In fact, his spagginess is so pronounced that it shows up on radar, which is why he isn't allowed near the airport. When he walks by small children, they contract Down's Syndrome. Wherever he goes, birds fall out of the sky, killed en masse. He is responsible for male pattern baldness, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and Scotland. He made Wales Welsh, and is the one man that can be legitimately blamed for the condition Kansas is in.
Cramulus is illegal in all but 14 states, and rightfully so...And no judge in America will listen to his appeals concerning this unconstitutional but necessary bill of attainder. He owns stock in every company that produces insulin, and plays poker with Fred Phelps when they think nobody is looking.
Cramulus is the fink that ratted out Heidi Fleiss. Insects obey his commands. The inside of his pance is a superfund site. He wears dentures made from the bones of orphans, and the Jews have a new holiday, "Spag-Over" in which they thank God that they're not related to him.
Professor Cramulus is also responsible for the TV show Alf, the fact that Tom DeLay was allowed on Dancing With The Stars, and the fact that Whitney Houston was allowed to make more than one album. He coaches Hillary Duff, and calls the Tea Party headquarters every morning at 3AM to give them more ideas before they pass out, as a joke.
Cram designed the LA freeway that way on purpose. He spends his weekend beating up Buddhists, and dresses up like an altar boy so he can molest hapless Catholic priests.
Who sank the Titanic? Cramulous.
Who thought the CN Tower was a good idea? Cramulus.
Who really killed Archduke Ferdinand? Yep.
Cramulus is a menace, and an affront to all that is good and decent about American culture. He must be stopped. Won't you please help? Just a dollar a month will help pay for the team of hit men, exorcists, and county officials that will be needed to nail him into his coffin.
Time to take a stand, America!
Or Kill Me.
Use this thread to tell the world how Cramulus ruined your life and damaged your pets/livestock.
Cramulus set Iason up.
Quote from: Richter on February 11, 2011, 03:44:17 PM
Cramulus set Iason up.
Cramulus introduced Justin Beiber to Ludicris.
Cramulus once cooked a poor family a gourmet thanksgiving dinner.
With the family dog as the centerpiece.
Cramulus told Taylor Swift to go into show business, and told Richard Nixon to keep a record of everything. He fires guinea pigs out of a PVC gun, into passing traffic.
Cramulus started 4Chan.
Once a year, Cramulus dissapates his aura into the atmosphere, where it is picked up by the jetstream and carried across the globe. The ensuing misery and carnage leaves an odor of rotting cabbage and spoiled cottage cheese, while lives are ruined, and futures are tossed in the scrapheap.
We call this annual putrescent effluence "February".
Cramulus does coke off the back of naked camels with Hosni Mubarak.
Cramulus is responsible for at least three known STDs, and has an apartment in Dubai.
Cramulus invented insulin. We didn't need our pancreas before he came around and got us all addicted to the stuff by putting it in our breakfast cereal.
Cramulus blighted the orange crop in Florida, out of spite. He hatched Hitler from an egg in a laboratory in his mother's basement.
Cram snorts napthalene for fun.
Cramulus once snuck a dick into Lady Gaga's trousers ands tarted all that hoo-haa
Every weekend, Cram drives down to Saratoga Springs and plays gigs with AKK.
Cramulus created Communism.
Cramulus talks trash worthy of XBox Live while playing ping-pong at teh elderly center to cover his community service hours.
Cramulus has been secretly inserting astronomy lessons written by Bill O'Reilly into grade school science text books. Except for the textbooks for Texas for which he was commissioned by the Texas Board of Education to insert those lessons.
I blame Cram for Tucson. No shit.
Cramulus puts mercury into the fish just to fuck with scientists, and he's the reason Kaiser rolls go stale so quickly.
Cramulus is the one to blame for the fact that your toaster toasts the bread unevenly, and he puts that scummy residue that collects on keyboard keys on there in the first place.
Cramulus is why I have to pay ten cents for each litte thingy of butter I get from the cafeteria.
You know that thing that happens when you try to pass someone in a hallway or on the sidewalk, and you both step in the same direction at the same time, thus preventing you from passing each other? Cramulus does that on purpose.
Quote from: Sister Fracture on February 11, 2011, 04:14:31 PM
I blame Cram for Tucson. No shit.
AND Providence. At the same time.
Cramulus invented the modern higher education system, and has been secretly dicking with financial companies to put everyone in the debt they're in. (Who do you think founded Sallie Mae? Yeah.)
He then collects the tears of those whose lives are wrecked by these things and uses them as lube.
Cramulus is the guy that comes around and plows the street right after you get done cleaning out your driveway.
If you slow down the tape of "1 Man, 1 Jar," you can see Cramulus off to one side with a pellet gun, carefully aiming at the jar.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/drunkwithpower.jpg)
also I am laughing my ass off... my coworkers are becoming concerned :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.
Quote from: Cainad on February 11, 2011, 04:24:33 PM
Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.
Awwww DUDE. :vom:
Cramulus loves pie. I mean, he LOVES pie. Do nevar eat a pie baked, served, or otherwise handled by Cramulus.
Quote from: Cainad on February 11, 2011, 04:24:33 PM
Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.
Oh, man, I have to eat SOMETIME today...
Cramulus was the costume designer for Three's Company. Those running shorts that showed far too much of John Ritter? Yeah, you guessed it.
Cramulus, simply put, is why we can't have nice things.
Cramulus goes shoe "shopping" at the old folks home.
Cramulus is that one attendant form the funeral parlor with the leer that makes you uncomfortable for no good reason.
Cram once got drunk with Osama bin Laden, and in a fit of giggles, told him he should train people to fly airplanes into things.
Cramulus killed Captain Kangaroo. He also taught James Earl Ray how to shoot.
Little known fact: Kim Jung Il was a really nice guy til he went golfing with Cram. And Cram shot Allende. Just for spitting in the road. Fucker'll cut you just for standing, and shoot you if you try to run.
Also, has anyone else noticed that you never see Cram and the Pope at the same time?
Cramulus is responsible for Halloween III, Child's Play III, and Sex and the City 2.
You know when you're having sex with a girl doggystyle, and you pull out too far, and then when you slam it back home your aim is off and the tip jams into her un-lubed asshole, and she screams and clamps down, and your dick bends almost in half, bruising your urethra, ruining the next three weeks of your life?
That's called, "Doing a Cramulus".
OH MY FUCKING GOD, DID YOU SEE WHAT CRAM JUST DID? YOU'RE AT WORK YOU SICK FUCK!
:crankey: :crankey: :crankey:
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 11, 2011, 04:27:03 PM
Cramulus was the costume designer for Three's Company. Those running shorts that showed far too much of John Ritter? Yeah, you guessed it.
Point, but he was also responsible for Mr. Furley's outfits, so it's not all bad.
Cramulus is the sound of one hand fapping.
Cramulus puts Canadian change in the Salvation Army buckets during the Holidays.
Who can sew some Discord?
Poke a spag or two?
Get them all laughing and flingin' round some poo!
The Cramul-man can!
Oh, the Cramul-man can.
The Cramul-man can
'Cause he mixes it with love
and the forum taste goooood.
Because of Cram, AIDS.
Cram commits three felonies just getting out of bed.
Cram divides by zero and doesn't give a shit about the consequences.
Cram is always THAT guy. You know the one.
Cram, he's the dude that GOT YOUR GRAM!
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 11, 2011, 04:38:49 PM
Who can sew some Discord?
Poke a spag or two?
Get them all laughing and flingin' round some poo!
The Cramul-man can!
Oh, the Cramul-man can.
The Cramul-man can
'Cause he mixes it with love
and the forum taste goooood.
Fuck. Now that tune is gonna be stuck in my head all day.
Quote from: Luna on February 11, 2011, 04:41:06 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 11, 2011, 04:38:49 PM
Who can sew some Discord?
Poke a spag or two?
Get them all laughing and flingin' round some poo!
The Cramul-man can!
Oh, the Cramul-man can.
The Cramul-man can
'Cause he mixes it with love
and the forum taste goooood.
Fuck. Now that tune is gonna be stuck in my head all day.
Cram did it.
Cram was the IRL inspiration for Troll 2. Jsut no trolls.
Cram took all the grant money used to fund drug abuse prevention/awareness in schools to feed his jenkem habit.
Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who leave Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg - a star?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
Cram does! Craaam dooeeesssss!
Cram once re-enacted the Aphex Twin video for "Windowlicker", and will be brought to trial in teh Hague for it if ever caught.
CRAM MADE EOC BREAK OUT INTO SONG! :argh!:
Cram invented AutoTune.
Cramulus told L. Ron Hubbard that the real money was in religion.
Cram is Carrot Top's spotter.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on February 11, 2011, 04:52:21 PM
Cram is Carrot Top's spotter.
:mittens:
Cramulus produced and directed the Superbowl halftime show for the Black Eyed Peas.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 11, 2011, 04:48:07 PM
Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who leave Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg - a star?
Cram does! Cram does!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
Cram does! Craaam dooeeesssss!
:mittens:
You also never see Cram and Tom Ridge together.
Cram once gave the clap to both Mythbusters in one day, without showering in between.
Cramulus writes all of my puns.
Cramulus claps Beck's erasers, if you know what I mean.
Cram has become so infamous that he has been forced in the past few years to use Dan Brown and Rhonda Byrne as his nom de plume.
Quote from: Khara on February 11, 2011, 05:11:39 PM
Cram has become so infamous that he has been forced in the past few years to use Dan Brown and Rhonda Byrne as his nom de plume.
And he hasn't stopped: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_(book)
Cramulus wanders up to random homes and leaves TV dinners on their stoops.
Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty are not actually dead. Cramulus kidnapped them, and is preparing to make a "Golden Girls Human Caterpillar".
This is why Betty White has a 24-hour security team guarding her every move.
Cramulus writes the comments on Youtube.
Cramulus owns several of America's major fursuit distributors.
Cramulus killed punk rock.
Professor Cramulus built the original Basement Dwelling Sock Fucker, in his lab, from recycled hippie fat and half an ounce of Michael Moore's toenail clippings. He designed the bad skin and neckbeard and endowed it with the power of asexual reproduction and a broadband internet connection. Thus Cramulus is responsible for 4chan and WOW by proxy.
It was Cramulus who stole the Lamanites brain, AKK's balls and Dead Kennedy's personality.
A male Caucasian, matching Cramulus' description was reported near the scene of the Nuremberg Rallies, MLK assassination, Incorporation of Microsoft and the launch of the 5th season of Charmed.
One blogger, accidentally Posting his name by way of a typo, was the real reason China banned Google.
Cram goes in, Cram goes out.
NEVER A MISCOMMUNICATION
Cramulus is a secret jihadist muslim extra terrestrial plotting to create a galactic terrorist calpihate in Cleveland.
Cramulus is responsible for Faygo
Cram can turn the world on with his smile.
Cram can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.
It's Cram, spags, and you should know it.
With each glance and every little movement he shows it.
Stache is all around, no need to waste it
Cram can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna cram it, damnulus
You're gonna cram it, damnulus
Cramulas and his affiliates have raped our churches, burned our wells and poisoned our women.