LMNO was a good man, no matter what the government says. Sure, he ran a vast crime syndicate in Boston. Sure, he dropped a few jokers in front of subway trains. Sure, he piped Soft Cell tunes into the office when he felt that his colleagues weren't holding up their end...All of these things are true, to one degree or another, but I maintain that he just loved too much.
So I was a little put out when I heard the US government had assaulted his office with a few SEAL teams.
The fighting, I am told, was vicious. One SEAL was medivacced with monthly variance reports stapled to every inch of his body, another was carried out with a toner cartridge wedged up his lower GI tract...And those were just the casualties inflicted by the receptionist. She finally went down in a hail of gunfire, screaming out a paean to LMNO.
The mailroom boy, it is reported, suicide-bombed on the 3rd floor, taking out one entire SEAL team. Further casualties were inflicted by the janitorial staff, who had mixed ammonia and bleach, and poured it down the stairwell. The hand-to-mop fighting afterward was brutal, and none of the surviving SEALs will comment on it. One started crying when the subject was brought up.
Eventually they reached LMNO's floor. LMNO was, it seems, dressed in nothing more than woad-colored latex body paint, and killed the point man by hurling a sex toy hard enough to shatter the man's skull, right through his helmet. LMNO then reportedly grabbed a keyboard and killed 3 more SEALs before he was finally hacked to pieces, and launched out a window. Witnesses said he screamed laughter all the way down.
Well, he's gone now, and the world is a little more boring. I guess The Man wins again. We're running out of heroes up here in the mountains, and I guess we're going to have to break up our stills and shut down the Shrieky Girl clubs.
So pour a little out, ladies and gentlemen, and join me in marking the passing of a lunatic, a pure-bred freak that couldn't be allowed to continue. He was of a different age, and stood in the way of "progress", or so they tell me. They say it's for the best, but I disagree. They say that The Perfect State™ required this, and that it was necessary to keep America safe.
Well, I liked the old clunky state, and I don't want Americans to be able to purchase safety at any price. But I'm an old man, and I am told I have all the wrong values for this new century.
Still, I'm going to miss him, every time someone FABULOUS passes by.
Or Kill Me.
I heard that it was just a body double, and LMNO is on the lam in the red light district, hanging with some old "friends," who go by some Italian name.
Probably just a conspiracy thery though.
:spittake:
Quote from: Jenkem and Tomahawks on May 02, 2011, 07:09:11 PM
I heard that it was just a body double, and LMNO is on the lam in the red light district, hanging with some old "friends," who go by some Italian name.
Probably just a conspiracy thery though.
No, apparently they verified some of his flattened DNA. He had a
triple helix, so it was pretty obviously him.
Then they dumped his body in the Charles River.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 02, 2011, 07:11:27 PM
Quote from: Jenkem and Tomahawks on May 02, 2011, 07:09:11 PM
I heard that it was just a body double, and LMNO is on the lam in the red light district, hanging with some old "friends," who go by some Italian name.
Probably just a conspiracy thery though.
No, apparently they verified some of his flattened DNA. He had a triple helix, so it was pretty obviously him.
Then they dumped his body in the Charles River.
It's the way he would have wanted to be buried, since that's the way all the old Big Gay Cowboys were buried in the long ago. :cry: Long live LMNO, Big Gay Cowboy!
I remember once when he was hanging out with The Big Gay Cowboys, he made a 5 story building implode by just pointing at it.
Actually, he is hiding out in my closet. I have him set up in there for sure. Bong, water kool-aid, munchies, and bathroom access. Everything someone on the lamb needs!
Jesus, what will we do without LMNO?
His guidance has been our beacon for all this time.
Who will help me smite mine enemies now? :cry:
:mittens:
Ah, LMNO will be missed. I believe the lightly poisoned bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon I have been keeping in my pants for my inevitable trip to Boston will have to be gifted to some other Big Gay Cowboy. What a pity.
He'll go Elvis on us you know.
Nevermind how he died. they'll try to paint it with ignomony, but it will enver stick. It will jsut peel off like latex body paint.
Nevermind WHAT they did with the body. Sure they disposed of it according to the laws of the religion they THINK he followed real quick. (He was never good at beign good, even what they considered good. Tactful contrarian and all.)
Nevermind the stain. (Sure, they needed to move that concrete for UTILITY work)
People are claiming to see him already.
A housewife in cambridge swears she got a text from beyond the grave. His blue painted balls and a slight trail of blood.
A bum on the commons saying he was riding the roof of a green line train towards copley, exposing himself to those gazing through the vent grates.
The commuter who chatted with him about the weather for five minutes, spewed coffee when asked "ANAL?", then turned around to see him gone.
Yeah, we won't hear the end of this shit.