Okay, I have 400 man hours/week available, and 510 man hours/week of work to do. I am told that overtime isn't a problem, but that I can't staff up. Never mind that my workforce is mostly in their early 60s, and that it's already 90F+ out there. Never mind that we're already stressed out to hell and gone.
I just noticed that everyone in my department and in the management team is using some form of pills. Hell, I'm downing them like Pez, which is a possible explanation for the fact that my desk appears to be haunted (It's one of those 1950s/60s government issue green iron monstrosities, and when I beat on it with a hammer to get it to shut up, I bugger up the face of the hammer.).
I'd worry about this a bit more if it was the most erratic behavior being demonstrated.
I wouldn't have it any other way, come to think of it. This job - hell, this City - has a way about it. Don't try to understand it, it's just a seriously demented and possibly unhealthy groove that I enjoy more than any reasonable person should...Even when my predecessors start mumbling advice from my right hand bottom drawer, where there are still fossilized residue from their whiskey flasks. They had booze, I have pills, and if they think I'm listening to their suggestions, they have another thing coming. Fuckers.
Interesting note: All seven of my predecessors died within 2 years of retirement, from alcohol-related health issues.
But fuck all that. Given enough coffee and chemical support, there is nothing this department can't accomplish. These guys are fucking amazing technicians, even if they DO talk to themselves and occasionally fall asleep under the equipment.
This is how shit gets done. This is how the machines that keep civilization running are managed, at least here in The City. It's better to burn out than fade away, and we aim to prove that.
So just consider that for a moment. Given less people in the trades, and less willingness of companies to staff up, the simple fact of the matter is that the people who keep your city running are probably in the same condition we're in. Pilled up, overtired, and in a constant state of caffeine-induced mania.
Sleep tight.
Or Kill Me.
:x :mittens: :x :x
Holy fuck, Rog, you just keep piling on the horror with these. :mittens:
Frighteningly simialr to the cube world.
In cubeland, the concerns, the ideas, and the meds flow just as freely. I get in some mornings and rev my brain up on coffee to the near psychotic point, and promply conduct my job. When conducted right and well, people should hate me. Well, the ones who are people should hate me, but any adjusted biped will recognize my professionalism and focus. These folks I get along with fine, it's the people I can't stand.
Some are both. How do they DO that shit? Changing the gearing behidn their faces behind the scenes, slipping a snake into their own clockwork (12 hours of forked tongue, and remember to hose out the works later) I need a nap.
Quote from: Richter on March 18, 2011, 07:37:38 PM
Frighteningly simialr to the cube world.
In cubeland, the concerns, the ideas, and the meds flow just as freely. I get in some mornings and rev my brain up on coffee to the near psychotic point, and promply conduct my job. When conducted right and well, people should hate me. Well, the ones who are people should hate me, but any adjusted biped will recognize my professionalism and focus. These folks I get along with fine, it's the people I can't stand.
Some are both. How do they DO that shit? Changing the gearing behidn their faces behind the scenes, slipping a snake into their own clockwork (12 hours of forked tongue, and remember to hose out the works later) I need a nap.
When I'm really lucky, I get the ones who
must realize they are talking to the person who can solve their problem, but are so pissed off that the problem exists they are incapable of speaking in a civil tone to the one who can resolve it. Yes, it's my job to solve the problem, and yes, I WILL solve it, once the actual problem is communicated to me (and, face it, kiddies, "why is my paycheck fucked up?" is NOT a helpful description of the problem), but if you make me listen to you bitch for a half hour (yes, this HAS happened) before you actually calm down enough to describe the problem, I swear, I will make you jump through enough hoops to burn off twenty pounds.
When the machines die and The Day of Silence™ comes then it will be too late, won't it?
Sleeping like a baby, with the help of pills.
Quote from: Charley Brown on March 20, 2011, 09:57:49 PM
When the machines die and The Day of Silence™ comes then it will be too late, won't it?
Maybe my desk will shut the fuck up, at least.
Damn! I like this, but I'm glad I didn't see it on Friday bvecause it will cause me to lose sleep mulling it over in my brain :lulz:
Nice work! :mittens:
Bump for a situation that's even funnier NOW than it was THEN.
Wow. :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:57:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PLASMA SCREEN! MAKE THAT POWDER, SO THE KIDS IN CHINA CAN WORK FASTER!
THE GRAVY TRAIN WILL NEVER END IF WE WORK FASTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING EGGS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS WITHOUT BREAKING CHILDREN!
GET
ON
THE
FUCKING
STICK!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:59:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:57:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PLASMA SCREEN! MAKE THAT POWDER, SO THE KIDS IN CHINA CAN WORK FASTER!
THE GRAVY TRAIN WILL NEVER END IF WE WORK FASTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING EGGS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS WITHOUT BREAKING CHILDREN!
GET
ON
THE
FUCKING
STICK!
WE NEED MORE STUFF! EVERYBODY NEEDS MORE STUFF, CHEAPER. EXCEPT THOSE BASTARDS IN CHINA AND INDIA, THEY DON'T NEED STUFF THE WAY WE NEED STUFF. IN FACT, THEY'RE HAPPIER WITHOUT IT, IT SAYS SO RIGHT IN THEIR RELIGION. IT'S OUR MORAL DUTY TO RELIEVE THEM OF THEIR STUFF SO THAT WE CAN FILL OUR HOUSES WITH MORE STUFF.
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 06:01:40 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:59:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:57:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PLASMA SCREEN! MAKE THAT POWDER, SO THE KIDS IN CHINA CAN WORK FASTER!
THE GRAVY TRAIN WILL NEVER END IF WE WORK FASTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING EGGS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS WITHOUT BREAKING CHILDREN!
GET
ON
THE
FUCKING
STICK!
WE NEED MORE STUFF! EVERYBODY NEEDS MORE STUFF, CHEAPER. EXCEPT THOSE BASTARDS IN CHINA AND INDIA, THEY DON'T NEED STUFF THE WAY WE NEED STUFF. IN FACT, THEY'RE HAPPIER WITHOUT IT, IT SAYS SO RIGHT IN THEIR RELIGION. IT'S OUR MORAL DUTY TO RELIEVE THEM OF THEIR STUFF SO THAT WE CAN FILL OUR HOUSES WITH MORE STUFF.
WORKING THEIR KIDS INTO AN EARLY GRAVE WILL MAKE THEM REINCARNATE IN A BETTER PLACE. ONLY NOT HERE, OKAY?
:x :x :x :x :x
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:59:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:57:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PLASMA SCREEN! MAKE THAT POWDER, SO THE KIDS IN CHINA CAN WORK FASTER!
THE GRAVY TRAIN WILL NEVER END IF WE WORK FASTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING EGGS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS WITHOUT BREAKING CHILDREN!
GET
ON
THE
FUCKING
STICK!
:x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 03, 2011, 06:06:56 PM
:x :x :x :x :x
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:59:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:57:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 03, 2011, 05:41:52 PM
Wow. :lulz:
DANCE FASTER! FASTER!
KEEP THOSE FUCKING LIGHTS ON! KEEP THOSE GEARS TURNING! MILLIONS OF FAT PEOPLE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEIR CITIES LIT UP LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES 24 FUCKING 7, ALL YEAR LONG! WE NEED MORE STUFF, GRIND OUT THAT SYNTHETIC SAPPHIRE!
RAAAAAAAAWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!
IT'S NOT BURNING FAST ENOUGH
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT BURN FASTER.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PLASMA SCREEN! MAKE THAT POWDER, SO THE KIDS IN CHINA CAN WORK FASTER!
THE GRAVY TRAIN WILL NEVER END IF WE WORK FASTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT BREAKING EGGS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS WITHOUT BREAKING CHILDREN!
GET
ON
THE
FUCKING
STICK!
:x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE THINGS WORK
AND I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO PUT KIDDIES IN A HEARSE
\
:hammer:
TGRR,
President and Founder of I'd Like More THINGS, Please™.
Isn't that great? Us old fucks are working ourselves to death so that kids can work themselves to death.
THIS IS THE BEST SPECIES EVER!
If I had my way, I'd drop a great big fucking asteroid on this dump and call it a day.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 03, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
Isn't that great? Us old fucks are working ourselves to death so that kids can work themselves to death.
THIS IS THE BEST SPECIES EVER!
And then every couple of years, we go through our closets and clean them out and take a truckload of STUFF to the dump, and feel so good about ourselves for "paring back".
And then somehow it goes miraculously away, never to be seen again.
Or not.
http://www.greatgarbagepatch.org/
We're basically working children to death so that we can buy more cheap stuff so that we can throw more cheap stuff away, polluting our own environment and compromising our food sources.
WAY TO GO, MONKEYS!
And you know we can't just stop, because that will ruin everything. If you don't buy your share of the stuff, the supply will get all backed up and things get all broken.
You gotta keep buying the stuff, keep the machine running, or else it all grinds to a halt. If it grinds to a halt, then we won't be able to buy our stuff. Also, the lights will go out and you'll probably starve.
Quote from: Cainad on November 03, 2011, 09:26:26 PM
And you know we can't just stop, because that will ruin everything. If you don't buy your share of the stuff, the supply will get all backed up and things get all broken.
You gotta keep buying the stuff, keep the machine running, or else it all grinds to a halt. If it grinds to a halt, then we won't be able to buy our stuff. Also, the lights will go out and you'll probably starve.
Um, that's the most accurate description of the American trap I've heard recently.
Quote from: Cainad on November 03, 2011, 09:26:26 PM
And you know we can't just stop, because that will ruin everything. If you don't buy your share of the stuff, the supply will get all backed up and things get all broken.
You gotta keep buying the stuff, keep the machine running, or else it all grinds to a halt. If it grinds to a halt, then we won't be able to buy our stuff. Also, the lights will go out and you'll probably starve.
Oh god.
It's true.
We all struggle desperately to maintain lifestyles that would be ridiculously opulent in any other part of the world, but we're just THIS close to being COMPLETELY FUCKED.
The Achemists gave up on lead, but we demanded that they keep trying until they figured out something that worked. We needed our gold, no matter how useless or meaningless our relentless greed could make it. So they taught us how to make gold from blood.
There's a reason "Bob" smiles, but only because he already knows the punchline that's coming up.
And damn if it isn't still the funniest fucking thing he ever heard. The last thing we'll hear on our last stop before we finally make our way down to Normal Hell is, "You should have seen the look on your faces! It was priceless, I tell you!"
That's where the False Slack led us. It's not just bad for us, it's not merely unholy and turned us away from the Truth; it is the very stone and mortar from which this crumbling castle was built. It shelters us from the world we cannot stand to look at, and it shall bury us alive.
Either you shall sit upon the bejeweled throne, or you shall sit upon the Judas Cradle
Either you shall hold aloft your royal scepter of gilded wood, or you shall be hung aloft from the gibbet
in other news, I finally got my pills refilled after going off them for a month
om nom nom nom
The Song of the City indeed, Roger. What a song it is!
It's rather mesmerizing, and one can easily get lost in the sound. Sounds that are impossibly complex, beyond the grasp or control of any human or human invention. Gears and engines and rustling papers and humming computers and heartbeats and gunshots...
However, if you can listen carefully, you can pick out something very distinct and incredibly weird. I'm talking about the Screams that make up the chorus. The fact that they are screaming is not strange at all; it's to be expected.
But how, Roger, how can it be that they are screaming in flawless harmony?
The only explanation that I can think of is of some sort of war cry, the sound of barbarians preparing to sack The City. There are no barbarians though, only the Citizens. How very odd.
Cainad, coming in strong! :aaa:
Quote from: Cainad on November 04, 2011, 01:04:18 PM
But how, Roger, how can it be that they are screaming in flawless harmony?
Endless training in the castrato farms of America™, sir. The men had their nads specially removed by DHS, who also had the eggs beaten out of the women (they used female agents to do this, as is only proper), and they taught them to sing, Cainad. They taught them to sing the glories of the capitalist system, of the Gods in the penthouses who love them and take care of them...Or would, if only the damned tax man would allow it.