"Scatological kobolds flinging balls of their own poo at you..."
Best. Game. EVAR!
"I bull-rush the gelatinous cube."
- Randy the Dumbass.
"Wait. Commoners are worth 150 EXP?"
- My son, heralding the downward spiral of our first 3rd Ed game, back in the day.
"Did you see that kid? He damn near made it to the forest!"
- Andy, after the above-mentioned monstrosity.
"I hide it in the horse"
-/b/tard fighter
"SOMEONE FIREBALL ME!"
-Enabler, completely covered in stirges
"What could POSSIBLY go wro..." (Die roll... 1). "Oh, fuck..."
*sound of Richter's maniacal laughter...*
"The room is now flooded ankle-deep with goblin shit. Good job."
-my old DM, following an unfortunate accident involving my level 1 gnomish sorceror.
"It's too late, you're gonna get cockpunched!"
-my character, staggering around with 1 hit point for the latter half of the session
Barbarian: What should I do with this pearl?
Annoyed Wizard: Stick it up your nose!
*Barbarian sticks pearl up his nose*
It's actually a pearl of Wisdom (+4), the Barbarian's Wisdom goes for 8 to 12
Barbarian: What the hell did I just do that for; that was just dumb.
*Barbarian snot rockets pearl out of nose*
Barbarian: So what should I do with this pearl?
Annoyed Wizard: Stick it up your nose!
*Barbarian sticks pearl up his nose*
repeat for like an hour
Me, encountering a Deck of Many Things: I wish I had a sandwich.
Roger, watching a floating sheet come closer to him: I AM NOT AFRAID, PUUUNY GHOST! I LAUGH AT YOU! (Stirge attaches.)
"Thank you for the Gem of Muckath. Now, the ritual to destroy it is very loud, and blinding, so please put your fingers in your ears, close your eyes, and hum."
-The Big Bad of the first game I ran at university. They knew he was the big bad. They'd known for weeks he was the big bad. They did it anyway. Because he just seemed so trustworthy.
*BLAM* "Fools! Your mortal weapons cannot harm me, surrender now and--" *BLAM! "--gnck."
-The Last Big Bad I ran for the same group. Finally learning not to just believe what the villain says to them. :lol:
I love it! And yes, I've always lamented my fellow gamers' willingness to believe anything a monologuing antagonist said.
"What skill do I roll to psychoanalyze the bard?"
-Me, in the same game as the goblin poomp incident
"What did you guys do to my character?"
"Pimped him out to the lunch lady..."
Teach THAT player to miss a session... :lulz:
"YOU CAN'T SHOOT MY VILLAIN MID-SOLILOQUY!"
- Me. :argh!:
"I'll sunder his shield."
"Sundercats, HO!!!... There's something wrong with me..."
"DM loses his shit, +2 to combat this round."
*roll*
"Natural 20."
... "a pile no longer fit for organ donation hits the floor."
'NO I AM NOT LICKING THE FUCKING WALL TO CHECK FOR TRAPS!!!"
Shortly before falling into a pit trap.
"His spell goes fizzle."
"A rat in your trousers will do that..."
My BESM character, a gambler, during a boss fight: "God of Luck, lend me fortune in my hour of need! These dice are my foci! You've given me winning streaks before. You've saved my skin on more than one occasion. Now it's time to see your true power. Let's roll the dice!"(throws lucky dice into middle of room)
(I roll the dice irl to determine the result of the in-game roll)
(I get double ones, the best possible result in the game)
Everyone in the room: :aaa:
While wandering through the dungeon, my character asks another character
"Have you guys ever heard of the duergar? No? It's probably because they're so underground."
Quote from: Jenkem and Tomahawks on April 18, 2011, 04:51:28 AM
While wandering through the dungeon, my character asks another character
"Have you guys ever heard of the duergar? No? It's probably because they're so underground."
:spittake:
"You will never be lost, due to the blazing beacon of your innuendo."
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
Quote from: Nigel on May 17, 2011, 06:34:51 AM
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
Ditto. :P
Quote from: Nigel on May 17, 2011, 06:34:51 AM
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
But I used to do coke at the table.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on May 17, 2011, 06:38:39 AM
Quote from: Nigel on May 17, 2011, 06:34:51 AM
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
Ditto. :P
:thanks:
Quote from: Canis latrans securis on May 17, 2011, 06:39:18 AM
Quote from: Nigel on May 17, 2011, 06:34:51 AM
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
But I used to do coke at the table.
Yeah, my previous game, we went through a couple 2-liters a night... This game, I tend to measure session length by number of beers. (Good thing it's close enough for me to walk home.)
Quote from: Nigel on May 17, 2011, 06:34:51 AM
The title of this thread keeps making me think of cocaine. Every time I see it. And for some reason, that makes it even funnier!
I was thinking about ... lines. Just lines. Straight ones.
Which is really boring, and this thread pleasantly surprised me.
"Oh, for fuck's sake. You, back in the bag."
"Before we got distracted discussing Hugh's burly staff..."
I have time to post these because our beloved, belabored GM is doing the math to see how far the half-orc barbarian can fling a dwarf.
"Now, before we do anything hasty, I'd like to point out that I'm more useful to everyone in this room WITH bladder control."
From an IRC session of 3.5e(I'm Cowboy Bebop):
Quote<theDM> it is ur turn cowboy.
<CowboyBebop> I try to cut dwarfi out
<CowboyBebop> swingan greataxe
<CowboyBebop> cuttan guts
<theDM> ok the ogre grabs you.
<CowboyBebop> now this is interesting
<CowboyBebop> I yell I NEED AN ADULT
<Thorclock> where does he grab him?
<Thorclock> can you show me on the doll?
<CowboyBebop> haha
<theDM> the ogre throws you
<theDM> dwarf ur turn.
<DWARFINATOR> can i shoot my ornate long bow inside him
<Thorclock> dont you have any touch spells?
<CowboyBebop> innuendo has just hit critical mass
Quote<theDM> the dungeion fades from around you and you see a fiend of flowers.
<CowboyBebop> A fiend?
<theDM> those awake that is
<CowboyBebop> HOLY FUCK ATTACK FORMATIONS EVERYONE
<theDM> field
<CowboyBebop> oh
<CowboyBebop> ok
<theDM> clams turn
<Thorclock> he's not here
<Thorclock> what woudl a fiend of flowers look like?
<Thorclock> I bet he gets made fun of by all the other fiends
<CowboyBebop> I don't know.
<theDM> oh right cowbys
<CowboyBebop> I'm not sure I want to know.
<theDM> field of flowers.
<CowboyBebop> That really sounds more like a fey or elemental thing.
<Thorclock> http://www.rovang.org/wg/pics/bloomofdoom.jpg (http://www.rovang.org/wg/pics/bloomofdoom.jpg)
<Thorclock> fiend of flowers
Quote<CowboyBebop> I shove the rat back up my nose.
<theDM> it fits somehow
<CowboyBebop> I try to gently fit my greataxe up my nose, handle-first
<theDM> someone walks up and hands you eack a large bag of gold.
<theDM> the great axe fits!!!
<DWARFINATOR> thx
<Thorclock> Hey Cowboy bebop, want me to carry that heavy gold for you?
<theDM> a reporter type asks how was it?
<CowboyBebop> I shove all the gold up my nose.
<CowboyBebop> My gold, I mean.
<CowboyBebop> I wouldn't steal anyone else's, I'm nice.
<theDM> it works, thor you see cowboy shoving gold up his nose...
<DWARFINATOR> was what
<CowboyBebop> Cool!
<CowboyBebop> I grab Thor and try to shove him up my nose.
<clammo> ok hi im back
<Thorclock> I make a mental note to examain the inside of his nose when he sleeps
<clammo> what are we doin
<Thorclock> OH GOD NO
<theDM> yhor wut do you do?
<Thorclock> cowboy bebutt is shoving everything in the world up his nose
Quote<CowboyBebop> I try to shove my fist up my nose.
<theDM> it gos in.
<CowboyBebop> I push it in up to the shoulder.
<theDM> that is as far as it gos
<CowboyBebop> aw
<CowboyBebop> I pull it back out.
<theDM> your' arm is gone.
<CowboyBebop> oh fuck.
<CowboyBebop> Is the stump bleeding?
<theDM> no it looks like it has always been that way
<CowboyBebop> I try tilting my head forward.
<CowboyBebop> Does anything fall out?
<theDM> the arm
"I got the shiny! I got the shiny!"
Me, after I find the apparent only treasure in the trash, and Herbert finds used shit rags...
"Poor man's detect traps. Somebody fetch me another dead goblin."
Roger: *places a rat swarm on the board*
Me: OFUK, WE NEED CATS, CATS, CATSCATSCATS! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpVU6w_7fBk)
"He want's to enslave you. All dwarves are evil slavers"
-Elf wizard to an NPC we just spared after slaughtering all her friends after the dwarf priest tried to give her gear back.
"Worst cavalier ever."
-Elf wizard about my half-orc cavalier after failing for the billionth time at doing anything.
"I am a priest of Moradin"
"What is that? The dwarven god of beer and slavery?"
-the dwarf priest and I later that night
"I sit in the chair"
-my wife's kobold rogue, which caused no end of hillarity