We were 6 miles in the air, and the teabagger wouldn't shut up. They never shut up, of course, for the same reason new converts to evangelical religions can't shut up.
I had been trying to edit 30 Days of Eris, because I figured I wouldn't have time to do it in Hamilton...But it was impossible to work. The man went on and on, boring the living bejesus out of the old man in the aisle seat.
At some point during a monologue about Planned Parenthood, he turned to me, and asked "You heard that too, right? 96% of their money goes into abortions."
Well, there was no getting around it. I couldn't get any work done, so I jumped on in.
"It's far worse than that", I replied, "the other 4% goes into convincing White women to get abortions."
"No shit?"
"For real. The Black population is just 13% of the overall national population, and Planned Parenthood is trying to even things out a bit. So they convince prospective young White women to have abortions, even if they're married.
The old guy was trying to restrain a chuckle by this point.
Teabagger gaped at me.
"That oughta be against the law! The damn Mexicans are breeding like flies! Why don't they try to get them to stop?"
"Well, that would be kind of pointless, right? I mean, all Mexicans are Catholic, so they wouldn't go for it. You'd have to force them to do it, and 4% of their budget just isn't enough."
"Damn liberals! The whole world's going to hell, and they're out killing babies. Thousands a day!"
He was getting a little loud, and the stewardess was looking worried. Why not ramp it up a bit?
"Well, it's a free market thing. There's enough dead babies for everyone, but distributing them - you know, making sure everyone gets their share - is a problem that capitalism hasn't yet solved."
"What?"
"Oh, yeah. For example, I have two kids, and neither one of them is dead. Then there's this Muslim family I know, they have 8 kids, and all of them are alive. I keep hearing about all these dead babies, and I have to ask myself, 'Where's mine?'.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you some kind of freak?"
"Some of my detractors think so, but they have the wrong values. You, for example. Looking at your boots (he was wearing steel toes), you work for a living, right? Real work, not paper-pushing like those college boys in the office."
"Yeah. I've worked for 25 years, non-stop."
"Well, that just makes you a sucker. This is America. If you don't have an MBA, you're trash."
"Well, what the hell do YOU do?"
"I'm a paid consultant for Planned Parenthood, would you believe it?"
At this point, the stewardess ruined all the fun, by insisting that teabagger change seats with a young lady a few rows behind. Teabagger didn't want to do it, I mean, here's his big moment to castigate a sinner...But the stewardess reminded him that failure to comply with a flight attendant's instructions was a federal felony. He shot me a poisonous look, and moved.
The lady sat down in the center seat, giggling.
"You were twisting him up on purpose, weren't you?"
"Guilty as charged, ma'am."
"Why even bother talking to someone like that?"
"Well, it's all about communication. If my arse had vocal cords, I'd bellow The Truth at him in terms he could understand...But since this isn't the case, I did the next best thing. Hey, you want my extra booze coupon off my tickets? They come free with business class, and I'm only having one."
"Sure, thanks."
The rest of the flight consisted of getting some work done, and occasionally chatting with the old guy and the young lady, as the plane flew East through the clouds.
Or Kill Me.
:lulz:
You are a true IRL trolling genius.
Quote from: Lies on April 25, 2011, 04:31:36 PM
:lulz:
You are a true IRL trolling genius.
Ze jokes! Zey write themselves! :lulz:
It's so hard to resist messing with them, they are just so easy to fuck with,
:mittens: Roger, look s like you found a way to entertain yourself :lulz:
I'm surprised the guy didn't attack you in the parking lot.
Quote from: Khara on April 25, 2011, 04:34:54 PM
It's so hard to resist messing with them, they are just so easy to fuck with,
:mittens: Roger, look s like you found a way to entertain yourself :lulz:
I'm surprised the guy didn't attack you in the parking lot.
Apparently, we had different connecting flights, which is a damn shame. I had only been warming up.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 25, 2011, 04:37:24 PM
Quote from: Khara on April 25, 2011, 04:34:54 PM
It's so hard to resist messing with them, they are just so easy to fuck with,
:mittens: Roger, look s like you found a way to entertain yourself :lulz:
I'm surprised the guy didn't attack you in the parking lot.
Apparently, we had different connecting flights, which is a damn shame. I had only been warming up.
:evil:
:lulz:
I'm surprised his disbelief didn't crest before the dead baby bit.
Quote from: Richter on April 25, 2011, 04:42:33 PM
:lulz:
I'm surprised his disbelief didn't crest before the dead baby bit.
He WANTED to believe that 48% of the country is that evil.
So now he'll go spreading crap he heard "from the horse's mouth", and things will continue to spiral. I just think of it as doing my part, you know?
Quote from: Richter on April 25, 2011, 04:42:33 PM
:lulz:
I'm surprised his disbelief didn't crest before the dead baby bit.
Roger was saying what he wanted to hear, so of course he believed it.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:mittens:
:lulz: That was awesome!
Quote from: Nigel on April 25, 2011, 04:57:06 PM
:lulz: That was awesome!
It was just the first in a string of horrible shit that wouldn't stop. This always happens when I travel.
TGRR,
Shit Magnet
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 25, 2011, 04:58:34 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 25, 2011, 04:57:06 PM
:lulz: That was awesome!
It was just the first in a string of horrible shit that wouldn't stop. This always happens when I travel.
TGRR,
Shit Magnet
Traveling with you sounds FUN.
Quote from: Nigel on April 25, 2011, 05:07:02 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 25, 2011, 04:58:34 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 25, 2011, 04:57:06 PM
:lulz: That was awesome!
It was just the first in a string of horrible shit that wouldn't stop. This always happens when I travel.
TGRR,
Shit Magnet
Traveling with you sounds FUN.
It would be more fun if I DID have vocal cords in my arse. Oh, yes.
:lulz: CLASSIC!!!
I approve of this 169%.
:mittens:
That was awesome. I just wish you had pictures of the guys face as the various phases of horror set in.