're unlucky, Baba Yaga has your area covered. If you're REALLY unlucky, then it's something you haven't even had nightmares about yet.
To hell with it. It's not like the world is going to miss the lazy old pot head (Ever see Santa and Jerry Garcia in the same room? Yeah, neither have I.), right? Fuck, no. Baba Yaga has things in hand, and now we'll see how naughty kids NEED to be treated.
They're still playing Christmas-y commercials on the fucking radio.
Goddammit, how I hate you all.
Or Kill Me.
:mittens:
:lulz:
CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT FOOTBALL AND THE NFL FORCED ME TO WATCH 2 LOUSY TEAMS WHO ACTUALLY MADE INEPTNESS INTO A CLOSE AND INTERESTING GAME.
DAMN YOU BABA YAGA! :argh!:
:lol:
:mittens:
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Is that claymation or animation?
Quote from: Cuddlethulu on December 27, 2010, 06:43:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Is that claymation or animation?
clanimation
I think you mean "Klanimation", that's the one where the Jews use the mud peoples to shut down Santa's shop with union organizers and I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.
Luckily, the day is saved by a plucky young Aryan girl who talks some sense into the elves, but unfortunately winds up doing Black-on-Blond porn on Redtube 8 years later, and is kicked to death by her vengeful kinfolk.
Which isn't, mind you, an
honor killing, because that's what Islamofascists do. It was a
purity-beating.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:53:03 PM
Quote from: Cuddlethulu on December 27, 2010, 06:43:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Is that claymation or animation?
clanimation
I think you mean "Klanimation", that's the one where the Jews use the mud peoples to shut down Santa's shop with union organizers and I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.
Luckily, the day is saved by a plucky young Aryan girl who talks some sense into the elves, but unfortunately winds up doing Black-on-Blond porn on Redtube 8 years later, and is kicked to death by her vengeful kinfolk.
Which isn't, mind you, an honor killing, because that's what Islamofascists do. It was a purity-beating.
:lulz: :lulz:
Baba Yaga first FRIED my router (ok, GATEWAY) on Christmas Eve (leaving my house cold and silent for the first time in a long time) and then brought us a new one Christmas Day. It was an awesome 36 hours without internet and cable TV. I think Santa's laziness taught me a deep lesson, that work can wait, that TV is shit and the interbutts just the lazy way out of leaving those stacks of books silently collecting dust before I finally decide to tear into them for once and all.
But I'm that much happier to be able to work again, to be able to bug PD with my own awesome intellectual laziness, and the promise of a new year to fuck up makes me wonder what Baba Yaga will bring next year...
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Is that claymation or animation?
Animation, and starts out with the kid almost shooting his eye out
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 07:46:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Is that claymation or animation?
Animation, and starts out with the kid almost shooting his eye out
Not animation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Dad!
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 08:17:25 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Dad!
1. That's a cartoon. I meant stop-animation. I should have been clearer on the concept, I guess.
2. It's American "humor", thus utterly worthless. Especially considering it was done by the same guy that did "Family Guy".
So it doesn't count.
This was glorious.
GLORIOUS!
Point of order: Jerry Garcia isn't dead. He fucked off to run an ODDLY successful, ODDLY enduring despite economic conditions, ODDLY well stocked music and instrument store in a podunk Irish fishing village on the east coast. Yes, the guy is missing the digits to prove it too.
Christmas is always fucked. Something will always get in the way, mess with you, or drag you out in the worst possible situation. Simply for the fact that it's one of those times of year you'd like to put your best shit forward, but everyone else wants to so too at the same time. The Dread Prophet Murphy does not stand for this. Something is bound to complicate, and we cannot accept that things will go on without great stress, the DUMB made flesh.
Next year I'm taping a sign to my door "Fuck you all, I'm in bed asleep.", and dealing with interlopers by machete. I'm off to set Baby Jesus up in a premmie incubator and crap in the creche.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 08:19:48 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 08:17:25 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Dad!
1. That's a cartoon. I meant stop-animation. I should have been clearer on the concept, I guess.
2. It's American "humor", thus utterly worthless. Especially considering it was done by the same guy that did "Family Guy".
So it doesn't count.
It's not the same ilk that did fg, because of that mercy it's occasionally funny.
Over here our claymation nightmare is Wallace and grommit, there's only four half hour episodes and they have been on over and over.
There is one excellent claymation, comet quest the adventures of mark twain. Look it and the mysterious stranger up on YouTube if you have the time.
Well, there is also Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Special: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Claymation_Christmas_Celebration
But this isn't what Roger is talking about. It's claymation but it's like a claymation variety show with claymation characters performing different holiday carols. It also features the California Raisins back when they were hot shit.
Little bit of useless RWHN family trivia: My mom was pregnant with one of my younger siblings when this came out. My brother and I had taped this special and played it over and over and over again. For some reason or other, it made my Mom nauseous when she saw it. She still has an adverse reaction to it when she sees it. Weird.
All that aside: :mittens: to the OP. All of those other stop-animation specials pretty much run on the same formula. The fat guy does something to screw up the one day of the year he has to get up and work and then some kid or animal has to come save the day.
By the way, why hasn't the special been made yet where global warming threatens to kill the North Pole and Santa?
Bump.
Bump for continued relevance.
And because I'm so ronery.
10/10 would read again!
I still need to crap a creche.
This post makes me want to bury my fingers deep in TGRR's back hair.
Quote from: Waffle Iron on December 27, 2011, 11:28:26 PM
This post makes me want to bury my fingers deep in TGRR's back hair.
Inadvisable.
You will pull back stumps.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2011, 11:56:59 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on December 27, 2011, 11:28:26 PM
This post makes me want to bury my fingers deep in TGRR's back hair.
Inadvisable.
You will pull back stumps.
I dreamt about something similar last night. Doesn't seem too bad. Makes it a bit harder to play stringed instruments, but I have a bassist friend with only one arm, so I guess it's possible.