Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: Luna on April 05, 2011, 09:34:28 PM

Title: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Luna on April 05, 2011, 09:34:28 PM
Buyer's Remorse

It's no use, you know.  Driving by the lot where you traded in your last car is a waste of time.  The dealer's never going to let you swap back, they know a good thing when they see it.  Sure, it needed a little work.  You weren't kind to it when you had it, you never saw that the oil was changed properly, or on schedule.  The battery was nearly dead, and the condition the spark plugs were in was downright criminal.  Don't worry, though.  A little more time in the shop, a little engine work, knock out a dent or two, a new coat of paint, that one will be better than the day you chose it.

Don't you worry.  Somebody else will appreciate it the day it's ready to leave the lot. 

That new one, not what you thought you were getting, is it?  Now that you've had the chance to get behind the wheel and drive it around the block a few times, you realize your new toy isn't quite what the window sticker said it would be.  What you thought would be the perfect little mid-life crisis sports job has turned out to be something dug out of the back of Rent-a-Wreck.  The paint's chipped, the body is dented, the suspension is loose.  What do you expect, really?  After all, when it's been driven by so many people who knew they weren't going to keep it, it's going to take some pretty spectacular damage.  The bumpers are dented, the onboard computer hasn't worked in years, and the trunk is never going to close right again, much less lock properly.

Pity, really.  A little bit of research could have told you a lot, but you didn't want to hear, didn't want to know.  A lot of people tried to warn you about that model, but you just HAD to have it.  You're not going to be happy with it, I think you're starting to get that, now. 

Live with it.  Or walk.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 05, 2011, 11:38:35 PM
I see my old car all the time because the guy I gave it to moved into my neighborhood.

I fucking loved that car. I should have replaced the wiring harness and kept the fucker. Dammit.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: East Coast Hustle on April 05, 2011, 11:53:21 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 05, 2011, 09:34:28 PM
Buyer's Remorse

It's no use, you know.  Driving by the lot where you traded in your last car is a waste of time.  The dealer's never going to let you swap back, they know a good thing when they see it.  Sure, it needed a little work.  You weren't kind to it when you had it, you never saw that the oil was changed properly, or on schedule.  The battery was nearly dead, and the condition the spark plugs were in was downright criminal.  Don't worry, though.  A little more time in the shop, a little engine work, knock out a dent or two, a new coat of paint, that one will be better than the day you chose it.

Don't you worry.  Somebody else will appreciate it the day it's ready to leave the lot. 

That new one, not what you thought you were getting, is it?  Now that you've had the chance to get behind the wheel and drive it around the block a few times, you realize your new toy isn't quite what the window sticker said it would be.  What you thought would be the perfect little mid-life crisis sports job has turned out to be something dug out of the back of Rent-a-Wreck.  The paint's chipped, the body is dented, the suspension is loose.  What do you expect, really?  After all, when it's been driven by so many people who knew they weren't going to keep it, it's going to take some pretty spectacular damage.  The bumpers are dented, the onboard computer hasn't worked in years, and the trunk is never going to close right again, much less lock properly.

Pity, really.  A little bit of research could have told you a lot, but you didn't want to hear, didn't want to know.  A lot of people tried to warn you about that model, but you just HAD to have it.  You're not going to be happy with it, I think you're starting to get that, now. 

Live with it.  Or walk.

:mittens:

and I :lulz: 'd pretty hard at this line in particular:

QuoteThe bumpers are dented, the onboard computer hasn't worked in years, and the trunk is never going to close right again, much less lock properly.

Great analogy.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Luna on April 05, 2011, 11:59:21 PM
Thanks, ECH, wasn't sure if I'd been too subtle...
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 06, 2011, 12:46:19 AM
Quote from: Luna on April 05, 2011, 11:59:21 PM
Thanks, ECH, wasn't sure if I'd been too subtle...

It's loud and clear.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Laughin Jude on April 06, 2011, 01:23:36 AM
Quote from: Luna on April 05, 2011, 11:59:21 PM
Thanks, ECH, wasn't sure if I'd been too subtle...

Nah, I've been here like a week and even I got it.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Freeky on April 10, 2011, 04:28:46 AM
At first I was like :?

then I :lulz: :mittens: 'd
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Luna on April 10, 2011, 12:23:20 PM
On bad days, I consider printing it out and stuffing it in his mailbox on the way home from work.
Title: Re: Buyer's Remorse
Post by: Jenne on April 11, 2011, 11:11:21 PM
Great piece, Luna! Loved it!